thedaughtersofaewora

[thedaughtersofaewora]

“I cling to your promise.” (Beauty From Pain - Superchick)

My parents didn’t sleep after they had returned. They couldn’t fall asleep. Instead, both of them laid on the bed together, pillows soaked with tears, my father holding mama. 

The sun was starting to rise when they finally fell asleep. Only two hours later their alarm awoke them, and their pillows were still damp. 

Their stomachs were in knots as their hearts cried out, “Oh, don’t let the children ask about the missing pet!” 

Surely one of us was going to ask about Lola. For some reason, we didn’t. I know I was occupied with other things. 

Morning passed and evening came. “Thank you,” my mother whispered into the heavens, as she sat down against the bedroom door, as if not letting the sadness in through.

“But you’ve got to help me, do something,” my mother pleaded, putting her hand on her forehead. 

And after her plead, someone rang the gates into the village. Permission was granted for them to enter and an hour later my father called her. 

My mother’s face was still red from crying, it was not the way she wanted to look when greeting unexpected guests. She had no time to fix up. Instead she walked downstairs and greeted the person who was now outside the front door. 

A friend who she hadn’t seen in a while greeted my mother. She immediately felt her warmth. “Hi Annika! How are you and your family?“

Her friend, Olivia, held up a basket. My mother began to beam. “Hello Olivia, I’ll tell you something, but let’s go into a room first,” Olivia didn’t seem to take notice of my mother’s puffy eyes and redness. My mother ushered Olivia to the kitchen and Olivia set down the basket on the counter. “This is for you!” 

My mother began to open the basket, and to her amazement, there sat three stuffed puppies, notes of love, and plenty of chocolate chip cookies. Mother became overwhelmed. 

“Oh my goodness! Thank you so much, Olivia. Now let me tell you the thing I said I was going to tell you.” My mother turned her head to look if they were alone in the kitchen, and she quietly began.

”Our beloved Pomeranian, Lola, died tragically. Taken from us far too soon.”

Olivia gasped. “Oh, Annika. No!”

“Mason and I have not told Heaven or the children yet. But I still cannot bring myself to believe how the Creator used your delay to bring this gift at the very perfect moment. I want to say, if you brought this basket last week, this gift would still be nice, but it definitely would have not meant as much as it currently does,” 

My mother sighed, a lump forming in her throat once again. She tried her best not to stutter her words. 

“Only moments before you rang our gate, I was pleading out to the Creator. In an instant, there you are. In my view, it’s not really about what’s in the basket, it’s about how he loves us so much that he sent it on the very day we needed it.” Now there were fresh and hot tears mingled in grief. 

Olivia was stunned and speechless for a minute, then engaged in a long sympathetic and comforting conversation with my mother. She hugged my mother and reminded her to call her when she needed help. 

My sister Heaven walked in hand in hand with her daughters. “I’m sorry, have I interrupted something?”

”No, Heaven, no, you haven’t.” My mother responded.

The sight of the exquisite redhead and the tiny cherub-looking girls beside her brought a smile to Olivia’s face. “Aww, Heaven. Look at you now! It seems like yesterday when you were running around in sparkly jelly sandals and pigtails!” Olivia exclaimed. She looked at the little girls beside Heaven with the long wavy red hair, red as Heaven’s, so long it was down to their lower backs. “I bet my brooch these are your daughters. I can’t believe you have children already!”

Heaven nodded. “I’m blessed.”

Olivia turned to my mother. “And I can’t believe you are already a grandmother!”

”I sure am blessed.” My mother laughed. 

“And they sure beautiful, like you, Heaven. Their hair matches their rosy cheeks, like you as a child. But my goodness, look at those eyes!” Olivia cooed. 

Grandmother, mother and daughters all smiled. “We are beautiful?!” Victoria asked, her aquamarine eyes blinking.

”Yes, you are!” Heaven and Olivia answered in unison and laughed.

Olivia left and our parents got started on preparing dinner. All of us ate dinner rather quickly. And we still haven’t asked about Lola. I confess I wondered about her then but didn’t dare ask until our parents gathered us and led us into the living room.

”We have good and bad news for you,” my mother began.

Heaven, Victoria, Vanilee, and I stiffened, bracing ourselves what was going to be said. Our eyes searched into our parents’ eyes. They took a deep breath.

“Lola must’ve gotten hit by a car or was involved in some other accident. She died.”

“No!” I screamed.

”Oh no. Not Lola!” Victoria cried. 

Vanilee broke into sobs.  

I know my parents’ hearts ached and I saw the tears freely pouring out from their eyes. Heaven began to tear up herself. She moved closer to us girls and rubbed our shoulders. The adults allowed themselves to cry with us, we moved closer to each other and did a loving group hug.

My parents both felt relief. What was happening between family here felt like cleansing. Our cries got quieter, and my mother started again, “Remember I have some good news, and I guarantee you will be amazed as I was! Wait here!” My mother ran to the other room and came back with the basket. “You know that nice lady that came by earlier? She’s my friend. She gave this to us!” Mother exclaimed, carefully opening it. 

My mother’s heart ached even more and developed a lump that was harder to swallow as she watched us girls examining and then pressing our chubby faces into the fur of stuffed puppies. My father continued to hug a softly crying Heaven. We were all upset and in mourning of our beloved Lola, our playful orange little creature, but the kindness of others indeed shone the brilliant, so much needed light onto our lives. 

All of us enjoyed the cookies as a late night snack, Victoria, Vanilee, and I sat on the red comforter set on the floor. Our grief was a grief mixed with tender love and gratefulness. Slow tears came out of our eyes as we nibbed on the cookies.

[thedaughtersofaewora]

“How long can I survive this?” (Five Minutes At A Time - Superchick)

TW: Animal death. Pet dog dies. 

I remember, one night, my mother put the orange Pomeranian Lola on our gated deck. 

It had suited her just fine, giving the mothers the opportunity to prepare us–the daughters–to bed peacefully. Half an hour later, my mother opened the door to let Lola walk in, but to her dismay, there was no sign of Lola. Mother quickly put on and zipped her coat and circled the huge yard. The longer she called for Lola, the faster her heart sank. Lola was still nowhere to be seen, and she had always come running whenever mother called her name. 

Something was happening to our Lola.

Mother went back inside the mansion to warm up, praying to the Creator to keep Lola safe, wherever she was. She walked outside every ten minutes, looking for her and calling out her name. Still no sign of Lola. Mother threw pebbles into Lola’s food bowl and shook it, hoping the rattling sound would bring her racing home. The orange Pomeranian still did not come. 

Over an hour later, my mother opened the door to go out to the yard again but instead found Lola on the ground before her. A surge of panic almost overtook Mother and she had to cover her mouth with a handkerchief to scream into it, not wanting to wake us up. She thought Lola was dead because she was lying in a pool of blood and looked so broken. Mother thought Lola was dead, until she knelt down and caressed her neck. It was a relief to feel her warmth, from all that dread and wind of the night. But the warmth of Lola and the hope that she was going to survive this wasn’t going to last any longer. Lola lifted her head and looked at my mother with such pain in her eyes. She did not make a sound, not even a pained and desperate whimper. 

“It’s okay, it’s going to be okay,” Mother tried to soothe Lola. “Wait here,” 

Mother dashed to the living room closet and yanked a blanket out and covered the orange Pomeranian with it. She ran just as fast to my father, jolting him awake. “Lola’s been seriously injured!”

“Heaven and the children are sound asleep, do we wake Heaven up?”

”No, no, let her sleep!”

Mother and father sped through the darkness of the night to the vet. My father remembered there seemed to be no moon or stars in the seemingly black sky. It took thirty minutes to make it to the vet as Lola clinged onto life. 

As soon as the orange Pomeranian was laid out on the table, my mother stroked her head. She knew she wouldn’t forget the look in Lola’s eyes until she went to the grave herself. Lola was in so much agony, her life slowly slipping away from her. The tears spilled freely out of my parents’ eyes, the sight of suffering of this sweet dog that had been theirs for years. The vet instructed them into the waiting room and returned a few minutes later. The look on his face was not a positive one. 

“Lola’s injuries are severe and grave. I’m sorry to say you have only two options: to put her into surgery but that will make life very tough on her than death will. Second one is to end her suffering forever.” 

“If this was your pet...” my mother’s shaky voice trailed off. 

“Then I would let her go. I think it’s the most kind thing. It’s a miracle a little dog like her survived such massive injuries at a long period of time but there’s no miracle for her to live the healthy and active life she had before.” 

My parents did not wanted to hear such talk. As much as they wanted Lola to live, as much as we all would miss her, we loved her so much we couldn’t force this torment on her. The best choice for her was to set her free.

My parents did not remember the ride back home, only the tears and finding a way how to explain this loss to us.

[thedaughtersofaewora]

"Look at the stars, look how they shine for you and everything you do..." (Yellow - Coldplay)

There was an older woman who noticed, after weeks in the hospital, that one certain room had never seemed to have anyone coming or going—except hospital staff. So she asked permission to visit that person. Permission was soon granted.

When she slowly made her way in, she observed a young guy staring vacantly at the grey walls. There were no personal cards or photos of loved ones, nothing at all. She quickly learned he was alone, no family to visit him for reasons he would never open up to. His friends never seemed to visit. Although they could have. He was bitter and angry.

Every time the woman visited, she brought a smile and a small token, a card, a book, a notebook, and a story. The young guy accused her of many things. He told her her gifts of pity weren't welcome. She calmly told him she didn't pity him because he seemed to have plenty of his own. She also told him she cared and there was a difference between pitying and caring.

The woman persisted in her visits. Sometimes she suffered his grudging silence but she chatted away as if he were answering. Sometimes she read poems. She told funny jokes and laughed after she told them. He did not laugh and he definitely did not smiled a little at one joke. Sometimes she listened to him as he talked about his life. After a while, he anticipated her visits even though he didn't understand why she was doing it.

Finally, he asked her why she continued to visit. She told him because we all need someone and right now she must be the one the Creator chose. He scoffed at her, not really believing it but he still didn't make her leave.

The young man told her she didn't understand how awful his life will be the moment he gets out of the hospital. People will call him crippled. He wouldn't be able to do things like he did before. He said he wouldn't be whole anymore. The woman agreed with him. She told him those things were partly true.

But she asked him these things: "Does it matter what other people think they see? Don't you think being alive, even if you're different, is worth more than what you may have had before? You could have died, but you didn't. You still have your life, and what you decide to do with it now is completely your decision. You still have many avenues open to you."

The woman was my mother. The young guy was a patient who lost his leg to bone cancer. Mother said he was doing great the last time she saw him. And I have a feeling he will walk away with a lot of faith and hope. It's kind of sad that his friends didn't have time to offer him the encouragement he needed.

But I'm proud my mother did. I know it's hard to know what to say to someone who is going through a trauma. Being yourself works; it doesn't matter what you say, only that you took the time to say it.

My maternal grandmother was in the same hospital. At this time she was retired from her teaching job, and my mother took me with her on visits. We had visited Grandmother at the hospital the entire mornings and afternoons. One lunch, Grandmother had trouble with eating her food. And I don’t mean chewing. She'd lift her fork and her hand would shake so terribly, the food slipped off.

