the-study-of-chaos

[the-study-of-chaos]

its so sweet to me whenever a reconstruction of a neanderthal's face shows up on social media and people are like "oh they would have loved minecraft" "they would have loved weed brownies" it's so sweet. i hope that continues on to the next stage of human evolution. i want whoever comes next to dig me up, reconstruct my face, and for the girlbloggers of this far-flung civilization to go "duuuude she would have loved churfing back a freefing zarbee"

[the-study-of-chaos]

Andrea Gibson, Lord of the Butterflies

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— via jitterati

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me every single morning: ugh. so tired. DEFINITELY going to bed early tonight.

me as soon as it's bedtime: I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE ALIVE. SLEEP IS FOR FOOLS AND WEAKLINGS. I AM IMMORTAL. I AM UNSTOPPABLE. I REQUIRE NO SLEEP.

[the-study-of-chaos]

character playlists aren’t for songs a character would listen to they are for songs that remind me of the character

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a girl of fear, a woman of anger— look how we've grown

[the-study-of-chaos]

life really is so simple when you sit back and realise you don’t actually have to do a lot of things. i don’t have to be on my phone constantly. i don’t have to sit inside all day. i don’t have to reply to peoples messages straight away. i don’t have to have what’s in my fridge. i can go out and get groceries and make things that I’m craving. i can go on a walk. i can turn my phone off for a day or two. i can sit and read for hours on end. i can journal for as long as i want. i can meditate. i can cook. i can clean. i can breathe deeply. i can get myself a tea or a coffee. i can have meaningful conversations with my family. i don’t have to be in a constant state of “online”. i can disconnect. I’m not obliged to be here. my name isn’t being called out on a list. i can leave. i can take time away. i am allowed to live.

[the-study-of-chaos]

is this old religion, are we calling it love?

{sweet movie, alisha dietzman / @gaphic / tiktok / @iamalivenow / on earth we're briefly gorgeous, ocean vuong / @manywinged / these violent delights, micah nemerever / the reader, bernhard schlink (trans. carol brown janeway) / hestitations outside the door, margaret atwood / a self-portrait in letters, anne sexton}

[ID: ten images of text together in a litstack

1: Confession: I will think of you forever

2: a post by gaphic: It’s only tragedy if you convince yourself, for even just a moment, that everything could be ok, despite knowing it won’t be. Tragedy lies in ‘so close, yet so far.’ It’s avoidable because it would only take a tiny alteration to prevent disaster, but human nature is in the way- not maliciously, not knowingly, despite trying so hard.

3: a tiktok comment and answer: Are they lovers? / Worse

4: a post by iamalivenow: gay sex won't fix this. it'll probably make this worse. that being said don't you want to see how much worse it can get?

5: Sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined.

6: tags from manywinged: #technically they know and understand each other better than anyone else alive #but they communicate that in the most fucked up insane unnecessarily complicated way and think thats normal

7: I don't think you've ever felt anything that didn't hurt you. / We've found each other, out of everyone else in the world. Does that hurt, too?

8: "I'm not used to being loved. I wouldn't know what to do."

9: Should we go into it together / If I go into it with you I will never come out

10: of course the love is there. / still, / still, / still.

end ID]

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is there anyone out there with a nyt cooking subscription

will they send me the chamomile tea cake with strawberry icing recipe

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When frankenstein's creature said accursed creator! Why did you form a monster so hideous that even you turned from me in disgust? And when Judas said why didn't you make me good enough so that you could've loved me? And when wych elm said why did you do this to me? I was your baby. You made me. But then sophokles said, i am the shape you made me, filth teaches filth.

[the-study-of-chaos]

don't stress about that opportunity that fell through or that friend you lost or that thing you really want to happen but isn't. as long as you keep your chin up and try try try again, better things will replace your losses. i'm looking at my life rn and actually marveling at how every single thing i stressed about, whether it be an opportunity or a person, got supplanted w another thing that is so much better. it really is true that loss makes space for better things. these days i don't get sad when something doesn't work out. i get excited that i'm now open to so many other possibilities out there, so long as i actively seek them. you never lack. you just transition.

[the-study-of-chaos]

i hope that when i die there will be an apartment with everyone i’ve ever loved in it and we are together always

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self portrait against bed wallpaper by Richard Siken

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gripping my thighs with my nails about this

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*

j. sullivan

[the-study-of-chaos]

And My Father's Love Was Nothing Next To God's Will by Amatullah Bourdon

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