thecallofthewallflower - Tumblr blog

[thecallofthewallflower]

this life is beautiful and you are all the proof i need.

R x

[thecallofthewallflower]

i’ve always loved the way black birds fly over trees after another animal dies.

it’s as if they’re angels,

who have been sent to mourn.

the guardians of the animal afterlife crying out,

a soul has come home - and it served well.

R x

[thecallofthewallflower]

when we met i told you i liked your brown eyes.

you said they were boring and plain.

i laughed and told you brown was a nice color.

i’ve come to realize that your eyes are not just brown,

nor are they boring or plain.

in the sun they look more green,

i like the way they sparkle when i look over at you while we’re driving

i like when we’re sitting by the fire and the embers reflect the yellow around your pupils.

golden and warm.

i like the dot of blue next to your iris

i like that i can only see it when i get close enough

soft and comforting.

i like the way your eyes crinkle at the edge when you smile

the way your nose scrunches up when you laugh

familiar and loved.

when we met you told me your eyes were boring and plain.

i laughed.

but now when i look into them,

all i see is home.

R x

note - while i realize that 12 notes is by no means a lot, that is still the most attention any of my poetry has ever received. i just wanted to thank everyone for supporting that poem, it was very vulnerable. my writing is not very good and my poems are not well rhymed or breathtaking, but i love to write and this is a place for me to share the experiences of my life. if anyone sees this poem, i hope you write - whether you feel like it is good or not, write. :)

[thecallofthewallflower]

“daddy’s little girl”

that is what a daughter is supposed to be.

bright eyed,

smart,

and exactly like her father.

she should have her mother’s beauty,

her fathers eyes,

and the wisdom of them both.

a princess.

a dream.

a gift.

“daddy’s little girl”

is something i never was,

too skinny

too shy

too much of a tomboy.

i spent more time in the mud than i did in his presence.

i spent more time reading books than i did reading him.

i spent so much time wrapped in my own mind i didn’t notice when he slipped away.

slowly i only had to fit the role

“daddy’s little girl”

on wednesday night and every other weekend

and slowly, meticulously,

that slipped away too.

like a forgotten game you used to love.

one day i woke up and had a new daddy.

i wonder if i will be good enough for him.

kind

smart

respectful

graceful

maybe i will check his boxes.

i watched as my life changed before me,

a new chance,

a rebirth,

“daddy’s little girl”

and then when i looked up,

the old one had a new little girl.

blonde

bright eyed

smart

funny

i wonder how i messed up.

i wonder why i wasn’t enough.

“daddy’s little girl”

i’ve already failed in this class once.

i only hope the substitute gives me enough time to redo the assignment.

i can’t fail again,

for i fear if i do,

i will flunk the whole class.

and what if then,

i can’t live up to the other title;

“mommy’s little angel”

- R x

[thecallofthewallflower]

mother is my joy

and she is also my pain

yet i still love her

R x

[thecallofthewallflower]

i wish i wasn’t so alone all the time.

i dream of people finally seeing me,

i hope for a future with someone to love;

i plea silently for human connection

i am lost in this lonely existence.

R x

[thecallofthewallflower]

i wish you were here.

i wish we could live the life we planned

i wish i could hear your laugh again

i wish i could see your smile once more

i wish i wish i wish..

R x

[thecallofthewallflower]

a letter to my first love -

it seems, no matter how much i try, i cannot pull you from my heart.

i love you i love you i love you.

the pieces of you and your heart have ingrained themselves into me,

holding on and begging me to give them a place to rest.

i still don’t know, if you ever loved me.

if you felt me in the trees whispers,

i love you i love you i love you.

thoughts of me following you into the land of dreams and different realities.

i allowed you to become my escapism,

i love you i love you i love you

allocating different parts of you into my heart.

maybe you still think of me, and maybe you never did.

but it seems that no matter how hard i try, i cannot let go of you;

despite the fact that in truth, i never really had you at all.

i love you i love you i love you.

R x

[thecallofthewallflower]

“i’m just a fucked up girl looking for my own peace of mind. don’t assign me yours.”

-eternal sunshine of the spotless mind x

[thecallofthewallflower]

how strange it is,

to miss a version of my life

that i never lived.

R x

[thecallofthewallflower]

you are a gift from the sun.

small drops of warmth and happiness,

sprinkled over me as the sun whispers through the wind,

you have done well; here is your gift.

R x

[thecallofthewallflower]

and it was in that storm,

that i found my solstice.

my safest place,

my harmony among the willows and the

birds.

the sweet song of the land,

as it called out to me saying;

you are home my love,

and here it is safe.

R x

[thecallofthewallflower]

July, be kind be kind be kind

[thecallofthewallflower]

in the excess of my misery, you were what drove me home

R x

[thecallofthewallflower]

it’s strange how the earth doesn’t know,

the birds are still chirping,

the earth is reawakening,

the sun is out and the clouds are full,

the sky is blue and the rain is calm,

it’s a strange thing how as the world falls in on oneself,

mother doesn’t know,

she just continues to grow,

and maybe that’s a sign;

that it will all be okay in the end.

R x

[thecallofthewallflower]

you remind me of sunshine in the way only certain people notice,

you’re the final colors of a sunset falling together,

you’re the seagulls flying above the ocean early in the morning,

you’re how it feels to be driving on a friday night with the windows down and the music up loud,

you’re that small moment of serenity that washes over the room when you walk in,

you’re tears of joy after something good happens,

you are every small but mighty moment in life that i always focus in on to remind me of the warmth of this world.

R x

[thecallofthewallflower]

“sometimes, things are going to be hard without reason. you aren’t going to have an answer for why they hurt - there won’t be a way to make sense of the pain. but that is okay, things that hurt are things that teach you; they are the things that will create the colors of your life and tell your story. allow yourself to be pained my darling, embrace it with open arms. you want to live a life full of color, you want it to be etched onto your skin to show the world every beautiful thing you have been through during your trip around the sun. pain is beauty. and within true beauty lies pain. and that is a truly, pummeling and glorious thing.”

R x