the-story-of-hasan - Tumblr blog

[the-story-of-hasan]

In the quiet hours of the night's embrace,

Your absence haunts, a lingering trace.

A decade gone, yet memories persist,

Of a love forbidden, by prejudice's twist.

We danced in shadows, dared to dream,

But reality's chains tore at the seam.

Your heart torn between love and blood,

Leaving behind a love misunderstood.

I miss the warmth of your tender gaze,

The way your laughter lit up days.

But choices made, we could not defy,

And in the silence, our love did die.

Though time has passed, the ache remains,

A bittersweet symphony of love's refrains.

I still carry fragments of you with me,

In the echoes of what could never be.

[the-story-of-hasan]

To my ex, I have a question. What is something you would never have done if it wasn't for me?

[the-story-of-hasan]

I miss you ...

There I said it.

I miss you, but unlike Fairy Tales, you ain't come back.

To many mistakes were made by my tongue

So saying this to you wouldn't change anything

I know you're not perfect, and neither am I

But you have been the best thing to happen to me in my entire life.

Living my life with my biggest fears haunting me

Saying I love you just feels like a lie when I say it to anyone else

I want to get to know the person you have become now

And show you I'm not the Insecure, daydreamer I once was.

But things are too far gone now, isn't it?

[the-story-of-hasan]

Home?

A place that I can go

A place where I can take this of my shoulders

Some one take me

Home.

Having no time to rest these days,

Every day is a fight.

You don't have to worry

I'll be alright

At least til the end of the night

Breaking through each on every ceiling you

Set for me

Can't you see I just need some time

Go to a place to lay my head

A place to take this of my shoulders

[the-story-of-hasan]

Sigh back here again. I don't even think I want to vent here, b.c. Briana stokes my Tumblrs. But why is it that in my search for peace of mind, support, and stability, all I find is women that want to use me. How many villains does my story have. The worst part about it all is that I feel myself changing. Changing into someone who isn't as romantic someone that isnt willing to open up. Both on the other side, I don't sacrifice for just anyone anymore. I have reached all my short-term goals, and that is putting me in a better financial standpoint. I have more confidence in myself, my looks, and my capabilities. I attract more women. I communicate more level-headedly. I have built so many amazing qualities over the years, and I'm getting closer to becoming the man I always dreamt of becoming. I still have a lot of flaws that I am currently working on, but I can help but think when it is my turn to have that family. I worked so hard on myself. I know it's time to work on being myself around someone special.

[the-story-of-hasan]

It's fun how I never was your your first choice until I stopped making you mine. You start coming back telling me how much of a mistake you made and that it wasn't the right time. You see, playing with my heart, not thinking this back and forth, yet you really think I'm fine. You were mine, but this time, I'll be fine with leaving you behind

[the-story-of-hasan]

Whispers of the night

Looking forward without a doubt in sight

It's you, the women of my dreams

Standing right before my very eyes

Holding my heart, she tell no lies

I have loved you since the first day we met

[the-story-of-hasan]

There are no fantasies of love, Only realities of me belly dancing, in my little kitchen. My body moving only for me, my hips know the hurt of my heart And I lose myself once again, The sun shines through my rose-colored drapes Turning my home into a Harem of love poetry and perfumes. I smoke a cigarette as I make the breakfast, And the whole world serenades me And love is nobody but myself. My hands in jewelry on my shape And I keep on dancing my hair getting longer my eyes getting greener. I eat my dessert in a beautiful dress on the balcony, And my solitude is pink sweeter than any gesture of Love. And they worry about my loneliness But if they saw me now They would fall in love with a woman that is utterly made out of soul and sensuality only for herself; Understanding that love is made of the solitude within the self.

- Pink Love by Royla Paula Rădița Asghar

[the-story-of-hasan]

at night

the dark desires call

louder and louder

until the voices turn

to screams

for the taste

of your flesh

has been on my lips

and I hunger to taste you

once more

[the-story-of-hasan]

The people I love are the workers of my heart. They rebuild a heart they did not break from a house of ashes to a skyscraper ruling over the whole world.

- The Short Poem Series by Royla Paula Rădița Asghar

[the-story-of-hasan]

My ex taught me that no matter how good of a man you are, you will never be good enough for a girl who isn't really to be a woman.

[the-story-of-hasan]

So, I wanted to share some thoughts. I'm currently listening to an artist named Dax, and he made this beautiful song titled "To be a man" now I have listened to this song before but Dax made a big remix version of the song combining it with people that did a mash up and it came out so beautiful. It also had me thinking while I shed a few tears. I look back on my life, and I had a few times where I thought about ending my life and a few times where I almost did. I lost a lot of important things in my life, but somehow, even when life knocked me down, I kept getting back up with a smile on my face. I kept my hopeful and naive thoughts as I was faced with possibly not being able to walk again after being hit by a car, losing my company to someone I thought I could trust my life with, losing someone to racism and my own Insecurities, being kicked out of my home by my family and not having a roof over my head, losing my 1st son and feeling like I couldn't save him, being cheated on, and this is just to name a few. Each time I hit rock bottom and started to give up, something in me would react, and I would bear the pain alone. It hard not having people to talk to, and im not talking about therapy. im talking about people who supposedly care about your family, friends, your partner... but I blame myself mostly b.c. I held up this. im ok, and I dont need help "act" for all my life dealing with all this weight alone. I am getting better and requiring people in my life to be better and cut the ones who seek to harm my peace or pull me back. I don't bear anyone else's weight anymore unless you are my child or my wife .

