theforumcat

[theforumcat]

[theforumcat]

Have you seen this cat?

Now you have

[theforumcat]

Walking around my neighborhood wearing my sick as fuck custom T-shirt that says "I STEAL EVERY FRIENDLY CAT I MEET WITH NO REMORSE I DO IT ALL THE TIME DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK I BEEN HERE FOR YEARS KEEP THAT BEAST ENCLOSED LEST YE FACE MY LIGHTNING CAT GRASP" and smiling politely while my neighbors' indoor-outdoor cats gently trot down the sidewalk towards me as the neighbors themselves read my shirt with a growing sense of panic.

[theforumcat]

Did you know you can just go on Craigslist and buy a trebuchet?

Yeah, some rich dude had a collection of them. Basement full of siege weapons. Classic hoarding problem: I guess he kicked it and his family doesn't want them. They're cleaning out his trebuchet collection. Putting these giant war machines up at cut-rate prices. Honestly, looking at the pictures, I'm not even sure these are replicas.

Trent – you remember Trent, from college? – went down there and talked them into giving him one of the little ones for $60. Sixty bucks! I know! It's still big enough to chuck a Coke can full of rocks about half a kilometre. Government forgot to put it in the firearms code, too, so he can take it wherever he wants and the cops can't say shit.

Man, listen to me talk about trebuchets. I didn't even remember that it's insensitive to you, because your dad died in the 1300s during a prolonged siege of Stirling Castle. I'm sorry, it's so easy to forget with how busy life is now, not like when we were kids. You know what, I bet that dude's estate sale has a lot of regular-ass catapults too. Just as much fun without the harrowing memories. Let's go on down there this weekend, pick up some toys, and see if we can wreck Trent's Chevy Malibu from the other side of the lake.

[theforumcat]

“We’ve crushed fascism before and we’ll crush it again.” A 98-year-old WWII veteran demolishes a Tesla with a Sherman tank. (Love the replays from several camera angles.)

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[theforumcat]

No your honor i would never kill out of anger. I killed that guy for sport

[theforumcat]

saw a woman comforting her sobbing child saying “i already told you, you have to keep looking forward, looking back just gets you hurt” and i thought she was sharing a beautiful life lesson about the importance of letting go of regret and resentment. but it turns out the kid just wasn’t looking where he was going and ran into a wall

[theforumcat]

I still firmly believe that Tatiana Maslany should have won more awards for her work in Orphan Black, she is literally like half of the cast and yet each character she plays is distinct and different enough to tell when one is pretending to be another and so on and so forth

You could literally believe that each character is played by different actors if it weren't for the fact that they all have the same face and you wouldn't be able to find that many actors who look alike

[theforumcat]

[theforumcat]

I was sad until I opened the Sims and made a dog called Chocolate Milk and I think you should look at him

[theforumcat]

tumblr leftists being surprised to see middle aged white women with signs or hats saying "deny defend depose" really reinforces for me that tumblr leftists don't actually talk to people lmao. like I did a lot of canvassing as a teenager and you know who the best most reliable political organizers are? middle aged women. you know who's bloodthirsty after watching rachel maddow every night and sharing HuffPo articles on facebook? middle aged women. maybe sheryl from iowa who's been voting religiously for democrats for the past thirty years IS more hardcore than you, tumblr user who did a write-in "protest vote." what are you going to do about that.

[theforumcat]

you've been salmonsharked reblog to salmonshark someone else

[theforumcat]

hoffman's car

[theforumcat]

the classic Finnish mix of extreme dutifulness and “we will make actual conversation after a silent interaction trial period of 6 weeks, thank you” can be really funny sometimes. told my coworker that I’d like to save the coffee grounds the workplace generated and take them home “for my mushrooms and worms” and she was just like “okei” and dutifully saved every single grounds-filled filter for weeks and weeks. about five weeks into this whole thing, after I thank her for the coffee grounds and tell her my worms must love them because they’re breeding very enthusiastically, she finally asks “so your worms… do they have a purpose or are they just… worms”. like sure I’ll save you all these coffee grounds every single time I drink coffee, 3+ times a day, but god forbid I inquire about your specific worm habits before propriety allows it. you could be eating them for breakfast for all I know but that’s your business

[theforumcat]

