thedisillusionedbritishpriest

[thedisillusionedbritishpriest]

(James Norton and Dervla Kirwan are going to be in the same show! @fitzgerclds 😂😍💖)

[thedisillusionedbritishpriest]

"Well, at least we got a good night out from it."

As Peter and Brendan shared a moment of playful commiseration, they watched the TV as Spain lifted the trophy. As much as it would have been great to see England win, the better team won on the night in Peter's eyes - and because of that, while the defeat hurt, it didn't hurt that much.

However, as he glanced over at an obviously beaming Brian, Peter found himself catching Assumpta's gaze.

"Maybe I should've tried divine intervention?"

Catching Assumpta's attention as she busied herself with handing out pints and various other drinks, Peter had to raise his voice just a little to be heard from the other side of the bar.

"I know this is probably far from your idea of a fun night, but thanks for showing the match. Makes me feel a little closer to home."

@fitzgerclds

[thedisillusionedbritishpriest]

Catching Assumpta's attention as she busied herself with handing out pints and various other drinks, Peter had to raise his voice just a little to be heard from the other side of the bar.

"I know this is probably far from your idea of a fun night, but thanks for showing the match. Makes me feel a little closer to home."

@fitzgerclds

[thedisillusionedbritishpriest]

He didn't usually spend so much time within the walls of Fitzgerald's on a Sunday evening, but this was a special occasion. Yes, he could have settled for watching the final of the Euros from the relative safety of his own house, but there was a sense of pride for the Three Lions that was settled deep within Peter, and why not demonstrate his patriotism in the lion's den, watching RTÉ's coverage on the TV situated in the pub.

"It's com--"

"If you say that feckin' sentence one more time...!"

Peter couldn't help but chuckle at his attempts to playfully win Brendan up being successful. He knew that he was playing a dangerous game by being so vocal about England in a predominantly Irish town, but he had a feeling that he had established just enough goodwill with not only Assumpta, but the rest of the Ballyk residents that he would be allowed one night of believing in the hype of it all. Sure, they probably wouldn't get another chance like this (for the men's team at least, the Lionesses having smashed it already) for another 30 years.

[thedisillusionedbritishpriest]

send me "be honest..." with a question your muse has been dying to ask mine and they'll answer truthfully.

[thedisillusionedbritishpriest]

actions speak louder than words non - verbal / action prompts from yours truly. (add a "swap" to swap the sender/receiver in the prompt (or just do it manually).)

back, sender gives receiver a back hug.

beckon, sender beckons receiver closer with a finger.

blood, sender cleans blood off of receiver.

book, sender helps receiver get a book from a higher part of the shelf.

care, sender takes care of receiver when they're sick.

catch, sender catches receiver by the waist after they bump into each other.

choke, sender saves receiver from choking by giving them the heimlich.

cold, sender places their jacket over receiver's shoulders.

cry, sender wipes tears off receiver's face with their thumbs.

dance, sender sticks a hand out to receiver and invites them to dance.

dip, sender skinny dips in front of receiver and invites them to join.

dog, sender's dog pulls them in receiver's direction.

drive, sender drives receiver somewhere in their car.

drag, sender drags receiver into a room and closes the door behind them.

draw, sender draws receiver like one of their french girls.

face, sender turns receiver's face towards them.

flower, sender gives receiver a flower.

footsie, sender initiates footsie with receiver under the table.

forehead, sender presses their forehead against receiver's.

grab, sender grabs receiver's wrist to stop them from leaving.

jump, sender jumps onto receiver's back.

kiss, sender kisses receiver.

link, sender links arms with receiver while walking.

massage, sender offers receiver a massage.

patch, sender patches up receiver's wounds.

piano, sender teaches receiver how to play the piano.

pin, sender pins receiver's hands behind their back.

pluck, sender plucks something out of receiver's hair.

press, sender presses receiver against a wall.

propose, sender proposes to receiver.

quiet, sender gestures for receiver to be quiet.

rest, sender rests their head on receiver's shoulder.

serenade, sender serenades receiver with a song.

sign, sender walks into a sign and receiver sees.

size, sender measures the size of their hand against receiver's.

shoes, sender removes receiver's shoes for them.

sun, sender rubs sunblock onto receiver's back.

tattoo, sender gives receiver a tattoo.

tie, sender helps tie receiver's tie.

tuck, sender tucks receiver's hair behind their ear.

umbrella, sender lets receiver under their umbrella.

warning, sender presses a knife against receiver's neck as a warning.

zip, sender needs receiver's help to zip up the back of their dress.

