thecharismaticasthmatic

[thecharismaticasthmatic]

[thecharismaticasthmatic]

This is a suicide note so if you're triggered by that or are a lil bit suicidal you probably shouldn't click read more (or a scroll down it depends if I can figure out how to do put in a read more lol lol) (So apparently there isn't a read more option so sorry I thought there was?? I don't know where that went stop reading now) ..................................………............... So I'm a lil drunk right now and have taken a bunch of pills already so this might be a rush job since I'm about to pass out I think. To the people that matter I'm really so sorry and to my irl friends there's a usb for each one of you in my right pocket of my blazer. That will explain everything. I hope. To my internet friends I'm sorry we haven't talked in ages. I still consider you my friends. I know you're all struggling with something but I know you'll get through it. Stay strong for me To the people *cough parents cough* that don't matter fuck you Oh and of course the thing I wrote when I was sober: I just wanted to say sorry. I'm so so so sorry. But not for you. Never for you. You take everything about me and turn it into something about you then you complain when I try to keep it my thing and then make me feel horrible because you feel left out, because it was your thing and now you're upset and sad. Everything is not freaking about you. I don't see what's so hard to grasp. You're racist, homophobic, transphobic, islamophobic basically any -phobic you can get and you blame it on not caring what everyone thinks of you and not wanting to be ""pc"" well guess what. It's not about being politically correct it's about being a decent goddamn human being. But no that's too hard for you. I don't even think you know how to be nice, just how to fool everyone into thinking you do. But you're not. You're manipulative and cruel and you don't know when to stop. You say your just teasing but teasing ends. Teasing has a point and you're far past it into harassment. But it can't be can it? I'm over reacting I'm too sensitive I only think I know better because I'm a teenager and teenagers always think they know better. Well sometimes we fucking do. Especially when it's about us and you have no idea what we think and feel. How I think and feel. But know nothing about me. You don't care. You only care for being right and in your own ignorant bubble of "brutal honesty". You're not honest you're rude selfish and just an all-round cunt. And fuck me I wish you weren't. I wish you were kind and understanding and easy to talk to you I wish you cared. But you don't. And it kills. Literally. No matter how many times I tell myself I don't care no matter how many times I say insults don't matter from the people that don't care but they matter when they're supposed to care. Everything you say cuts a little deeper every time you open your mouth it only reminds me of the things I don't have of the people I can't trust and I can't take it anymore. I've bled out. So fuck you. Fuck you for the things you've said fuck you for not caring fuck you for not listening to that doctor that told you not to have any more kids why the fuck would you have anymore if you're going to treat them like shit? If you're going to constantly make them doubt themselves and make them bleed with guilt for not being the person you wanted for not making you happy when it's not their god dammed responsibility. That's yours matey. I think the worst part is that you gave me a choice. You gave me the choice to be what I wanted and to do wanted and I hate that because it never really was a choice was it? Because every. Single. Time. I made my own choice that had nothing to do with you all you did was make me feel guilty about it. Make me feel like shit because I don't want to sing don't want to drive don't want to do public speaking don't want to go to fucking church. Even now as I'm seething with hate I feel guilty because this might hurt you but fuck you it fucking should because you did this to yourself. You played yourself and you should live with the consequences. I'll be dammed if I do. The more I think about it the more I know you won't feel guilty will you? You'll have people around you saying it wasn't your fault it was her she wasn't in her right mind she needed help she didn't know what she was saying she had lost god. You're a Christian you're good. But you're not and I never had god to begin with. I never wanted your god. Because you made me see the worst of every one. And I'm not stupid, I see the hope religion gives to people, I can see the closure they get when they believe they will see their loved one in heaven, or that they are one step closer to redemption, I can see that religion can be a good thing. and I want that. I want the hope that comes with believing there's a higher power watching over everything and that mourns and cares when you grieve and hurt. But I could never have that. Because all I can see is your god. And your god tells me I'm going to hell because I'm gay, he tells me my gender isn't valid because I was assigned female and that's what I must always be and who constantly changes gender? He tells me the people who follow him are horrible and judgmental, that they are like you. I guess that's the worst part. That's the real reason I'm doing thing. Because I don't ever want to be like you. Every time someone tells me I look just like my mother, or that I'm a massive nerd just like my father, I want to take the nearest sharp object and stab it into my neck. But the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it? Not matter how far that apple tries to roll away, or how much it begs the wind to let it fly away or hey even if the tree is on the edge of the cliff and the apple goes tumbling down, down, down. It will never escape the tree. I will never escape you. Because you're in the mirror every morning. You're in my smile, my eyes, my teeth, my fucking hair no matter how many times I change it. You're in the back of my mind when I talk, you sound like your mother, when I get excited about something, he's excited about that - why are you? I'll try to deny, I'll say I'm nothing like my parents, I'm nice, I'm accepting, I know when to stop. But then I say. That's what they think. I hate myself because I hate you and I'm exactly like you. So fuck you for doing this fuck you for having a child you weren't ready to accept fuck you for making me bitter and angry and so god damn lonely and fuck me for not dying when I had the chance and not succeeding the first time. But I won't make that mistake again. I hope it kills you as much as it killed me. Sincerely No longer your daughter.

[thecharismaticasthmatic]

This is one from the palette thing, but i wanted to post him separate, cuz i love him so much.

[thecharismaticasthmatic]

one of my favourite things in the entire world is when there’s a huge thunderstorm outside and it’s raining heavily and you’re in bed swathed in blankets and you have just never felt warmer and safer than you do in that moment

[thecharismaticasthmatic]

Are you flirting with me or am I overanalyzing all of our interactions: a novel written by me

[thecharismaticasthmatic]

[thecharismaticasthmatic]

I cannot believe this

[thecharismaticasthmatic]

Decency In The White House!

Brought to you by a Black American Family!

Phroyd

[thecharismaticasthmatic]

Me during the week: I wanna go out and have a great time this weekend!!!

Me when the weekend actually comes around:

[thecharismaticasthmatic]

[thecharismaticasthmatic]

if a girl is confident in her own body and posts her own pictures of it don’t ruin that by ridiculing her with your own shitty opinion

[thecharismaticasthmatic]

[thecharismaticasthmatic]

[thecharismaticasthmatic]

[thecharismaticasthmatic]

when your relatives ask you how school is going 

[thecharismaticasthmatic]

If a lesbian became president, would her wife be the Second Lady?

[thecharismaticasthmatic]

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