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I wish I knew the exact time and date that harry told snape ‘there’s no need to call me sir professor’ so that I could take a moment of silence to remember the moment each year
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reading in head: i'm practically a master of linguistics my pronunciations are perfect beyond compare
reading aloud: *chokes on spit*
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every day i love him more than the day before
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I’ll get over it I just gotta be dramatic first
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Steve: I didn’t understand why people cared so much for their dumb kids until I got a dumb kid myself.
Steve: [picks Dustin up]
Steve: I’ve only been Dustins father for a day and a half. But if anything happened to him, I would beat everyone in this room with my nail bat.
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me walking into a mcdonalds in 2037: i’d like the 5 for .0000005 meal please :)
cashier: sure thing! that’ll just be .0000005 bitcoins. would you like to pay with wifi or take out a McLoan?
me: comcastie-kins can i pwease use the intewnet to twansfew some bitcoins to mcdonawds? ówò
comcast: uh oh pumpkin, you didn’t upgrade to the new premium money exchange package yet :(
me: guess i’ll take out another McLoan then!
cashier: sir it looks like you’ve actually exceeded your limit, you currently owe .13 bitcoins to mcdonald’s and im legally required to arrest you
me: not if i kill myself first
cashier, chasing me with a net: mcdonald’s owns the rights to your life so you’re not allowed to die
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me at the store: do i want some snacks? nah it's ok
me at home: past me was a fucking dumbass
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you are my sunshine

my only sunshine

you make me happy

when skies are gray

you’ll never know dear

how much i love you

please dont take

my sunshine away

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please for the love of god find me the original uh oh yall its gettin kind of hazy tweet
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why is sick as a dog a saying why are dogs so sick
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i literally can’t stop thinking about this video and i lose it every time
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i think turtles are a big threat to our national security
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