“Mother, you know hospital food is always so hard. Tough. You’d have to be a wrestler to cut it. Let me see if I can make the pieces smaller."

The whole time, my mother would be talking as she gently took over, helping and feeding grandmother. Even as a little girl, I was always awed by how easily my mother set my fidgety grandmother‘s mind at ease. It seemed like my mother knew what her own mother wanted, even before she decided she wanted it. And then when eating time was over, my mother read my grandmother her favourite books. The next day, my father sent us some stuff. He sent me blank papers, crayons, and some of my pony toys. I drew and then quietly played with my little ponies.

“Oh wow, did you draw this?” Mother asked me upon seeing my artwork. I nodded my head, my pigtails bouncing. “It’s for grandma!” I exclaimed, proud of my work. Mother filled Grandmother’s room with drawings my little self had drawn.

My mother went shopping for gifts for the nurses, taking me along, because Grandmother wanted to thank them and show appreciation. “That’s a good idea!” my mother agreed. Before leaving the hospital room, I kissed and hugged my beloved grandmother. Mother bought Grandmother’s favourite hot foods and they both made sure everyone who visited had brownies, cookies, and other goodies, because that's the way grandmother treated everyone who visited at her house. She always had this hospitality. And my mother had to make that hospital room seem more bearable and not so cold grey. She filled it with love, just like she had done for our family. She was so kind, like her mother.

What would happen if the aristocracy of Hyocheon saw this side of her? Would they see her differently?

[thedaughtersofaewora]

"How sweet it is to be loved by you.” (How Sweet It Is - James Taylor)

It was fall. What Heaven loved about the fall was the colour of the leaves that fell upon her. Unfortunately she could not go out to collect them and press them in her book. But what she was fortunate for was that her babies were going to be a Fall season babies.

Yes, babies, not baby.

Heaven found out she was going to have twin girls. She was already dreaming of going for walks and holding her girls’ hands on each birthday of theirs, telling them all the wonderful things their birth month has to offer, and then walking back home with a basket full of autumn leaves and pressing them in books while eating pumpkin birthday cake. 

That morning, Heaven laid on her side. It was rather cold in the room. John Wilkes was asleep by her, his arms wrapped around her heavily pregnant body. A thick comforter on top of them. Heaven squirmed a bit under the comforter. She caressed her swollen stomach.

The girls moved inside Heaven, their tiny arms and legs kicking against confinement. They were going to be born very soon. Heaven’s heart raced as she thought of what she’d go through during childbirth. And with twins!

Just only a few months before, her people in Aewora speculated their princess was pregnant, judging by photos of her in public. She’d held a vintage-styled hand-fan across her face to hide from the photographers but what caught people’s attention was her rounded belly. They were right. 

Then suddenly came the big scare. Heaven began experiencing preterm labour. Her doctor put her on icky medication and ordered her to stay in bed for the remainder of her pregnancy. 

“Don’t fret, my love. We will have our girls in our arms.” Heaven assured John. If Heaven said things will be okay, it will be okay.

Once the couple were safely in the birthing room with the midwife, they laughed while clapping their hands, celebrating that they actually made it to full term. John Wilkes made it clear that he wanted Heaven to be put on drugs to make the birth less painful. Heaven refused, saying she’d rather feel the pains of their babies entering the world than any other pain. There was nothing else John could say, so he sat there quiet and held her hand. 

Baby Victoria and Baby Vanilee were born 7:07 am and 7:10 am, respectively. 

John looked at his little girls. He was in awe of how magnificent they were–porcelain skin, little red curls, and long eyelashes. 

Heaven held her baby girls in her arms, feeling a new kind of love, complete and whole, as well a heavenly contentment. The young mother took a deep breath, obviously savouring the precious moment she had waited a long time to enjoy. “We made it, we made it, we made it,” she quietly repeated those words to herself. 

The father took both babies gently into his arms, soft sweet whispers coming from his mouth. Heaven was filled with the sweetness of love shared between her and her husband for this precious lives the Creator had given them.

The horrid pain they experienced with the loss of baby Gracie was overcome with happiness. Though Victoria and Vanilee would never, ever fill the void left by Gracie, it brought out love so unimaginable yet so real.

Days later they finally brought the little babies home. Heaven gazed at the infants wrapped in the pink blanket. A tiny fist popped up from the blanket, waving as John Wilkes unwrapped the blanket. It was Victoria. The father kissed the baby and then placed her into the young mother’s arms. John then picked up Vanilee. Heaven stared at baby Victoria with love and delight, as did John. She gently ran a finger down all over the baby’s tiny palm. Baby Victoria wrapped her hand around Heaven’s finger, making both mother and father smile more. Heaven cradled her baby girl closer and rocked her gently as she whimpered.

”She and her sister look like you, Heaven. She has your red fuzz.” 

Heaven giggled at John’s words, then he added, “and I’m glad for it. Three ginger beauties, how ever so important in my life.” 

“I think they look like you, too, John. They will have your smile.”

John raised his eyebrow. “And you know that, because?”

”They have a perfect replica of your mouth.” 

With that said, the couple softly laughed together, careful not to make the babies anxious. John kissed his still-glowing sweetheart on her forehead. She had never looked so radiant and so lively before.

”Yup, my little wife, we did a good job creating these little humans.”

Heaven nodded, obviously agreeing with him. Heaven began to reminisce the times when she listened to the stories told by her family of the times when she was a newborn herself. She had been told that she had looked “ethereal” as a newborn baby, like a cherub. She thought how her babies also looked like cherubs–even more so than she had been. Baby Victoria and baby Vanilee were so beautiful, so innocent, and so pure.

[thedaughtersofaewora]

“So I will not close my eyes, until I see you by my side.” (Come Back to Me - Trading Yesterday)

Heaven felt the next painful contraction. She lost count after fifteen. She knows it will be a disaster. Something is going to happen, something terrible.

“What was I thinking?” 

Heaven could do this if John was here, holding her little shaky hand, stroking her red hair.

He wasn’t there with her. She’s going through this pain alone. 

“I can’t do this by myself.. I can’t.”

Heaven had yelled at him that week. An argument ensued. She didn’t know why or what exactly caused it. She was furious at herself for not remembering. 

It was so serious that John Wilkes decided he needed space and that they needed a period of separation to think. 

Heaven tried to convince him all was going to be okay in the end and to come back to her. John kept on walking, her pleading falling on deaf ears.

“Why did I do that?”

Now she sat alone on their couch, contractions coming and going. But missing her beloved and regretting her outbursts hurt her far worse. Heaven wished he was here. She wished she could take it all back. When John called her the night before, he just said that he staying in the nearest hotel and hung up. Nothing positive in his voice. No emotions. He didn’t say “I miss and love you.” – what he usually said. He just said goodbye. It was like an empty, abandoned home with no lights. 

Heaven hated the word “goodbye”. To her, it signifies finality and she’d always prefer to say a simple “bye”. 

This was not it. It wasn’t going to end like this. It wasn’t! 

Heaven tried her best to get off of the couch. She couldn't stand on her feet until she had to put her hand on the hard arm of the couch to support herself. As soon as she was standing on her own, she felt dizzy. The room spun. She saw nothing but blurriness. 

Heaven waddled to the house phone as fast as she could. When she made it to the hallway, she collapsed onto the floor. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get up on her feet. She could see the phone.

“I’m almost there..”

For some unknown reason, something’s preventing her from crawling to the phone, asking for help, hearing John’s voice. 

“Oh my gosh, I’m really going to give birth right now! On this cold floor! Alone, without help!” 

Heaven began to weep, her hands over her eyes. She felt a wetness under her. She opened her eyes. She saw that her surroundings changed and she was now outdoors. The sky was suddenly red. Not the same as her hair but a bloody red. Heaven didn’t know whether it was day or night. The sun was nowhere to be seen, like it had vanished. 

Heaven looked under her. It was not her water but blood. She sobbed harder. 

“Am I losing my baby? No, no, no..not this baby, too!” 

Suddenly, the ground area in front of her began to open up. Heaven watched it, still tearing up but not making a sound anymore. A bloody arm pulled itself up and it was unmistakably Cheol-min, his entire body was covered in blood and dirt. Heaven screamed as Cheol-min grabbed and pulled her by the necklace that John had given her on their wedding day. The way the necklace moved hurt her neck and it had choked her. Cheol-min then stabbed Heaven in the stomach with his own hand, sharp as an actual instrument. There was blood splattered everywhere...

Heaven woke up, her breathing rapid, her head pounding, and her heart seemed to be leaping out of her. She squinted at the bright light on the ceiling. She looked around and noticed the bed she is laying on isn’t the one she and John shared together. This place wasn’t their home either. The room was grey and seemed to lack any other signs of life. The scent was...hospital-like. Heaven realized she was in the hospital. She began to remember bits of her dream and moved her shaking hands to her belly. Yes, baby was safe and secured. Her baby kicked, as if she knew her momma was in a bad place and was assuring her. Heaven sighed. 

”I get it now.”

”Heaven! You’re awake!” John Wilkes exclaimed and then smiled at her.

Heaven forced herself to smile back at him. 

“What happened to me?”

”Heaven, dearest, do not worry yourself with such things right now. I want you to rest.”

”John, please tell me. I won’t be able to rest when my questions go unanswered.”

John Wilkes sighed, Heaven reaching out to touch his cheek. 

“You had an anxiety attack. At home, you were thrashing on the couch. You were unresponsive..” His voice trailed off. They said nothing for a few minutes. Heaven tried to absorb it all in her. 

“My love,” Heaven whispered, still too weak to speak any louder. “Tell me the truth, John,”

“What truth, Heaven?”

“Where is Cheol-min’s body?”

John Wilkes was alarmed. His body stiffened, and then he took control of himself as quickly as possible. He took a deep breath. “Why must you ask a question of such things?”

”John, I had a nightmare and I’m certain Cheol-min is dead.”

“What was your nightmare about?“ 

Heaven stayed still again. She remembered what he had said to her before: talking about things that trouble you helps.

Tears fell out of her golden eyes as she thought about the nightmare. It was all coming back to her, hard and fully. Realization hurt. Heaven told John how she could still feel the fear she felt in that nightmare. Of how vulnerable she was in that hallway all alone. How she thought she was breaking up with her beloved husband, and that she thought she was losing their baby and then actually witnessing her murder by the hand of Cheol-min. The sight of him coming out of the ground bloody and dirty in the nightmare was a hint that he was murdered and his body laid in the ground somewhere.  

“Heaven.. don’t cry.”

”I’m sorry.”

John kissed Heaven. It was not a passionate one, but one that was assuring, like two survivors of an ordeal finally reuniting. 

“Yes, Heaven. I cannot lie to you. A good husband is always truthful to his wife. That boy is gone. He is buried in the woods a few miles down from our home. It was the only way I can protect you and our baby. That boy was absolutely going to kill you and our baby if I had stayed back doing nothing. I trust you won’t tell the police officers? Tell me I am right, dear Heaven.” 

It was true, her husband John Wilkes Boyd was a murderer. No sound came out of her mouth.

”Do you love me a lot less now?” John Wilkes asked, he had a worried look on his face.

Heaven took a deep breath. “No.. I still love you the same.”

”I love you, Heaven.”

