thee-ivy

[thee-ivy]

Hey girl!!!

It's been a minute since I've been able to kick it with you but I was having many cloudy thoughts and just sitting back to reflect on things became so challenging. And I can't tell you why because nothing changed but I was not at ease. Now we are in quarantine and all we have do is sit and relax and reflect! During this time love has been on my heart. And I recently came to the conclusion that love is my gift well one of them. And in this world Love gets tested daily. But when you Love and use the gift of Love to be more like God, Love outweighs it ALL. Because God does everything for the greater good, out of love. Sitting back and going back to day 1 it amazes me how god works. He gives us test and gifts to build character. I wasn't a product of love or even a relationship. But I love so hard. And I love everyone. Love is something that is life changing for many. Some people seek love from all types of things but God knew my heart! He knew me and what I needed way before I did. And looking back at my child hood I am so thankful for my grandma. To be loved by her is to never have a worry! It's to know you will eat, you will be supported, you will be happy, you will always have a cheerleader, you will always have shelter, you will always have a team mate! I just thank god for her because she is my definition of love she is my gift and I just hope that with the time we have remaining with one another that's she knows I love and appreciate her and it because of her that I know the lord and I know Love.

[thee-ivy]

What's up Girl! I just want to tell you how I've been feeling. I have had this peace over me. A lost feeling. I feel as light as a feather and It's amazing. I took the advise of the good book. And it's a peace I can't really use words to describe. And I promise I am trying to.

I've always believed the Bible but it's so much better to live it. I thought I was living it. Well let me be clear. I knew it, said it, recited it, and advertised it but no I did not live it, sadly. And now I'm in the clear view I can see the difference. I wasn't always in the fog but I was for 10 years. 10 years of blurred vision and I had the headlights and wipers and the option to pull over and wait it out for the Lord to clear my path but I just kept on going. Girl I hope you get it. Or maybe a kid who has always set closely to the tv and never wanted to read in class because they couldn't see it and once they discover they need glasses and get the glasses, they are whole new confident child! Makes more sense. Well that's me. I'm his child and I found my way out of the dark and I don't want to go back! I'm so happy to be in the comfort of the lord. That's why when we are close to people who find their way back to him, we be so confused on why they can't be quiet, why they can't stop giving god thanks, why every conversation you have with them they have to bring up God. That's because he is the reason, he was the only one able. now we were surrounded by so many people but they were not able to save us it was only him. So we now know he deserves all the praise. He has to be included in every aspect of our lives. We know what it's like to be on the dark side and on his side. We have all been that kid lost for less than a min in the store but once we lay eyes on our parents we hold on so tight and promise to never get lost again. And that is me right now! I feel safe and secure and appreciative!

Isaiah 54:17 No weapon formed against you shall prosper,

And every tongue which rises against you in judgment

You shall condemn.

This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,

And their righteousness is from Me,”

Says the Lord.

This scripture has been on my mind through my transition. And while I was in the fog I had to fight off so many weapons. Ones that were handsome, ones that got the party started, ones that help me sleep, ones that came in cups on the rocks and some that swore to me they love me. I never thought these things were doing me any harm. So I was enjoying them, but even in the foggy views, God covered me. For 12 years he covered me! For 12years!! People can't deal with you for 3 months before they turn on you but my God never turned his back on me.

I prayed many days I asked him to forgive me I asked him to use me. I told my friends that i had handed things over to him that I hadn't. Yeah I said it I even thought I did but I always took things upon myself. I always wondered and search for the answers I always played with it. So I was never at peace. I just kept dancing with the devil. That's when your on edge and always worried and alway trying to stay one up on whatever is going on in your life. That's an uncomfortable position to be in. It's also a position that's not for me. See I'll never win that game because I am a lover, I am loyal, I'm not stingy , and I don't know how to be any other way. And as I look back. God already knew because he wrote my story. My story was written long ago. He made me this way. He gave me this forgiving heart that don't hold grudges and this loyalty because one day I would need it to be at peace and make peace for those closet to my heart I was just putting it out in the wrong places. Which isn't all bad because I know it works. I sleep peacefully at night because I've never done bad, switched, up or used a soul. I do everything out of love. So I'm at peace! I understand the whole scenario now. I see the bigger picture and see and feel the works of god over my life

[thee-ivy]

Good morning girl!

So...Girl this morning I have the tea,the juice, and a little lesson hopefully! Because I'm sure you can relate. Because real homegirls keep it real! But this is organic juice and tea without sugar because it's just about me. but I knew I could wear my heart on my sleeve and maybe the both of us could gain something from this.

I know we are new home girls or whatever but it's good to be transparent! So here is nothing! Last week I let you all in on this new journey I'm on. Leaning on FAITH and starting fresh and letting the Lord use me! All facts! So boom! Now girl you know every time we set forward to do a great work, the devil comes and try to throw salt on the game honey. Now I told you about my wonderful best friends and how we are tight, so now I have to let you in on my bloodline dynamics. My family is wonderful! I love them to death and they are my biggest blessing! I have an amazing support system. I've had one my entire life.

But girl! *Sips tea* I am a Mother lol. It's serious but I have to laugh because, we do all we can and love our children to the end, but it's still crazy to me 8 years later that I'm somebody's Mother lol!! Whew girl! But it's a task I don't take lightly! Now!! Let me go back a little to help you paint the picture.