[thedisillusionedbritishpriest]

🐝  *  ―  𝑷𝑰𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮 / 𝒀𝑬𝑨𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.

❛  i can't stop thinking about you even when i try.  ❜ ❛  every time i see you, it's like my heart skips a beat.  ❜ ❛  i never realized how much i needed you until you weren't there.  ❜ ❛  do you ever feel like there's something missing ... like a piece of your heart is somewhere else?  ❜ ❛  i wish i had the courage to tell you how i feel.  ❜ ❛  if only you knew how much you truly mean to me.  ❜ ❛  do you ever wonder what it would be like if things were different between us?  ❜ ❛  sometimes i wonder if you ever think about me the way i think about you.  ❜ ❛  i had a lot of dreams about you recently.  ❜ ❛  somehow, you're always on my mind.  ❜ ❛  i think i've been in love with you since the day we met - scratch that, i know i've been in love with you since the day we met.  ❜ ❛  my biggest wish is to hold you close and never let you go.  ❜ ❛  all my life i've felt like a part of me was missing, but with you i've finally found it.  ❜ ❛  you deserve better than who i am right now, but i'm gonna keep trying to become someone you do deserve.  ❜ ❛  every time you smile at me, i get this flutter in my chest.  ❜ ❛  do you think i'll ever be worthy of your love?  ❜ ❛  i want to be the person to make you happy. the one person you can always come to with whatever you need.  ❜ ❛  will we ever get another chance together?  ❜ ❛  you were the best thing that's ever happened to me.  ❜ ❛  my biggest regret is ever letting you go.  ❜ ❛  i'm still in love with you ... and i honestly never stopped.  ❜ ❛  when i wake up in the morning, you're the first person i want to see.  ❜ ❛  every time i wake up, i check if you wrote me another message.  ❜ ❛  i wish i could be as important to you as you are to me.  ❜ ❛  it hurts when you don't talk to me like you used to.  ❜ ❛  i miss everything about you, your touch, your laugh, your smile. i wish i could have that back.  ❜ ❛  i want to fall asleep wrapped in your arms.  ❜ ❛  hold me closer; i always feel safer when you're with me.  ❜ ❛  there's so much i wish i was able to tell you.  ❜ ❛  i know things aren't easy right now, but i want to remain a fixture in your life. after all, you're one in mine.  ❜ ❛  i miss the way you always made me smile.  ❜ ❛  you're the reason i keep holding on.  ❜ ❛  maybe we're supposed so to remain a case of 'right person, wrong time' forever.  ❜ ❛  if only you knew how i feel about you.  ❜ ❛  i'm yearning to hold your hand in mine.  ❜ ❛  i think you are the one for me, and i hope one day i'll be the one for you, too.  ❜ ❛  do you think i'll ever become more than a friend to you?  ❜ ❛  my heart belongs to you, always and forever.  ❜ ❛  my first instinct is to protect you, no matter the cost.  ❜ ❛  i've been thinking about us a lot lately.  ❜

[thedisillusionedbritishpriest]

It's for things like this that I love to read novelisations 👏🥺

Peter backstory novelisation headcanon alert! He studied astronomy! 😍✨ I could totally see him staring up at the stars outside the church late at night (and maybe @fitzgerclds spots him in a moment of quiet reflection 💖)

In the bath he lay back, letting the heat soothe his bruised ribs and soak the cowshed aroma from his skin. He closed his eyes, instantly seeing Jennie, her smiling face, her hurt face, her accusing face...

She was the reason he had been assigned to Ballykissangel. No-one, least of all Peter himself, would ever have believed such a step would be necessary. But it had been, and it was undertaken swiftly, in order, as Peter's Bishop in England had put it, 'to preserve the decencies and to rescue a good career threatened with disaster before it was properly begun'.

