thegoodsideofinternet

[thegoodsideofinternet]

the internal shi(f)t

(something i wrote just yesterday, it will make a lot of sense hilariously, why i am not writing this on diary, after the whole read)

hi there future me; yep, not quite consistent yet. hoping reading wala rohit has better timeskills.

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ch 0: yap

i kind of put a hold to this for the coming period, but the stuff in mind is getting accumulated to a point i want to write the fuck out of my mind. and lately, doing that here has been feeling like i am talking to a third person. so yeah, this ones not about any topic, its just me venting about a concept i have been thinking for a quite long time and todays events finally put influence in typing it up.

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ch 1: the wish

"we all try not to be different as kids, but suddenly a day comes, when the same ones yearn to be different"

~ mitch, modern family

i came across this in one of the episodes a few months ago, and has been stuck rent free in my mind. i've had a normal childhood, good friends, good home, grandparents, siblings and everything. the moment i entered college, i figured you're considered "cool" if you're interesting. and one of the most common things they had was, either they did something very different, either came from nothing, had something 'bad' to say a story about. i always felt left out. felt uncool.

somewhere in between, when i really gave a thought about it, i really had a wish, about having something tragic in past i can tell and make stories about.

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ch 2: wish granted

somewhere near the same time, it was someone's birthday, as far as i remember. i was preparing to get a belt and beat the fuck out of the 'lucky' guy ,and boy did the phone ring. i picked up, it was mummy, for the first time, i heard her crying and remember just a few words, "babu dekhna ho sakta hai saath na rhe hm aur papa". damn. i could really feel myself shitting myself in mind and remembering the wish. it was granted. it was out of nowhere. they were alone for a long time after me and didi left, and never knew about tensions that were out there. it all got accumulated and boom, i was "cool" now.

growing up as a kid, the most frightening experience i have had was them fighting with their full volumes, and i remember running to baba and dadi for help and vomit in between for god knows what reason. that vomit was the thing that stopped all of it. they understood they made a human pussy enough to not handle that. i don't remember any major fight. anytime i was in the verge of happening, something happened inside which felt really weird, always felt frightened, and they saw it too. so i was kind of putting off those fights without my will. it didn't happen that much anymore, and along with that weird fear. didi always asked why did i feel so strong in those situations, and i didn't have no reason. just dodged it with "i don't have a reason not to" (yes i am good with reasons).

but that call just took it all in again. i didn't go out with the belt. just sat down thinking if the rockstar album was the thing which cause all of it, just because i was really feeling the album, thinking, "these muslim songs sometimes feel spiritual too". i have always ditched the songs which i was listening during those fights. it has been that since childhood. it was in college when i realised its just a stupid ritual i made up.

a lot of stuff happened after that. cried with a friend for the first time. felt nice. things got kind of better. met great people, felt strong feelings and things went great.

but there were a couple of more calls like that. one was during a placement drive. it was so confusing to find a room to find some personal space. but i kept doing my stuff. one thing i learned from it was i do great when hurt. i had the opportunities to back off and just make excuses. but i stayed. i WANTED to stay. i am proud of myself about that.

but it was all on call, i was still frightened to encounter such stuff in front again.

today, woke up and got to my routine, and heard voices coming in, breaking the earphone music. it was the moment.

i was in that moment. a lot happened, all words. mean words. i didn't cry, not during that time, but i also did not run away.

i was there.,

analyzing how the only thing i cared about was flying away. how these pre-existing rituals of pairing up and doubling up with kids all made no sense.

i was there,

slowly realizing it wasn't right of me to put it off by my crying. they are not compatible anymore. they need to be separated. i am not forcing them to, but i am also not trying to stop it.

then i cried,

alone, with a slight relief and a lot of grief. relief that i got through the moment i always feared being in. grief for giving up on them. i gave all time to myself today. no plan of settling their fight. talked to didi, she had the same feeling.

