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[thegaythespian]

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[thegaythespian]

it's funny, I was talking to someone last night who didn't really know what an illustrator was. so when I introduced myself as one, he gave a speech that would've probably gone over well with a gallery artist, but which was precision-tailored to make any illustrator within a 50 mile radius go into eyes-glowing-red kill mode.

his speech was about how there is a difference between craft and art, and how people can practice craft (as in, skillfully execute a painting) without it having any artistic merit.

so I'm someone who gets paid to paint waffles for restaurant menus and dinosaurs for museums exhibits, and AHHHHHH! AHHHHHHH! you can't make art without it being something something you've made. does that make sense? like every illustrator I know has an individual way of approaching any given imagery that is informed by a lifetime of inspiration, and of passive intake of culture, and of the specific mistakes they make because of whatever their particular mass of grey matter deems as important thing to render or unimportant, just fuck it up.

I can make something that is informed by both a century of Canadian print-making and by my own particular neurosis, and it can also be commissioned commercial imagery that I regurgitate without care because I want to pay my mortgage. everything is art, nothing isn't art, art is something sticky and impossible to shake off of you.

anyway he got very wide-eyed and said "I'm sorry if I offended you," so today I feel a bit bad for having gotten so, uh.... excited.

[thegaythespian]

all goofing aside I genuinely don't understand the urge to reimagine Taylor Allison Swift as a secretly queer icon when the pop music scene(TM) is like. literally overflowing with women who actually like women. Gaga and Kesha and Miley and Halsey are right there. Rina Sawayama and Hayley Kiyoko and Rebecca Black and Kehlani and Victoria Monét and Miya Folick if you're willing to get slightly less top 100. Janelle and Demi for them nonbinary takes on liking girls. like what are we doing here. like I'm not even saying you can't enjoy Taylor but why would you hang all your little gay hopes on her.

[thegaythespian]

I love lesbians lmao

[thegaythespian]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[thegaythespian]

[thegaythespian]

okay I got one of the short answers mostly finished in like 1.5-2 hrs, and started the second one, so if I work from 9-11 tonight after work and then practice my monologue a few times afterwards, and do the same routine tomorrow I should be in a good spot to be citing my sources on Tuesday at the latest?

[thegaythespian]

[thegaythespian]

Poll: if your mom remarries when you’re 26 years old is that guy still your stepdad or is he just your mom’s husband.

[thegaythespian]

[thegaythespian]

I can’t put this as the first sentence for a question on on my final exam. But I could…

[thegaythespian]

A small victory to celebrate for today

[thegaythespian]

I must complete this homework but all I want to do is crochet and cross stitch. This summer will be the summer of fiber arts I shall create so many things and fuck up my wrists even more

[thegaythespian]

[thegaythespian]

When people talk about needing to network/know people in showbiz. They're actually talking about "i need a cheerful, polite young man who is good at playing up the "horrified beaurecrat" while in a mildly sinister role in a premise that steadily gets more horrifying" and Sam Reich going "Oh I can get Brian David Gilbert!". They're talking about "I need a someone willing to completely straightfaced create a gag video parodying classic youtuber formula with a ridiculous premise but completely deadpan tone' and Sam Reich going "Oh I can get Sungwon Cho!". They're talking about "I need a guy who is willing to just be the creepiest most sinister clown with the goofiest voice and mannerisms" and Sam Reich going "Oh I can get Josh Ruben!". They're talking about "I need the goofiest guy possible to incompetently eat spaghetti and scatter it all around the set and onto my competitors podiums while doing witty banter" and Sam Reich going "Oh I can get Grant O- he has WHAT. Shit. Zac, Zac Oyama, where are you-"

[thegaythespian]

so dropout's gamechanger has been going thru an ARG, where the prevailing theory is that sam reich was replaced after Escape the Greenroom with Samual Dalton (acclaimed magician/time traveler).

My addition is this: after Escape the Greenroom, Sam has been looking at his hands every time he says "I am your host, Sam Reich" with astonishment.

Like he's amazed that this is his body. He also annunciates the 'I' in 'I am your host' more noticeably, but it is not as consistent. I noticed it before, but figured it was just a new season refresh for intros.

He does not do this in any prior episode, like The Bachelor. The episodes right after Escape the Greenroom, the Battle Royale series, Sam does not do his normal intro after introducing the players.

Interestingly, in the Escape the Greenroom episode itself, he does not look at his hands but the screen glitches before he says "I've been here the whole time" (similar to the prominent glitching in Deja Vu).

this is what I've been munching on. sam you slimy dog.

[thegaythespian]