thedreamerskeep-blog

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It's just so lovely.

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I'm about to lose my mind

You’ve been gone for so long,

I’m running out of time;

I need a doctor

Call me a doctor

I need a doctor

Doctor

To bring me back to life.

Bring me back to life

Bring me back to life

I need a doctor

Doctor

To bring me back to life.

[thedreamerskeep-blog]

I enjoy the dark, personally.

It is quite a lovely cover to hide in, if I may say so myself. Forever nonjudgmental, the dark is the perfect place to take refuge in when you just need to be alone. Without anyone. To be yourself. Without a critical eye.

And personally, the dark enjoys me too.

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People think I am heartless.

I'm not. That hurts, guys, it does. I remember so much stuff you people won't even dream of having said. You always forget. Always. But I don't. Even if you didn't mean it bad, I remember. Someone said the most truth comes from the best of jests. I am not heartless. It's just so much more difficult trying to be heartfelt in a place where, if you do, it's odd. It's always odd everywhere. I'm not a poser, but people don't realise how often I put on a show, just for them. If I don't, no one gets me. This is why sadness is just useless. No one understands. Ever. Then there are the things they say. They things they say mean, and the ones they say without thought. It hurts, guys, it hurts.

It hurts bad.

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People think I have no life.

Which is untrue, for I am breathing currently. But I mean to be frank, I'd have to classify myself as socially awkward. I don't hang out with my friends outside of school. It only started bothering me recently, I'm getting ready to enter high school soon, and I have no life outside of school & Tumblr. I enjoy laughter and proceed in doing so quite often, but when the silence sets everyone seems uncomfortable by it but I am not. I guess it's just 'cause I'm so alone all the time. Not lonely, just alone.

And I have Tumblr.

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Help!

I need somebody.

Help!

Not just anybody.

Help!

Ya know I need someone.

He-e-elp!

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To Tell You The Truth,

I often act as if I am unfazed by the pandemonium around me

and pretend that the hate can't kill me.

When the reality is,

my insecurities could devour me whole.

From the inside out.

[thedreamerskeep-blog]

The Best Help.

Where does it come from?

From distant lands for some.

Or those we love most.

What is it for me?

I have yet to see.

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I love the way they did this song so much. It's so pretty to me.

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A Word or Two.

There's so much to tell.

I don't know where to begin.

Maybe I'll start here.

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I've changed so much.

I don't know when all this over-thinking started. All I know is that I do it all the time and it sucks. I'm almost paranoid, but I've changed in a good way too. I've been more open to other people's criticism and their views & beliefs. I've used stuff like that to make myself more seasoned & open-minded. But when I'm alone it's like my mind goes on overload and starts screwing stuff up. I dunno. It's hard to explain.

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People think I'm sad.

Which is true, but they mistake it for a depressing sort of sad. Sometimes I feel super boring, which isn't far from the truth either. Although I don't like it when people ask if I'm O.K. No, I'm not O.K. Everything is not 'oll korrect' as people put to use this last surviving bit of 1839 Chicago slang. It's so much easier to just...smile. Smiling is so easy; I should find out how many muscles it takes to smile. Rather than run your mouth for an hour to complicate things, just smile. Neither a yes nor no, a smile lets on enough for one to know something's not right (not necessarily wrong, though) but not hinting to it.