theawordsblog-blog

[theawordsblog-blog]

Not Today

I was driving my vehicle wearing a blue plaazo and a light blue t-shirt with a scarf around my neck and a crappy mood because I had to drive all the way to my college just to submit a report. It was a normal sunny day and I was just trying to convince myself that take a chill pill, a report is important to submit, shaant Ayushi shaant

I reached parking, some of my friends were talking about something which I had no idea. Then somehow I got to know about Yes Fellowship. I won’t lie but the only thing came to my mind was that “Haa mai ghar se baahr niklungi, like movies”. So we had a small discussion with our seniors as they were part of Yes Fellowship last year and I got really excited and talked to my parents about this and they agreed.

Exam passed by and we were all waiting for the interview call and after a long wait, we got the confirmation letter. I remember I was at sugarcane juice stall where I was jumping cause of happiness beside my mother. So after doing all the preparations I was at 1-week intense training which was good mostly because of food (Just kidding), I came to know many different people of my age, many different mindsets, etc. I faced my stage fear at my highest point when I sang a song on stage.

I was allocated at the Environmental Sanitation Institute (ESI).

From 13th May I joined ESI where I had to remind myself again and again 2 words “Not today”. I stayed out of ahemedabad, in a room, alone, without work, for a whole1 week. I really got miserable there, as I was seeing all the stories and posts of my friends on instagram that how they were enjoying and here I was not even able to go outside after 6 pm and people were doing night outs. At every 2nd day, my mentor said that you will be going to this village or that but because of different circumstances it never happened. I packed and unpacked my bag for 4-5 times. I cried so much, I called my mom and my friend back at Vadodara but obviously at night I was still thinking what was the wrong thing I did that I have to face all this. I came to ahemedabad at the weekend thinking that I would meet my college friends but it didn’t happen, my wallet got stolen and then again I was crying at the BRTS. I was like I was crying at my room and I am also crying here, same activity just the place changed.

The week passed and at last, I got work, I went to Lilapur village for 2 days stay which was really amazing. The people in the village are so different. They involve you with them without any effort, they sit with you, talk with you, they ask all sort of questions without any hesitation, basically, they welcome you with an open heart. Best memory at the village is that I cooked Khaandvi at their kitchen and I watched them eating and enjoying it.

They have less but enjoy fully, we have everything then also we enjoy less.

It all got better as I came into the city and I was working on a project ‘Love India Fellowship’. I had a great place to live, great food, great people and my work was mainly to make reports about all the work which we have achieved till now and on which we are working on and then I translated many reports from Gujarati to English. I even presented all my work in front of Anar Patel and all the people in the office, visited different villages for camps like breast cancer awareness, etc.

Still, I was not in contact with my all friends which really made me cry and I felt alone but that ‘me’ time gave me many things. I again starting painting, and I started writing blogs, I arranged my room, etc.

This was all my 2 months journey but now what I feel is,

That living far away from the city was my shot, I cried so much so bad. At first, I motivated myself but after a couple of days I started feeling homesick, I didn’t want to get up from the bed as I was like ‘waise bhi Kuch kaam nahi uthke kru kya’.

Then my friends called me and they were all that we really enjoy here, we got out here and there, I used to just nod to it. Then when I told people that like this I am staying in one room without work they really asked ‘tu paagal kaise nahi hui abtak’, and at that time I realized that yes maybe I was coping better than I was expected to and that’s a good sign. I really understand this because it was really not easy, I really had many moments of uncertainty about which path should I take, should I go home or I should wait for the time to come. And I stayed, I didn’t quit. I kept hope and it worked, I kept going and then it all changed after so many sleepless nights and crying, I was smiling with my heart because I connected myself, I understood a little bit about myself.

Every other disappointment happened they were actually more like guideposts that kept me on the path, I came to know what type of writing I want to do and what actually makes me happy. I understood the importance of family and how one friend is enough to make you feel happy

I observed patience cultivating in myself. I learned the art of living alone.

So thank god I was in a faraway organization because it made me understand that we all work hard at our work or projects but the main step, the first step is to stay there, not to quit which I didn’t.

“To make a journey, don’t change the direction”

[theawordsblog-blog]

From a Chocolate Ball to a Blog

Good time started from last night.

Buying chocolate ball, eating it while walking and a cool breeze passing by, what else do I want to be happy?

But yesterday god saw me, though there were so many clouds in his telescope.

Meeting friends, listening all sort of gossips + bus ride and meaningful talk with ally + meeting mom, dad and all the relatives, not responding to extra pound comments + one cup of ice cream and word vomit in front of maa + sleeping on the floor but in the size of a train’s seat + waking up with a peaceful mind that too after a long time, getting the feeling of home + helping them to book a cab; again apart + light rain, BRTS bus ride which I never wanted to end but gave me the vomiting feeling because of the smell but awesome songs and remembering my spidey gave me a true smile and a peaceful soul + reached safely (most important)

I have such good and supporting parents, one not so perfect boyfriend, really understanding friend for all the time, and a friend for ahemedabad's 2 month internship

Not thinking of past, not thinking of the future, I have all to enjoy my present and i have……..wait for it………

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Me (But not without you all)

Tears turning into smiles

Ayushi 🌻