theblueraven

[theblueraven]

Obi-wan: So why is Palpatine getting dragged off stage and having his rites read to him?

Mace: He was a sith

Obi-wan: ...

Obi-wan: So why aren't the jedi the ones arresting him?

Mace: We didn't have enough proof, so I used a secret weapon.

Obi-wan: *confused glances to others*

Yoda: Internet forum he used. Naboo's welth he questioned. Very well it worked, shocked I am.

Yoda: Not enough outfits he wore. Illegal it is.

Actually the fact that Padmé and Palpatine have the largest wardrobes in starwars to signify their Naboo heritage,

makes me wonder how the Naboo reacted to the Emperor suddenly not presenting himself “appropriately” (wearing that dingy black robe).

Considering how conservative Naboo is and how important class signifiers seem to be. Like his popularity is effected more by the fact the emperor is an outfit repeater than his actual politics.

[theblueraven]

Okay, you know what? After reading this post, I jokingly said we should all just make a pact to reblog it five times a day forever. So I'm gonna do this louder for the people in the back:

AO3 WAS CREATED BY FANS, FOR FANS

AO3 IS RUN BY FANS (VOLUNTEERS, NO LESS)

AO3 IS PART OF THE NON-PROFIT, ORGANIZATION FOR TRANSFORMATIVE WORKS

AO3 IS NOT OWNED BY ANY COMPANIES AND DOES NOT EARN REVENUE

AO3 OPERATES ON DONATIONS FROM FANS

again:

AO3 WAS CREATED BY FANS, FOR FANS

[theblueraven]

there’s a website where you put in two musicians/artists and it makes a playlist that slowly transitions from one musician’s style of music to the other’s

it’s really fun

[theblueraven]

Okay so bad news for everyone on YouTube right now

Starting the 13th, we will have an AI determine if we are children or not and if you are a child, than you are forced to send your ID, send a selfie or a credit card

This has the obvious cons of having your privacy being revoked from you and and in case there is a security breach, major identity thefts.

So what do we do in this scenario?

Well right now I have real idea as this is relativity new to me, but I do have two plans

Plan 1. Bug the shit out of them, send letters and send emails about how much of bad idea this is.

Include why the AI will mess up and target adults who watch cartoons, include privacy issues, censorship issues, anything you can think of that relates to this. I want you guys to bug the hell out of YouTube until they reverse this idea

Plan 2. Blackout.

Since the thing is coming out on the 13th.

The plan will be to completely avoid YouTube at all cost for that day, no watching, no sharing, no uploading, no nothing.

Download videos before things go down, watch Netflix. Whatever you do, don’t touch YouTube.

That’s all I can say right now, I also want you guys to let YouTubers know of this situation cause if it’s important for everyone on the website to talk about this immediately

Spread this stuff around, let people know of YouTube’s upcoming policy and how it’ll hurt everyone

[theblueraven]

If you call pedophilia a kink please unfollow me and never talk to me again

[theblueraven]

Jaskier and Geralt were turned back into children.

Surprising a lot of people, Geralt is the sweet, adorable child. Sure, he's shy, but he just wants to help everyone.

On the other hand, Jaskier is a menace.

(Also, bonus points if kidGeralt trails around kidJaskier like a lost puppy)