John Wilkes moved his head closer to the side of Heaven’s and caressed the other side of it, occasionally playing with her silky red locks.

”Love the sinner.. hate the sin.”

John saw that a tear fell out of Heaven’s eye. “Why is my golden eyes crying again?” He wiped the tear away with his finger.

“The nightmare is still fresh. It felt so real. Losing baby Victoria.” Heaven admitted. 

“Well, my girl, you needn’t worry about any of the things from your nightmares, it’s just all in your head. Rest up.“

”Don’t leave me!” Heaven cried as she roughly grabbed onto him, her manicured nails pressing hard into his skin. 

”Why, don't stress yourself, it does no good for you and our child. I’m going nowhere, my baby-wife, I promise.”

Heaven let go of her grip and whined, “I just want to get out of here and go back home.”

”Sweetie, we’ll have to stay another night, just one more night, and then we can finally head home.”

[thedaughtersofaewora]

“I believe in something, I believe in us.“ (Us - James Bay) 

John Wilkes walked in the room, holding a blue velvet box in his hands. It was not a small box like that containing a ring inside but the size of a shoe box. It was indeed a box of footwear.

And not just any footwear.

Heaven knew the gift presented was special. A blue velvet box of any size was an important gift for an upcoming event. “My love, this is for you.”

Heaven gently took the box from his hands, setting it on her lap. The white satin ribbon that surrounded the box felt nice on her fingers as she was undoing it. She set the ribbon aside and lifted the lid of the box. What was inside amazed her: completely clear, real glass slippers.  

Heaven was at a loss of words. Before she could even think of what to say, John Wilkes carefully took a slipper out of the box and knelt down on one knee. He grabbed the slipper that he took out and helped Heaven put it on one foot with such gentleness and did the other foot as well. 

“I knew it was a perfect fit.” John whispered. He looked into Heaven’s golden eyes. “Thank you.” She beamed. John smiled at his beautiful bride-to-be, grabbing ahold of her hands as he slowly stood up. She followed. The glass slipper made her a wee bit taller. Heaven looked down at her feet in the slippers. John cleared his throat. 

“Heaven, my dear, I defended your honour.”

”John?”

”You won’t have to worry about that boy anymore.” John smiled at her.

”What did you do?”

”I took care of the problem. The upcoming days won’t find you worrisome anymore.” John hugged Heaven, running his fingers through her red hair. 

“And we shall have our wedding and our baby in peace.” 

A man walked into the room. He had the same balding head and few smaller black curls. His eyes were exactly like John Wilkes’. Dark and mysterious. He had wrinkles on his face and was a few inches taller.  

“My dear Heaven, this is my older brother Mark. I remember bugging him for advice on how to write the perfect letter to you when we were in Washington!” The older brother’s real name was Marcus Jr. but everyone referred to him as Mark.

“How do you do, Mark?” Heaven curtsied. 

Mark side-eyed and snorted. “Ah, this is the girl you left Lucy for? Never mind the fact she’s royalty. I truly do hope with all my heart the red hair isn’t hereditary. It’s inferior genetics. We Boyds never had redheads.” 

“Excuse me?” Heaven frowned and crossed her arms. John Wilkes cleared his throat and spoke up. “I happen to adore redheads than brunettes. They’re more appealing. And my brother, I won’t tolerate insults towards my future wife.” 

Before their wedding, Heaven asked my father to walk with her down the aisle. He declined at first. This was Heaven’s happy day, her dream coming true, and no conflict should ruin it. Indeed, he changed his mind and showed up hours before the wedding, surprising his daughter. “How could I miss my daughter’s big day? Nothing will stop me from attending!” 

On a hot Baltimore summer day, John Wilkes Boyd, then 32, and my lovely sister Princess Heaven Park, only then just 20, were married. The entire Boyd family attended. The groom was a son of the now-retired stage actor, Marcus Boyd, and a former florist, Mary-Ann Hall, both were from London, England. John Wilkes’ birth, in his eyes, was “less respectable” because his parents were not married at the time. He was ashamed of it. When John Wilkes was thirteen, his folks finally married.  

From the bride’s family, it was only our father that attended the wedding. 

The sweet sounding music began. It was a slow piano at first. As soon as the violins were heard, a glowing, beaming Heaven made her appearance. How ever so graceful. She was a Park then. Heaven looked truly like an angel on her dream day, the regal aura surrounding her. Some guests described Heaven and her entrance as ethereal, like when our former-queen grandmother first saw her as a baby. Heaven wore a set of little life-like Camellia flower jewels in her red braided hair. After the wedding, she gave one jewel each to our mother, our female Royal Aeworan relatives, and to her female Boyd in-laws. She also wore a diamond tiara from her faraway Aewora on the other side of the ocean and the typical lace train. The tiara was said to offer protection from all evil and harm. Heaven said the crown costed $800,000 in AD (Aeworan dollars) but to her it was priceless. Our former-queen grandmother had picked the tiara for her. Today, some believe she had sensed something in John, thus the reason for the tiara. 

Heaven wore a long, flowing white Hanbok, which had silk ribbons on the upper arms, and the additional colours of the outfit were yellow and pink. I think it would even make the mythical Aeworan goddesses of love and light envy her. Again she was holding Camellia flowers–as she had done on her first big day–her grand entrance into the public. Alongside her was our precious father in his fancy white Aeworan court attire, steady and his head held up high, yet again stealing the spotlight of the groom. John’s standard tux looked plain compared to my father’s attire. John pushed his annoyance to the side, not wanting his big day to be ruined. Heaven’s golden orbs sparkled even more brightly and her pleasing smile grew wider as she saw John over the heads of the guests. John tried so hard to stand still and not to run over to her.

They had chosen two words to be etched inside their wedding bands, a constant reminder of the forever choice they had made together: Our Promise.

John and Heaven declared honour to each other and vowed their lives to be led by their love regardless what different roads they may travel in the future. 

When the old man finally pronounced them as husband and wife, John Wilkes gave his bride a deep and loving kiss and she responded back positively. Heaven was now a Boyd. 

“Whoa! Uncle John really married a real princess!” His little nieces and nephews marvelled at the sight of Heaven, yelling their excitement over the clapping from the older guests. “Auntie princess!”

The wedding dinner consisted of American and Aeworan cuisine. Before the eating began, Heaven told John an odd Aeworan wedding tradition: together the groom and bride must eat a live sea creature, usually octopus. Tradition says doing so will ensure the security of the marriage. Our king and queen grandparents did this, and so did our parents. Heaven’s nose wrinkled prettily as she spoke of this tradition. Fortunately for couple, Heaven was vegan and would not eat a dead creature much less than a live one. 

The wedding cake came along with Heaven’s favourite: Aeworan biscuits. It was our father’s work. When Heaven saw this, she hugged our father and thanked him for all he has done for her and the day. Our father left early. He didn’t want to watch the cake cutting, the biscuit breaking, or the dances shared between groom and bride. Guests recalled the bride “floated like a butterfly”, as she gracefully danced with her husband. It was a shame her father was not there to see it. 

And he did not eat a plate of food or grabbed one to take to his hotel. Understandable, but what worried Heaven was that he didn’t want to shake the hands of the parents of the groom. She noticed that our father hadn’t looked at her in-laws’ way most of the wedding but the one time he did, he gave them a “dirty look”.

When my father made it to his hotel, he wept.

And knowing what happened in the near future, I understand many years later on why he wept.

[thedaughtersofaewora]

“I am tired. I am weary. I could sleep for a thousand years.” (Venus In Furs - The Velvet Underground)

TW: detailed violence and two mentions of the word “rape” but there’s no written scene of a sexual assault 

Heaven laid in a strange position on the sofa, a sight that John cringed at. It was not how she looked but how her position was. She was waiting on our big brother Sebastian. 

“I don’t know how you’re comfortable in the way you’re laying, but I wish to understand it.”

Heaven laughed at him and simply responded, “Flexibility!” 

John Wilkes laughed with her. These moments he loved. 

“Do not try at home!” 

Suddenly the doorbell rang, interrupting them. They stopped giggling. “I think it’s my brother!” Heaven sprang up to greet her brother. The knight protector inside John sensed something wasn’t right. “I’ll go get it, Heaven. Get back.”

Heaven listened to his warning, instead stopped walking and stood there, listening. John Wilkes was not surprised when he opened the door to Cheol-min. Cheol-min should not have rang the doorbell that day. He should have ran far away.

“You!” 

Without ever being invited, Cheol-min moved closer, almost in the house. Cheol-min gawked in disgust and hatred at the taller, older man standing before him. He was stupidly bold to have showed up at all.

“What the hell are you doing here? You should fly back to Aewora if you value your life.”

“To talk to Heaven, which is not any of your business.”

“Unlike your threats, my threats can become real in a split second.” John Wilkes warned Cheol-min, a warning he should have taken seriously.

“Unlike your family, my family is powerful if you were to do something to me. I dare you, Boyd.”

He was doing the most. Bold, but stupid.

“Leave us alone, now. Heaven and I are getting married and having a baby real soon. Go on, before you regret this day.” 

Cheol-min looked more crestfallen than furious now. 

“Tell me it’s not true. Not a marriage. Not a baby..”

“It’s true, undeniably true. I mean you can deny this all you want but you’ll never have my Heaven.” John smirked. He was enjoying this.

”I.. can’t believe you!” Cheol-min shouted. ”She.. actually let you touch her.. like that?! I should have been the one screwing her!”

This was going too far now. Heaven ran to the front and stood beside John. “Heaven! Go back!”

”John, no. Cheol-min, please leave!” Heaven shouted back at him. “Or I may have to call the police! We haven’t done anything to you! We don’t deserve this!”

”Yes you have!”

”What is, Cheol-min?!”

”You chose THAT!” Cheol-min shook his finger at the man who stood beside Heaven. 

“I didn’t choose, Cheol-min. Love is not a choice.”

Cheol-min was fumed, his body uncontrollably trembling with anger. “Bullshit! He stole you, raped you, and impregnated you with a child that should have been rightfully mine.” 

“Cheol-min! I can’t believe you would think that!”

Heaven quickly moved a few feet back. Before John can slam the door shut, Cheol-min shouted, “엿먹어!” and lunged himself toward the taller man. 

Bold, but stupid.

Heaven screamed her head off. Cheol-min thought he could beat up John Wilkes, and now he was on top of the smaller Cheol-min, repeatedly punching him in the face. His nose was broken after a powerful punch. Only when Sebastian showed up, John stopped his punches. 

Cheol-min, now bloodied, immediately turned onto Heaven, before John can even blink an eye. Cheol-min pushed Heaven down onto the floor, before she could even run off. She made sure to land on her back and not on her belly, not wanting to hurt the baby inside her. When Heaven looked up to their attacker, she saw something that added to her horror. Cheol-min’s head was misshapen and his face was distorted. His eyes were completely black. He looked more repulsive and unholy, as if Heaven was seeing his true form. Cheol-min lifted his foot and Heaven knew he was about to stomp on her stomach. “NO, no, no!”

Fortunately, John Wilkes quickly tackled Cheol-min, punching him once again. Sebastian ran inside, wondering what was the commotion. With Sebastian’s help, they dragged him to the door, throwing him outside. 

