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[thebarbiecinematicexperience]

Barbie as Rapunzel (2002)

I don’t know if I can do this. How many movies are there? I sat through this. Did I watch it? Not fully. Look, I love the story of Rapunzel so much, and this ain’t it, friends. I’d been waiting for Disney’s take on this fairy tale for years, and this came first. Disney took this, chewed it up, spit it back out and made it magical. Tangled is where it’s at. 

From the beginning I thought the animation was a vast improvement already, but boy was I mistaken. 

Animation

Nope. Nope. That Rabbit is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen. He looks fake and then has those hyper-realistic eyes. NO. My main note is that the animation looks like a bad Sims game. That works really well for a video game. Not for a MOVIE. 

A Strong Point

I’m being generous here. The Barbie movie studio really knows that they can follow a formula and that they can create a story that would mildly entertain toddlers. Once again, Barbie tells Kelly a story to encourage her to follow her dreams and face something she’s afraid of. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, I guess? The music was also kind of pretty. 

Sidekicks

We’ve already mentioned that freaky ass rabbit. The dragon, however, looked cool, but looked kind of like Spyro? Gothel’s sidekick weasel cat didn’t work. Creepy as shit.

Voice Acting

A wild Anjelica Huston appears as Gothel, which yes, is the fairy tale name of Rapunzel’s witch mother, and this wasn’t unique to Disney. The dragon was voiced by Cree Summer, who also played Kida in Atlantis: the Lost Empire, but also Susie in Rugrats. I knew her voice instantly. Props again to Kelly Sheridan for being Barbie and committing. 

Storyline

Rapunzel is an artist, but Tangled does it better. Rapunzel and Prince Stefan live happily ever after. What the hell is even this mangled version of this fairy tale anyway?

I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

Yours truly,

K

[thebarbiecinematicexperience]

Barbie in the Nutcracker (2001)

Hoooh boy. My first foray into this overly analytical marathon isn't off to a good start. Even as a child I don't think I could turn my brain off to enjoy this terribly animated, overly cheesy, generically animated drivel. I’ve never actually used the word drivel in any of my writings, but I couldn’t find a better word. 

Animation: 

The animation was like a bad video game from the early 2000s. I will give them props for the use of color (I’m reaching for positives here), but sometimes the lines weren’t clear, and Barbie also had a weird glow all around her. Sometimes the colors were way too bright and looked…well, plastic. There was also a weird fade out of Barbie/Clara’s hair…like she had split ends that faded into nothingness. 

Hair, fabric, and bodies just don’t move the way they should in real life. I didn’t expect Frozen level animation - or even Monster High-level - but this was painful on the eyes. I noticed that one of the side characters had a permanent wedgie. Yikes. 

A Strong Point:

Featuring choreography by Peter Martins as performed for Animation by Dancers from the New York City Ballet.

Featuring the music of Tchaikovsky as performed by the London Symphony Orchestra. 

They studied Ballerinas in the NYC ballet and used them as models to animate the actual dancing? That’s kind of awesome. The dancing part of the animation was honestly the best and strongest part because of this, and the use of the actual Tchaikovsky music, which is as always, glorious.

Sidekicks: 

The horrific rat and bat sidekicks are big yikes. But oh god, speaking of sidekicks, let’s go back to the beginning. In the opening credits I have to mention the absolutely terrifying Kelly/Chelsea doll fairies that look like CGI animated DOLLS. I mean I guess that’s what they are but their grins are in a permanent freaky-as-fuck freeze on their plastic-looking faces. 

Also, the PINK HORSE. How very Barbie of this movie.

Voice acting: 

Let’s also talk about the voice acting. I will say that Barbie’s voice is exactly as I imagined, so I guess that’s a positive thought. (Well done Kelly Sheridan.) I was also surprised by the special guest voice acting by Tim Curry. I also noticed that some of the lines are delayed with a slightly too long pause between exchanges. This may have been an issue in editing the dialogue together, or the filmmakers animated it too slow. 

Storyline:

The way the story transitioned from Barbie and Kelly in the ballet studio and Barbie starts telling her the story of Clara and the Nutcracker to encourage her is pretty solid. Then everything fell to shit once the nutcracker adventure was introduced. I don’t even know what I’m watching anymore. 

SWEET BABY JESUS I STILL HAVE 10 MINUTES LEFT?

Prince Eric is a Ken, obviously. And of course Barbie is the Sugar Plum Princess. But they don’t end up together. Because Clara has to go back to real life. But Eric is a real person too! So all is well in the world, Barbie and Ken end up together. 

Once again I ask, what have I gotten myself into? 

Yours truly, 

K

[thebarbiecinematicexperience]

Hello dear readers,

I’m not sure how many people will find this blog, but I figured I should introduce myself. I’m a 30-something writer, movie buff, and doll collector, who has never actually seen any of the Barbie movies.

I’ve gotten plenty of gasps from coworkers and friends who consider the BCU (Barbie Cinematic Universe) part of their essential upbringing.

See, the thing is, I was 13 in 2001 (do the math), and I was at the point where I was aging out of these movies - and I was pretending that Barbie wasn’t the icon she is, and that I no longer had an interest in dolls. I was trying to be cool, and 13 year olds didn’t play with dolls anymore.  Back in my day, 13 year olds were into shopping, boys, Britney Spears, etc. I was into musicals and writing. Not much as changed.

I don’t specifically collect Barbie, but I’ll always be into dolls. I was kidding myself. But somehow I missed out (although that’s probably too soon to tell if I try missed out) on seeing any of these.

Look, I have nothing against Barbie. She’s an icon. She can do anything she sets her mind to. She’s inclusive to all races and body types, and she shows us that we can be anything we want to be.

I just have serious doubts about the quality of these movies.

Back in 2020 when the world shut down, and we were all stuck in our  homes with our streaming services, I suddenly got the idea to watch all of the Disney Channel Original Musicals (also somehow I had missed High School Musical, but that was kind of purposeful, because I was into REAL musicals, not cheesy Disney Channel Musicals with a rabid fan following), and write an analysis from an adult’s perspective. Look, it was 2020. There was nothing better to do.

I made it though the three HSMs and that god-awful Sharpay movie, and ZOMBIES 1 and 2 before I opted out and I never even wrote a blog entry.

I mentioned that DCOM blog idea to one of those Gen Z-ers who gasped at my confession that I’d never seen these movies and she convinced me to do it for the BCU. We call it that ironically, because I also just rewatched the entire MCU (that’s the Marvel Cinematic Universe for those who aren’t acronym-inclined). I won’t be writing an analysis of Marvel films.

Overanalyzing the Barbie movies as a first time viewer as an adult? That could be hilarious. Oh, here we’re going to analyze and critique the plot, voice acting, animation, the music, and the cheesy sidekicks that I hear can make or break the film. I will be brutal. I will be honest.

In the words of the ‘90s pop group Aqua, “Come on, Barbie, let’s go party!“

What have I gotten myself into,

K