thedarkduchesss

[thedarkduchesss]

STOP! before you decide you are irretrievably doomed, try one of the following options:

transition

bdsm

iron supplements

[thedarkduchesss]

don't ever look up what your childhood friends are up to now!!!!!!!!!! like girl you're a nuclear safety engineer. i put on matching socks today. we played tag a thousand years ago.

[thedarkduchesss]

Got to see Hadestown for the first time ever today (and it was amazing oh my god I had no idea what I was missing) and I'd just like to give a shout out to the poor soul in the audience who had clearly never heard the myth of Orpheus before, because when Orpheus turned around at the end the audience was dead silent except for this one very audible gasp of "no!" from somewhere in the crowd. And after Euridyce was gone and Orpheus dropped to his knees in grief, all anybody --cast, audience, the uncaring gods, etc -- could hear was muffled weeping from the same person

[thedarkduchesss]

dropping fem!JereJean and fleeing

[thedarkduchesss]

So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

[thedarkduchesss]

My tattoo artist told me his teenage son came out to him as trans by giving him a bunch of blue cupcakes and a greeting card that said "it's a boy!"

"That's cute," I said.

"It was NOT cute!" he snapped. "I thought he was pregnant."

[thedarkduchesss]

living in the USA rn means every news headline every day is like BREAKING NEWS: The Universal Free Puppy Plan guaranteeing every USA resident receives a free puppy has been terminated. Funds for this initiative will instead be going to the ‘GUNCH IT UP’ act, ensuring that every item on grocery store shelves now contains at least 25% coal tar

[thedarkduchesss]

[thedarkduchesss]

I’m fine

[thedarkduchesss]

people trip me out when they say shit like “oh i miss being 10 years old and not having problems” like the fuck you mean you didn’t have problems

[thedarkduchesss]

i think its funny af that i disappeared from this acc for like 5-6 yrs and then came back with a new name, new pronouns, a crazy hyper fixation for a book that has a made up sport in it, unspeakable trauma, and yearning that has never been seen before

[thedarkduchesss]

[thedarkduchesss]

[thedarkduchesss]

u survive literally every single event in your life & still every time a new event happens you feel like this is the event that will kill you and that you will never move on from but actually you will continue to survive like you always have bc u have a 100% win rate of surviving events. btw

[thedarkduchesss]

[thedarkduchesss]

*guy who hasn't eaten lunch voice* been really into the idea of picking a direction and running as fast as I can in a straight line until I collapse and die

[thedarkduchesss]

Autistic trauma is so devastating and yet so corny. You'll be doing everything perfectly normal in public but someone will sneer at you and you'll spend an hour agonizing over yourself like "fuck what if no one told me it was Don't Wear Yellow Thursday"