the25thviolence

[the25thviolence]

I want to define myself

Someone that was left alone.

Not worth staying for.

Not worth caring for.

Someone not worth looking back at.

Survival.

Mental.

Physical.

Emotional.

Survival.

No map.

No direction.

Bad times so bad they were made good by people who never knew me.

Never met me.

They just knew it was bad.

Surviving.

Caring.

Always looking back.

Because more than anyone I know what its like to be forgotten.

Not cared about.

Not worth it.

That void between what was given to me.

And what I have given.

Looms and weighs heavier than anything inside my chest.

I exist because I exist.

I care because I care.

I love because I love.

I stand because I push myself up.

Its lonely.

Its tiring.

It makes me cry.

But I exist.

Time cannot heal this wound.

It only makes it heavier on my soul.

But.

I still stand.

I define myself by standing.

Against the wake of it all.

[the25thviolence]

at this point when they say there dad said they could do something I just say nuhuh he texted me and said you couldn't.

[the25thviolence]

"r mom lets us do it." "Cool, let me text her real quick." "wait i was lying dont do that."

[the25thviolence]

I live with my brother and his 4 kids. Great kids. Kids are still kids tho. Its just crazy listening to what they'll say and come up with to get out of stuff, lie, general kid stuff. On the way out his kid was like "oh no, I suddenly remember I have an online test to do. I should really do that. Oh no. That online test." My brother is like "sigh, would you like to go check if its posted yet?". Kid runs and checks and he's like "uhh its not posted yet but its a test and important and online." . Just listening to my brother politely corral his kid into the minivan.

[the25thviolence]

Car payment paid. Phone bill paid. Safety glasses picked up. Plane ticket bought. Low on money but I should be fine. Hopefully southwest does the 2nd seat return policy well for me. that would be like $900 coming back my way. I could get the brakes done on my car. I hate how I need, desperately need, to list my life out with completion in mind. Huge trip planned at the end of the month but I'm focused on the monetary backdrop of what happens afterward. What can be spent. what can be saved. Can i pay down my car, credit card, and save up for another trip? Get brakes done? Maybe buy a new monitor finally. I don't know. I really need work to calm the fuck down and be normal. I just want to show up and do my job. Go home. be alive. Not goto work and do all the shit the entire first shift didn't want to do.

[the25thviolence]

the stars and the universe love you

[the25thviolence]

[the25thviolence]

I could only see a better me in your eyes

[the25thviolence]

Mel ✨

[the25thviolence]

i can't believe we could've had hoverboard sevika :'0 (link: https://x.com/chenalii/status/1861945995220951479/photo/1) side note: my hyperfixation is finally calming down lol

[the25thviolence]

[the25thviolence]

Rapunzel ☆

[the25thviolence]

jinx and isha visit a walmart

[the25thviolence]

messy stuff

[the25thviolence]

I love a good floppy leaf. The floppier, the better, am I right??

[the25thviolence]

[the25thviolence]

JINX & EKKO in "Ma Meillure Ennemie" MV