thebitterman - Tumblr blog

[thebitterman]

Day 1,975 of being single

I just realized my “rambling diary” profile isn’t set to private nor do I know how to go about doing that. Awkward~

[thebitterman]

Day 1,954 of being single

Holy shit I’m actually still single lol. Fuck what I was gonna write originally. This is a bigger problem. I’ve been single for over 5 years. From the savanna’s of Kenya to the druglord-infested mountains of Mexico. Not a single woman... I’m just straight fucked. There’s no punchline. I’m actually screwed. Even after learning that my sack is great in the sack, I’ve been sacked by the sackee’s. Fucking ass. ASS!!

[thebitterman]

Day 1,392 of being single

The hospital called. The results came back “Positive”.

I’m a Stage 5 Dumbass.

[thebitterman]

Day 1,218 of being single

There’s perfection in simplicity, but simplicity imperfects us.

Perfection is a contradiction.

[thebitterman]

Day 1,114 of being single

Shit, I’m gay

[thebitterman]

Day 1,113 of being single

If Bender the man were to rear-end a car would he be a Bender Fender Bender Offender?

[thebitterman]

Day 1,089 of being single

I shaved what I thought was like a 2″ beard down to a 1″. It was 7″. I’ve never internally screamed so painfully. It actually fucking hurts my insides WHAT HAVE I DONE?!!

[thebitterman]

Day 1,082 of being single

The dulcet tunes of Pink Floyd, Tripping Balls Crackerjack.

[thebitterman]

Day 1,080 of being single

[thebitterman]

Day 1,050 of being single

I’m still not famous. Considered taking drastic measures, but not confident enough in my math skills.

[thebitterman]

Day 1,039 of being single

Once I was 7 years old, my momma told me “don’t slap pickle jars with your dick or you’ll be lonely.”

[thebitterman]

Day 1,038 of being single

I don’t know what to write about......

Growing up I used to dream of marrying twins. I wanted to feel more love than the average person. What a sad piece of shit.

[thebitterman]

Day 1(,037) of being single

What do you call a straight dude that doesn’t wanna fuck people? A Peepee Monster!

[thebitterman]

Anyone else notice how hard it is to be left alone?

I will eat my way to solitary confinement, damnit.

[thebitterman]

"I'm truly thankful for my real friends helping me at hardest" he thought to himself, echoing through the despairing halls of lonely bitterness that plague his mind.

[thebitterman]

4 more years until I achieve wizard status!

When will people stop apologizing to me about being a virgin?

[thebitterman]

I didn't choose the party life, the party life chose me.