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the50tunesthatshapediamlove-blog · 10 years ago

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I AM LOVE (a fever dream symphony)

#speakertreatz #rave #ambient #techno #breakbeat #iamlove #dublin #90s

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the50tunesthatshapediamlove-blog · 10 years ago

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Why

It started off purely musical. I realised one night in November 2011 that it wouldn't be long before the 20th anniversary of a famous Irish dance music anthem, the Sound Crowd remix of Secret Weapon's Dream Lover, generally known to Dublin clubland as Sound Crowd - Dream Lover. To me and many others it sums up a magical time in Dublin - 1993/94. Magical for young people like myself, who turned 21 that year. The rave revolution in Dublin was truly exploding by this time, across all boundaries. 1993 was the year I got involved proper, after flirting with rave for a few years. I wanted to add my own stamp to that era, look back on it in a different way, rather than being reverential or sticking to the script. After a few months I realised this was more than just a music project. I needed to go back to 1993 and revisit it. Untangle it. Put some ghosts to bed for good. It was a hugely significant year for me personally. I started it as one person and ended it someone completely different. Experienced the pain of my original gang breaking up, even though it didn't happen til later. Made new friends. Landed a job that was to change my life. Had a horrible break up. The band I was in stopped functioning, which was particularly painful when for years we were determined and unified. Got into dance music and ecstasy and club culture. Had a spiritual reawakening after a dark Godless time. Lots of hairdos. By the end of it I fell in love. I got in deep and kept a diary for the lions share of it, good and bad. Looking back, from the outside it is just one more rite of passage story but it's mine, and I hope you enjoy it.

What's The Story?

It's a three part piece of music, intended to work as a dream in 2014 but it's set in the Dublin of 1993 - 1994 as experienced by me the 21 year old born again raver. It's the story of a year in the form of one night out - a composite of a few genuine nights out - but as it's a dream it doesn't always walk in a straight line, past and present fuse here and then and weird things happen. The music itself is hugely inspired by, and contains elements of a Dublin dance music anthem, Secret Weapon's Dream Lover (Sound Crowd remix), better known to most Dubliners as Sound Crowd's Dream Lover. To me and many other Dubliners it sums up the feeling of the time, a talismanic anthem summing up a magical era which I believe to be the greatest Irish dance record of all time. Its 20th anniversary was coming up a few years ago and it struck me that if there was remixes I'd love to add an unofficial one telling a different story musically and culturally to the usual Dublin club culture history. It meant the world to me that the band - Mark Kavanagh and Tim Hannigan - fully approved the project and were very encouraging and helpful during the writing, and very complimentary about the finished piece. This is something my early 90s self could have never imagined happening and it absolutely meant the world to me.

The further I got into the idea the more it gained legs (and minutes) and I realised it was more than music; it was cathartic, I was revisiting that era. It was a hugely significant year for me personally. I started it as one person and ended it someone completely different. Experienced the pain of my original gang breaking up, even though it didn't happen til later. Made new friends. Landed a job that was to change my life. Had a horrible break up. The band I was in stopped functioning, which was particularly painful when for years we were determined and unified. Got into dance music and ecstasy and club culture. Had a spiritual reawakening after a dark Godless time. Lots of hairdos. By the end of it I fell in love. The usual really. Hopefully you'll enjoy the results.

I am love is also a love letter to dublin in the early 90s. because it's very different now. nearly all of the clubs, pubs, cafes and hangouts are gone. Some of the people are gone. i don't have rose-tinted glasses on, it was an absolute shithole, you can see that now, there's youtubes everywhere from the time and no one had ANY money. But it was warmer. And safer. I genuinely believe that year to 18 months, ecstasy and rave changed relations with young people, when everyone was walking home on the same trip, no matter what club you were at. people were super friendly to each other in clubs, and i never saw any hassle in the fast food joints. nobody had money for taxis so that wasn't a problem anyway. it was never going to last but it was magic while it lasted. Come 1995, there were muggings, stabbings, fights between dealers on the street, worse crimes in the clubs and outside i won't go into, places shutting down and drugs getting harder. at the back of it all, as usual, was money. One very positive thing in the middle of all this poverty and misery was Decriminalisation: it was no longer against Irish law to be gay. Seems absolutely crazy now that in a society like Ireland it was illegal to be gay only twenty years ago. I was delighted for my gay friends but it also had a knock on effect on Dublin club culture for the better, now gay people no longer had to keep their discos and clubnights underground and secret, it seemed in perfect harmony with the more liberated era we were going through. And the music got better.