i am here,

back to my stuff, still kind of laughing how i talked to the hr with filled nose, and planning on just getting an offer and getting away from all of it. i tried to get to a conclusion about the thought, whom to stay with; the answer was no one. i don't think i am going back to a "home" with either one out of the two. may be these things stay till my college gets over, i get "placed", and i move out. but its not staying. i really wish today was a dream, a dream i could get out from, but here i am, giving my stuff out on the internet. i am not even scared at this point. all i know is i want to earn a lot more. lot more that i don't need another person to fill up moments in life. the concept of being with another person is just hindered from within. i don't blame anyone for it. i felt complete alone after a long long time. would like to stay like that as long as i can.

the thing that's kind of feeling hard is going back to college. don't feel like talking, and i have taken a responsibility that needs me talking hyper-actively for the coming months. going to be challenging, but kind of feel its going to be a lot of learning. so kind of excited too. just going to cherish the alone time left before college resumes.

i have always refrained from sharing this clearly. its just a internal feeling that writing/putting it out would result in what happened today. but it already did, so i don't really have anything to fear about. and a man without fear is a dangerous man. (love it when i make quotes that already exist). but i needed a full-blown vent so that i don't do this in front of anybody else. feels great putting it up.

so to me, in future, don't worry, things change; you change. you changed today. you discovered to cherish the time you have with your family. keep reminding people near you the same. just know its going to get better.

woof, feels sooo much better than just saying this to a person and seeing them pity me for the rest time. internet does rock sometimes.

(its still taking a lot of thought to put it up online, just praying this helps internally, atleast the shiv kailasha song does.)

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ch 3: do you feel cool now?

no.

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wise man <3

keep excelsior-ing!

[thegoodsideofinternet]

that's not (f)air india!

(no disrespect to the incident, its just that ye fitted better in the click than modiji. just thought of this when was thinking 'who else could look up and think he's the god?' so there's the backstory to this 2-min canva project)

back again!

week update: the past one was mentally taxing. woke up every single day with a call to fight out a fight that came in to existence from the previous one. it was weird for the first half, but slowly realized its part of the job (okay calling it a job is a little bit exaggerated) i have taken. turns out i am good at settling fights with words, the talent which i may have gotten from solving parental fights. so that explains why people called up to join in those fights. in between all this chaos and learning, the boeing crash news came in. and that changed the game. moving to the title content.

250. that's the rough estimate of people on and off-flight who unintentionally paid to end their beautiful lives. but this isn't about the shortcomings of the flight org responsible, neither the government. enough institutional media is onto it.

with a couple of flights to board this week, today, overheard that conversation between parents that you hear when they think you're asleep (random sleep cycle to the moon). they were scared. scared of making me board it. funny thing is they are even more scared of me not flinching about the incident.

the biggest part where all this connected was, all those fights and so-called 'lafde" seemed to look so much smaller. got pissed by someone's mean reply? don't worry, life's too short to be pissed. there are so many things to make happen for yourself and specially the people you care about that all these fights start seeming like a task to clear. so keep clearing, the tasks and the goals!

everyone's living their play, playing their characters. there is no time and there is too much time at the same plane of existence. just have to make sense out of this, something which feels exciting, feels authentic.

and as once a wise man said, i'm not afraid of dying, i am afraid of not being alive.

(daiyum this quote seems dope, i hope this is not said by anyone, would really like to claim this one as mine)

also, if i don't make it through the flight, i kept my word being consistent here weekly. till then;

keep living, keep flying (and not crashing), and most importantly,

keep excelsior-ing!

wise man <3

[thegoodsideofinternet]

screen review: july

so this is a new thing. me using canva; no that's not new. me using canva for myself; yes yes that's the 'new-s'!

