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thebeatingofhearts · 3 months ago

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Or for Spotify folks, sorry: https://open.spotify.com/album/4vPi417GIyreDLamFQVZJd?si=Zwud9aXjQZy8cSaYoBmLjQ Also linking: AFR: https://www.afr.com/life-and-luxury/arts-and-culture/the-nordic-theory-of-love-everything-you-need-to-know-20180130-h0qs40 The Book: https://bornofwonder.substack.com/p/the-nordic-theory-of-love

UW: https://uwapress.uw.edu/book/9780295750552/the-swedish-theory-of-love/ For the PDF lovers: https://people.wou.edu/~mcgladm/Geography%20106%20Economic%20Geography/development/required/assigned%20reading%20for%20open%20notes%20part%20of%20exam/Nordic%20Theory%20of%20Love%20reading.pdf I'd say those are in a decent order. The ADR article puts in nicely:

The overarching ambition of Nordic societies during the course of the 20th century, and into the 21st, has not been to socialise the economy at all, as is often mistakenly assumed. Rather the goal has been to free the individual from all forms of dependency within the family and in civil society: the poor from charity, wives from husbands, adult children from parents, and elderly parents from their children. The express purpose of this freedom is to allow all those human relationships to be unencumbered by ulterior motives and needs, and thus to be entirely free, completely authentic, and driven purely by love.

While Anu Partanen wrote my favorite think piece on this subject, this Nordic concept of love through freedom, to me an American, seems the most down to earth and understandable basis for freedom at large. Freedom from your family ties, your background or birthplace, your mother tongue, bias against your skin color or gender. Freedom from an aggressive partner or family member, to gain education and standing, to love.

The freedom to love. Now that is freedom. In too much of the world you'll see jail time or worse for some expressions of love deemed profane or demonic. In others we are seeing the renewal of this growing and ever more visible wing of the population.

Part of that is better understanding of each other and what it means to be human and the human experience. Part is mainstreaming what used to be hidden and embracing the result for existing in the world at all.

Part is definitely the freedom to love who you love, for who they are and what they mean to you and you alone. Not a rent check. Not a father figure. Not a codependent mess of stress and anxiety (Spider-man pointing.gif).

And when it comes to us "free" nations making its way more capitalist than others, I do think we need to look to the Nords for the ideal.

No not the Nords who resist frost damage, although perhaps they do, but those of our own terrestrial brethren to the north of that great and historic continent of Europe.

The Nords, to not be specific, saw a radical century of change socially, technologically, musically, architecturally, etc etc with a modern look internationally as quite hardy folk in need of their sauna, high ABV spirits, and other regional delicacies. I think they would do quite well as hobbit folk but that may be that bit of English by way of France, 1066, in me recognizing that yes, once again they have more or less figured out something I might have spent years contemplating.

Out of my last long term deal, let's just say I had friends for a ride to the ER for a head CT before moving me out of my apt while they still see about 3 years on the various protective orders. I moved out of state to recover and move on best I can, and after some time I remembered what I was looking for, and had found for a time in them.

The freedom to love authentically.

Maybe this specific song isn't the best example of that era for me, to redirect to the post title topic and away from domestic abuse, but it for sure hits a chord you know? I've been there, building walls between myself and my partner. Putting up blocks and distractions to force space that I couldn't communicate, or on some level thought I needed in that moment.

One early girlfriend and I sort of just stopped hanging out, you know? She had graduated while I had another year of high school. By the time she started college (in town) that fall we'd just stopped being together and doing things, and that was fine. It flared a bit at the end in a good way but otherwise, what can you say about a couple of 17 year olds?

Later, a woman I dated in then after college and I hit a bump on where to live. Or where I should live, as she was already in the city. And It is a good city. But it's not MY city, you know? Well she ran with that and I got to take an STD panel for my birthday that year, nice.

But, you know. They were Free. I was Free. I am Free today, fully single again as of late and working to sort out what I want from here. How this has worked in the past, for me or the partner. When it didn't, why it didn't. How I failed vs they, anxiously going over conversations and checkpoints to sort out what switch flipped when.

PTSD is real.

Anyway. When you realize you don't care at all, it's time to make a change. As my father puts it, "When something becomes unacceptable it MUST change." Usually growing up this meant our behavior and some form of discipline, of which we shall not debate the guilt nor punishment. But when he said that word, "Unacceptable," it was not a joke. Not sarcasm. Not a half hearted attempt to get our attention.

It meant something was so wrong, in his eyes, that it MUST change now. Luckily it was almost never a safety issue and often a behavior problem. He's the ADHD menace you see in cartoons. We may not have spent the real silver dollars at the corner store on a plastic ninja sword set but the plastic sword we bought from the dollar store was used to hack up a beloved snowball bush...

And when you stop caring, nothing is acceptable. You know your work on that project isn't quality. You know that meal could have used another 5 minutes of patience to get the textures right. You know that you're napping through a scheduled work hour. You know that you're looking for that 5 year mark to jet...

So I've been thinking about this, a bit lately now that I can and have recognized a few things I don't care for (most things) vs the things I do. And a few of those things I do aren't so healthy. And the anxiety that does get me caring about things isn't, say, rational in how it focuses.

And with that and the dive back into the dating pool, tenderly, I've remembered something.

The Nordic Theory of Love. The Swedish Theory of Love. Etc.

In college I padded out my back-core items with a set of Scandinavian coursework. First Film and Literature in that formal setting then later political history on my own time. And I must say, I think they got this figured out.