“That son of a bitch will get it, and I mean it this time!”

And then the men helped comfort Heaven. 

John Wilkes later found out where Cheol-min stayed, and his threat was about to become reality. 

Cheol-min stopped in his tracks when he saw John Wilkes outside the hotel.

”Where you off to, tonight?”

Cheol-min ignored him. “Cat got your tongue, huh?”

Finally he spoke. “You should die, Boyd. You took her from me. You don’t deserve to live, neither does that mutt inside Heaven!”

“Fuck you!”

”Hmm, my friends were right. Heaven is a whore.”

”Heaven is a girl of purity, and the only man she has given herself to is me. You will never disrespect my Heaven ever again!”

Cheol-min scoffed. “I’m going to change that real soon.”

John Wilkes shuddered at the implication of rape.

Something in him finally snapped, it was not the normal protective knight in him but something far more deadly. 

“No you won’t, because you’ll be six feet under!”

Cheol-min knew from the sound of John’s voice it wasn’t all talk and then the fool ran for his life. John chased after him through the trail, and he was quick. He grabbed ahold of Cheol-min’s shirt collar without trouble and pushed him onto the ground. John Wilkes punched Cheol-min on the chest, yelling “Sic Semper Tyrannis!” and then stomped on his throat with his heavy boot, killing Heaven’s oppressor. 

“You won’t be going to the kingdom of Heaven, not anymore, and certainly not now.” John spoke to the corpse as if it could still hear him, then he snickered.

[thedaughtersofaewora]

“Sing with me, sing for the year, sing for the laughter and sing it for the tear.” (Dream On - Aerosmith) 

Heaven flew back to Canada. She longed to be in her fiancé’s arms. It was the place she felt truly safe from any harm or danger. Her place of protection used to be in our father’s arms, but now she was a grown-up, her fiancé replaced our father’s position. Anywhere John Wilkes was, she felt safe. 

Normally a trip to her kingdom eased her, but unfortunately not this time. She was exhausted by the time she finally reached Canada. She cried in John’s arms. She disliked how glad she felt getting out of her kingdom. It shouldn’t have been this way.

“I’m sorry.” Heaven whimpered.

”What are you apologizing for, my sweet Heaven? You have nothing to apologize for.”

”For.. for wetting your sweater.” 

”I think you are more important, my dear.”

John Wilkes smiled at his beloved, gazing at her out of pure love.  

“Do you want to talk about it? It’s okay if you don’t want to, but talking helps.”

”Okay.. just give me a moment.”

Heaven took a big breath before beginning.

”It was Cheol-min.. he saw me in Hyocheon.”

Heaven felt John tensing at the mention of that boy’s name. She had to grab ahold of him to calm him down. What else was John going to do anyway? Cheol-min was all the way in Yeocheon, at least for now.

”Nothing else happened, John, he was only making up empty threats. He didn’t physically touch me,”

“Heaven, I’m glad you trust me enough to tell me this, like how a future wife to a future husband should be.”

Heaven nodded. But she was unprepared for what she was going to hear next.

“It doesn’t matter whether he touched you or not. That damned boy will regret his wrongdoings, no matter how small you think they are.”

And that was an actual threat. Finally Heaven caught it. She was not afraid for her own safety but strangely for Cheol-min’s. 

“John, please, he’ll get over it sooner or later. Don't do anything, at least for now. I am not being bothered by him right now.”

”I promise, Heaven, but if he does anything more..”

”I love you, husband-to-be.”

”And I love you, wife-to-be.”

Heaven stood on her toes, and John moved closer down, kissing her. Heaven was sure he could taste the saltiness of her tears but apparently he did not care for the taste. 

“You know, there’s something so lovely about a little girl in a dress and bows on her hair.” John told Heaven the next day, squeezing her hand. Heaven had sensed he was thinking of their little Gracie–who should have been there with them–running around the home in her dress and bows on her curly red hair. Heaven sighed and remained quiet. What else can she say?

Heaven found herself at the doctor’s one morning. She was grateful for the fact her doctor was a woman. She was not sure she could be just as comfortable with a male doctor.

“Miss Park, how are you?”

”Pretty soon, I’m going to be Mrs Boyd!” Heaven thought. 

“I’m good today, I think.”

”Okay, what brings you in here on this fine morning?”

”Lately, I’ve been strangely tired than usual and easily exhausted. I can’t even run in heels anymore. I have the worst nausea. I have been eating well, and enough.”

Heaven knew why, but she needed a trusted doctor to confirm it. 

“Are you sexually active?”

”I- yes.”

”Any protection you use?”

”Not the last time..” 

“Okay. I have to do a blood sample, Miss Park.”

And she just did that. After that, the doctor hurried out of the room leaving Heaven to her thoughts. Only Heaven herself knew exactly what she was thinking, but one thing I know for sure she was anxious a great deal. 

A while later, the doctor walked back into the room, confirming Heaven’s suspicion.

Heaven was pregnant. 

“Hon, we need to talk.”

Heaven caught the pained look in John’s eyes, but she reassured him it’s not what he’s possibly stressing about.

”I’m not sure how I can tell you this though, but.. let’s get straight to it. 

Heaven took a deep breath, while John held his.

“I’m pregnant.”

Heaven did not expect his reaction. She thought he’d be afraid to react; speechless, motionless, and worst of all, petrified because of what happened to their first baby and fears of a repeat ordeal. But there they were, John wrapping his arms around her, countless kisses, and laughter. 

From that time on, they believed this pregnancy was going to be different than the first, tragic one. They were anxious, but their hope was stronger than their fears. 

The visits to the doctors confirmed that hope. Everything was going well. Mother and child were both healthy. The doctor saw no complications at all.

But Heaven was terrified of telling our parents that they were going to be grandparents. They hadn’t known about Gracie, making Heaven feel more uneasy. 

John Wilkes immediately noticed her uneasiness, leading up to ask her, “what is bothering you, my dearest?”

Heaven sighed, “It’s just that.. admitting to my parents about this. I haven’t talked to my dad in days and I feel somewhat guilty talking to my mom.” 

John grabbed her hand. “I know they will be happy, and there is nothing to be guilty of,”

”Yes, I guess you are right.” 

“What are you going to have?” 

“A girl, I know so.”

They’d already named her Victoria Amalie Boyd. There wasn’t going to be Park in her name because her parents will finally be married by the time she will be born. 

Being pregnant with Victoria made Heaven realize the tragedy of losing Gracie deepened her trust. Had she given in to bitterness at the early death of baby Gracie, she would not be enjoying the moments she was having right now. Victoria was not a prize for a neatly-done job, but rather an expression of the Creator’s grace, a gift.

They had painted the baby’s nursery a tasteful shade of pink. When Heaven handled the paint brush, John again couldn’t help gazing at her, and she still looked lovely in a old aproned dress and her red hair loosely and lazily tied up in a ponytail. Heaven caught him staring at her. 

“What is it?“ Heaven asked John and giggled. She wondered if she had gotten paint on her face.

”Nothing of the sorts,” John replied, as if he could read her question inside her head. “Except that you are beautiful. And our daughter will be just as beautiful as her mother.”

[thedaughtersofaewora]

“Everyone knows life has its ups and downs.” (Start of Something Good - Daughtry)

It was a new year, the beginning of a new decade, and more importantly, the beginnings of new lives. 

John Wilkes and my sister Heaven shared private intimacy that I can’t be bothered to write. She flew to Aewora the next day. The man stayed back, watching their home. 

My sister was enjoying her visit until she bumped into Cheol-min. I’m positive he was stalking her, aware of her every move and then strike when she was alone.

“I just want to talk, Heaven.”

“There’s nothing I can say to you.” Heaven kept walking, not looking up to her former boyfriend. 

“Heaven, it’s not too late.”

“Not too late for what?” Heaven stopped in her tracks, finally turning her head towards Cheol-min but not looking at him in the eyes. 

“To be with me. You deserve wholly better than him.” 

Heaven frowned at her ex-boyfriend, crossing her arms. Tired of his pathetic begging. She’d never give in, because Cheol-min was now a stranger to her and her heart belonged to and remained with John Wilkes Boyd. Not one thing would change that fact. 

“No, Cheol-min. I’m not going to do that. I don’t love you.”

”Please, Heaven! I love you! More than him! I‘M the better man! That poor excuse of a human can’t love you more than I d-“

”Cheol-min! DON’T YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT HIM!”

It was rare for Heaven to become provoked, and if one decided to provoke her, they’d regret it. Heaven boomed like lightning and thunder on Cheol-min, wanting to end his rant of misery and whining. “He’s nothing like you. He’s more of a man than you’ll ever be. I don’t care how much wealth and power you have. I don’t care that you’re from the same kingdom as me. I don’t care who you’re related to. He is respectful, noble, and more of a gentleman than you’ll ever attempt to be! He loves me a million times over and that beats whatever you feel for me!”

”You know what, Heaven? Fuck you. Whatever. One day you are going to be mine, I am going to steal you back like that washed-out actor stole you from me!”

The sneering Cheol-min stomped off, and now Heaven was alone again. She fell slowly down to the ground and wept and wept. She wasn’t crying just because of Cheol-min. She was crying because her husband-to-be was on the other side of the ocean. She was crying because she felt so alone.

Each tear Heaven cried, one half of sorrow and the other of gratitude, she offered up to the Creator. She was confident the Creator above was catching each tear. They were needed. Mosaics are to be created, and not only with the tiny broken bits of tile, gems, precious metals, and shards of glass. Until there is a bed of clay to set the many pieces, the great artist can’t begin to create His wondrous masterpiece. With Heaven’s tears, the masterpiece had begun. 

After the incident, Heaven made a new friend at the Castle. Her name was Hyejin and she was new. Hyejin was assigned to help the princess with plenty of things at the Castle but Heaven considered her more than a mere worker for the royals, a cherished friend.

Miss Hyejin came in excited one night and said, "Your royal highness, do you feel like getting up? There is something we think you should to see." Heaven admitted she wasn't about to question Hyejin and the other workers, just the thought of getting up sounded great to her. She had been missing her husband-to-be back at home. She constantly thought of him, wondering what he was doing in those moments. 

Once Heaven got off the bed, the workers helped her over to the window. She couldn’t move on her own that much. Her feet hurt her. She forgot the pains when she saw something that delighted her. “At first I thought it was a falling star. Well, several falling stars, but then I realized it wasn't. I'm not sure it if was a meteorite or a comet, I've never seen either except on TV. Maybe it was a falling satellite. I am not entirely sure. Whatever it was, it was spectacular.” she wrote.

There was one large ball soaring across the sky and several smaller ones above and below it. Almost like they were escorting it on it's journey. Heaven watched it glide across the twilight and disappear into the blackness. She asked to stand there for a little while. She didn't want it to end just yet. When Heaven looked back over the path it had taken, she notice the cloud of smoke linger in the sky. Heaven reached out and placed her pale hand on the cool pane of glass. She wanted to touch the energy that lingered in the sky. It was a vision she loved.