(yes sometimes i am too good with words, atleast in here, i'm the one writing and reading)

so this a new type of series, namely '''screen review: {month}'' is going to be a monthly thing where I will be making desktop wallpaper of my own with a complete breakdown of it

just wanted to register the foolish-est story behind a seemingly nice idea, so short story long:

the days have been busy, getting up-working on my stuff-tnp cell stuff-working on my stuff again-foolish meetings for tnp cell stuff again-watching something real good (to get real dreams of course).

it has been like this since the holidays, which am actually liking, but just feel getting disconnecting with the people than usual times. had the yearly meetup with a friend who moved out the city and finalyy got a photo of ourselves (yes we are proud of the photo more than the bike ridee). connected with a few more peeps and went great.

this is pure rant but part of the story, future me will probably skip this if he wisen-s up meanwhile there is one friend from college where something seems off. the messages seem to scream "nahi baat karni"; so have been trying to do that. yesterday, she asked about playing ludo and i actually got pretty hyped, but i guess i was late, so then was pissed. have been trying to be normal, but instances like these break the whole emo equilibrium. and the next day (today) sent something related to a story she posted and i pretty much guess (which can be horribly wrong) and i feel i spoilt that story for her(the story was removed after sending the movie shot). most probably this is a very exaggerated way of thinking it, but that is the problem, i want to reach a point where things like these don't effect me so so much; and the opposite seemed to be happening right now. still, i think am in a better place than before, and just feel i need to cut down and give some time to me and her. either no one talks or we do, but atleast it would be normal (she's normal, i'm not, so basically i need time to get normal)

coming back to the topic, to get my mind off of this, just picked up canva and had a look on my previous wallpaper i designed for the lap on canva; and then this idea struck, i should do this monthly, like those monthly story boards! and thus, i present you the july edition.

breakdown:

the couple (both were straight, but all love to the people not straight, pride month bhai)

left, bobby dylan. watched his biography acted by timothee; he was great. the movie really provoked how beatiful it can to be a man possessed, by the work he loves to do, music and talented women. was actually going to put just him on but found ali. he has been an inspiration through and through. being the best at what he does, being overconfident to a perfect level and also doing full stupid stuff when off. great people, great photo.

2. the background (not the black one, you dumb)

so this one is the only indian art style i know of and have done too much of it, its warli art, which one of those teacher in school who saw the smallest good in me (in my very bad kid days) and really got me doing a lot of these (shoutout christina ma'am). so picked up the best warli i could, will try using an actual on i did next month, but i would like to explore more indian and western art for the backgrounds, getting to know about one art on month at a time.

3. the casey touch (touch means my thoughtful touch on the wallpaper about casey, you dirty-minded fool)

can't go without the only person you look upto, cant you (you is me here, of course). the glasses are his trademark kinda thing, which i the opposite of what he does that for. he scrapes out the ray ban branding and removes some black paint to make it ones of his own.

"do more" is the motto that he follows, so i follow it too. just doing more of everything, doing more loving, doing more working, doing more of trying new things, doing more living.

(the only thing i don't like of this whole project is the text is in upper case, couldn't find the perfect(lower case) ones.

overall, a great start.

that's all for this week;

keep excelsior-ing!

wise man<3

[thegoodsideofinternet]

gatekeeping and the lost art of sharing, the full circle

this is not a completely new title, nothing is completely new; its just the people picking up stuff, creating something new or different out of it.

gatekeeping; i came across this term a few days back, which was a small video essay (i guess people talking on cams about serious stuff can be called that) by prish, the only creator with whom i have encountered what a parasocial relationsip is, and how it can shape someone beautifully. she is a total character from some romcom that doesn't give a flying fuck about anyone judging, but at the same time, calls out people regularly for saying mean stuff and eventually saying "i will block you from left right and center bitch". she is the only real person have found on internet, and will be sticking with her till she gives that vibe.

i have really tried not to share her with anyone (may have shared with two peeps), not because i don't want her page to grow, but to have that sense of personal space, with nobody near me saying "why watching her, she's so lame". that ruins the thing, the thing that makes experiences close to me feel me; and while listening to her, actually realized i am gatekeeping her (full circle).