It had seemed ironic to Peter that he had managed to underestimate the effect that one young woman could have on him. Usually it was other people who underestimated Peter because he looked so young and ingenuous.

In fact, Peter had always been brighter than average for his age. He was the second of five children, their father a first-generation Irish general practitioner who had set up his practice in a northern mill town and stayed there. Peter had gone to a local grammar school where he preferred science to the arts, and football to cricket. He moved comfortably to Cambridge where he studied astronomy. Then, to the delight of his mother, he discovered he had a vocation for the priesthood.

He had gone from Cambridge to the seminary at Allen Hall in London, and from there to Manchester. Soon he distinguished himself as a young priest with decent instincts, a capacity for hard work and an endless, effortless gift for compassion. He was sceptical on certain points of theology, and he had his misgivings about the more inflexible aspects of Catholic doctrine. In particular, he was inclined to believe that individual conscience should have precedence over dogma.

Peter had begun to enjoy his standing in the community. If there was a problem, it was that he was becoming too sure of himself. After nearly three years of uncritical acceptance in Manchester he was ripe for emotional damage. And along it came, in the heart-wrenching shape of Jennie Clarke.

They met at a social function in the church and, because Jennie was attracted to Peter straight away, she made it her business to see that he got adequate chance to start feeling the same way about her. She turned up in his life at every opportunity and, inevitably, he began to fall in love with her.

But the priest in him was strong. So was his idealism. Nothing had yet happened between himself and Jennie, so while that remained the case he forced himself to set his feelings on one side and tell his parish priest the whole story. The matter passed into the hands of the Bishop, who decided to put as much distance between Peter and the inner city as possible. He telephoned a colleague in Ireland, another Bishop with whom he had attended the seminary. This Bishop knew of a curate's position where they'd had little luck holding on to incumbents in recent years.

So the plans were laid. Peter hadn't the time to tell Jennie what was happening before he was transferred to Ballykissangel. He arrived lacking much of his old confidence and self-esteem, but he had felt those qualities were reviving quickly in the new surroundings.

Now, lying back in the cooling bathwater, he felt his assurance begin to fade again. He sat up, telling himself this time there was no room for wavering. He had to be firm. He had to make her see there was no point in pursuing a future that included him.

— Ballykissangel: The New Arrival by Hugh Miller

[thedisillusionedbritishpriest]

Sharing this for the craic 🎶

[thedisillusionedbritishpriest]

Yes, it's a cheesy overdramatic Irish power ballad with one of the singers going on to be a famous Irish country singer, but when that key change hits? It just screams Peter cursing God and the world at large as the rain pours down 🥺💔

[thedisillusionedbritishpriest]

As he took the glass, he knew that Assumpta would've no problem in hunting the other patrons out of the pub if she really wanted to close up for the night. Part of him held out hope that it was because of his attendance that she hadn't called last orders yet, but the logical part of his brain knew that it probably wasn't the case. Business was business, after all.

"Well, you're not so bad yourself."

That elicited a smile from Peter - something he seemed to do quite a lot in her presence. It really did mean a lot, coming from her of all people. He knew of (although still not quite fully understood) her resentment of the clergy, so for her to acknowledge (albeit reluctantly) that he was a good priest was an opinion that held quite a bit of weight in his eyes.

"You're a lot like me when you think about it. How many lost souls do you listen to from behind the bar? Our beliefs might be different, but we're trying to achieve the same thing - lend an ear to people who need it."

Like himself.

"I guess one more for the road wouldn't hurt? Then I'll head off - don't want you keeping the place open just for me."

If he was being honest, the thought of heading home and attempting to sleep was completely unappealing to him. He knew that his mind would be on overdrive until the early hours of the morning. That had been part of his plan, after all - get enough alcohol into him to lull his overactive brain. Maybe he'd take a walk before heading back?

"Oh yeah, what do you begrudge me now?"

He knew that he probably shouldn't push it, but it was either that or letting the silence take over, and then he would start thinking about Damien again...