In 1993, I had my first brush with psychiatric services. nearly 20 years later i would be diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, with depressive tendencies. Depression is a real pain in the hole. One of the worst things is how unplugged you feel, completely disconnected from life, joyless and without enthusiasm for anything. Deep loneliness no matter where you are or how many good people are with you. and the knowledge that it's not real. but you can't fake it either, No matter how many times you count your blessings and tell yourself 'sure there's always someone worse off than yourself', it just doesn't sink in. watching Gaza or the earthquake in China or desperate poverty and saying to yourself 'ah Gav would you FUCK OFF with your depression' it doesn't sink in either. if you have something going on, something painful, it makes it ten times worse. And it has a deadening effect on your creativity. No way would I Am Love taken two years to make if I didn't have depression. Even writing this thing took ages cos only recently I was in one. but it does pass. you have to keep plugging away at good things, stuff that stands to you, be around people who understand and care, don't bury yourself in work but don't give yourself TOO much time to think too much. get your peace and quiet and solitude but don't isolate yourself. Watch your drinking. My apologies if i'm just stating the obvious to people who also suffer. I think it's great that people are talking about it more now, coming out saying they too have the same problems, it certainly helped me say it here.

A question i get asked a lot over the last few years is, do you think all the drugs you took in the 90s caused your depression? the answer is, a) I didn't take THAT many drugs, compared to people I know. But b) no, but they didn't help. Original ecstasy reprogrammed my brain to really understand dance music and DJ-ing and the dancefloor, it opened me up, it was a spiritual experience, it connected me with people, and the universe. it helped relationships and friendships. But the drugs i was taking ten years later were just to block out emotional pain, and for the craic. That definitely didn't help. Now I'd say to anyone, if you suspect you might have mental issues, feel prone to anxiety or depression, I would say, drugs: good servant, baad master.

By now there's a definitive history of Dublin clubland (all I really know cos I didn't move much outside it except for the odd rave) or at least strands that connect with each other. A lot of tributes paid (by others, mind, not the people themselves) to the 'people who made Dublin clubland'

The people who made dublin clubland were the people who went to the clubs and raves and the ecstasy they took. it's the same now.

As with any new music, with new technology cheaply available and a new awareness, there was an absolute explosion of music and more good track that you could ever shake a stick at, in any genre. the level of quality was extremely. it was hard to buy a shite record. I'm hoping bits and pieces of I Am Love get across the extraordinary blast of energy and enthusiasm and positivity in the dance music of the time. Enough for me to put my guitar down and buy a set of decks and a drum machine. I think you have to try a lot harder now to find the good stuff. i find less of it and i have to work harder to enjoy it. I'm WELL past the honeymoon and even over the seven year itch. but I'll never give up on dance music and the 4/4 beat.

Heroes Mam and Dad, Al, Gordon, my homeboi Des McG, Ciara The Voice Of Love, Sarah, everyone else who made it happen, Mark Kavanagh and Tim Hannigan for original love and for their approval. My nephew Dylan and my late great Uncle Peter. And everyone who has listened :) Help in collating links etc. provided by Raytrace:

https://soundcloud.com/raytrace

Raytrace Tracks on YouTube

Now check out the 50 Records That Shaped I Am Love there's some great stuff in there...

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the50tunesthatshapediamlove-blog · 10 years ago

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Secret Weapon - Dream Lover (The Sound Crowd Remix)

I Am Love is heavily inspired by the greatest Irish dance music anthem of all time, Secret Weapon - Dream Lover (The Sound Crowd Remix) Most of us know it as Sound Crowd - Dream Lover.

To fully get I Am Love, you really have to give it a listen I think.

#soundcrowd #dreamlover #redrecords

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the50tunesthatshapediamlove-blog · 10 years ago

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