she discussed all good stuff about keeping that personal space; the existential validation, feeling of having a niche taste and the keeping that happy state unhindered by external virtues. but she also discussed one thing, and that is not giving the creator of the art the thing they need to survive, the attention and more lovers like me. that is where i disagreed.

i feel like sharing the stuff i consume only when i feel it gets the respect it deserves; if i share and it doesn't, i don't share anymore. i consume content from left right and center, be it music, movies or information; not by how many people it attracts. i may like a completely unknown movie and a full-fucking-mainstream album (aashiqui 2 to the moon). but, lately i have tried to not share the stuff i consume (although really feel like doing so as i share it with so much excitement and all it gets tagged as is "mid" or no replies about it, nothing) and just keep it to myself.

that is where the practice really sticked; its all about that personal space, where you feel you can write about like you made it.

gatekeeping is cool, until you do it for your sane-ness and the art of sharing is all about sharing it with the people that respect it.

also, havent used the upper cases for obvious reasons (i hate them), because it feels like it serves the same purpose as emojis, filling spaces for people who can't make lines and word expressing on their own. will be creating one blog separately, till then; so keep gatekeeping and keep sharing it right.

keep excelsior-ing!

wise man <3

[thegoodsideofinternet]

To the moon and back, and way the loop goes!

Back and back after a too long break (yes I like ignorance towards things I love to do BREAKS).

There is nothing special about this one, this is just a rr sesh (termed for venting to someone, here its just me, writing in diary seems inappropriate as I have been writing 20 pages in every exam since last week) to myself just to laugh at (or be amazed) while reading this in future (please tumblr, don't shut down I don't have backup of the stuff I post here.)

I'll Just part these in chapters (meanwhile writing, just thought this would make me thank me for making it more readable)

CHAPTER 1: THE DREAMS

This one is all about the stuff I have been thinking about all this time getting over liking someone so so much that dreams are being affected. Its the same nightmare I used to have about mummy, where it used to be a mouse holding hands with mummy and taking here away, but here, the characters are real, each and every single one. I have tried all the stuff that internet says, to not have conversations, to not see them physically, but I don't think anything's helping.

In just the right time, I came across Pewds talking about his journey of tracking dreams. I tried to do the same, which made me realize, all the dreams are random, and in those random stuff, some things, lingering in the mind, start making a lot of sense and then you see THE DREAM, of the girl you love to the core, being with a very real person, and it's just that I actually remember the pain it makes me go through.

Still having them, but keeping myself busy helps waking up and forgetting them for the rest of the day, but I think its getting better meanwhile I am getting in peace with myself.

CHAPTER 2: THE EXISTENTIAL PROBLEM

This one is a little bit personal, which I would rather keep to myself. There was a certain position of responsibility I started chasing just out of curiosity for the sake of trying out for the experience of it. It was the moment I took the job personal, when I came to know A (no ones reading this but taking name still doesn't feel right) is also trying for the same. It kind of became a personal passion to become an IC so that, firstly, I could prove I can do good stuff (yes, now I realize it was foolish), second, just thought of the possibility of spending more time together (this one felt right). Even after both of us getting the por, a lot of stuff happened, and now, that I have been promoted, there is no person in the team I would like to be with. With her not being along, it made me realize I have done most of the stuff to be with people, or to rather say, please them.

Since that thought, I have been having serious existential crisis about the stuff I really want to do, and the things I want to do with my life and the people around me, did realize I have some side quests like running REAL marathons, is the reason for which I started training weights (apart from a wakeup call from heaven to be healthy), second being the making a REAL music band. There is a lot of stuff to do, but too less time. This part of myself is a lot better now, I am in peace with myself being a tap, and now have reasons for myself rather than anyone else.

