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[theghostwritersstory-blog]

SPIRITUALITY VS. RELIGION (part 1)

DISCLAIMER:

Disclaimer: This post is not meant to put DOWN any specific religion or faith. I don’t expect to change anyone’s religion or perspective overnight, if at all. I like to meet people where they are, and I believe that anything that personally brings you peace and faith, is good for YOU. However, I’m often asked why I no longer consider myself to be a Christian, though I do believe in God and Jesus, (just not in the same way that I once did before). And usually, when I first explain this to people that are still grounded in their religious Faith, I’m met with a response of shock, or confusion. So, I’d like to share how, and a little bit of “why” my perspective on religion as a whole has changed throughout the course of many years.

HYPOCRICY

Now, I think I’d be lying to say that I’ve never ONCE been hypocritical in life. I think this is regular human behavior, seeing as though we can ALL be fickle, and change perspectives and thoughts often. However, when I grew up in the church, I saw this more than usual. I grew up going to an all black Christian church, filled with upper middle-class Blacks, some could even say many of them were the “snobby” type. (Just painting a picture on what my church was like.) I went to Sunday school, and sang, “Jesus Loves Me”, the whole shebang. Yes, I grew up completely devoted in my faith, like most Christians. 

But, ironically, some of these Christians were some of the meanest and judgmental people I have ever met. The people who went to church daily, were usually the meanest. And even as a small child I would always wonder why this was. Guilt? Shame? Covering up their “sins”? They would be so mean and cruel to others, then walk right in the church and go praise the Lord. 

In my eyes, this was equivalent to the “mean girls” in high school or college making “Women Empowerment”, posters, after a full day of spreading lies, and ganging up on the women that didn't “fit in”. 

Or, the high school basketball player that Is praised for being the star athlete, even after a string of sexual assault allegations, that many turn their heads to, because well, he’s just “too good” at what he does. We’ve all witnessed hypocrisy, but the question is, “How far does it go?” My answer? VERY far. 

RELIGION

Notice, when the Fourth of July comes around, many people of color like to jump on the bandwagon of, “This is not our holiday, it didn’t benefit us in any way.” But turn around and tell those same people of color that Christianity is not truly our religion, and you will most likely be met with contempt or dismay. At this point, you may even have several devout Christians telling you how you must repent to be “saved”, and how you MUST be a devil worshipper, or lack the force of God within your life. Personally, I don’t think it’s healthy to believe in anything, that will make you not even WANT to acknowledge another point of view. At that point, I feel like you can’t be as rooted in your faith as you think, if listening to a different opinion triggers you to that extent. I can listen to other points of views all day, but it won’t have me questioning my own, though I am open. I actually find this mentality to “not listen”, to be very brainwashing and limiting.

MEETING PEOPLE WHERE THEY ARE

If someone tells me, “God will bring me what I want.”

“Jesus is so good to me.”

(Though I don’t see God and Jesus as being one and the same.)

I can agree, I’m not going to sit and debate them on every little thing, though I don’t necessarily feel that God “brings you things” either, I will meet that person where they are, and agree. I just accept that I have my own understanding of what that means. I can even go to Christian church, and still feel motivation, because I take what I need from it. Even though I see it slightly differently, I don’t seek to make things that difficult. I can understand where they are, and what they mean. 

I love to learn and study different religions, from Christianity to Buddhism. One thing I find most interesting is how SIMILAR, most religions actually are. See, even though I’m not a Christian, I can still appreciate Christian pastors, I can even read general Bible passages and quotes, that give me inspiration, and it’s not because I’m being “fake”, but I know how to take what I need from things.

For instance, Bible versus, and evangelists that preach general messages like: 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud…”

I can accept this, because I see truth in this statement. But when it comes to certain theology that is taught in Christianity, like Mary being a virgin, or Jesus being God’s “only son”, this I cannot relate to. I think these certain theologies keep people very stagnant (in my opinion), as these are not statements that truly make sense.

I don’t believe that Mary was a virgin, I believe that she had a baby the same way any other woman does, by being impregnated, by a man. I don’t believe in Eve biting the apple, etc. etc. I also don’t believe that Jesus was God’s “only son”, nor do I believe that he was GOD. I believe that the history of “Jesus”, (that was not even truly his name), has been extremely white-washed and manipulated, in most history books that we read today. And I believe that the man we know today as Jesus, was someone that came to this earth, and used all the faculties of God, to his best ability, just as we all can. And that religion teaches you that you can’t, or don’t have the ability to use the full potential of God, just as Jesus did. And this leads to one thing for many people: stagnation.

JESUS WAS BLACK?

Sometimes, I ask Black Christians, “Do you see no issues in worshipping a “White Jesus?”

Many times, they see no problem with this. Most will tell me that they don’t care, just as long as the story of Jesus lives on. And I find this to be more than a little problematic. Now, I’m not saying that Christianity or The Bible is a lie, (I like to make this very clear). 

However, the man we know today as Jesus, was actually based on a man from Ethiopian theology (He was Black). And it wasn’t until the religion was white-washed, changed, and brought to us by Europeans, that Jesus was represented as being white. Not only was Jesus pictured as a white man, but certain ways of thinking were also added into the Bible to create submission, and a sense of “humility” for black slaves at the time. So that they would learn not to fight back, and stay meek and “humble”.

