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You Found Me

This song deals with society’s frustration with the concept of faith, that if we are good people, good things should happen, but in the real world it doesn’t always work out that way even though it should. Bad things happen to good people, and we as a society have trouble understanding why such a good and righteous god would allow such things to happen like that. The Church comes up with all kinds of theories to justify it, but in the end, everyone’s alone and no one knows why and it isn’t fair. To go even deeper, God could also be a metaphor for society itself. People only found the girl after she’d jumped, paramedics only showed up after she was dead, everyone only cared after it was too late. This is a sad truth about our culture that leads us to ask the question, why?

I don’t really pick up on atheistic morals in the song, the lyrics only slightly hint at the possibility that maybe there is no God at all. The song is connecting us in our universal frustration. In conclusion, “You Found Me” is about our frustration with squaring the way we’ve been told things are with the way things actually are.

[thebenujihara-blog]

Imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know, it's the greatest moment of your life and you get to experience it with one person. Who's standing next to you?

Peyton OTH

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Elizabeth Noriega Weng

Lizzy is the girl my parents always ask me about and bash me for breaking up with her when I was in 10th grade. My parents absolutely loved her and it’s clear why they liked her so much. She has such a big heart and was the kindest girl you’d ever meet. She was very gentle and had such a cute laugh. I admire her a lot and her family because I couldn’t imagine growing up without a dad, but her mom became both. Her mom is awesome and I admire the hell out of her for being able to support two children by herself. She has a very caring sister and I admire Lizzy and how hard she works when it comes to dancing and life. Lizzy seemed to always see the good in everything and make the best of any situation she was put in. She’ll always be my favorite dancer on the dance team :) There’s no doubt in my mind she’ll find the right guy for her because she’s the whole package and I hope in the future we can still catch up time to time because there’s not a lot of pure/good people out there left in this world. Hanging out with her is refreshing and she makes me want to be better as well. I hope I didn’t hurt her too much and I hope she thinks of me as a friend and will remember me as a kind person. 

[thebenujihara-blog]

When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will feel unfair, but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth, just like you did.

[thebenujihara-blog]

Never use the Hitler card, Holocaust card, race card, religion card, or sexuality card. Using those cards is dropping a nuke. They're all very complex issues with too many sides to them. Like a nuke they can be indiscriminate. They can go off in any direction you never intended. NEVER USE THE CARDS PERIOD.

Papa John regard Sean Spicer and Life

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Djuna (Shorty) Luong

Hmm when I think about Djuna I think about a kid lol. She can pass for an 8th grader and sometimes she acts like one.. Despite all that she has a big heart and she really cares about me. I’ll always be there for her because she was there for me when I hit rock bottom. She talked to me, hung out with me, and made sure I didn’t do anything stupid during that dark time. She has a very unique personality and we get along well most of the time because of our weirdness. The first time I met shorty was the start of Junior year when she transferred and I instantly thought she was high LOL. She was so straight forward and DMed to be friends and hangout and I loved it. Straight forward people are awesome and that was the start of our great friendship. Just FYI Djuna is a lot of fun, but the one thing you should never do is BOWLING with her. Don’t ask, just don’t do it. I’ll always be relatively close with Djuna and I am so grateful for her friendship even though I can become irritated at times. I don’t know how my life would be without Shorty, she’s a real one. 

[thebenujihara-blog]

