thedefectiveblogger

[thedefectiveblogger]

if Damian can imitate voices then there’s no way he doesn’t steal Bruce’s phone Friday Night Dinner style to harass Tim.

Tim, picking up a call from Bruce: Hello?

Damian, imitating Bruce perfectly: Timothy, I need you to stay away from the gala tonight. You are short and unapplealing and I don’t want to be seen with you.

Tim:

Tim, tired as fuck: Damian, never in my life has Bruce referred to me as ‘Timothy’. I know it’s you.

Damian, softly: fuck.

Damian: *hangs up*

-

*ring ring*

Tim: yeah?

Damian as Bruce, calling at 2AM: i birthed you.

Tim: eh?

Damian: it was a 12 hour labour.

Tim:

Damian: you tore my crotch beyond repair-

Tim: ok- Damian i know it’s you now KNOCK IT OFF.

-

Tim, hanging out with Jason: oh, B just sent me a voice message?

Jason: ?? the fucks he want, play it.

Tim: *presses play*

Bruce: you remind me of a baby hippo. grey skin and wide, unintelligent eyes.

Tim and Jason:

Tim and Jason:

Jason: wh-

Tim: i understand why you tried to kill me now.

Tim: having little brothers is a fucking travesty.

Jason:

Jason: so was that not Bruce?

[thedefectiveblogger]

I actually do feel like the "unemployed friend on a Tuesday" meme actually helps de-stigmatize unemployment because it frequently affirms that when you don't have a job you're more likely to be getting up to some weird shit rather than just lazing around. But I also feel like the unemployed friend is frequently up to some random shit because there's a whole pile of miscellaneous life tasks that full-time employment keeps people from. The unemployed friend is helping their cousin move, or babysitting, or checking in with a neighbor with mobility issues. The unemployed friend is a walking thesis on the inflexibility of our current labor landscape and just how much work exists outside of work.

[thedefectiveblogger]

i'm still mad about that post thats like "humans USED to be able to memoriize long epic poems, but we no longer have Bards so our memories arent as good" boy shut the fuck up. a good chunk of people i went to high school with had the entirety of hamilton memorized for fun and they weren't even autistic.

[thedefectiveblogger]

Ive said this before but swear the biggest skill to learn as an adult is how to resist high-pressure sales tactics. You do NOT have to answer questions with anything other than "Sorry I'm not interested." No matter how nice they are or no matter how many follow up questions they ask or even how agitated they get when you stand your ground. Just keep saying I'm not interested. Don't answer their questions. Don't give them an opening to try to push back on your reasons. Be a fucking brick wall of I'm not interested.

[thedefectiveblogger]

the people who go "we shouldn't be so open about nudity because it could trigger someone's dysphoria" are like two steps max removed from "fat people being fat in public could trigger someone with an ed". like peoples' bodies are not the problem here, trying to restrict someone else's body because of how you personally feel is indistinguishable from conservative praxis. i'm sorry if that sounds harsh but there is basically no interpretation of "we need to control the bodies of [demographic]" that does not fall down the slippery slope of fascism.

[thedefectiveblogger]

"I know chatgpt is bad but you just don't really have any choice" you literally do. Don't use it. Have some moral backbone.

[thedefectiveblogger]

[thedefectiveblogger]

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

[thedefectiveblogger]

forget about touching grass, i need to touch THE SEA I NEED TO GO INTO THE WATER I NEED TO DIVE INTO THE SEA!!!!!!!!!!!!

[thedefectiveblogger]

[thedefectiveblogger]

everyone say thank you to black trans women and black trans men

[thedefectiveblogger]

asking people to be mindful of others when sharing a communal space (especially one you cannot just up and leave from) is not selfish or misanthropic. come on now

[thedefectiveblogger]

“Why are you scared of dating” I’m not scared of dating, I just haven’t found anyone’s company to be more enjoyable than my own. And also I don’t care

[thedefectiveblogger]

[thedefectiveblogger]

Well, yes.

[thedefectiveblogger]

The only adhd tips that actually work:

1. Never tell anyone what you're planning to do until you do it (you will get a premature dopamine hit and sense of accomplishment from telling them and lose motivation to actually do it)

2. Never sit down (never sit down)

[thedefectiveblogger]

the casting directors deserve a raise because they excelled with this casting