thecourseison - Tumblr blog

[thecourseison]

Doctors should snark at each other more, be a bit mean. Not for no reason, mind you. But if five doctors blow me off about symptoms and doctor number six FINALLY runs actual tests and gets a diagnosis, I think it should be Doctor Six's right to call up the other five and tell them they're lazy pieces of shit. That should be socially encouraged. Those first five doctors clearly can't listen to patients, but maybe another doctor might finally get to them.

[thecourseison]

For Nothing

Don’t say what you’re thinking

Or they’ll put your ass away

Cuz any moment that you can’t take any more

Is a moment they’ll make you pay.

A hundred dollars for the emptiness

A million for each wrist

I didn’t realize I was worth so much until I had to pay for it.

And when I’m surrounded by the glitter and the glow of all I’m not

I realize that all my dreams have all just gone to rot.

I am not an artist. Not a singer not a star

I’m a conformist seeking comfort, with a house a dog a yard

I remember who I was, like a ghost that haunts me still

But no one else can know that it’s her that I have killed

I got away with murdered but I was still sentenced for life

The worst punishment they could’ve thought up cuz all I want is the cold sharp knife

All I can see is all I am not.

What was it all for?

For nothing.

For nothing.

[thecourseison]

this is so mean but sometimes i see published writing and suddenly no longer feel insecure about my own writing ability. like well okay that got published so im guessing i dont have much to worry about

[thecourseison]

I don’t know if I am going nuts cuz I visited a friend who is having a baby and just seems so much more together than I do, and I’m worried I ruined the friendship by being a burden-

Or if I’m going nuts cuz of the RIDICULOUS flight experience I’ve had the last 24 hours

Or if I’m just burnt out cuz I have TOO MANY JOBS.

I need to go to sleep. That’s what I need to do.

[thecourseison]

When the boat rocks

Chorus

Am I cannot look to you to F sing along to my C songs

Am I cannot look to you to F save the day when G things go wrong

Am I cannot G look to you for F confirmation of Ebm my thoughts

Am G F C

I cannot fall on you when the boat rocks.

Bridge

And the tide is rising and the bow is bending

and the ship is flooding and my world is ending,

and I’m freezing the water is up to my neck-

you won’t save me, you aren’t even on deck.

So I breathe deep, and I dive.

And I rummage the wreckage for a way to survive.

I have to be my crew

I wanted it to be you

I found a mutiny

Where I thought love would be.

I cannot fall on you when the boat rocks.

Then what are you for?

Living side my side, Mon amor.

You have your own dreams

You have your own schemes

I must focus on mine

Building confidence over time.

[thecourseison]

Bang

I’ve had a day

A fucking bad day

The kind of day you wanna close your eyes and (blow) blow away

And I go home

And I wanna be alone

And all I wanna do is turn on the tv and then I see

My favorite assholes

My favorite douchebags

My own collection of morons that entertain for me

For twenty minutes I’m the queen and all I want to see

Are my favorite jesters jaunting and jeering. Just for me. On my tv. My favorite assholes and me.

There’s hapless mishaps

And mishaps happens

And Pratt falls and phone calls and miscommunication

I’m a sucker, an out of lucker

But for a while I forget who I am

And then I’m able to smile

Is it a crime that some times in our lives

We need a moment of stupidity and laughter

And it’s not science

It’s not quite useful

It makes us harken back to a time when we were carefree and youthful

And no it’s not quite productive

It’s long term healthy side effects add up to zero

But if it keeps my eyes off the clock and my phone

Then maybe these douchebags could be my heroes.

[thecourseison]

Do you still love me?

I get it I snore

I’m not a very skilled whore

My thoughts are a bore

You think im hoarder

You make fun of my disorders

I steal the blankets

My cooking is blandest

I annoy you so

Then do me a favor and let me go.

That’s all you have to do just let me go.

I love you and you say you love me

But does you love me in spite of what you see

What is the appeal

Are you seeking an ideal

Maybe I should leave

Or maybe I’m just panicky

Maybe I seek a fault in all that I am.

Maybe you’re just around, and I’m human.

And that scares me to tears.

And you see all my fears.

I’m sorry I’m this way.

Please don’t go away.

[thecourseison]

Howling Heart

Will I disappear into comfort

Before the world ends

Will I make a stranger

Out of all of my friends

Will this city turn its back on me

Did I build my own purgatory?

I’m so tired

I’m so uninspired

I am hungry

But I don’t want to eat

I haven’t written a word

To deserve any treat.

Still my stomach growls.

Still my heart howls.

[thecourseison]

A Ham

I don’t have a thing to say

Still I wanna scream it

I don’t have a song to play

Still I wanna write it

A naracissist who wants attention admiration and acclaim from strangers

A person who wants all the reward without facing any of the dangers

What a bitch, what a bore, what a cunt, what a whore

What a life I’ve built out of sand I’ll throw in your eye

As my castle crashes down I’ll sit and I will cry

Because I want to be more than I am.

Because I am nothing but a ham.

[thecourseison]

Hannibal should’ve just said this in s1 instead of doing what he did

[thecourseison]

Pecking Away

The fear of money is peck peck pecking away at my brain

The fear is peck peck pecking away

And though I take off my clothes and I breathe real slow the pecking continually stays

The chicken is inside my head, it’s fed by all my thoughts of dread and before the cock crowd or the fox gets to the hens

The pecking will continue until I am dead.

Peck peck peck call your mom

Peck peck peck your face is getting long

Peck peck peck all your golden years are gone

Peck peck peck your love isn’t that strong

Peck peck peck peck peck peck peck it’s a pain in the neck neck neck neck neck neck don’t it make you wanna wreck wreck wreck wreck wreck this damnable loop. And fly from the coop.

[thecourseison]

Brother o mine.

Ya fell on hard times as we all do

So I’ll do my best to come through

Because we are family do do do do

Even if you don’t feel that way too

We’re still here together, and it doesn’t feel new

To share a house and a couch and a crockpot of stew

I’ll wonder if I matter this much to you

But it doesn’t matter if I matter cuz it’s just the thing to do.

I care and that’s that. So I’ll talk to you soon.

[thecourseison]

A Bad Liar

I lie so you’ll like me.

Because I know with the truth, you won’t love me.

I don’t like that dress

I don’t like what you said

I don’t want to go out this night

I don’t want to eat that

I lie because I’m afraid

Afraid that you’ll be mad

And go silent

And slam cabinet doors

And shut me out

Afraid that you’ll be sad

And I’ll have to reflect

And I’ll have to apologize

And I’ll never get to feel the apologies dissolve the knot in my gut.

I’m Afraid we’ll both have to grow and realize we can’t be what we want to be for each other.

Im not a good person, I lie.

I’m not a good person, I’m scared.

Good people aren’t scared liars.

[thecourseison]

shout out to the actual embodiment of hope for the future!

[thecourseison]

Voices chanting kill yourself ad nauseum

[thecourseison]

I have a habit of making friends with my fears.

[thecourseison]

And I am just a creature bathing in her sweat and blood and puss, picking her nose and scraping her scabs

But I am also god.