SUMMER

I AM SO EXCITED THIS SUMMER TO GO TO HAWAII WITH ALL MY BEST FRIENDS, TO GET SHIT FACED WITH TPUMPS, TO WORKOUT/RUN EVERYDAY, TO GO TO RAVES, TO TAKE A KIND GIRL WITH AN AWESOME PERSONALITY ON A DATE, TO VISIT MY GRANDMA’S GRAVE AND PUT FLOWERS ON IT, TO SEE MY DOG, TO BUILD A BETTER RELATIONSHIP WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS, TO SMOKE WEED.. TO BECOME BETTER FRIENDS WITH VICTORIA, TO WORK AT THE PJCC WITH LITTLE KIDS BECAUSE IT MAKES ME EXCITED KNOWING I’LL HAVE A LITTLE SHIT LIKE THOSE KIDS WHEN IM OLDER, TO BE HAPPY, TO BE GRATEFUL, TO BE WITH THE PEOPLE I LOVE, TO SLEEP IN, TO HUG MY MOM, TO VISIT MY COUSIN IN LA WHO IS BATTLING CANCER, TO GO TO RAVES (I KNOW I SAID THAT TWICE), TO WATCH THE WARRIORS IN THE PLAYOFFS (PLEASE WIN), TO PLAY WHIFFLE BALL, TO PLAY POKER, AND TO HAVE FUNNNN AND TO BE HAPPPY. IM FUCKING KILLING IT AT MY INTERNSHIP AND THEY OFFERED ME TO COME BACK NEXT SUMMER AFTER I TRANSFER TO DAVIS, CAL, LA, OR IRVINE, SO I GOTTA ENJOY THE FUCK OUTTA THIS SUMMER WITH ALL THE PEOPLE I LOVE AND RECONNECT WITH ALL THE BEAUTIFUL SOULS I LOST TOUCH WITH. LIFE IS GOOD AND I’M FINALLY THE MAN MY GRANDMA WOULD BE PROUD OF. I MADE YOU A PROMISE GRANDMA AND IM KEEPING IT. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I PROMISE YOU I’M THE GUY I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE AND THAT PEOPLE RESPECT. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE MYSELF AND I’M READY TO LOVE AGAIN WHETHER IT’S MY EX OR SOMEONE NEW BECAUSE PEOPLE CHANGE AND I’M LIVING PROOF OF THAT. PEOPLE DESERVE SECOND CHANCES AND PEOPLE REALLY CAN CHANGE. NICE GUYS USUALLY FINISH LAST, BUT IT’S OKAY BECAUSE ONE BEAUTIFUL SOUL WILL PICK ME FIRST. I FINALLY HAVE DIRECTION IN MY LIFE, I’M PROUD OF WHO I’VE BECOME, I LOVE MYSELF, AND NOW I’M READY TO SPREAD THE LOVE. THIS SUMMER IS BOUTTA BE LIT. 2017 IS THE YEAR I BOUNCEEE BACKK!

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Dear Past Self,

This + Time. There’s no fast solution to getting better after heartbreak, it just takes time. It hurts less and less over time.

Sometimes no matter how hard we try, something can always hold you back from moving on: a lingering memory, false hope, then you fall back a few steps, but you can be strong. You’ll finally make it out and the world will be brighter, happier, lighter, and that huge weight of pain and sadness has been lifted and all you feel is excitement, excitement for whats to come, excitement for the possibilities. At this point it’s not even about finding another person to love, it’s about finding who you are as a person. It’s only when you don’t have to consider anyone else that you can focus completely on your life and create the best possible version of yourself. Embrace being single and be the man you want your kids to look up to. 

[thebenujihara-blog]

I’ve been helping my friend Mika cope with her breakup with Ryan and all I could think about is how Tara shattered my heart. The way Mika is reacting and talking to me about how she feels keeps reminding me of Tara. Suddenly I was back in 2016 when she ripped my heart out of my chest. Being so vulnerable was so fucking scary and she still has that effect on me. Mika started asking me about her and the more I talked about her, the more I started to miss her again... I haven’t really thought about her in awhile and just like that... I wanted to talk to her again. She told me to send pics and I did which I shouldn’t have done.. but I still have the pics of us on my phone because it won’t let me erase the pics on my phone because it’s connected to my mac photos and I’m too lazy to erase all the pics on my comp.. Anyways I really fucked up in the beginning of being with her, I cheated when she loved me with everything she had. I got her back and she slowly began to trust me again and things were good. Things were good until she fell out of love for me which I understand. It was never the same after I cheated. I made a huge mistake and the person I was back then is a totally different person that I am today. I was stupid and selfish, but I’ve grown up. She dumped me because she didn’t love me anymore and I deserved that and all the pain that came with it. I wonder if she thinks about me like I think about her sometimes, but a part of me knows she doesn’t because she can pull any dude she wants and she’s got a ton of admirers. I wish I could talk to her, but I just know she’s doing good and she’s happier without me in it. I’ve come to love the person I am today and I truly love myself. I have a sense of direction in my life and I just want to be happy. I feel like I’ve been holding onto Tara in a sense hoping we could someday reconnect or something, but Tara is happy and she’s moved on a long time ago. It’s time to finally make peace with myself knowing that she’ll have a great life with me out of the picture even as a friend and it’s time to move on. She was a great memory and part of my life and I shall cherish the memories and be grateful for the things we’ve been through. Tara Michelle Nash. You forgot about me, but I never forgot about you. I gotta stop clinging on to the past because I’m sure you’d want me to find happiness too. Thank you for making me one of the happiest people on the planet and making me one of the saddest people in the world lol. You taught me a lot and I’ve really have grown up into the man I’ve always envisioned myself to be, I love you David Bogut. Keep kicking ass at CAL and I hope you find true happiness if you haven’t found it already. Always wishing you the best and say hi to Angela for me!!!! I would love to get coffee with you, but if I did I feel like I’d want to be with you again and I’m not trying to get rejected by you again lol. I want to talk to you again and see how you are, but I know you’re probably doing just fine because you’re strong. Take care of yourself Tara. 