And I broke down

[the-story-of-hasan]

There is so much time I had wasted trying to spare certain people's feelings. I thought I was sparing the feelings so they wouldn't have to bear such a harsh truth...

I am grateful for once falling so deeply for certain individuals, but the time has passed, and the feelings were all from trauma that I no longer hold within my heart or soul. So I have grown up from a lot of you and that is ok. Not everyone is made to be a part of each other's journey or life.

No matter how much I chant, I never meant to hurt you. The truth is that it doesn't matter. The fact is that someone will always get hurt in certain situations. There is no way to not hurt someone's feelings when there are feelings involved. There is no apology that can mend the wounds.

I have been on both sides of the fence, and I have. Apologize from both sides, and I realized one thing the it doesn't matter shit happens b.c at the moment you were given a choice, and you made your decision. You live with it, and you make peace with it and then move on. If you later realize what action you made was a mistake, you learn from it and then make changes to do better and be better. Fuck needing the approval of the person you hurt or the person that hurt you. They don't matter. You get better, and you grow . All the mistakes you made you will one day forget, all the people that fucked you over you will forget, so why waste so much of your beautiful life for someone that one day won't even be a memory in your mind. Live your life to the fullest and anyone who is willing to tag alone for the ride. Just enjoy the moment you have with them. Learn from what impact they have made on your journey, and then you keep moving.

To everyone and anyone that had trouble watching me leave. It's nothing personal. I just dont think you meant to continue on my journey, and that isn't a dis or insult. My path is very different from yours, and I wish all of you the best. Good luck on your journey

For those who are still riding with me let's fucking go! I am excited to learn , take risks, and explore the unknown.

[the-story-of-hasan]

That last few weeks, I almost was sent back to who I buried. The person I was ... weak, less motivated, on focus was to start a family with no real plan... just love...smh. everything part of that person has died, and anyone who tries resurrecting him is not worthy of who I am now. I have met people who serve my life no purpose, and whose goal is to keep me as their crutch to keep them feeling better about the miserable life they have lived. I have broken through every ceiling people have set for my life, and honestly, this most recent experience has been the biggest breakthrough. Love has faded as temporary as it was. Your spell doesn't affect me anymore. You gave me too much time to heal and realize the truth about why I felt stuck, and it was b.c you made me believe I needed you to breathe. That I need you to feel. But I'm glad that after 2 years of being free, I can clearly see the vast difference in our growth. I require something that is on a much higher level than where you are. Keeping you as a friend would have been nice if you eventually came to a similar understanding as I. Here's farewell to you. While one stays the other goes...

[the-story-of-hasan]

Welcome back to my thoughts. I want to talk about where I'm at and where I want to be. I now have man it further than people has ever said i would be. I am an extremely hard worker. I started learning about how much time I have. This new idea I have had back and forth thoughts about if it would be positive to my life. I always felt like I wanted to be a young father and husband so I could build with someone and build a family. Idk, maybe part of me still thinks that way. Now, my main thought is that I need to build myself or with someone who has a similar vision to my own. I really want a family of my own, but I have to be as ready as I can be. Get healthier so I can live long for my family. Create stability as the foundation of my family. Create constant wealth that can possibly turn into generations' wealth. Create a bond with someone who is built on more than just a feeling. b.c feelings fade, and to me, it is stupid to base a healthy relationship on something so fickle. Now I'm still human. This idea is very hard to combat against feelings. I understand feelings are emotions that sometimes make you do things unexpectedly, most of the time for a temporary fix. Now, I'm not knocking anyone who operates this way, but for me, I have a choice to aline myself with who I want. What I want is stronger than what most people consider love to be.

[the-story-of-hasan]

“Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?”

— Charles Bukowski

[the-story-of-hasan]

Relationships

As time passed, I realized how different I have become when it comes to love or even relationships. It took a long time for me to learn from my mistakes or my bad choices, but I believe that everyone learns and grows at a different rate. I used to hate being single. It was a lonely feeling that really used to suffocate me. I would go to a really dark place when I was single, and as I grew up, there would be different levels to that darkness. I went from being scared to being overly emotional to being cold and unemotional, and each time I hated myself. I would tell myself im never going to find someone who can make me feel like family. I was so scared I would never find a place I belonged to. It was suffocating. I was overly emotional to the point I would make myself ill. I at the time thought my world literally ended. I would have anger/ emotional blackouts.

Now I don't mind being single. Sometimes, I even enjoy it. It's peaceful. I am focused. I have learned to love myself 1st before anyone else. I kinda have a selfish love. I call it selfish b.c. as long as I'm happy, then I can do my part to make my partner happy. So, in that sense, my happiness comes 1st. I was going to share more, but I realized I want this to be viewed by the public, and at this time, this is all im willing to share with the world. I am still working on opening up. I'll continue to use this platform to write about my feelings the more I get comfortable