Why? I don't have a true argument. I can point to these links or other references but I can't translate the immense bloom of warmth and peace I felt reading that PDF relating to Pippi Longstalking back in 2014 or so. So I'll point to that first, if you are just getting back to those links. Here it is: https://people.wou.edu/~mcgladm/Geography%20106%20Economic%20Geography/development/required/assigned%20reading%20for%20open%20notes%20part%20of%20exam/Nordic%20Theory%20of%20Love%20reading.pdf You may want to flip the rotation. As a child I was empowered by my parents, less so than our elder brother or my parents generations, to be independent. I was a Scout. I could swim from an early age. I could bike across town and back using a basic map of the transit system available at bus stops. Until the pandemic I didn't need a compass to point to north, or pretty close, even in a dark building.

And so When I encountered literary heroes like Pippi, those independent types that take up residence as a ships cabin boy for a fearsome pirate, or a mouse and his friends attempting to take on the cruel rat, or even that beloved Eragon stepping out with only Gandalf, sorry the wizard/obi-wan figure, Brom and a Dragon, you know the deal if you were a YA enthusiast from the time you learned you could sneak a book into church via your bible cover. Good to go.

As Lars came to understand (pg 51), Noirdic society through the last 80 years or so has worked tirelessly to free the individual from all forms of dependency in the family and civil society. No elderly parent is dependent on their child. No child on a missing parent. No man on any other man, or woman, or theythem. The Individual is the basic unit of this society.

Now contrast that with American Individualism (r) (tm) (c). If you're thinking teddy Roosevelt please step forward a hundred years and join us in the 21st century. That is the classic rugged American ideal, sure as Tom Selleck and Clint Eastwood embody various eras quite well.

But as the flare and style of those ideals stay conscious via Hollywood and other story tellers, a different reality can be seen day to across America since the 1940's: urbanization, suburbanization. The House. Two cars. Maybe a pool in the complex or nearby. Wife/Hubby, 2-3 kids, a minivan added along the way? The yearly warm weather vacation or big road trip. Maybe a drop into DisneyLand if your parents could truly give you the American Childhood ideal you were promised by Hollywood and the rest of the unending success we face every day in America.

What is that building block of American society we just introduced? The Nuclear Family. That 4-5 person, tax paying, job holding (1+) car powered expression of Freedom! But it isn't. As Lars saw, your parents income and status continues to impact your finances through college loans/grants/scholarships. You don't stand on your own for Federal money, but alongside your taxpaying and established parents.

But wait! You moved from out of state last year? Oh you might not be eligible for those in state tuition costs. Beefing with mom? Maybe she has all the docs you need to apply for that Driver License and apt lease on your own. Uh Oh. now you're homeless or stuck with your parents, sorry.

Sure, Sweden isn't perfect. Norway isn't either. But much like healthcare systems in the US, it's illogical to point to the better thing as not because it exists with some issue while failing to point out that same issue everywhere else.

But if there was one thing I wish we could take away from some of the work linked here it's that you have options. Or you should have options and if you don't that is NOT a personal failing but likely structural. In first grade we had 2 art teachers, 2 music teachers, 2 gym teachers, a ceramics guy (shoutout to Nes like in Wed-Nes-Day) that rotated schools and a few other in and out roles.

Then the state shifted budgets to be per student vs just local property taxes and we lost all but solo art and gym teachers

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thebeatingofhearts · 1 year ago

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Spotify users beware: https://open.spotify.com/album/3mufRbVLnu4dO8dP8fJRb0?si=xwgy1n1SQzqK2Xo5UZQpWw Although likely to be overshadowed by the release of Charli XCX's BRAT (which I do think is like 70% bops and really does work in parts), I think today's spotlight release is right here.

ELLE, an 8 track LP that slips in at just over 25 minutes, easily adds 5-6 tracks to whatever tracks you might come back to from the many 2024 releases. It's length sets up a tight mix, never sparing air time for an unnecessary bridge or verse.

Starting out with a deeper instrumentation than most of her prior tracks, the album starts by setting itself up as a fantasy heard in my head, even if if I know how it ends. The track isn't going to set any benchmarks but it'll hit where you want it.

Second we drop into a synth bass driven mix you could almost pull out of a modern U2 setup. Like most of their work, this track might not have legs past this album but it could slot into commercial success.

Ray-Bans hits a similar groove while bumping the energy a bit. We're still moving past something but perhaps a bit more discrete this time around.

Somebody's Baby is a bop. Go listen to it. That's it.

Keeping with the synth vibe that I love, Hate Being Alone keeps driving the beat forward before bouncing her voice into the rhythm. I'm a fan. This one got a +2 volume bump after Somebody's Baby, which we have established is a bop. Go listen to it.

Slipping into a bit of wanting, Strawberry Dream kept the volume up and lured be closer. Growing up in a valley where my mom often paid for an extra pound of berries at u-pick patches, per son out that day, strawberry dreams leave nothing to want for. they are the absolute height of summer delight, sweetness, and flavor. Few experiences can match an afternoon devouring every third berry until the sun has baked you into a pie. 5 stars. Do come a little closer babe.

Close drops us into a more moody, dimly lit lounge stage. Laying out upcoming changes, Dagny drops into the temporary nature of many, if not most, relationships. With so much space between this and the last track, we certainly can feel the stress in her foresight. When I get home and it's not like before, I've been there. Maybe you've been there.

On a separate note, I recently had what I think to be one of the most romantic comments. Someone I love, dearly, and continues to support that connection when we have the space has now spent almost a year with their current partner. They are both delightful, together and as people. And when we had the chance to get into that, her comment really struck a chord.

"In past relationships, I've always seen an end. A point where we will have learned as much as we can from each other and need to separate and go our own ways and see where that takes us. With them, I don't see that. I see this going on forever. Being together and working through where that takes us. No end." That's just lovely, I think.

Separate as the last track, though rocking that solo angle, leans into it far more like I have in recent weeks dear reader. With this LP coming to an end, we'll look to the next entry into this blog.

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