"I want one! I want one! I want one!" "Jaskier you can not have a sword!" "I'll cry! I'll cry SO loud!" "Jaskier, you don't have to-" Eskel pulls down on his face in stress as Jaskier inhales and then begins SCREAMING. Eskel had mistakenly offered to watch Jaskier after he and Geralt were turned into children by a spell. He thought it'd be easy. Jaskier was nice! Sweet! Singy! But apparently when he was younger, he was demanding, hyper, and screamy. Eskel is able to hold out until Jaskier tries to reach into a lit fire. Only then does Eskel realize he needs backup and scrambles to find Lambert. "Do you wanna skip kids for a bit?" "Are you kidding? All Geralt does is sit there and look like that." Lambert points to a small Witcher, with big pleading eyes, who looks like he's grieving. "But I need help with Jaskier." "How hard is it to keep a kid happy?" "He wanted to touch fire!" "And? It'd be a nice learning experience!" "You're fucked in the head." "Oh shit-" "What?" "..You made me lose him! GERAAALT! GERALT, WHERE ARE YOU!?" It took them hours of searching to find both children in an oft-forgotten storage room. Geralt was simply entranced by the bolder boy, and was now glued to his side. Jaskier seemed equally ecstatic for a friend. Jaskier was much calmer, always jabbering on to Geralt. Geralt seemed much happier, holding hands and hugging Jaskier. "Geralt said he wants a snack." "In just a minute, screechy. I gotta finish this first." Lambert says, glaring at a vial. "Geralt is hungry." "I know." "If you don't get him a snack, I'll scream." "Oh come the fuck on-" "SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

[theblueraven]

JediTok

Obi-Wan: Hi, I’m Obi-Wan Kenobi and welcome back to ‘things you can say to piss off Sith’ and you’re not allowed to argue with me because I’m the only Jedi who’s killed a Sith acolyte in like a hundred years or some shit idk, Grandmaster was really weird when I tried to talk to him about it. Anyways we’re starting off hot today, ‘you seem to be experiencing a lot of emotions right now’. If this isn’t true when you say it, it will be true by the time you’re done speaking.

[theblueraven]

Ever so slowly Jaskier ascents to godhood. It's easy to hide it from Geralt at first. He's witty enough to talk himself out of most of Geralt's suspicions.

Animals suddenly feeling very tame around him? Oh, he has some food left in his pockets, they must smell that.

The morning sun getting caught in his hair? Just a trick of the light, dear heart.

Wise old women and the smallest of children getting a little bit wide-eyed and whispery when Jaskier smiles at them? Well of course, he's a very pretty bard after all!

Miracles happening wherever Jaskier goes? Pffffff, just a coincidence. Witchers don't believe in Destiny, do they?

Dissociating whenever they get too close to a temple of [redacted] where someone is actively praying? No, no, you're imagining things, Jaskier is just deep in thought!

His body slowly turning translucent as he gains a halo around his head that is the color of the northern lights? Ummm.... well, you see......

Geralt on his knees begging and praying for Jaskier not to leave him-

[theblueraven]

Geralt being good friends with Jaskier's father. Jaskier's father who watches his son grow up into a free spiritef young man that who wants nothing more than see the world. Geralt who reluctantly agrees to watch over Jaskier.

Jaskier, who's heart is breaking when he finds out that their entire relationship is build on a lie. Jaskier who's voice cracks when he yells, "My father set you up to this?!"

[theblueraven]

With spring's arrival, Jaskier eagerly anticipates reuniting with Geralt. However, he's caught off guard when Geralt shows up at their usual meeting spot accompanied by one of his brothers.

At first, Jaskier is thrilled at the chance to finally meet another witcher—until Geralt drops an unexpected revelation.

Over the winter, in a game of Gwent against his brothers, Geralt lost something rather significant.

Jaskier.

[theblueraven]

At seven years old, Jaskier first realizes he has no real friends. The other children in Lettenhove only play with him because their parents are paid to keep the young Viscount entertained.

Even after leaving for Oxenfurt to become a bard, things don’t improve. He soon discovers that his fellow students see his noble status as a means to gain entry into the Royal courts rather than valuing him for who he is.

For a long time, Jaskier believes Geralt is different—that the witcher likes him simply for being himself. But that illusion shatters the night he returns to Lettenhove with Geralt. Hidden behind a pillar, he watches as his parents hand Geralt a sack of coins.

“For looking after Julian.”

[theblueraven]

Over the years, Jaskier has stumbled into countless absurd situations—curses, kidnappings, and even wandering off. Yet, his charm never fails to see him through.