When I was 3 years old I went to a preschool that had this little green crocheted crocodile finger puppet that was my absolute favorite toy to play with of all time. I named her Chelsea, because Chelsea starts with C and crocodile starts with C and more often than not wild animals in fiction aimed at kids have names that start with the same first letter as their species. I played with Chelsea every day, because she was my favorite toy, and because the other kids weren't really interested in her, and also because I eventually started to hide her in a special secret spot in the room so no one else would find her before I did. She was so beloved by me that when I graduated from preschool, my teachers gave Chelsea to me permanently, because it was clear no one else would ever love that little crochet crocodile as much as me anyway (in part because I hid her). They waited a few weeks after I graduated before doing it, too, and sent Chelsea with some post cards as if the crocodile had been on a whirlwind "travel the world" vacation before deciding to come live with me.

And Chelsea remained my favorite toy all through my childhood. There were others I loved nearly as much, like my Imperial Godzilla and the big red T.rex from the first Jurassic Park toy line and my tiny knockoff plush Charmander, but Chelsea always held the place of honor in my heart. She was my absolute favorite toy.

I kept a lot of my favorite toys through adolescence, even if social pressure eventually got me to give away a lot of them (and some, y'know, broke). That's obviously not surprising to you if you've followed my blog, since I still collect toys into my adulthood. But it's important to note because while I know I made a conscious effort to never throw out Chelsea every time I pared down my collection... at some point, she went missing.

I became aware of it when I graduated from high school. I was feeling really emotional about leaving that stage of my life and, y'know, becoming an adult and shit, and in that state I decided to find Chelsea to reassure myself that I hadn't entirely left childhood behind. But Chelsea wasn't there. No matter how hard I looked, I could not find Chelsea anyway.

And that was, like, devastating, because the only explanation was that somehow, at some point, I had accidentally tossed her out with some other "childhood junk" while trying to grow up and be responsible in my teen years. I had literally thrown away my childhood in a careless attempt to be more grown up.

Of course I knew she was just a toy - nothing more than some yarn twisted together in the loose shape of a crocodile, lifeless and soul-less and more or less worthless in the objective light of day. But she was also Chelsea, my best friend since i was three, my stalwart little pal, a source of comfort for most of my life at that point, and I had just... tossed her out! Like garbage! What kind of person was I becoming if I could do that to my best friend?

I was very visibly distraught, and my mom noticed. Being very crafty, she tried to find the pattern for Chelsea so she could knit me a new one. The problem is, she had no idea where to find said pattern. She checked all her books of crochet patterns, and when that failed she tried the internet, but no matter how hard she looked, she found nothing.

So my mom found the next best thing.

The original Chelsea was a tiny finger puppet, and I had "met" her when I was three. Well, I was eighteen now - shouldn't Chelsea have grown too? And as has been established, this crocodile was fond of whirlwind vacations. My mom found a pattern that looked as much like Chelsea as possible while also being a much bigger crocodile, and gifted her to me before I left for college - to show that while we can't stop the flow of time or how it changes us, that doesn't mean we have to leave it behind.

And yeah, I decided to believe it. That's Chelsea now. Yeah, I know that in reality it's a completely different set of yarn made by my mom rather than... whoever it was that crocheted the original Chelsea, but then, Chelsea was never really the yarn. She was the feelings I put into the yarn, you know? So that's Chelsea, all grown up, and still my most prized toy.

...

Flash forward... Jesus, eighteen years, holy shit. A few weeks ago I saw a post trying to identify a different crochet crocodile pattern, and thinking it was cute, I decided to try and look for it on ebay and etsy, just to see if maybe I could find it. I didn't, but do you know what I found instead?

A very familiar crochet crocodile finger puppet. An intensely familiar one, you might say. Of course I bought it. And of course I asked the seller if, perhaps, they might have the pattern for it or know where it came from (they did not, alas). And after a few days, she showed up at my house.

She's not Chelsea, obviously. For one thing, she's far too clean and fresh looking - Chelsea was very well loved, and looked the part, while this crocodile finger puppet has definitely not endured years upon years of a child's affection. And, more importantly, she's not Chelsea because we've already established that Chelsea grew up into a bigger crochet crocodile. This has to be Chelsea's younger sister, Cici.

And if I could find another of Chelsea's kind after all these years, then maybe, with a bit of luck, I might find the pattern for her, and be able to make more of them. Fill the world with Chelseas.