[thedisillusionedbritishpriest]

"I guess one more for the road wouldn't hurt? Then I'll head off - don't want you keeping the place open just for me."

If he was being honest, the thought of heading home and attempting to sleep was completely unappealing to him. He knew that his mind would be on overdrive until the early hours of the morning. That had been part of his plan, after all - get enough alcohol into him to lull his overactive brain. Maybe he'd take a walk before heading back?

"Oh yeah, what do you begrudge me now?"

He knew that he probably shouldn't push it, but it was either that or letting the silence take over, and then he would start thinking about Damien again...

It was pretty routine for Assumpta to slag off Father Mac - so much so that her veiled insult towards the older priest washed over Peter. However, as he watched her stand up and busy herself with cleaning up, something else struck him.

Part of the furniture and fittings? it was strange to hear compliments directed toward him from Assumpta of all people. Even if their friendship had been a rocky one when he had first arrived into Ballyk, things had softened considerably in the time since.

"Y'know, it wasn't too long ago that you used to begrudge my success - you've changed your tune."

It was meant as a joke, but given his current predicament, his tone of voice betrayed him - coming off more serious than he intended.

[thedisillusionedbritishpriest]

It was pretty routine for Assumpta to slag off Father Mac - so much so that her veiled insult towards the older priest washed over Peter. However, as he watched her stand up and busy herself with cleaning up, something else struck him.

Part of the furniture and fittings? it was strange to hear compliments directed toward him from Assumpta of all people. Even if their friendship had been a rocky one when he had first arrived into Ballyk, things had softened considerably in the time since.

"Y'know, it wasn't too long ago that you used to begrudge my success - you've changed your tune."

It was meant as a joke, but given his current predicament, his tone of voice betrayed him - coming off more serious than he intended.

@thedisillusionedbritishpriest:

"This isn't your fault." Peter knew that she spoke the truth, but Assumpta's words failed to ease the wave of guilt threatening to overwhelm him regardless. He played with the half-empty pint glass in his hand, partly so that he could avoid her gaze. However, that plan was foiled when she sat down opposite him. The mention of her parents caused Peter to glance up at her with a hint of surprise within his troubled expression. She didn't talk about her parents much, especially not to him, so to hear them being casually dropped into conversation was enough for him to focus on something other than his own spiraling thoughts for a moment. She had a point. Ballyk would band together to help - they always did - and maybe he wasn't totally alone in trying his best to help. "Yeah, well, Father Mac had something to say about that. He figured that it was not a good look for a priest to have in front of his congregation. To be honest, as long as Damien recovers, I can explain away a few bruises at the altar. People probably already know anyway - news spreads."

Assumpta noted the way he took notice of the mention of her parents but chose not to dwell further on that unhappy time in her life. If she thought about it perhaps it held the origins of her hatred for the church he loved so much. In refusing her parents separation they had trapped her in a hell of their own making.

Maybe one day she'd talk about that with him but not today. He had more troubling problems than the ghosts of her past.

At mention of Father Mac, Assumpta tilted her head, taking in Peter with a wry smile on painted lips. "One day and I hope to be there when it happens, you will realise Father Mac begrudges your success and has since the moment you arrived here." She rose from the table, too long in his close company was not good for her worn heart and picked up the empties tray to take to the bar. "An English priest in Ballyk? You were supposed to fall flat on your face not become part of the furniture and fittings. He resents you Peter."

[thedisillusionedbritishpriest]

"This isn't your fault."

Peter knew that she spoke the truth, but Assumpta's words failed to ease the wave of guilt threatening to overwhelm him regardless. He played with the half-empty pint glass in his hand, partly so that he could avoid her gaze. However, that plan was foiled when she sat down opposite him.

The mention of her parents caused Peter to glance up at her with a hint of surprise within his troubled expression. She didn't talk about her parents much, especially not to him, so to hear them being casually dropped into conversation was enough for him to focus on something other than his own spiraling thoughts for a moment.

She had a point. Ballyk would band together to help - they always did - and maybe he wasn't totally alone in trying his best to help.