This is part of the reason that it irks me in modern days times, when black people CONSTANTLY speak on how humble we should all be. It sends chills up my spine. And if you think about it, almost all of the original African theologies teach blacks that they were gods and goddesses. But this history has been erased from people of color. And knowing this history, in many ways, makes it hard to not find certain parts of Christianity to be very problematic.

CONCEPTS THAT KEEP YOU STAGNANT

Jesus died for our sins: I feel like many Christians use this as a crutch. If I’m being completely honest, some of the most mean-spirited people I know are the “holier than thou”, type Christians. I’m talking about the ones that feel the need to post Bile versus all day every day, and for a while I didn’t know why, but then it started to make sense. See, this very statement will cause many to think that because a man supposedly died for you, that all your sins are forgiven. 

AGAIN, I can’t tell people not to believe in this, however, common spirituality teaches you that what you do comes back to you. If you’d like to feel forgiven by your deity, that’s great. But it fails to teach you that each and every one of your actions has a consequence, and that what you do, will eventually come back to you. These are Universal laws.

PRAYING TO A WHITE JESUS 

Many people will tell you, “Oh, it doesn’t matter what race Jesus is, as long as we can learn the message he was trying to send. This is not true. If that was the case you WOULD see pictures of a black Jesus, in white churches, often. You’d see Jesus pictured in almost every nationality in America, but do you? Let’s be real. 

This is a subliminally brainwashing tactic, that most “don’t care about”, but it affects you more than you can realize. 

WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THE HOLOCAUST SURVIVORS WERE BLACK?

YOU’D HAVE SEVERAL PEOPLE RIOTING THE STREETS, IF THIS WERE EVEN THOUGHT TO BE A CONCEPT.

Think about it, would it be okay for The Holocaust survivors to be pictured as black, in movies, and popular TV shows? Would Jewish people be ok with representing Anne Frank, as a black woman? And do you mean to tell me that this wouldn’t be detrimental as hell to the Jewish community? It’s funny, you always have to bring up The Holocaust, for certain people to truly put this into perspective, even when it comes to slavery. Most people are now coming to terms with the fact that representing Egyptians as white, in movies, is extremely volatile and wrong. But mention that Jesus should be pictured as black, and not white, and you’re met with contempt. I don’t understand it.

When I was a Christian, and grew up going to church, I always felt somewhat excluded, especially if I decided to question ANYTHING. In my heart, this didn’t feel right. Especially growing up in an environment where many around me would preach “love and understanding”. These were the same people that screamed to the top of their lungs that they, “loved the Lord,” except… I felt no love.

I noticed that most Christians were taught to shun, and REJECT, REJECT, REJECT — anything that didn’t fit the Christian narrative. This was a theme that followed me throughout my life, not necessarily just in church, but it started here, for me. And most people grew up being religious, just as I was, could it be a coincidence? Personally, I felt very little love in the church, mostly judgement. 

“GOD TOLD ME, HE WHISPERED TO ME”

“God told me to patient, He whispered in my ear and told me,” the church would say.

But I couldn’t hear Him, I never heard Him. As a child, I would always wonder if my ears were broken. Was God speaking to everyone but me? And then, one day I realized, God was very real, but He wasn’t outside of me. I couldn’t find Him in the sky, or in any MAN. 

God is not man, and in my opinion, saying this is almost insulting. Then one day I realized, God was very real, but he was not outside of ME.

I started to truly believe this, and watched my world change, my power grow, and my reality shift. I couldn’t believe what was happening. It was in this very moment that I started to FEEL, HEAR, and SEE God all around me…

I wasn’t crazy, I was just looking for God in all the wrong places— when he was WITHIN me, all along.

I felt the most disconnected from God than I had probably ever felt when I was Christian. Because this religion taught me to pray outwardly, and look to a God outside of myself. Up in the sky. To plead, and beg to a man that I saw frequently in books….. and in churches, a white man at that. And so many of us wonder why in some ways we are conditioned to think that white is better (even if it is subconsciously).

COMFORTABLE ILLUSIONS

I think letting go of the illusion that God is a separate entity than yourself is hard for most, because it involves taking a little more accountability for your life.

Everything around you, or that is going on in your life, YOU are creating, because you are that powerful. To think you are simply a mere mortal, walking this earth with no say so in your life, can be comforting to some. And it’s hard to admit, that everything in your life, you are somehow creating, because again, accountability! 

 “WHITE IS BETTER”

The way some of us straighten our hair, wear weave, or do our makeup, shows that brainwashing is still alive and well. If you think the pictures of White Jesus all around you, have nothing to do with this, I can’t help you.

Even the music that we listen to, that sadly puts our own race down. (Most top execs are white Jews, they push this music to our communities, and we are fine with it.)

The way we worship money and diamonds, and only see wealth as success? People of color have been SIMULATED to adopt capitalistic mentality, that was never ours to begin with, which is why we as a people have always struggled to “keep up”. 

 ACCOUNTABILITY

Will I stop listening to the music and stop straightening my hair? Probably not any time soon. And this shows you just how powerful the conditioning truly is, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to know the truth, about why everything happens. 

Knowledge is the best tool, whether you always use the tool, or not, you can always be aware of where things stem from. I think it’s easy to point the finger in this society of who isn’t “really doing good”, or not “practicing what they preach”, and I try really hard not to be that person. Because I realize we are all flawed. And still brainwashed by the matrix. 