Shortly, Heaven was back in bed, but she kept staring out the window from her bed. She wondered where the ball of flames ended it's journey. Or was it still traveling? A few minutes later, the Hyocheon night-sky lit up with lightning. It streaked across the ebony sky like tiny fingers reaching out to grasp the moment. Heaven listened as the wind picked up speed and pounded the rain against the glass. She heard the low rumble of thunder. She could almost smell the rain, that aroma of damp earth and cleansing freshness. Heaven wanted to walk outside and feel it. “I suppose in a way, I wanted it to cleanse me, too. The night of a thousand lights. It was amazing...”

[thedaughtersofaewora]

“We made it through hell and back again.” (Hurricane - Lifehouse)

Heaven and her fiancé moved out of the Silla Mansion in June 2019, taking Heaven’s pet Birman cat Lily with them. Heaven bought her first home by Red Earth College. She was accepted at the college and her major was Political Science, following our parents’ footsteps. 

The home was, in Heaven’s own words, an adorable little vintage cottage-like home. It didn’t stop Heaven from setting up her expensive computer and flat screen TV.

”So, this is what grownup life is like.”

The couple spent their free times decorating the home, trying out different wallpapers, who’d get to choose the different kinds of furniture–as long as they were old fashion styled, and painting. As they were getting the paint on their hands and clothing, (thank goodness they were not wearing white clothing), they were envisioning what the masterpiece of their future together might look like.

Heaven sat down on the stool by her vanity table to take a rest, looking at her reflection. John walked up to her and smiled. He put both hands on her shoulders. “Something feels missing.” Heaven began. “I know, but Heaven my dear, we should not dwell on the sorrows of the past.. our life together is coming,” 

Heaven nodded. John spotted the hairbrush on her table and began to brush her hair for her. They said no more words, the only sounds in the room were of the bristles doing it’s work. “Your hair.. is just like silk. And the colour of it... where did you get it from? Your parents are both dark haired. Is it natural?”

Heaven laughed. John’s question further proved her belief that redheads are the only people that are asked if their hair is natural or not. “Yes it’s natural! From my mom’s side. When she was younger, she was a redhead. The more older she became, the more darker it became.” 

”And where did your mother get her red hair from? Can’t be from the Japanese father she has.”

“You’re right. From her mother–my grandmother. She said her residential school experience was so-so. The nuns treated her better because she was a fair skinned girl with red hair!” Heaven frowned. 

“Okay, girl. I get it. Let’s not dwell on the sorrows of the past, remember?” said John softly, with a slight smile.

Heaven was a young girl in love, the future looked promising, sparkling of endless possibilities...she thought everything fell into place. 

Not yet, however..

One evening at their little home, during dinner, the couple heard the doorbell. “I’ll get it for you, my dear.” John Wilkes stood up and walked to the door and opened it. “Heaven, it’s for you!”

John Wilkes walked back to the table. “I hope it’s not a reporter.” Heaven muttered as she walked past him. “No, it’s just a young, ordinary-looking guy.” he called out to her.

To Heaven’s shock, it was Cheol-min. 

“Hey Heaven.” He sneered, and Heaven detected sarcasm in his voice.

Cheol-min saw the little circle without an end on Heaven’s finger, a reminder of a love, a selfless one. A love that did not belong to him.. a love that will never come to him.

“What are you doing here?!” Heaven demanded. 

“To convince you. What the hell do you see in THAT MAN? What the hell?!” Cheol-min barked.

“Cheol-min, I thought this was done long time ago. We’re done and over with. John Wilkes is the man I’m going to marry.”

”Get rid of him! We belong together! Aeworans HAVE to stay with each other, for the security of our race!” Cheol-min claimed. 

“No, no. Things don’t work that way, Cheol-min. You should find another w-“

Heaven was cut off because Cheol-min quickly and harshly grabbed her shoulders. Heaven tried to wiggle out of his hard grip, but he was too physically strong. 

“Cheol-min! LET ME GO!”

Cheol-min shook poor Heaven violently for a moment and when he stopped, he put his hands on her waist and moved her closer to him. She saw that he was going to kiss her. Unfortunately, she did not have her best friend with her, a can of pepper spray, and without thinking properly, she slapped him across the face. It even shocked her. She was not a violent person. She did defend herself in confronting situations in the very few times she found herself in, but with her choice of words, and not with her hands. 

Cheol-min released her and moved back. Heaven swore she saw the entirety of his eyes turn black, demonic black, for a second. She gasped, and then regained herself. “Leave me alone! Get off of my property! Before I call my fiancé! You don’t want to know what he can do with his fists!” 

”Alright but it’s not over yet, Heaven. I’ll have you!” Cheol-min screamed back at her and left, running off like a coward little boy.

Heaven fell down slowly. She was trembling. She felt small. A wave of nausea suddenly attacked her. But she was not gonna throw up or burst into tears.

”Stay strong, strong strong..” Those words bounced around in her skull, but it was more of a chant than a soothing sentence. 

But when her fiancé checked up on her, she lost it. 

“What happened, my love?” Now he was hurting too. He hated to see her sobbing like a baby. It tore him. 

“My.. my ex. He’s a mad man.” Heaven said between sobs. Now John Wilkes was moved to anger. ”Do not worry, my Heaven, girl. He’ll get his.” 

That was more than a promise. It was a real threat.

Heaven should’ve seen it coming. She said such things would happen. I guess she was too shaken to have not catch it.

My mother and I visited their home. I was only a baby then. My mother was not only a talented beader and an amazing photographer but also a gifted painter. She was an artist in the strict sense of the word. After my sister moved out, she’d moved her painting supplies into her former bedroom. Her works hung up on the walls of our mansion.  

During the visit, my mother spent time teaching Heaven, who was still quietly grieving over her baby Gracie. They started off using a basic technique, with different types of strokes that created special and diverse effects. Under her wing, whatever emptiness there was in Heaven’s life merged into the wholeness of our mother’s. Heaven discovered how to turn the blank of her canvas into an expression of beauty. Cheol-min’s unexpected and unpleasant visit doused Heaven’s canvas into that ugly mass of black again, but now there were new scenes of relief on her canvas. I wouldn’t say forgiving, I say relief instead. Heaven may have been forgiving all her life but even she needed time.

I was told John Wilkes loved me as his own daughter. Whenever I was at their home, he’d pick me up and hold me until I had to go back home with my mother. There were a few times when he didn’t want to let go of me, not wanting my mother to take me back. My parents thought it was obnoxious of him to not give the baby back to it’s mother, but the way I saw it, he was a father of an angel up in the heavens, a father who wished to hold a living baby, a father still learning how to handle his grief.

[thedaughtersofaewora]

“And everything around her is a silver pool of light, the people who surround her feel the benefit of it.” (Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall)

John Wilkes Boyd didn’t like sunsets, he preferred the sunrises. Heaven loved both. But he still took the time to watch the sunsets with her. And Heaven loved every moment of it when he did. 

Heaven sat there taking it all in. For a few minutes everything was forgotten, including the incidents involving her fiancé and her father. She could almost hold that ball of fire in the palm of her pale hand. She was not so sure she didn't, as the last traces of sunshine disappeared over the horizon.

The stars suddenly appeared and Heaven felt like she could reach up and touch them with her fingers. It's hard for Heaven not to smile when she saw them winking and twinkling above her. It was like they were just calling to her to come and play with them.

Heaven sat there cuddling with her fiancé and the moments made her smile. She thought about a lot of people who've come into her life and made it great, just like that sunset. She did not really know how she could ever feel saddened by that knowledge. And Heaven could see all of their faces. Every one of them smiled at her just like those stars were doing. Right then... right at that moment.

Do the stars have silent voices? They've survived the ages and seen everything that ever happened. And even knowing what they know, they dance. That's sort of how Heaven always felt. 

She was easily inspired. She knew if she never found inspiration in anything, she’d missed a lot. She wondered how it can be like that? And why do some see it and others don't? Heaven wanted everyone to experience it - the whispering of the stars, the silent call of the mountains, the song of the seas, the promises of the sunset and sunrise, the churning of a storm.

Heaven thought it may have sounded stupid to admit how moved she was by nature and all it offers. She insisted people are like that too - sometimes amazing like the most incredible sunset, sometimes silently soothing like the ocean waves, sometimes turbulant like swirling clouds, sometimes peaceful like calm silvery water, sometimes free like a gentle breeze moving the trees.

But they have balance. And we all know we have to move and grow with the constant changes around us. Nothing stands still. We have the ability to be all those things and more. If we don't bend, we break from the sometimes sudden change in direction.

John was not so captivated by the wonders of the sky, instead he was captivated by the girl in his arms. John thought Heaven was much more of a beauty than the sunset and the stars–her red hair somehow looking more lively than the depression of the sunset and the dancing stars. He loved how her bewitching eyes glistened — and literally changed colour in the sun. He closely watched how her eyes changed from honey-gold to a pleasant green. 

”Even when the coldness of the evening bites at her cheeks, her fairness does not vanish. Very much like a rose, no, a camellia within a crystal. A thing that will never die. Just like the love I have for her and her only.” 

One day, Heaven sat on a bench outside the centre. Through her veil, she watched people walking by her. She said herself that she loved observing people–of all ages and areas of their lives. 

Heaven noticed a little girl come from a shop, no guardian(s) with her. The little girl looked at her surroundings and then made her way back inside. The little girl did this a few times before finally making her way to Heaven. Heaven lifted her veil from her face and greeted the little girl, who seemed more confused than terrified. My sister asked the little girl if she was lost. The little girl responded. No, she wasn’t. She went on how her own momma gets lost sometimes and she had to find her by herself.

The little girl helped herself onto my sister Heaven’s lap and held her hand. 

“My name is Heaven. What’s your name?” Heaven asked the little girl, to which she responded, “Taylyn.”

“That’s a very pretty name, how do you spell it?”

“T-A-Y-L-Y-N. Why do they call you Heaven? Are you from Heaven? Are you an angel? A guardian angel?”

Heaven laughed at the little girl. The things that children come up. 

Heaven and Taylyn had a chat for a while. In Taylyn’s eyes, Heaven came across as a real life angel more than a princess, which Heaven actually was. 

Taylyn asked Heaven, “Can you be my guardian angel?”

“I’m not sure right now, I’m no guardian angel right now. Maybe later. Do you pick up frogs and play with them?”

“Oh no, those things are for boys!” Taylyn laughed and then added,

“I know your secret, you’re an angel.”

Heaven shed an iced-kissed tear at her words, and Taylyn noticed it. Taylyn lifted up her little chubby finger and wiped Heaven’s cold tear away.

“Even angels cry.” Taylyn whispered.

Heaven smiled at her again. “They do cry, but not for long.”

“And angels smile like you do.”

“They smile more than they cry.” 

Heaven and the little girl stood up together. Heaven took Taylyn’s hand into hers and they began to walk, in search for Taylyn’s mother. 

And on another day, Heaven and our mother spent a lot of time sharing laughter, tears, hugs, and silence. Heaven later admitted she had many fears she didn’t share with our mother. She would look at our mother and memorize every detail of her pretty face, the same fine features she had inherited. When Heaven closed her eyes, she could visualize our mother’s serene smile and her dancing brown eyes. Heaven could feel our mother’s embrace…and all of the love she had invested in Heaven before she was even born.

Heaven told our mother how tired she was of some people saying one thing to her then their actions clearly displayed they hadn’t meant any of it. She complained about the people who would stab her in the back the first chance they got without a second glance or even a care as to how it left her feeling. Heaven told our mother, "I want the truth, even if it has the ability to hurt me.”