"Yeah, well, Father Mac had something to say about that. He figured that it was not a good look for a priest to have in front of his congregation. To be honest, as long as Damien recovers, I can explain away a few bruises at the altar. People probably already know anyway - news spreads."

“Well, pretend I’m not here. What would you say if nobody could hear it?” ~ Assumpta.

It had been a long week for Peter, and trust Assumpta of all people to drag everything back up again. All he wanted was to go to Fitzgerald's for a quiet drink at closing time so he wouldn't be hassled with questions from the residents of Ballyk about the wayward kid, and now here she was, prying. Part of him knew that she was doing it with good intentions, but even so...

"What do you want me to say? That I feel so... bloody stupid for not seeing just how much Damien was hurting? He came to me, told me just how much his parents' divorce was affecting him. All of his vandalism around Ballyk was just a cry for attention - I should have seen it coming. He didn't want to talk to Brendan, to his parents - he chose me, and what did I tell him to do? Sit his parents down and tell them how he felt, as if that would make a difference."

From what Peter had been told, the attempt at reconciliation had instead resulted in yet another argument, and that had been the final straw. Damien had resorted to overdosing on morphine tablets that he had swiped from the family medicine cabinet in a secluded area of the village. Peter gestured to the remnants of a black eye and cut on his cheek.

"I deserved this from his father. I should have done more - if I had, Damien wouldn't be in hospital, and he wouldn't have attempted to take his own life."

[thedisillusionedbritishpriest]

“Well, pretend I’m not here. What would you say if nobody could hear it?” ~ Assumpta.

It had been a long week for Peter, and trust Assumpta of all people to drag everything back up again. All he wanted was to go to Fitzgerald's for a quiet drink at closing time so he wouldn't be hassled with questions from the residents of Ballyk about the wayward kid, and now here she was, prying. Part of him knew that she was doing it with good intentions, but even so...

"What do you want me to say? That I feel so... bloody stupid for not seeing just how much Damien was hurting? He came to me, told me just how much his parents' divorce was affecting him. All of his vandalism around Ballyk was just a cry for attention - I should have seen it coming. He didn't want to talk to Brendan, to his parents - he chose me, and what did I tell him to do? Sit his parents down and tell them how he felt, as if that would make a difference."

From what Peter had been told, the attempt at reconciliation had instead resulted in yet another argument, and that had been the final straw. Damien had resorted to overdosing on morphine tablets that he had swiped from the family medicine cabinet in a secluded area of the village. Peter gestured to the remnants of a black eye and cut on his cheek.

"I deserved this from his father. I should have done more - if I had, Damien wouldn't be in hospital, and he wouldn't have attempted to take his own life."

[thedisillusionedbritishpriest]

Noticing Trauma sentence starters

Feel free to alter dialogue to suit your muse!

“That really spooked you.” 

“I don’t want to pry, but.. I want you to know I also want to listen, if you want someone to talk to.” 

“Well, pretend I’m not here. What would you say if nobody could hear it?” 

“Does this happen a lot?” 

“Hey, what happened between you two?” 

“When is the last time you ate?”

“Is this okay?” 

“Hey.” 

“This is the third meal you’ve missed this week, are you okay?” 

“[Name]?” 

“What did he/she/they do?” 

“This … hurts you.” 

“You don’t feel safe, here.” 

“When you look at [trigger], you… what is that?” 

“What can I do?” 

“You were crying in your sleep.” 

“What do you dream about?” 

“Whenever you get stressed, you do this thing with your hands. What is it?” 

“You’re right, I don’t understand, yet. Will you help me?” 

“Should I leave a light on for you?” 

“I brought you some water.” 

“I won’t judge you.” 

“It doesn’t have anything to do with trust. You don’t have to tell me. But I’ll listen, if you do.” 

“Count your breaths with me, okay? Ready? One, two, three, four…” 

“I’m here.” 

“Talk to me.” 

“You don’t need to tell me everything. I just want to know how I can help.” 

“Let me hold your hair back, at least.” 

“You used to love that [item].” 

[thedisillusionedbritishpriest]

“Her body, so frail and tender, was touching mine, her face was turned up to me, and there, suddenly, I could have kissed her at last.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Last Of The Belles