I grew up going to Sunday school, believing that Jesus and God were one in the same, etc. And it honestly took me a lot of unlearning, for me to even start to see MY truth. We are all at different places in life, so whatever you believe is YOUR truth, and I nor anyone else can take that away from you. But I will say, life takes a turn when you set out to look for THE truth, and never look back.

[theghostwritersstory-blog]

“I WAS CHEATED ON!”

SOCIAL MEDIA-TION

Recently, while getting into a heated debate, on a popular social app, a guy decided to throw the fact that I had been “cheated on” in my face. This is a classic case of someone not having enough facts, or words to back up their debate/argument, so instead they throw insults-- what THEY consider to be insults, anyway. This is something I’m used to, being that my debating skills are pretty A1, the only thing that can stop them are usually things that have nothing to do with said topic. 

Now, the back-story behind this, is that I happened to ask him about the girl my ex cheated on me with, when it first happened. Because social media makes this world very small (mutuals, subtweets, hints), I had every reason to assume he knew something about the incident. And for those of you wondering why I would ask another person, and why I would go “that far”, or be “that dumb”, just be aware if you were in my situation, and somone was going as far to hide the details from you as my ex did to me, you would understand. The last thing I thought I’d ever be doing at my age was digging for answers from a third-party source, about a man I thought I knew, but life comes at you fast.

Social media has not only made dating harder, but its made the world a lot more transparent, to an extent. And what most people don't realize about me, is that as “private” as I can be, there is really no shame in my game as far as spilling the beans on my lessons learned. In fact, it really motivates me, and lifts a weight off my shoulders. 

ONCE IT’S PUBLIC, I’M SHARING

I keep a lot to myself, unless something happens in a public light, to me, or has been discussed publicly (in a way that it didn't happen). I’ve had plenty of falling outs with people that I have never discussed or posted. So what makes a situation post-able for me? If the situation causes me a great deal of trauma, or was done in a way to try and create damage in my world (publicly)... it will be turned into a discussion topic, before it can be fully let go. This is my process, and I don’t expect for everyone to “get it”.

So, the fact that this situation was made public, thanks to social media (where the girl my ex cheated with, posted him on her story for NYE) I can write about it. And as for the guy I was arguing with, that called himself “exposing” my ex? All he did was give me the green light to start my next post. 

THE ‘IF I FEEL THIS WAY, YOU MUST TOO’ PHENOMENON 

I’ve also learned that if something embarrases others, they assume it must be the same for you, so they project:

“Why is she telling us this?”

“Why do we need to know?”

“Why share your business?”

But their reality is not mine. It took me a long time to realize that what works for some, just doesnt work for me, and vice versa. And that usually the people projecting that onto me were going through their own internal battles and struggles, but they didn't yet feel free enough to release or share that. 

Over time, I've just learned to be less judgmental as to how people decide to relieve their traumas, because I’ve realized not everyone will understand how I choose to heal, nor do I see why they care. “They” can’t see the way my life does a complete 180 when I decide to do this one simple thing, release my truth. I’ve even started to see life as a game, every time I do something outside of my comfort zone, I’m rewarded in an external way (job, money, faith). It may sound weird to some, but it’s not for them to understand. 

NO SHAME, NO GAIN

I encourage women to say they’ve been cheated on, with pride, in a male chauvinistic world, that creates this double standard, insinuating women are to blame for a man’s infedelities. 

And personally, I refuse to feel low because someone I was with chose to cheat, with a girl that... let’s just say was pretty “known”, and not in the best way. Social media is small, and it’s made even smaller if you’re promiscuous, male or female. (This is not me throwing shade, but this is the truth.)

Let’s just say I immediately went and got tested, just to make sure everything  was ok, with ME. The only thing that I’m thankful for is going to the doctors, and being told that I was completely healthy. And no, I never got back with this person, but seeing how low he would go, and the lack of standards, made me question what was going on during the whole relationship. And I think it’s very scary how people can have you trusting them, while they simultaneously are out here putting you in danger, for their own selfish gains. But I will say, being aware of how much trusting a person can actually put you in harm’s way is very eye opening.

WHEN MEN BRAG TO “FRIENDS”

The night of NYE, my ex went on to brag to one of his “friends” about how this girl was his, “p*ssy for the night”, a disturbing phrase that I will never quite forget. My ex had convinced me that he was spending the holidays with his dying grandfather, meanwhile there he was getting spotted on social media, in other snap stories, etc. 

This is where I say social media is made so small, because of course these same “friends” of his ended up getting the info back to me. My ex tried so hard to fit in and “flex” for a group of guys that always treated him like the underdog. He also went so far to attempt to hide this from me, even deleted mutuals that we had, he change his story settings, deleted posts, etc. 

This person went so far to “hide” these things from me, not realizing that social media is forever, and that word travels fast. There is no “bro code” when social media is involved. Nor when you have friends that actually wish they had a woman like you had. Also, something I notice of men who openly try and disrespect women, for the attention of other men, usually get the least respect in their friend groups. These men are usually overcompensating to feel that void. He went around bragging to the same friends that told me about him being a cheater, like I wouldn't find out, how ironic. 