Our mother’s reply was… “pretty words.”

Heaven stared at our mother in bewilderment. Pretty words? She thought that was an odd comment. Our mother gave Heaven one of her famous–or should I say infamous– “mom” smiles at her confusion. It’s human nature to give someone a boost by using Pretty Words. Our mother explained sometimes we need them, sometimes we don’t. From then on, it was a familiar expression shared between mother and daughter. Heaven recalled a trip to the nurses working for the royalty in the Castle. She had to get a needle. The nurse said, “Now sweetie, this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.” Every royalist hated to see their beloved princesses in pain. Heaven and our mother laughed and yelled, “Pretty words!” in unison. 

Mother once told me, during her pregnancy, we both enjoyed every kind of chocolates. Dark chocolate forest cakes. White chocolate covered fruits. Muffins. Truffles. And even a lot of spread straight from the jar.

”The newest royal baby approves,” my mother always said of her chocolate cravings.

Due date: April 29, 2019. And right on schedule, my mother described it as “The new royal baby had begun to push herself into this world that had been waiting patiently for her arrival.”

In the nursing section of The Castle in the Aeworan Kingdom laid there a new princess. April 29th is forever a special date in the Aeworan Kingdom, not only because of my birth, also it was the day the long ago war between the kingdom and the Empire of Japan officially ended. The day of Japan’s defeat, Aewora’s victory. My birth and existence was all the more reasons to celebrate April 29th in the kingdom. I made April 29th a brighter date. 

It was like all of Hyocheon walked out of their houses and lined up the streets. They were celebrating Aeworan victory and my birth at the same time. Crowds surrounded the Castle. Landmarks all over in the Aeworan Kingdom were decorated and painted as pink. The Aeworan anthem and then sweet sounding lullaby music played loud from speakers in public to celebrate these two important events, one that occurred in the long past and the other in the present time. I know that every citizen of the land was overjoyed.

I am Princess Arirang of the Aeworan Kingdom. Name at birth: Amabel. The shortened form “Mabel” stuck with me. People of my kingdom, whatever their positions may be, always have to refer to me as Royal Highness. That is my official royal title. To our parents I was just Little Mabel, that is all, no fancy titles. The royalist press refers to me as The Daughter of Aewora. A lot of common Aeworans also call me that title. It forever sealed me.

[thedaughtersofaewora]

“Like the sun brings on the day, I won't give up on you.” (Don't Turn Your Head Away - Jennifer Love Hewitt) 

My sister Heaven went into labour in late October after spending the last five days bleeding. It was still too early. No one but John knew. They’d planned to keep the pregnancy secret as possible but life took a horrific turn. The couple were alarmed because their baby girl was not yet entirely developed to be born. “Gracie isn’t going to be born today.” John tried his best to calm down Heaven. After arriving at the hospital, little Serenity Grace Boyd-Park made her appearance. The darling little girl of theirs was so tiny and so fragile. She wasn’t supposed to be there yet. She had only lived for only fifteen minutes, dying in her father John’s arms. Heaven couldn’t comprehend that the day before she was still hoping for a successful pregnancy, their daughter was still alive inside her, her life was still a possibility, and that the nightmare was to start the next day. Now their daughter had been embraced by the heavens above. John and Heaven’s canvas, their masterpiece that they have been creating, was now completely covered in a hellish black paint, symbolizing devastation and loss. The living, vibrant colours were now hidden underneath that black mass.

Then happened a moment that the couple was grateful for and would never forget. A light of heaven broke through the darkness that was inflicted on the couple. The older nurse that had been with them in the hospital room had given them a small blue velvet box. Heaven opened it as she held her breath. It was a necklace: a figure with angel wings, holding an opal gemstone in the middle. “Gracie’s... birthstone.” Heaven whispered as she began to cry softly. “Thank you.”

The next nights were spent in constant tossing and turning—pure grief. Heaven felt like her hopes and dreams were completely crushed. Heaven rested her hand on her stomach, a place where Gracie should have been growing, only to realize emptiness of the loss all over again. A death of a child was indeed gut-wrenching, and was something she’d never wish on the world’s hated people. 

In early 2019, Heaven announced to the world that she was engaged to John Wilkes Boyd, breaking the hearts of the many Aeworan boys who fancied her. On the same day, the attention was stolen from Heaven for the first time. Our parents had announced that my mother was pregnant with me. Aeworans quickly forgot Heaven’s engagement, to them a new royal baby was more exciting. 

Heaven wrote and released two poems dedicated to her fiancé. While the posts have gotten a lot of views online, announcements of my mother’s pregnancy had rocketed.

“Mirrored calm, smooth as ice

Sunlight glittering, not a ripple in sight

Reflections of me, on the waters edge…

Peaceful silence all around

Hear my sigh echo against nature’s sound

Petals flutter into the stream

Silently floating, so serene.

The banks hold thoughts in a confine of space

Flowing along in their liquid grace.

Lavender hues and fragments of gray

Reflections seen from day to day

The visions of another view

Captured in the shades of you.

Mirrored calm, smooth as ice

Sunlight glittering, not a ripple in sight

Reflections of me, on the waters edge.” 

(“Dedicated to John Wilkes Boyd. He took my vision and turned it into... Reflections of Me. I love you very much.”)

”The love of my heart, pure and true

One missing part was given by you

Time after time, you shared your laughter

We believe in each other: today, and ever after.

You soften the pain and lead me from fear

You find time to listen through the haze of the tears.

We rely on each other to get through this life

In essence, we are like husband and wife.

I offer my hand, you carry me

Past the raging storm and tremulous sea

I am but a stone, with you I shine bright

A star in the sky who glows in your sight.

The love of my heart, pure and true

If I changed my life, I wouldn’t have you

No memories, no cherished time

All would be lost, that was yours and mine.

Rare are these qualities I admire so much

How can I tell you, it’s more than a touch.

You are wind, I am the sky

Together we learn to soar and fly

On a blue horizon, an endless playground

We slow dance together to the magical sound.

The love of my heart, pure and true

Here I stand, waiting for you.”

Our parents didn't seem to have negative intentions. They did congratulated the couple, after all. But some say they upstaged Heaven and John Wilkes on purpose. They shot back with a coincidence claim. Heaven forgave them, but John Wilkes was still enraged. Heaven was never infuriated in the first place. Her mind was somewhere else, despite the happiness of two bright futures.

Plenty, including our parents, thought John Wilkes Boyd and Princess Heaven were an odd couple. There was an eleven year age difference between them. They grew up in different cultures, social classes, and environments. Their politics were different. John Wilkes stood for alt-right racism, Heaven aimed for intersectional feminism. 

My father learned of John Wilkes’ alt-right beliefs and that he was part of the twisted extremist white supremacist political movement. I’m not sure how he learned it without actually meeting him first but my theory is that he must've hired a private investigator. He was not happy with Heaven’s choice and he talked about it openly to her. “You could get any man on this earth...And you chose that one.” said my father, disgust in his voice. 

Heaven insisted that she’d “love the sinner and hate the sin.” That was her argument. 

Our father didn’t want to meet John Wilkes that fateful day. They instantly loathed each other. 

Heaven said she did not want to write how she was feeling. She did not want to say she was feeling sadness and anger. She did not want to feel anything when our father and her fiancé inflicted their ranting, raving, and darkness about each other on her when she was in their presence. Heaven couldn’t avoid it. Even when she tried to push it away, it continued to eat at her. Heaven said she could lock herself in a room far away, but it’d still follow her. She can still see the unforgettable look of hatred on their faces when they were in the same room as her. Heaven can still feel that negatively haunting vibe around the air. She can still hear their shouts, the wrath of their ugly words cutting away at her. And she hated that. She hated it when things like these happen. Heaven had seen it happen with other people, but she was admitted she was so naive she never thought it would happen between our father and her fiancé.

They hadn't physically fought each other, and Heaven hoped that day would never come. She knew that her fiancé was a brutal fighter and his punches and kicks can turn deadly in seconds, remembering what happened with the man with the southern drawl that Washington night. Our father was no fighter but he had a tongue that can offend the wrong person. However, Heaven couldn’t be glad that only verbal abuse occurred between them. Words have this terrible ability to leave invisible scars that seem to heal so slowly.

Heaven wished our father and her fiancé would put aside their political beliefs and views before this incident happened. After the incident, she found out it doesn’t work like that. It was unbearable for the young princess. She tried very hard to block it all out, and she’d tell herself over and over, “I won’t let their conflict hurt me.” But it did, and continued to do so. 

Heaven still loved her fiancé so dearly. He knew it. He knew she couldn’t “fix” her father. John Wilkes told Heaven our father was dead in his eyes. She didn’t want to believe that, she wanted to say “that’s not true!” but his actions towards father had shown her otherwise. John was living, although he was locked in “the world of darkness that stole love and happiness,” as Heaven put it. He wouldn't let anyone help him, not even Heaven. He was too busy blaming and loathing. He was angry at our father for upstaging him, and seemed to be even more angrier when our father confronted him on his views. The help had to come from his own heart. Heaven prayed every day that he would find it, and that he find it quickly. In the meantime the wounds Heaven suffered are fresh and raw. They hurt with an intensity too strong to describe.

Heaven was the true victim in the conflict.

[thedaughtersofaewora]

“We're alone with a love unlike no other.” (For The Love Of You - Whitney Houston)

John Wilkes Boyd and Princess Heaven were officially a couple now, but it was their secret. 

It may have seem like a fairytale love, between a princess and a knight.

But in reality, their love was anything but a fairytale. 

Heaven asked him to move into her bedroom at the Silla Mansion, albeit in secret. He accepted, knowing he was not to go beyond her bedroom because our parents hadn’t known. There were motion cameras set up everywhere but the bedrooms and bathrooms. I am at a loss at how she managed to get him into King’s Village, much less her bedroom.

Fortunately for John, Heaven had her own bathroom in her room and a mini fridge. Heaven would cook extra and buy more food and our parents didn’t seem to have noticed. If they ever had, they didn’t question it. 

“Don’t worry, my love. We’ll have our own place soon enough.”

In May, they conceived. The due date was to be in February 2019. 

One night, John Wilkes disobeyed her order and he walked out of the bedroom when Heaven was asleep. He was curious to see the rest of our mansion. It was so luxurious, so different compared to the rural Maryland home he grew up in. Our parents’ pets, the sassy ragdoll cat Rina, the orange Pomeranian Lola, and the Persian cat Roxy sensed the strange man. Our parents had noticed the pets standing quietly and looking at something in the dark hallway. This gave a scare to both of my parents quite a bit. But what scared them even more was the figure caught on the motion cameras when they checked it the next morning. It was actually John Wilkes, but his face was unrecognizable. They know it was a man because of his form but there was no man living there other than my father, or at least to their knowledge.

“How could he have gotten in there? The security is tight!”

”It’s strange that we haven’t found a sign of breaking in and nothing is stolen.”

Our father tried to assure our mother, who was about to become hysterical. He couldn’t believe the words he was saying himself and was just as terrified as her. The incident made them paranoid. After that, our parents slept with a baseball bat in their room and they’d always checked the rooms together. They never owned guns, they hated guns and owning and using one would break royal protocol anyway. 