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Mackenzie Tong

Mackenzie is one of the first friends I’ve ever had. I wasn’t really close with Kenz until after High School. I literally thought she was the most innocent girl on the planet, but in reality to she was the craziest of us all haha. She went to a ton of parties, drank alcohol, and smoked way before me. She’s probably one of the chillest and cool girls I know. She doesn’t cause drama or stir shit up which makes her one of my favorite people to socialize with. If Kenz went to San Mateo High School with me, I feel like we’d for sure become best friends. Also Brandon and Kenzie would have gone out. I don’t talk to Mackenzie that much and we don’t really share deep down stuff with each other but it’s cool. I’ll always be friends with her no matter what because my mom is really good friends with hers. My favorite memory with Mackenzie would probably be the time we went to LA together and she had a torn ACL. As she got out of the car, Collin’s dumbass threw a football and it missed the other person, I forget who, but it nails Mackenzie in the back of her knee. She was in so much pain, but I couldn’t help but laugh inside because of how stupid Collin was AHAHA. The most important thing was that she was okay! Anyways hanging out with Kenz is always a good ass time and I can’t wait to all hangout again in the summer.

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Tara Michelle Nash

Every time I hear Tara, see Tara on social media, or just anything related to Tara, my heart beats fast. Still to this very day a part of me will always love that girl. We had a pretty up and down history. My love for her in the end consumed me. She was my happiness and I would have done anything for her. I needed her in order to be happy and I relied on her for happiness and that put me on a very dark path. After she broke my heart I was completely lost. My heart ached and I cried every day for months, but she taught me a lot. She taught me that in order to be happy, you have to love yourself before you could love others. Relying on people for happiness is just the wrong way of living life. Learning how to be independent is the best thing you could do for yourself. You don’t need no man or woman to be happy, you just need yourself. Tara is pretty selfish in a bad way, she loves the attention of everyone and craves it via IG and Twitter. She never offers to pay for a meal, doesn’t say thank you because she becomes accustomed to getting things, and doesn’t appreciate you the way you should be respected. I’m nothing close to perfect either, I broke her heart by leaving her for another girl (cheating). That was one of my all time lows and probably one of my shittiest moments. Although I did what I did, I learned to forgive myself for my stupid actions and I’ll never put myself in a situation like that again. I can definitely say I am a changed person and a mature grown up. Tara and I don’t talk anymore, but it’s okay. She’s at CAL fucking shit up and preparing to be a doctor and I’m doing this internship to gain experience and to possibly become a pilot. I truly wish she finds a man that respects her and I hope she has a successful life. I’ll never forget the days of going to her dad’s house after work and just sitting on the couch talking about life. I really miss her sister Angela, she was a cutie haha. I’ll never forget the first date we went on and my dumbass tries to put my arm around her and instead end up hitting her in the head lol. I’ll never forget our first kiss when I kissed her outside of the movie theatre next to the bathroom… I was not romantic at all lol, but at the same time it was a very special moment for me. After everything we’ve been through, I realized I still love Tara deep inside and that still scares the hell out of me. I used to think Hayley was my Kryptonite, but Tara is my Kryptonite. I wish you the best David Bogut, I love you.

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Hayley Leah Goell

This girl is probably the biggest surprise of my life. Our lives together was a fucking roller coaster lol, but now against all odds, we’re best friends. People say you can’t become best friends with your ex, but here we are being the dopest ex’s ever. She is a selfish woman but in the best ways possible. I used to thing being selfish was a bad thing, but it all depends on your mindset. She taught that I’m not always right and that being selfish is a good thing. She was selfish for all the right reasons, she looked out for herself, worked hard in school, and did what she needed to do to be successful. That’s one of the qualities I love most about her. The funniest and best memory would probably be Tahoe HAHA. That night was an epic and hilarious night, the first time I ate pussy lmao. Also I’ll never forget when she dove into the sand and just ate it hahah. My life would be so different without her and our bond now is just unstoppable. We don’t talk much, but that’s perfectly fine. We’re busy people now, but when we talk, we always have great conversations. She was my Kryptonite, but now she’s just my best friend. Seriously debating on making her a groomsmen if my wife doesn’t make her a bridesmaid lol, because she’s a true bro. I always thought Hayley would be the love of my life, but it turns out she was destined to be my friend for life. When I’m home in Foster City I always look forward to hanging out with her and having our “Smoke Break” because we have the best conversations and we really bond. She was the first person I went to after Tara and I broke up, I look up to her because she can always make shitty situation and turn it into a not so bad situation. I look up to her because she’ll always be straight with me and she’s smart. Hayley will always be one of the prettiest girls I know and she’ll always have one of the dorkiest/cutest laughs I’ll ever encounter. I always thought she was my first love, but I realized it wasn’t real love. It was like crazy for each other type of love, we didn’t really know what love meant. She is one of the greatest people I know and I she makes my top 5 for sure. If she went to Hillsdale High School instead of San Mateo, my life would be so dull without her. I pray I never lost touch with Hayley and that our kids end up having play dates with each other and Hayley and I wil just sit on the couch admiring the fuck out of our children and talking about all the good times we had when we were younger. Love you Hales.