SEEKING VALIDATION

I think it’s because certain men, especially ones with low self esteem, are constantly looking for that next badge of approval or acceptance, that they handle things the way they do. I had even seen it with the way he constantly posted pics of me on social media. He got so much validation from it, that he wouldn't even take them down once we were over. And I'm not a cocky person at all, but I definately made him look good, in every possible way. 

So many people would always try to discredit him for his “looks”, and they would wonder why I was with him, but I always defended him and called these people shallow. At one point, the same friends of his that most-likely encouraged his cheating behavior, were the same ones constantly asking if I had friends for them.

Once the relationship was over and I made it clear I wasn't getting back together with him, this is when he started gas-lighting me for figuring out the truth. This was when he realized that to feel some power in the ending of the relationship, he had to turn it around on me. All of a sudden, I was “crazy” for figuring out all that this person did behind my back. I had to beg for him to take my pics down. He would say I was crazy for hitting him up to take, MY pictures down. I no longer wanted to be associated after the public incident. 

GET TESTED

I told him to take down the pictures of him and I, and to post the girl he had cheated with. But this was not something he even felt comfortable even doing. But, he was comfortable when he was bragging to friends about his, “p*ssy for the night”. 

He might have wanted to mention the permanent STD his new fling had, or the “bros” of his that she had slept with prior to him. But men won't mention that part will they? ‘Cause the truth doesn't sound as good as the fairytale they make up for the approval. They won't mention the TYPE of girl thy cheat with. 

He didn't share the fact that the night after he cheated, when he realized this girl was only jealous of hs girlfriend, and didn't really want him... he was blowing my phone up, covering up lies, bribing me with money, backtracking all his prior statements, like I didnt know. He even tried to lie, saying he hadn't seen this girl since college.

Slowly but surely, the reality of everything I thought I knew about this person came crashing down. I had never dealt with such a pathological liar, nor had I ever seen anything like it in life. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. How do you lie about something that has been seen by so many others via socials? But it was also a relief to finally known the truth, in some odd way. 

The oddest thing is, during the relationship I had great times, and shared great memories with this person. But the way a situation ends, says a lot more than what the entire two year relationship could. It took a long time to get over, because part of me was always searching for a glimpse of that loving, sweet, and always caring person that I thought I once knew. It was waking up from that illusion which caused my brief suffering. 

DEVIL’S ADVOCATE: WHY SHARE THIS?

Now no one has asked me this question, but I constantly do this thing, where I play devil’s advocate with myself. It helps me get better at debating, overall, as well as having a “comeback” to questions I might be asked. Don't ask why, I just like to stay prepared . Maybe I’ve been conditioned, because I know what to expect from people -- opposition.

The reason I feel it’s so important to share the fact that my ex cheated, is because for far too long its always seemed like this is looked at as a stigma, or burden for the woman to bear. Often times, when a man is unfaithful in a relationship these are the narratives you hear:

NARRATIVES:

”She got played.”

So often in these situations, it truly comes down to the man playing himself. Nine times out of ten, at least in the situations I’ve been in, when a man cheated on me, not only did they end up begging to come back, but they ended up in situations where they actually looked stupid. Situations where they seemed to instantly realize the grass wasn’t greener. And found themselves SOL, when they thought they’d be welcomed back. And this may be my ego speaking, but I don't believe that a majority of women ever get “played”. Even if a man doesn’t attempt to come back, this isn't a measure of your worth. It could mean they have too much pride to admit they have ruined a good thing, and some men aren't mature enough to even face that reality, I'm learning.

I feel like most women uprage after situations like this (mentally, emotionally, and physcially) and end up seeing their true worth. I even used to joke and say I wanted my heart broken so that I can GLOW-UP. I’ve also noticed that in the long-run, the men that do you wrong never seem to fully get over it. Even an ex I pined over in the past, back in college, called me months ago wanting to “talk”, and I was so unfazed by his call. I ignored it. Women may hurt more at first, but men never seem to get over that hurt in the long run, I’ve realized. So who is really “getting played”? I see too many women claim and own this, when in reality it is so far from true. 

“Playing” a good woman, who loved you despite your flaws, despite what you did or didn't have, and despite your short-comings, is hard to find. You may not realize it in the them moment, but a good woman doesn’t get played, she just adjusts, and gets better for the right man herself.

 “She couldn't keep a man.”

We hear this all the time. It implies that to “keep” a man, you must do a,b,and c, and if you can't keep him, or his interest, you’ve failed miserably, correct? Not exactly. You see, there are women that will do everything they practically can for a man, and they still get cheated on. There is no surefire way to keep a cheater from being what he was, probably before he even met you-- a cheater!

There are even some women that turn a blind eye to cheating, as they feel like it is a prize to keep a man, no matter the cost. And I don't judge that anymore, I think everyone has their own standards, and I've learned not to judge what is acceptable in other relationships or not. Relationships are so hard to judge, because you realize that no matter how much you tell a third-party, no one can truly understand you and the bond you and that person share. I try to keep this in mind before I judge what the next person puts up with. 

However, I decided a while ago that if lowering my standards when it comes to unfaithfulness, just to keep a relationship, was just not going to be my portion, no matter how deep I thought our love once was. I put up with that back in college, but I’m grown now. I don't have the same mind I once had, then. 