Heaven graduated high school June 2018 with cousin Hope. She entered an online college program for Fall 2018-Spring 2019. That meant she had to stay home for a while. By this time, she found out she was expecting. She’d told John Wilkes about it. Pregnancy was a time of anxiety and wonder at the same time for both. No one else knew.

In July 2018, John wanted Heaven to go on a evening walk with him. “Show me how great the woods of King’s Village are during the sunset.” he winked at her, and she is totally oblivious as to what will happen. “Alright, before the mosquitoes come out!” Unbeknownst to her, he had snuck out again, this time out of the mansion an hour before. How he managed to be seen without the cameras and going out without the alarms going off, I don’t know. “But get dressed in one of your favourite yellow dresses.” Yellow was now also John’s favourite colour. Heaven put on a dress that he seemed to really like seeing on her. Again he complimented her. They managed to slip out of the mansion.

“I want to go this way, Heaven.” John Wilkes pointed to a specific area into the woods. “Okay.” And then they walked, holding hands. When they were out of sight from the trail, John Wilkes told Heaven to close her eyes for a minute. “Or wait, not until I say open your eyes!”

Heaven ignored the crinkling sound of a bag and counted in her head and she didn’t make it to 41, when John said to open her eyes again. He was now dressed in a fine suit, looking like a true gentleman that he was. He was absolutely radiant in the oranges of the sunset. Heaven noticed there were lighted candles on the ground. He must have placed them there a few hours before and lighted them up while Heaven closed her eyes. A pleasant aroma filled the air. 

John Wilkes got down on one knee, pulling a small velvet box and opened it. Inside there was a rose gold ring. 

“You know what, we were created to be each other’s soulmates long before we were actually born...and to love is to receive a glimpse of Heaven. Will you marry me?”

It took a second for Heaven to process his words. Her honey-amber eyes widened and her breath hitched. She didn’t realize she had her fingers pressed tight against her lips. “Yes, yes!” Heaven squealed, slipping the ring onto her finger. Everything Heaven fantasized when she was a little starstruck girl came a step closer to reality. John Wilkes had a mystified look in his dark eyes, he was going to marry a real life princess and he was going to be her forever knight! John Wilkes lifted Heaven up by the waist and spun her around. They were both laughing and crying tears of joy at the same time. When he finally put her down, she kissed him and he kissed her back. John Wilkes thought Heaven was more than a “good catch”, and he confessed he felt like he won the heavens. Heaven was indeed better than any previous woman he had been with and for many reasons. He said wanted to be with her for the rest of his life. She said she wanted to be with him for the rest of her life, too.

“Do you want to go into the public announcing our engagement?”

”Let’s wait until 2019.”

That night, as they laid in bed, they talked about their slowly growing child in the womb. They already picked out a name for her: Serenity Grace Boyd-Park. They were already calling her Gracie. 

”I wonder who she’ll grow up to be,”

“I like to think she’ll have my hair and your eyes, John!”

”One thing I hope for the most is that she’d have your heart of gold.” John Wilkes whispered and kissed his dearest Heaven. 

One rainy afternoon in the early fall of 2018, my mother singing some song from her childhood while drawing some references for her beadwork. Mother was content, for once. She was forty four years during this time, but when others saw her, they mistook her for a much younger woman. She seemed to be youthful all her life. She was pleasingly plump, and was always a beauty, even after giving birth to us and suffering many hardships. My mother’s hair went from bright orange to brown as she grew older, but no sign of greying. She would cut and trim her own bangs. When she was in the mood for old timey dress up, she’d put her bangs in bobby pins and attempt to recreate old timey hairstyles. I’ve heard from admirers saying she had no wrinkles, but when I was a little girl I did not know what wrinkles were.

Despite her youthful loveliness, envious women would focus on her chubbiness and her slightly big teeth but I know my mother was much more beautiful–in looks and soul–than they’ll ever be. 

In the middle of her singing, she heard the Creator whisper a name to her ears. 

“Amabel.”

She stopped singing and stopped drawing at once. As stunned as she was, her hands laid on her lap, away from her reference drawings that sat on her table. The pen stopped rolling. She sat still, listening.

Amabel, the name bounced around in her skull. 

It wasn’t so much as an actual conversation-starter but more like a whisper to her very soul. 

She immediately stood up and made her way to the computer room, typed in the name on the browser and entered.

“Amabel. Girl name. Meaning: “lovable". French or Latin origin, sources differ.” The text on the baby names website on the MacBook read. 

From that moment, there was no doubt in her. Her heart leaped and the little goose bumps appeared on every part of her body, from her head to her toes. She was absolutely sure of it. She was going to have another baby enter her world in the spring of 2019. The new life growing inside her was to be a princess of the Aeworan Kingdom and these kind of things she was never wrong about. 

She didn’t bother shutting off the MacBook. My mother rose up from the ever so comfortable computer chair, opened the blinds at the window and gazed out. It had stopped raining and out there was a rainbow painted high above her in the sky.

During dinner, my mother couldn’t keep it in her. She had to tell my father. She almost dropped her spoon. 

“Something happened to me earlier, Mason. Something odd and wonderful happened to me!”

“What is it, Annika? What do you mean odd?” Father was so puzzled he didn’t correct and insist mother to call him by his Royal name, Daehyun.

Mother heard the fret in his voice. “And wonderful, not at all concerning.” She assured him, caressing his cheek.

When the news of the pregnancy was announced to the Parks children in private, my sister and my brothers had some sort of guessing game out of fun, not seriousness, if the new baby was a girl or a boy. My sister won the “game.”

“Wow! My mom is also going to have a baby!”

[thedaughtersofaewora]

“Take my hand, take my whole life too.” (Can't Help Falling In Love - Haley Reinhart)

“Lucy?”

Lucy Boyd turned her whole body around to her husband, John Wilkes Boyd. The blue-eyed, stout brunette was born Lucy Hughes, and she was the daughter of a New Hampshire senator. She, too, had the looks, the charm, the wit, and the money. But she was no competition against my sister. 

She did not know her husband had fallen in love with another woman until that day when he confessed it to her. She had been oblivious until that moment.  

He told her he wanted to divorce her. She denied it at that moment. When he repeated it her, the hurtful truth had sunk, he had indeed fallen out of love and now his heart belonged to another woman. How could she have missed the signs? 

“How long has this been doing on?!” She wailed and yanked a few black strands from her head in defeat. Her nose already had been reddened and her blue eyes was clouded with tears. 

“Since August!” 

“What’s her name?!” Lucy yelled as she grabbed ahold of his iPhone. She pressed the home button on and saw his lock screen photo: a pretty, young redhead smiling back at the older woman. 

“Well, it is clear that I’ve made the biggest mistake!” Lucy stormed out of the home with whatever belongings that she needed. John Wilkes saw that Lucy left behind her finest clothing, jewelry and other valued possessions still in it’s places.

“Hmmm.. new gifts for my new girl.”

Heaven was not really “his” girl yet. She was not crazy for him as he was for her. When she reunited with him, truthfully — she was unimpressed, not the star-struck girl she had been when she first laid eyes upon him that Summer 2008 day. To her, John Wilkes Boyd was just another commoner. She had met far more fascinating and appealing men in her Aewora. 

She thought of him as only a friend, not picking up on his advances. After the divorce was finalized in January 2018, he outright admitted to her that he was in love with her and had been for a while.

Heaven began to fall in love with him, too. She didn’t admit it to him.

But that spring, they travelled to Ottawa days later and Heaven invited John Wilkes to have dinner with her at a restaurant in the city. He gladly accepted, wanting so bad to see her again. He was astonished at the sight of her when he saw her again.

The Ottawa restaurant was more elegant than the restaurant in Washington where Heaven had seen John Wilkes Boyd at. This restaurant had more vegan options. Heaven had been vegan since she was sixteen. Her face lit up when she looked through vegan options in the menu book. It all sounded scrumptious to her. They were both thankful their table was in the corner, the furthest away from the others. 

As always, John Wilkes couldn’t keep his eyes off of Heaven. She wore a diamond necklace and a stylish off-the-shoulder dress, the attached top had crystals all over and floral appliques going down to her yellow skirt. He told her she looked absolutely wonderful but then he told her he found himself without words. The colour of her dress complimented her golden-amber eyes. Her long, red hair burned like a glorious wartime fire. It seemed like her eyes were sparkling more than her necklace and the crystals on her dress. She was a certainly knockout but he didn’t know how to tell her that in politer terms.

The air was undeniably becoming thick, and John Wilkes believed Heaven could also feel it. And the two things she was going to admit to him were going to be huge. She’d worried how he’d react to the latter. 

“Here it goes. It’s now or never,” she thought. ”John, do I have a thing or two to admit to you!”

John Wilkes leaned closer to her. 

”I love you.” Her voice barely above a whisper but he heard those three wonderful words. He smiled. His smile was warm, like the kind he had when he was repeating her names to himself that night in Washington. 

“I have another thing to tell you, but I’m not sure if..”

”If what, Heaven?”

“If you.. still love me.. afterwards.”

”Oh. My dearest Heaven!” John was aghast now, she should’ve knew him deeply by now. “I’ll still love you after whatever confession you’ll tell me. Nonetheless. Nothing will make me love you less. Spill.”

But Heaven stayed silent. The more she sat there silent, the more both of them became anxious. “Please, my dear, spill.” John Wilkes begged.

Heaven took a deep breath. John Wilkes held her hand. 

“I am.. r-royalty.” Her voice was incredibly shaken saying that word. 

“What?”

”I’m a princess. My parents are the king and queen of the Aeworan Kingdom.”

”If you don’t believe me, you should take out your iPhone and put me on your browser’s search engine.”

For a moment John Wilkes thought she was being untruthful or a terrible joker. But he did as she said and she was indeed telling the truth. 

“Wow, your royal highness. You look just as dazzling in real time as you did in your royal portrait.”

Heaven laughed so loud the others in the restaurant turned their heads around, but she did not care. Her laughter was infectious and John began laughing with her.

”What is that you’re wearing in your portrait?”

”A hanbok, the traditional attire of Aeworans. I wore it to honour my kingdom’s roots and it’s citizens.”

”Good lord. If all Aeworan women are just as winsome as you, then I may as well consider myself to be doomed!”

[thedaughtersofaewora]

“Who is the betrayer? Who's the killer in the crowd?” (Heavy In Your Arms - Florence + The Machine)

“Well, well, what’s a little lady like y’fine self doin on the streets durin an hour like this?” 

Heaven didn’t respond. People from all over came to Washington. She thought the man’s drawl sounded like he came from the South. Heaven backed up into the brick wall behind her and the man walked to her, his face down closer to hers. She saw that his teeth were brown from the light of the street pole and she could smell his disgusting beer breath. 

“Do ya know ya much prettier up-close... oh ya a ginger!” The man with the southern drawl gently pulled Heaven’s red curls. 