To make life a little easier for both of them, Geralt has taken matters into his own hands.

These aren’t just any cards. They are official Jaskier Retrieval Cards.

"If found, please return this bard to the Witcher, Geralt of Rivia."

[theblueraven]

okay but the perfume post has me laughing imagining jaskier COMPLETELY ON ACCIDENT finding the equivalent of ye olde obsession by calvin klein but for witchers

perfume smells different on each person depending on their chemistry, so the idea that jaskier just HAPPENS to find one that reacts with his to make the equivalent of an olfactory pssp pssp pssp is SO funny to me

geralt refuses to tell him because he knows it would make him insufferable, but now he's offscreen tackling witchers like nobody's business because they've come to investigate the enchanting scent they caught on the wind, and geralt WILL NOT have it

[theblueraven]

Obi-wan: .... Anakin: Second of all, What? Obi-wan: Blood? Do you want blood? Would that fix it? Anakin calling Cody: Get you fucking general wtf is this Obi-wan: The force says yes. Blood is requierd. Anakin now much more stressed: CODY Anakin turning arounf and seeing his master gone: *screms* Somewhere nearby Palpatine: There is a disterbance in the force.

Obi-Wan: Why do you think I don’t like you? I do. I would kill for you. Obi-Wan: Ask me to kill for you. Anakin: ...First of all, calm down-

[theblueraven]

Honestly this could work as Aiden/Jasker, Cat Witcher!Jaskier, saved by witchers Jaskier or all of the above.

Trying not to start wheeze laughing on the bus reading this fic and getting to the last sentence 😭😂

[theblueraven]

established trouble maker duo vs the new specter

more rebels nine nine!

[theblueraven]

So I have this idea for a fix-it, right?

For whatever reason, Alpha-17 visits Coruscant towards the end of the war. Possibly after the Fives incident? Maybe that’s the reason he’s visiting in the first place, actually, because he heard about that. Anyway, he turns up in the Coruscant Guard base with zero warning and heads straight for Fox.

Fox has been trying so hard to keep it all together but one glimpse of his dad older brother’s face and he violently bursts into sobbing right then and there. There’s probably an audience.

Now Alpha-17. Big, legendary, terrifying Alpha-class clone Seventeen sees one of his babies burst into tears and that’s all he needs to know. Does not matter that Fox is a full grown adult Marshall Commander or that there are a bunch of other clones around, that is his baby and he is crying and so Seventeen picks him up and cradles him and lets Fox sob into his neck and between hushing Fox and cooing to him he quietly demands with his eyeballs to be directed to Fox’s quarters so they can have some privacy.

The entire Coruscant Guard would die for Seventeen without hesitation, now, and happily sends him to the Commanders’ bunkroom.

Seventeen manages to deduce which bunk is Fox’s and parks them both in it and then just holds Fox and lets him sob himself out. Fox is doing the kind of wailing-crying that is so intense he nearly makes himself throw up a few times. He just kind of rocks Fox back and forth and rubs his back and tells him it’s okay, Seventeen is here now, he’s gonna take care of everything, let it all out, etc.

Once Fox is spent, Seventeen borrows his comm and asks someone to send some food and water for Fox and then gets to work getting him in bed. He takes off his armor and tries to convince him to get into sleep clothes—you don’t have any pajamas? Alright, a fresh set of blacks, then.

Alpha-17 has already seen the grey hair and the dark circles and the facial scars and he Has Some Concerns. But the scars on Fox’s body, not to mention how thin he is…

Seventeen gets him to eat and drink as much as he can, and then tucks him in and cuddles him until he falls asleep. Then he comms the other Coruscant Guard Commanders and very calmly asks them who needs to die for this.

The Guard’s collective impulse control is soundly asleep and they have an enraged Alpha-class clone on their side. Palpatine will never even get the chance to see what hit him.