Most men can’t keep YOU. I think most men do realize the qualities of the woman that they have, they just don’t assume that woman will ever leave them. They start to think maybe that kind of woman will come a dime a dozen, and when they see that’s not the case, they rush back. But you can’t keep me, with cheating ways. It took me a long time to realize that very literally and figuratively, men could not obtain the standards they started off with, and couldn't keep ME. A lot more women have to realize this. 

I feel like when you decide to sabatoge a whole relationship for one night, that shows me where I am on the list of prioroties, and that’s unforgivable. I just try to stay aware of what I will not tolerate. And I can name a few people that would still love me in their life if I decided to turn a blind eye to their bullshit, but that’s not something my heart allows me to do. And I’m aware of the conflicts that arise form me choosing not to believe that “all men cheat”, but does that mean I stop fighting for what’s right, for me? I just don't think that’s the case. 

-”She’s crazy.”

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and she joked to me,”Men will drive you to crazy, drop you off at the destination, and then CALL you crazy,” and I felt that. I’ve realized, since it’s almost expected for women to be “crazy”, this is a good word to use whenever a woman is actually being logical about something that the man doesn't want to deal with. Rarely do women wake up one day and decide to be “crazy”, out the blue. Most times, the man will just leave out all the ways in which he triggered a woman to get to that “crazy” point. 

In conclusion, women go through a lot at times. Including being made a villain in situations that a lot of us are actually victims to. And no this isn’t insinuating that all men are bad, and women are good. It just seems like on a large scale, men forget that women often get tired of them too. Women lose interest and feel like cheating, and sometimes we’d like to see how other guys differ from the man we are with, but most times I see us women staying loyal. And it’s just assumed that “men will be men”, and have their fun.

To any woman that relates to my story, just know you aren't alone. 

[theghostwritersstory-blog]

pro·jec·tion prəˈjekSH(ə)n/ Part 1

Definition

A psychological projection is a defense mechanism people subconsciously employ in order to cope with difficult feelings or emotions. Psychological projection involves projecting undesirable feelings or emotions onto someone else, rather than admitting to or dealing with the unwanted feelings.

BACKGROUND

Growing up, I’ve always considered myself to be somewhat of a loner. And that’s not to say that I’m antisocial, or incapable of building bonds with others. It’s actually the contrary, when I do form bonds they are very near and dear to me, and I cherish them with everything I have. I just always had this sense of self, that others confused with me “distancing myself”, when in reality I would always seek solitude for progression.

At my most outgoing, I can even be the life of the party, if I want to be. I also have created some long-lasting friendships that I’ll always cherish, even if they may have ended, the love doesnt. However, being an only-child made me very comfortable with temporarily retreating back to my solitude, when need be. Part of living in solitude, means not always being “in the mix”, or surrounded by the crowd. One thing I’ve learned, is that when you are more to yourself, and people don’t really know you, they are more likely to create projections about you.

WHEN THEY DON’T KNOW, THEY’LL MAKE IT UP

I don’t know why, but I think that others find comfort in trying to figure out who you are, especially when they don’t really know. And when people are less likely to truly know who you are, they can develop a habit of making it up, whether they realize this or not. Even people that you are close to can project onto you as well.

I think that’s why I’ve always been so enthralled in the concept projections, their meaning, and why some of us are so comfortable making them.

We live in a world where many will judge you based on their own beliefs/perceptions, deep within their subconscious mind. Some people have certain character traits that they may like to deny having, such as; anger, jealousy, envy, greed, territorialism, bitterness, neediness, that they try to project onto other people. They launch psychological defense mechanisms to externalize the problem, and shift these characteristics to someone other than themselves.

SPEAK TRUTH, OR DON’T SPEAK AT ALL

One thing that I’ve always despised in life, was for people to be untruthful about the way that a situation happened, or someone claiming false characteristics about another person. Not many things bother me, but when I find out the truth is not told, or made to seem different than what has truly HAPPENED, this can bother me for YEARS. I just always felt that deep in my heart, this was one of the few things that can truly vex me, for a long period of time. This is why I spend so much time defnding my truth. I’m so big on the truth, and half the time I just wish the full story was told, when others decide to tell one-sided falsities. You can tell me how someone responded, but I’m going to want to know what caused the reaction. Because it does matter. All sides of the story matter. I felt that certain people were threatened by my ability to just be who I was, alone and unaccepted at times, without many people knowing me personally. When people don't genuinely know you, they will rush to make up things, or believe anything told about you. Even people you know will change stories to create another picture in someone eles’s head. It's almost like it gives them a sense of self-worth and acceptance, that they attempted to deny from you. The only problem is, I gave that freedom to myself, long ago. I’ve accepted myself. 

Some of the projections I've heard about myself:

“You’re a goald digger, interested in money.”

This was one of the more hilarious ones to me, as I don’t know why I would be working so hard to build my own career, if I were ever planning to be dependant solely on a man for money. To be honest, I plan on being the bread-winner of my future family. Plus I'm pretty comfortable financially, and my family has money. My ex in college started this narrative about me, even though he constantly tried to bribe me with material things once I ended it with him, things that I would always reject. From the outside looking in, when people can’t quite tell where a woman gets her money, they will always assume it’s coming from a man, and this always baffled me about society. I’ve been in relationships where I was wined and dined, and taken out, treated special, given surprises and flowers, the usual. But it was never in a self-serving or monetary-seeking, type of way, more-so mutual. I also gave back and did my part in these relationships too, even if I didn’t spend AS MUCH money in return. I really don’t know what it is about my appearance that gets this misconstrued, I don’t even walk around in designer! I’ve been approached by a few potential sugar daddies, and this has never been appealing. People that  accuse you of this are more likely to be charmed or impressed by money, they want to be money-seeker that they think you are. 