So In 2011 I had my daughter Ava! I was young (21) and not prepared at all, I was just out here with my lil boyfriend having a good old time. Then boom I'm pregnant! I had just started having my fun and had just got my little freedom because In high school my Grandma was not having that at all and during college i wasn't even use to having freedom, so I really stuck to what I knew. But girl, we know how it is when we get that one guy that give us that feeling and thats exactly what my baby daddy was for me he was the one that just had me in aww honey lol. So basically he trapped me *shrugs* lol!!!

My family was shocked when I told them but I was never alone in this process. I found out I was pregnant at 3 weeks and by 5 weeks the whole family knew. And they supported me from day numero uno!! I never had to pay for daycare, was always able to work any schedule, never was concerned about her being treated fairly or fed. I always knew my daughter was in good hands probably being spoiled beyond measure. But in my family we don't call it being spoiled, my grandma always said we are just loved properly! So now jump to today where remember girl, I'm currently laid off from my job for 3 months now. So I'm home all the time and I'm with Ava all day once she is home from school. Now this is new for us because I've been working full time since I've had her and sometimes 2 jobs! I live at home with my family because it's just better for Ava and I! She has always been in a steady stable environment which is important to me! I would work crazy hours sometimes, so instead of me taking her to or from at crazy hours, or being an extra burden by breaking others sleep and I'm single it makes all the sense in the world to stay home and create stability for Ava! It's all about her! So Me, My auntie, and my grandma thugs it out! But!!!!! It's like Ava has 3 mothers!!! Blessing right ! Right ! For me sometimes it can be a hassle though Seeing that these two women are also my 2 moms lol. So they automatically think they are the head over me when it comes to Ava! This does not happen often because we all have our role but because I'm home now 24/7 the devil has been trying to get busy girl! So I'm home unemployed and let's make this clear it's take a village to raise a child rather your a Working mom or stay at home mom! But when it comes to parenting a child rather it's with the father, the auntie, the nanny you pay, or the teacher we all have to communicate and be on one accord. And the child has to be aware that we are one. So there will be times you have to bite your tongue and let one of the other village members take the lead! Which I am all for. I get it! But this week, honey, let me be the first to confess that the devil tried to come all up in our home. I really had to pray and stomp the devil up out of here. So! Here it is I have been more hands on with Ava doing the things I want to and adjusting to being home more and spending more hours in a day with Ava. 1. My grandma calls all day as if I don't know what I'm doing lol then Ava gets out of school we do our daily goals(homework, tv, cooking, quality time) and then my aunt comes home on her regular routine as if I'm not there! Not saying she is doing this on purpose or to act as if I don't matter once she gets home from work but it's how it has been for the past 8 years. So she is use to getting home and putting Ava to bed and being the head honcho in that department because I'm typically at work when Ava is going to bed. But the devil will try to get in your mind and try to manipulate the situation. So this week my aunt and I both had lil tudes or whatever but I had to pray it through. And remember this is my homegirl. we laugh,joke, and play all day. I'm trying to work on myself I'm staying covered in prayer and the devil was trying to disturb my peace honey but I got in front of that real quick! So I just ran all of that down just for me to remind you girl. Don't let the devil come up in your village. Don't let him in the cracks of anywhere. Not with your friends, co workers, your mate, your siblings I mean no where. Stay prayed up. Pray about it before you respond to it! Sit on it for a min. Because I'm here to tell you the devil will try to fit in where ever he can to knock you off your square. And our home and our children are things he know we take serious so girl he tried it, yes he did! but I won girl! Next!!!! But just let me know what you think or have this happened to you before???

[thee-ivy]

Whew Girl! This is still the beginning of a very new year. Day 15 to be exact and I have already been delt my playing cards for the year. At least for the first round. The dealer had a surprise for me! But hey, I cut the deck. So we are here. 2019 was definitely a year of learning and learning to apply the things I learn to my life daily. If I could choose my top lesson from 2019 it would 100% be FAITH! Once you learn about faith that mean you worry about nothing. I MEAN WORRY ABOUT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I was not on this journey alone though *3 snaps* My best friends were there every single step of the way. I have been blessed to tackle many life obstacle and accomplishments with the same best friends! We are a package deal. And that in itself is a blessing. Many of us go through storms and once we get to the Sunny side our friends or the people we thought were our friends are lost somewhere in the storm. But that there girl, is one of those things I can't relate to because we are hand in hand!! And I'm so thankful for that. Because this thing called life was not meant to be done alone. We all fall short, we all get a little tired, and we all need a good whisper in the ear that we have what it takes. And that's exactly what we are for each other! We pray, slay, and eat together! But! Back to the this being the start of something new. I said all of that to say this is a new year, new decade, and new milestone year for me! I'll be 30 and when you decide to venture off and do new things or become a better person, you know go to church, say grace over your food, change your hair, drink a lil less, and rather stay home than go out, you sometimes lose those closest to you and humanly that can make you question yourself! So I'm just grateful! I'm starting this new year laid off, no car, and looking to start over ! I decided to take this ride public, because I have faith! I know in Faith, That this is going to be big and God has a dope plan for me! My constant prayer was, USE ME LORD all of last year! We do so many things publicly but most transitions are done in private! Which I'm typically a pretty private but this needs to be witnessed honey! So girl I will surely give you an update soon!