theelusianmysteries - Tumblr blog

[theelusianmysteries]

please only answer if you’re old enough to legally drink where you live

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not a gf or a bf but a secret third thing (stray dog you adopted)

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weekly occurence

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FUCK. honestly just FUCK. We missed a very important day yesterday.

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DEFEAT THE AMERICANS COME ON WE CAN DO IT!! (posting this when they're sleeping hehehe)

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[theelusianmysteries]

"you can just be a girl if you want" is one of the most powerful phrases ever spoken on earth

[theelusianmysteries]

I deserve a mech suit. I deserve a symbiotic relationship with heavy machinery. I deserve to experience a perfect connection between flesh and metal

[theelusianmysteries]

yes man loves tame impala

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joining the war on msg on the side of msg…

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me, quietly whispering to the ao3 page of an author who doesn’t even know I exist: I am obsessed with you

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why the fuck is it called the xbox 360 what does 360 mean???????????????????

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I saw a post talking about how some of your mutuals will always be their url to you (even once you know their name), soooo

[theelusianmysteries]

Hitting on women at the beach... 

So, I went to the beach to try to pick up girls. I didn't have any luck and ended up wandering into a surf shop. I talked to the guy there and told him about my dilemma.

He told me that the women on the beach are shallow, and I should buy a Speedo swimsuit and go out to the snack stand, buy a giant pickle on a stick and place it down my shorts. Then I could get women's attention. I was on my own after that. If they could see the bulge, at least they would be interested.

So, I did exactly what he said, but every time I approached women and made sure they saw the bulge in my swimsuit, they would say "Ewww... Gross!" Or "Get out of here!" or just leave. It was worse than before.

After an hour or so of getting rejected, I went back to the surf shop.

The guy who gave me the advice said "Dude. The pickle goes in FRONT."

[theelusianmysteries]

I got a mental health wellness app and decided my first entry was going to be about a videogame I played that day

[theelusianmysteries]

This is Money Snake. She only appears every 312 years. 

If you reblog her picture within the next twenty-five seconds you will have good luck and fortune for the rest of your life. 

[theelusianmysteries]

Lmao you think Philadelphia is affordable???

Seattle is like Chicago if it was unaffordable