 “She thinks she’s too good.”

Ironically, I kept getting this from people, during one of the hardest times of my life. I was in college, and I would go to certain classes and be very to myself. Some even saw it to be “standoffish”, but in reality, they had no idea what I was going through. It will honestly shock you how offended others are when you simply are staying to yourself. I was in the midst of trying to get rid of a very toxic and harassing ex in my life, where at the peak of his harassment, I ended up having to get a restraining order (another story for another time). However, it really does shows you how others base things off of their own perception, and not facts. These were projections because these were some of the same people in many cases, that were the ones creating these “groups”, and hierarchies, that they made clear not everyone could be apart of. I’m not sure if I was supposed to kiss as or what, but that’s never been me. So many of these poeple were constantly rejecting those around them, this is why they took my solitude as rejection. They were projecting their feelings of being “too good”, onto me. Either that, or THEY thought I was ‘better’ in some way, if the makes any sense. 

“Oh, your looks aren't going to get you far. Gotta have substance.”

This is my favorite, because it actually gave me confidence that I initially didn’t have. I’ve never really thought of myself as being “pretty”, even when I hear this from others it can be shocking, I don't know why. Not to say that I’m unhappy with how I look, because I am, but we’ve all gone through the process of accepting our flaws, and getting to that point. I’ve just honestly never considered my “looks”, to even be top 5 things about me. If anything, people will find you to be “attractive”, and care less about your story, or what you internally have to offer. So to hear this back-handed compliment from others, actually gave me comfort. Some people try so hard to “look beneath the surface”, that they don’t realize, judging a person based on nothing but external looks is shallow in itself, period. People are so ironic in this way. What was more apparent to me, was that these people usually just didn’t find themselves to be attractive, whatever that may be to them (beauty is in the eye of the beholder.) But it was clearer to me than ever, that these people did not find external beauty within themselves. And not to be cocky, but these people usually were the ones to lack the “substance”. Also, many seem to think that just because they spend less time on their outer appearance, that they have more smarts, this is not the case. THIS is shallow. This is projecting.

“Nobody likes you.”

I’ve had a few people that seemingly disliked me for no apparent reason, sometimes for no reason other than what they “heard”, or thought they “knew” about me. I think when others see you getting love from particular people, even when you don’t put forth much effort to get that love, they feel a need to wonder why you’re getting it. They will try anything they can to make you feel that others don’t like you, when in reality this is far from the case. And that’s why they have the need to make you feel otherwise. Something has made them feel the need to be accepted and like by everyone, so if they try to scare you with that same fear, maybe you will fear right along with them right? Wrong. I’ve dealt with negativity in life, but I received way more love. 

“She's crazy”.

We live in  world where it’s so easy to make a woman seem “crazy”. It is a narrative that has been pushed for far too long. To be honest I never felt like the craziest one in my relationships, it was always the man. I’m talking about the stereotypical things “psycho” women do in movies, that was my exes. And most times, when I have been accused of being crazy by men, its usually when I’ve caught on to lies, or cheating, go figure. I think I’m crazy in the way that I think differently, and the way I expose my truths with no shame, in the eyes of others. But other than that I actually find myself to be a lot saner than most. I’ve had outbursts and reacted hastily to certain situations, but this is far and few, and I’m usually reacting, not starting. I recently, (months ago now) got cheated on by one of the most controling and inseure men I’ve ever dealt with. He was always accusing me of wanting others guys, never wanted me to go out, blew up my phone constantly, and in realty, it was because was guilty of his own unfaithful ways-- projection. This person tried to come back into my life, until I started to confront him with the things I knew, and the lies I uncovered. All of a sudden, I was the “crazy” one. He was one of the craziest people I’ve ever been with, during our relaionship, so I could not belive he tried to change the narrative. But I’ve learned some men have to do this, when they know they ruined a good thing, to feel like they have some power in how the situation has ended. He knew it was over, and did express regret until he decided to project. Even went as far to lie to himself and say we weren’t together at the time. It’s crazy what people will do to justify their actions. In my world, cheating is unforgivable.

TO BE CONTINUED... (PART 2)

[theghostwritersstory-blog]

DO YOU FEEL THE SHIFT?

So many universal shifts have been taking place recently, especially during the month of June, following the summer solstice. This marked new beginnings, reflection, and awareness. However, every new beginning is usually marked by the shedding of the OLD things, that no longer serve your divine purpose. Because of this, it’s caused many people to feel uncomfortable, sad, mad, anxious, etc. But this is actually leading to better things, for you. It’s now the beginning of July, and we will have many retrogrades leading up to August. These may cause you to feel more sluglish and tired, but this is a time to refuel. Also a time for us to focus on how we may have handled certain things wrong, in the past, and focus on how we can better respond to these things, in the future.