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Stephanie Ichikawa

Stephanie is that one friend that I will ALWAYS be friends with not matter what. Years can go by without talking and the moment we start talking again, it’s like we never stopped. We were destined to be buddies since we pretty much met at birth and our moms are best friends. Steph has the prettiest name written on paper in my opinion and she is beautiful. But I would NEVER like her that way lol, I see her as I see my real sister. Pretty but we’re blood and that’s just gross, I’m not white. My favorite memory was when we were toddlers at Jody’s day care and we would always hangout and swim together. Seeing the woman she is now makes me happy, she seems to finally love Hawaii with Erika whom is cute af. She deserves to have the best guy and I won’t let her settle for less. Her wedding is going to be LIT. I would do anything for Steph because she’s family and also she has a giant head like a watermelon lmao. I would make fun of her head more, but I realized my head is the size of grape like Jason lol. Love you Steph.

[thebenujihara-blog]

Working your ass off is the only way to make it in this world. You're gonna get knocked down. Everyone does... but the difference between winners and losers is THE WINNERS GET UP and move forward. They take the hits and keep moving... they keep fighting and moving forward... they never quit... they keep moving forward. You gotta take what's yours.

Papa John

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Paolo Maramba

Paolo is my boy and he will always be my boy. Of my whole group other than Brandon and Collin, I consider him my best friend. We talk every week about basketball and catch up. There’s not a dull moment with that guy and we always call each other a pussy which makes me laugh every time lol. Hands down he is the one of the most trustworthy guys and always has your back on and off the court. We were the best left handed guards in the league and Paolo was by far the best shooter in the league. That boy could shoot and his passion for basketball made me like Paolo even more. He is for sure going to be one of my groomsmen when I get married and I hope Paolo starts dating someone because he PULLS. He can get pretty much any girl he wants and he just chooses not to which I respect, but people would kill to look like him. There’s not a game I can think of that I’m better than him, he is good at everything. Paolo and Mikey’s laugh give me life and make me truly happy. I’d take a bullet for him and he’s probably one of the funniest guys I know. I’ll always look up to him and I know we’ll be tight until we get old no matter how far away I live from him. As long as the squad keeps playing Fantasy Basketball, we’ll always be tight and have good convos. My favorite memory was going to Paolo’s house in the summer and we’d make hilarious vidoes of us doing stupid shit. The basketball video of us trying to dunk on each other was by far the funniest video we’ve made. Mostly because I sound like a little bitch and scream like a girl lol. Paolo is special and when he meets that special girl, imma FLIP. He’s a true brother for life.

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Victoria Villacorta

I think about this woman often because she could have been the best thing to ever happen to me. She is the nicest person I’ve ever met in my life, she works hard in anything she does, loves to exercise, like the Golden State Warriors, and heart is just pure. She has the kindest soul on the planet and she made me a better person even after we broke up. I admire the crap outta her and wish for nothing the best. She really does deserve the world and she has one of the cutest laughs I’ve ever heard in my life. We’re supposed to go on a date this summer, but in my heart I know it’s just not going to work out because she deserves better than me. She deserves someone that doesn’t take her for granted. She deserves someone that loves her with everything he has and doesn’t need a second chance to make things right. The only possible way we could work, is if I become the best possible version of myself and I don’t even know what that even looks like yet. The first time I saw her in person at the Aragon vs. San Mateo football game and she was at the snack shack eating nachos haha. Right when I saw her, I just knew I wanted to be with that beautiful girl and she made my heart skip a beat. I wanted to say hi, but I was a pussy back then and was afraid of rejection haha. That’s one moment I’ll never forget. I am super grateful to be friends with this woman. Our convos are nice and we joke around a lot, I always love talking to people that don’t take things personal when I joke around. She was my first real love and I still love her to this day. She’s going to be so successful and she’s going to be the best mom and wife ever. I’ll never forget our relationship because it was truly special and I’ll never forget her generosity and the way she made me feel.

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The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it.

Jordan Belfort