thecryingshark-blog - Tumblr blog

[thecryingshark-blog]

Confessions of a sad shark.

Who'd think that only in the past 20 years that I was the guy who always had smile on my face, the same person who would give up everything, his time, his life, his soul and heart to please everyone to only to have his heart ripped out and trampled on.

In the sea of human life there's plenty of of fish in sea or should I say creatures run around enjoying life.

They say there are lots of different shark's in the sea each one making there mark in life.

For me though, I'm one of those shark's which is unfortunate, stupid and overly casual with his life and where his heart is concerned very haphazard.

I'm a Sad Shark and I'm going to give my account or at least try to tell my story of a guy like me born in a city which I don't like tries to adapt and give something back, but it wouldn't go the way it should have.

How would give the less fortunate my best of myself only to be destroyed by those who I was helping and trying to give support to.

This is going to be blunt but at same time long to read this but this confession is going to be traumatic for me because I have go back into my somewhat wrecked remains of aa damaged brain.

So, the question, what in the devil got me here in the first place and why didn't I learn from my past mistakes, well the problems stem from the fact I didn't listen to everyone and best of all didn't listen to myself with these words 'Beware of things that are too good to be true, because it's probably is'.

When my first girlfriend died when I was 10 years old, she was the same age as me and we didn't go out as such due to the age and the lack of money, but none the less we played together at school and much later we has our first little kiss which by today's standard a peck on the lips.

Her name was Claire as she stood slightly taller than me and she sported shoulder length blonde hair. At the time women and during that had there like one of the women from ABBA.

Anyway to cut a long story short she died of cervical cancer which at the time as well little or nothing could be done to tackle it and a lot of things where going about with accusations on what could have been the cause of it.

At the time, Birmingham City Council along with the school and what's not decided that someone or something had to be blamed, that someone was me.

Now hold on, how can a 10 year old boy be blamed for something that he knew nothing about.

They said that I had sex with her, at 10.

Me. At that time I knew nothing of what my body could do let alone want to do that but not the less I was put through hell for years only some time later to find out that everyone during the time.

Some years have gone by and out of it all I've gone from a happy go luck guy someone who is living a nightmare every day.

Girlfriends deceive me and when things go wrong for them, then they blame me for everything damaging my heart and my brain.

Then in November 7th 2017, I made a huge mistake of my life by not concentrating on what I was doing and my life is wrecked for ever.

People say that that things are going to get better for me but for the life of me I can’t see it and then in December 2018, after six months of trying to help another girl with her mental health issues, I take her mental problems and make my own condition worse than ever.

I ask myself what is next for my life what is going to be traumatic for me. I have nothing to live for and yet people want save me when I want to die.