REALIZATIONS

Many of us may have faced some harsh truths about ourselves, and others, at this time. But don’t worry, this is caused to help you get to where you have subconsciously (thoughts) or even literally (prayer), have desired to be. Now everything that no longer serves the new version of you, that you have thought up for yourself, is falling away. Let it. You have to leave room for the unknown, or you won’t reach YOUR next level, whatever that means you. You will continue to feel these blockages to the extreme, if you don’t let go of what no longer serves you, in this present moment.

In the last few moths I suffered a deep betrayal. I had to face some realizations, and my old realities were falling away. In the moment, I don’t always realize that these situations happen to shape and grow me, until after. I don’t always react well to change. And sometimes growth can be painful. Letting go of people, places, or things you have grown so attached to, can be painful. But if you hold on to what is supposed to be let go of, you risk the pain of suffering worse than you can imagine. But I also am aware that everytime one of these shifts takes place, I’ve usually sought for something “better”, even if it’s just my intuition telling me something isn’t right. I’ve learned to listen to that gut feeling, even when I don’t always understand it. Even when I don't always want to. That feeling is God. I feel a season of new beginnings coming on, and writing/talking about the past, ironically, helps me let it go. It’s like, the moment I let the words flow out, just like that, they become obsolete. The girl I was yesterday, my reactions, and the things I accepted, are now all things of the past. And yes it is that easy, if YOU decide to make it.

YOU CAN’T MAKE A MISTAKE/“GET OVER IT”

The problem with our overly-critical world, and social media, is that some people will tell you to get over your past, without fully encouraging you to deal with it. They may not even offer a real solutions as to how you “get over it”. They will also try to keep you, “freeze-framed” and attached to past mistakes. All you need to do is check The Shaderoom and see the sentiments that  the roommates have for celebrities in the picture comments. These days, a celebrity could be apologizing for something, that was a misunderstanding. Yet, you will have strangers in the comments, not wanting to ever let it go, as if they themselves, have never made a mistake. Even the tiniest of mistakes are starting not to be acceptable  for some; though we ALL make them. And then there is the “get over it”, crowd, that don’t realize they are toxic themselves.

Example: Sarah’s friend Annie recently gets over a bad breakup, in which she was cheated on, and is filled with resentment. Instead of just being a shoulder to lean on, and let Annie have her time to fully get over the process, Sarah goes to offer Annie her nearest coping mechanism: alcohol. So now, rather than encouraging her friend go through the natrual emotions of the breakup, in healthy or natural ways, they are now both using Sarah’s coping mechanism. Nothing gets solved. And Sarah may have been trying to geuinely be a good friend, because remember, drinking is all SHE knows to “get over” her problems as well. So while the intent was good, they’re back at square one. 

All her best friend probably needed was someone to listen, and encourage her to cry it out, maybe even workout to release stress. Now they are both drinking through the pain of life, rather than truly dealing with it, emotionally. All the while, telling others to get over things that  they themselves clearly haven’t even gotten over. This is the paradox of life. 

This is the thing I hate about the “get over it” narrative. Because if you are not taking time to dig deep and go through the natural process of pain, and being over it when YOU are ready to be over it, speeding the process with temporary bandages don’t work. I feel that its important to surround yourself with people that let you FEEL HOW YOU FEEL, until the feeling truly passes.

In this day and age, everyone is critical to problems of others, that may appear miniscule to them. And those same people forget that they are going through their own individual issues as well, that others may seemingly, not give a damn about. But this is where compassion and empathy come in.

YOU CAN’T CHANGE THEM, SO CHANGE YOURSELF

I’ve learned that you can’t change anyone. It may sound cliche, but being the person you wish others to be to you, really works. When I crave transparency in the world, I become transparent, and share my problems, like I’m doing now. When I’m looking for abundance in life, I give. I give money to the homeless, and practice random acts of kindness. And I promise, I’ve always been able to make the money I NEED, in return. When I look for clarity I try my best to be real with others, because I know I will receive it back, it’s only a mater of time, and where. I feel like we live in this “fake humble” genertion, where the new narrative is: “When I do things for other people, I don’t expect anything back.” Well, that’s not really the question what you do it for to begin wth. I think all of us do things out the kindness of our hearts to some extent, not ONLY looking for a return, but do you truly feel good when your kindness is not returned? Can’t really get into that narrative because I don’t believe it. And honestly, if that reality is ok for you, lovely. But for the people that actaully wonder what being a good person can get you in life, I’m here to reassure you that EVERYTHING you do comes back to you. And never forget that karma can be a GREAT thng, not just bad, if you let it!

LIFE PATH

(I also want to throw this out there: my life path is number 9. My soul has been here MANY times before. I no longer questions myself or let others make me feel crazy for listening to my gut. I am rarely wrong, when I listen to what my soul is telling me. I’d even go a step further, and say that I’m partly psychic, and that I think we all have the ability be. My intuition is my best GPS system through life, when I’m actually listening to it. In fact, I’m only disappointed when I don’t listen to it sooner. I strongly encourage everyone to calculate their life path number online here, if you want a good perspective on what your true purpose might be.)

DO YOU FEEL ME LIKE I FEEL YOU?

