thedemonsareme

[thedemonsareme]

Can't take back time, the mermories give me strength but hurts as I open up old wounds to heal the man.

[thedemonsareme]

Slowly losing sanity

[thedemonsareme]

9/26/17

emotions are just poison to our perspective. The thought of pain, the thought of fear, the thought of happiness and pleasure altogether show a one-sided world and it kills me that I cant find equilibrium while still knowing all this. my thought destiny flood through my mind more times than I can count and it's the dreams that throw me off since they are my subconscious thoughts. i don't know what to do at times. because i know she's gone, and I ask myself daily “how did this happen” if we were on the same wave link “why lie to me?” i wonder how long this will last because signs around me state it might never go away and that terrifies me if i cant get a grip of it. Unconditional Love is stated - no conditions or circumstances. its funny how i engrain that so well within myself but still have issues with myself controlling other emotions. I remember why this blog was created and it hurts to know it was for a stupid reason. and the feeling of easing is something i always wanted to do, but then i think of the amount of growth it has. and i question the harm.

[thedemonsareme]

Through a mirror

I wonder if you miss me?

Do you love me? Why

I miss you more than anyone around me realizes. Memories flood back from a time I know you can't recall unless I brought them up for you. My heart doesn't feel like it's breaking, I feel like my entire being is dying. Begging for breathe knowing one day it will no longer be here but fighting. Parts of me I wonder if they will die. I keep telling myself but it doesn't seem to help. I love and hate that you don't understand me because I don't wish for you too. I'm not like most and I strive not to be. But you woke me up and left. A lesson I guess I must learn but is the most painful experience ive ever had in my entire life. I would rather have heartbreak. Because this is so much harder. I thank you but then ask you why. And you don't care to think about it because I'm not longer important in your life. And I feel like that hurts just as bad being used for my knowledge as I never will ask for anything in return. I always will what to make your life easier but I know your mindset needs help. You remind me of how I was, And than that make me sad. I feel like I'm going to be done with people for a while

[thedemonsareme]

I thought it was a dream, I thought it wasn't real But pain really hurts and it's really how I feel Memories keep coming back and so do all of the tears I hear your voice, and as quick as the smile came, it quickly disappears I don't know what is happening because you always held my hand You said you would never let go, that is what I don't understand So many promises you made, and more of them broken Lost and confused, feels like I'm choking A lot of things I did not say Now I can't find my way I feel like a boomerang, you throw me but not only that Every time you throw me, I always seem to come back Back to you, back to pain Nothing has changed, you're still the same I cannot start over because I don't know where to start I guess that is what happens when someone breaks your heart If we are supposed to follow our dreams, why can't I follow you Because now I am so lost, I wish you were lost without me too

still, parts of this poem are still very true. 

[thedemonsareme]

Leaving

I'm afraid of what's coming And it's approaching so fast I don't have time to decide And I don't have time to look back I'm leaving soon And hope it's not too late To look around and say goodbye Before I leave this state Of being so dependent Of wanting to be free Of never realizing my freedom was only restrained by me Change is in the air And it's scattered on the ground It whistles through the wind and tugs our happy smiles down All the people I knew Will no longer be the ones I know I'll have to start again When it's time for me to go

[thedemonsareme]

Checking out, I'm done

[thedemonsareme]

I'm trying so hard but I'm losing my mind. Why does I bother me so much? Why can't I change my thoughts? I can't even talk about it because no one gets me. I work as much as possible but a part of my "why" is kinda gone. Why would they care. I'm no longer of value and it bother me so much and I don't understand why? I need answers to I can cope because I'm not well like this. I realize this is wrong but how to I change it...

[thedemonsareme]

Guess lies will be lies covered up with excuses, I hate people sugar coating with bullshit, Trying to make it seem like it's not problem. But your word is all you have to once it bleeds out what do you do?

[thedemonsareme]

I've felt a new level of pain and I'm losing my mind please let me sleep

[thedemonsareme]

Really would love to be sleepy right now

[thedemonsareme]

I remember everything, things you don't currently remember. Memories that have been forgotten... Maybe that's my punishment. Time can heal the heart but that doesn't mean you don't stop loving the person.

[thedemonsareme]

[thedemonsareme]

my body never changing but im not the same person. I look upon myself from the past and no longer recognize that person. im forever changing and it's bitter sweet. people treat me on how I was and don't understand im no longer him. I hate to say goodbye because you will always be with me but I can't stay here with you. you have to die so i can change. 

[thedemonsareme]

Id do anything to cuddle you right now

[thedemonsareme]

Id do anything to cuddle you right now

[thedemonsareme]

My brain is melting, I need fucking sleep.