“Am I in luck tonight! Y’know I have a thang for rare gems such as ya’self!” The man pulled Heaven closer, roughly holding onto her waist. “Don’t worry, delicate princess... I’ll go easy..“ 

Heaven shuddered. Did this man recognize her and knew who she was? What was he going to do to her? Then she remembered she had pepper spray. Heaven was thankful that our parents stressed the importance of the pepper spray. This was the only way she can get him down, the petite girl couldn’t fight a man larger, taller, and without a doubt physically stronger than her. Without the man noticing, she pulled the metal can from her shoulder bag and sprayed it upward into his eyes. The man moved away from her, falling down screaming in pain and shouting profanities. Heaven’s heart raced as she ran back into the direction of her hotel. Suddenly she bumped into someone walking on the sidewalk, surprising and scaring her once more. She squeaked out a panicked sorry and then the person grabbed her and held on to her. It was a man but she couldn’t see his face. He asked her what was going on. He knew something serious had happened, judging by the terror in her voice. “I’ve heard a man getting attacked and then the attacker saw me and almost assaulted me,” Heaven pointed to where the crimes had happened and right away the man ran off into that area. Heaven felt strangely safe with this man and followed him, not wanting to be alone anymore on the street. The attacker was still there but he was getting up from the ground, yelling about how he’d get ”the little naughty bitch that did this to him once he finds her”. The man Heaven followed started punching and kicking the attacker, just like what the attacker had done with his previous victim. The previous victim was nowhere to be seen and Heaven hoped he was receiving medical attention. Heaven watched in new horror as the attacker quickly passed out from being beaten up by the man so brutally and unmercifully. There was blood on his face, he was literally beaten to a pulp and she wouldn’t forget those sickening crunching sounds. The man was now motionless, and Heaven didn’t know for sure if he was still alive. 

”I’m sorry for what happened to you. I’d hate for you to run into danger again. Do you want me to walk you back to wherever you were headed to?” 

“O-okay, thank you. To my hotel, over there-“ Heaven stammered. She glanced at the man’s face in the street light and recognized him. It was the same man that kept staring at her in the restaurant. She was sure he recognized her too. They walked side by side, Heaven was clutching her bag and the man kept his eyes ahead. The man towered over Heaven. She was still shaking from what happened and what else could’ve happened. The man even walked her all the way to her room door. “Please stay safe, girl.” 

”I will, mister. If it’s not rude of me, what is my saviour’s name?”

”I’m John Wilkes,”

”Now, where did I hear that name from?” Heaven thought. He seemed to read her mind. 

“Boyd. I’m John Wilkes Boyd.”

And then it finally clicked. He was an actor. Not just any other actor. He was a well-known one, a great actor, at least great enough to make the craze of on-stage performances alive once again. Heaven remembered the day she saw him on stage and the fact she had a crush on him. When she saw him on stage, she was only a little girl and he was a younger man. She thought he was good looking. Back then, he didn’t have the mustache and he had a head full of curls. Now he was much older, balding, not quite like the star he had once been. 

And again he was staring at her. Intensely. He can’t keep his dark, midnight eyes off of her. 

She was about to shake his hand when she saw the blood on them. Instead of shaking his hand, she stood still, holding her bag in front of her. 

“My real name is Heaven-Leigh but everyone calls me Heaven and I’d prefer it if you call me only that. Last name Park. Thank you.. for walking with me to my door and introducing yourself.”

”You stay safe, Heaven.”

”I will, thank you.”

Heaven tossed and turned the next few hours, still quite shaken by the night’s events. Our parents were still asleep. At least she didn’t meet an angry parent who had just woken up and demanded to know where she had been. She told herself over and over in bed that she wouldn’t dare to be so reckless again. Our father constantly warned about the distressing situations a young woman might find herself in, and stupidly taking off like that in the night after being warned more than once was almost spitting into his face. She couldn’t bring herself to wake up our parents and tell them what had happened. 

Unbeknownst to Heaven, a certain someone was thinking a great deal of her.

[thedaughtersofaewora]

“While my blood's still flowing and my heart's still beating.” (Help I’m Alive - Metric)

Heaven said she couldn’t describe how she felt that first day in Washington. She said, if you must, “All Around The World,”

It was sort of close.

Heaven rediscovered a few things. American beds were definitely more comfortable than the beds in the Castle. She still loved wearing windpants and sweatshirts and wore it in the hotel without fear of being scolded by the Aeworan maids. Our mother still made her laugh so hard it hurt. Being caught in a traffic jam did not bother her. It was a whole new world out there calling her name and she heard it’s shouts. 

She thought she could write a book on the events flying from Hyocheon to Washington. If she had to pick descriptive words, she’d go for: awesome, dazzling, alive, majestic, cosmic, brilliant.

For a few seconds, Heaven sat in the passenger seat and marveled at it all. Mother was really patient. She had let her daughter absorb her surroundings, never rushing her. Father simply looked at the strange city, so different from Hyocheon and in his opinion, less enchanting. 

You probably would think her first day in Washington was full of wild wonder but in reality, it wasn't. Heaven felt overwhelmed by everything. It was like the sun magnified all the colours and her senses picked up on all the tiny details.

A dog barking. The wind rushing by the car window. Cars honking. An airplane leaving a trail behind it. The bright blue sky. Flipping the radio from station to station. Laughing at how terrible Mother and Heaven sound singing along, yet it was the best sound to hear. Our father sounded better than the both of them when it came to singing but he stayed quiet during the ride. 

So many things... and so much more to come.

At a restaurant one evening, Heaven noticed a man that kept looking at her from across the room. He was at his table alone. She brought this to our parents’ attention but told them not to look to where the man was sitting. She asked our father if she could switch seats with him when the man wasn’t looking. He agreed. When they quickly switched, Heaven described the man and our father found him right away. White male, balding, thick mustache. He must’ve been in his age group. “Why the hell is he paying so much attention to Heaven?” our father probably thought. I know he was thinking that. He was the kind of father who immediately caught on the men paying attention to his daughter and was unsettled by such. The man troubled our father more than he did Heaven, so he decided they’ll ask for take-out and get out of there as fast as possible.

Heaven looked back as she walked to the door with our parents and she saw that the man was getting up from his seat. Our father looked back as they had gotten out from the building and he glanced into the window and saw the man was making his way to the doors. “You guys, let’s be fast.” Our father ordered and they began to walk quickly, almost to the point of running.

Heaven felt she was being somehow rude to the man, even though she believed she hadn’t met him before and she didn’t say one word to him. Walking off on him like that when he probably wanted to tell her something and that is why she felt guilt. She wasn’t as troubled as our father about the man but she still wondered why he was staring at her in an intense way in the restaurant.

It was almost midnight. Heaven slipped out of the hotel room into the streets when our parents were asleep. Her curiosity of what went on at night in this city drove her to walk out. She had her phone on her anyway, her father was just a call away if she ran into trouble. And she carried the most important thing of all, a pepper spray can. A young woman’s best friend when going out for night walks alone.

And ran into trouble, she did.

A few streets down, there was a bar that allowed it’s customers sit outside and drink. There was a group of people and some of them looked at Heaven as she walked by but didn’t say anything to her and continued to sip from their cups. A fast food restaurant was still open and there were only three customers in the building that she could see. A dress store was closed for the night and Heaven spent a moment staring at the dresses on the mannequins in the display window. She could buy the entire store if she wanted to, but she thought she had too many dresses as it is. She continued to walk down the sidewalk. Suddenly Heaven heard pained yelps and what sounded to be someone kicking another person. She moved closer to what she believed she was hearing and she was right as to what was happening. She immediately regretted it. She should have called the police at this moment but fear didn’t allow her to. There were two men, one was beating the other who was on the ground. Heaven couldn’t stop herself gasping. A tall white man in dark clothing and with a hideous scar on the right side of his face had noticed Heaven right away and stopped attacking the other man on the ground. The victim groaned in pain as the attacker moved closer to Heaven.

[thedaughtersofaewora]

“Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars.” (Who You Are - Jessie J)

I think maybe the blame lies with our fathers. The men we, as girls, first interact with in the course of our life. It is our fathers who, with wonder and amazement, see us as this pink bundle of giggles and frolic. Our fathers see only the perfection of our imperfections, and hear only the laughter in our hearts.

It is our fathers that must instill this deep seated feeling of regalness, of being and cared for with only gentle hands and thoughtful of our needs and desires. Our fathers will be there in shining armor to protect his daughters from the darkest of dragons and to stand against any that might try to harm us.

Our fathers do not see the skinned knees or sweaty sport hats. We see ponytails and our fathers see a diamond tiara. We run with the wind and chase the breeze and our fathers see only the ballet of our lives and wish to watch for only another fifty years or so.

And over time, we grow, and they will never see us change. 

The day Heaven turned eighteen, our parents couldn’t believe it. She made it to that age. It still seemed like the day of August 3rd, 1999, when she made her way into this world. Other parents weren’t kidding when they said children grow so fast. Eighteen. The time when Heaven ditches the two pigtails. The time when she gives away her plushie collection. The time when she buys and uses high-end makeup products — only the cruelty free ones. The time she makes a fuss over perfume and skincare, rather than Barbie and Bratz dolls as she had done when she was a child. Their daughter was now a young woman, just as delightful as when she was a little girl. But our father admitted he was sort of dreading this day. Our parents insisted she was still their little girl and always will be, no matter what age she is. 

A birthday party for Heaven was held at the Castle. Our parents slept in the same room as the birthday girl. Our mother woke up, finding out that our father had risen up before her and was probably helping and getting ready for their girl’s big day. Heaven was the last to rise up. But as she peacefully slept, our mother saw that Heaven was comfortably curled up. Momma said she remembers walking over to her, placing a soft kiss on her forehead, and pulled the covers up to her chin. Strands of her red-orange hair were touching her rosy cheek. Even in rest, she was a beauty. A ray of sunshine seemed to surround Heaven. Momma felt the peacefulness wrap her in it's warmth. Momma said Heaven always made her feel wrapped in sunshine, her sunshine. To her, it felt like yesterday when this little darling of hers was sitting in her womb.

When Heaven woke up, she received a birthday breakfast in bed. Her long red hair, normally straight, was curled for the big day. She wore a vine of beads both pearl and glass and shining crystals down her curls. Other accessories included a necklace and matching earrings. Heaven was moved to tears when she saw her birthday dress: a sparkly sequin dome-shaped gold ball-gown. She was considered a woman now but she still looked so young. Her petite frame and high-pitched squeaky voice made her seem younger, a lot of people mistook her as a teenager between the ages of thirteen-fifteen. When she would correct them, she would laugh at their eyes widening in surprise. 

As Heaven walked down the stairs, every adoring guest sang a birthday song in our language. Our family stood at the front of the crowd, singing along. Our parents and our grandmother hugged and kissed Heaven when she set foot on the floor. They’ve eaten a traditional Aeworan supper before Heaven blew out the flames on her candles on the delicious strawberry vegan cake. Of course, with the cake comes with the famous Aeworan birthday biscuits on a golden tray. No Aeworan birthday is complete with the biscuits. Heaven received so many birthday cards and gifts, one of the gifts was a real gold necklace with her birthstone. She said she was thankful, but the best gift of all was having each and every one of them celebrating her birthday with her. 

Before the day was over, Heaven admitted to our parents that she wanted to go on a trip to Washington, D.C.. She wanted them to come with her this time. Our father said he wanted to stay in Aewora but changed his mind the next day. A few days off would hurt no one.