I lost so much sleep this past month. I felt restless. There were countless nights that I found myself waking up in the wee hours of the morning, finding it hard to go back to sleep. This was one month in particular where it felt like I couldn’t seem to get enough sleep, no matter how much I slept. I think what was even more odd, is that I noticed this same pattern happening with others around me. In fact, there have been many times in life where I distinctively have felt this feeling of complete oneness with the Universe. It’s almost like I was channeling the emotions of others, and literally feeling that the world was collectively sad, like something was just off. So many deaths seemed to take place in this past month, including my grandmother’s, recently. It seems I couldn’t scroll for 5 seconds on my social media feed without seeing some tragic incident, scandal or death. As these weird happenings progressed, it seems like the energy only got more convoluted and strange. I’d be going on a limb to say, we all feel each other’s emotions. Could it be? The same moment your neighbor is crying, your heart could be feeling heavy, through them? Could it be that while one person is going through their own individual experience, there could be somone miles away going through that exact same painful transition into the next phase of life, while feeling each other’s emotions? In 2018, it doesn’t sound too far fetched. Could it be that we really are just connected souls (no space in between) having a human experience, rather than just human bodies, merely experiencing a spiritual one? And if this is the case, what do we really have to lose, or fear, when everything was meant to be just that: an experience?

Towards the end of June a total of 5 planets were in retrograde. I try not to get too deep into Astrology that I’m tracking moon phases, but I always check them when I get specific feelings in my body, as it seems to explain a lot. Some people seem to look at astrology as “trendy”. They may even find it to be bullshit. But the more you grow, learn and realize just how infinite you truly are, Astrology truly makes so much sense. Realizing that the planets and their placement in the solar system can affect your emotions, should no longer seem  like a stretch for you. If anything, it just opens you to a new perspective, and a deeper knowing of your unexplainable feelings.

PURPOSE VS. WORLDY GOALS

Lately, I’ve been thinking intensely about my purpose. I turned 25 and definitely went through a quarter-life crisis phase. I started being super critical of myself. At 25, I instantly wanted a perfect credit score, a house, new car, etc. I just felt like I was focusing so much on the things I still didn’t have, and the things I haven’t done. This is good to some extent, because wanting to better yourself is a life-long process, that I don’t think ever really stops. But I also have to learn to balance that constant yearning of “more, more, more”, with being thankful for my PROGRESS, and learning to be still. I’ve increased my credit score, I paid of a good amounts of students loans, I’ve had a few job titles that made me feel impotant in a worldly way, I have a worldy corporate goal that I will probably reach in the next couple years. But that’s the problem, lately everything seems “worldly”, and sometimes I don’t know if Im truly living out my purpose, or merely existing, going through a simulation. This scares me, as one of my biggest fears is being comfotable with something I’m no longer happy with.

I thought long and hard about why I became so secretive with my career path, in recent years. I’ve worked on average a different corporate job each year. I think for some people, they expect you to go to one company, stay and work your way up, but this hasn’t been ideal for me, or appealing quite yet. I love consistency, but I hate routuine, especially a routine I just refuse to see myself doing for years to come. I gained a certain amount of credit, or experience that I needed for the next opportunity, and it was time to go, this cycle continues. In many ways, I see myself closer than before to my “ultimate goal”, and I do see progression yearly, now that I set my goal. I have a "safe”  goal, and one goal that is so extreme, that it’s  only achievable if I were to face all of my deepest fears. This one that I tell no one about. I’m actually pretty private about certain parts of my life that I don’t want to be “jinxed”. 

Anyways, I worked long enough to know that things take time, and that as long as I’m putting my best foot forward, it all seems to work out in time. Even if it doesn’t happen at my pace. I just want to manifest a career that not only I can benefit from financially, but one that I can find purpose, and abundeacne in. That’s the difference.

EVER FEEL TOO GREAT?

I have such a wide range of hobbies, and I find myself to be skilled at such a wide range of things. And not to be funny, but when you have so many different talents, it can be hard to realize if you’re choosing the right path. My skills and hobbies include; cooking, doing hair, doing makeup, poetry, insurance, marketing, swimming, videography, photography, working out, among many others I can name. I’ve even taken on some of these hobbies as side hustles. I know I’m not alone in this, but being so good at almost everything I decide to do makes it hard to find out what my path truly is…it’s tough. I’ve learned to try to balance many things I like to do. I like having a somewhat versatile life. Focusing on just one thing depresses me. I was meant to do more.

APPRECIATE THE CURVE BALLS

We get so caught up in this illusion of how things are “supposed to be” that we completely lose sight of our own individual learning experiences, that are shaping us into the very thing we have been thinking, contemplating, and wishing to become. And yes, our thoughts are that powerful. Even when you aren’t seemingly aware of this when you are craving growth, your soul always knows. We are souls, not the body, it can be too easy to forget. Sometimes, I feel like I’m waiting for that perfect moment in life, the moment where I can finally say I’m successful, whatever that even means. When in reality, I had to realize that life is full of small successes, wins, and losses, that are meant to help us grow into the people that we are today. I don’t know if I’d be half the woman I even am today if I didn’t have certain experiences, ESPECIALLY the painful ones. There would be no way for God to shape us into the people we believe we can be. It takes life to throw you curve balls; betrayal, hurt, death, and pain to help you bounce back even better than before. I still don’t completely understand why it has to be this way, but results are the important part. You may not always realize it in the moment of pain, but life is truly the darkest right before the dawn. So rather than wishing you never came in contact with problems, its better to reflect and know that another glimpse of success is nearer than you think. Focus on what life is trying to teach you. What YOU are trying to teach you. And having faith, and believing that, will only get you results that much sooner.