CHAPTER 3: Thoughts on Love

Love is something I still have positive opinions about. I have had crushes in school and even in college and have been a paglu for all of it. But it was+ the slow and gradual feelings that I developed for A since the first year, right from the first text about her asking about Gaurav Singhania really being a Singhania XD, I have detailed stuff beautifully written how I felt all along.

What really hurt me was when I opened up to her about this, she remembers only the time spent after the ic elections. But that's how it is right? Life is not the same for everyone.

What I respect her is for the space she provided me even after me opening up. I do feel she doesn't really wants be around, but still, talking sometimes helps.

What I respect her is for unknowingly being the person which made me feel what actual love for someone feels like. Its totally irrational, with no logic. I think I'll be writing about it in details separately in a different space of mind, but the point I am trying to put here is I FELT IT, and love what I felt, and really cherish that.

I keep getting into the loops of getting into those thoughts, getting out, feeling better and back. It is painful, beautiful and everything in between. That is what the title came from, to the moon, thinking "what if it happens?", to back, thinking "We both have so much more to do other than this". Its difficult, but its all good!

I really intend to send the next bit of a poem by Nayab Midha, named CHAAND, so I guess the title is explained properly. Have been experimenting with hindi literature and turns out I actually like it too, sometimes even more than the other languages. The beautiful words really resonated my feelings for her, form the start, till now in present, where I still feel strongly for her, but we both have interests better than this, she has to find men better than me, I have to find things better than now to not let her get into my heart again. It is a bit mainstream, and in the pigeonholed view, she doesn't like mainstream stuff, but still, its beautiful, just like her.

The poem by the way goes like this:

मुझे चाँद देखना पसंद है

उसे चाँद सा दिखना पसंद है

वो भी अपने दाग नहीं छुपाती

आँखों में काजल, माथे पे बिंदी नहीं लगाती

होंठों को उन्हीं के हाल पर छोड़ देती है

मुस्कुराते ही समझ के सारे बंध तोड़ देती है

उसे कौन सिखाए सजना-सँवरना

बदल न जाए इस दुनिया का हाल वरना

(best part incoming, sorry for interrupting)

सोचो अगर वो काजल लगा ले

एक दफा बस उलझे बाल सुलझा ले

ये ज़माना अपना रुख न बदल ले

हर कोई उसके साथ न चल दे

हवाएँ रुक न जाए उसे देखने को कहीं

मैंने जबसे देखा है, हूँ म���ं वहीं

उसे देखा है जबसे, होश आने लगा है

ज़माने का सारा ख़ौफ़ जाने लगा है

उसे कोई तोहफ़ा देने को जी चाहता है

मगर उसके लायक कुछ कहाँ आता है

वो काजल-बिंदी, गालों पे रूज़ नहीं लगाती

वो कानों को झुमकों तले नहीं दबाती

उसे उड़ना पसंद है

सोचता हूँ उसे हवाएँ दे दूँ

उसके पंखों को दिल की सदाएँ दे दूँ

फिर सोचता हूँ,

वो क्या करेगी मेरे फिज़ूल के इशारों का

उसकी हँसी का अपना कारोबार है बहारों का

उसे मेरी ज़रूरत नहीं,

वो आज़ाद है किसी भी क़ैद से

मैं उसे मोहब्बत में भी क्यों बाँधूँ

ये दुनिया बाँध देगी उसे मुझसे

वो मेरे नाम के कंगन पहन भी लेगी

आँखों को घूँघट से ढँक भी लेगी

मगर रहेगी क्या वो, जिसकी चाह निकली थी मेरे मन से

मुझे उसके दागों से मोहब्बत है, है उसके अल्हड़पन से

मेरे दिल में जब भी इस प्यार का इज़हार आता है

मुझे उसकी आज़ादी का ख्याल आता है

यही सोचते हुए उसकी गली से रुख मोड़ लेता हूँ

तीरची आँखों से देखा हूँ उसे और बस छोड़ देता हूँ।

I would really give anything for this to happen, but I know it won't.

I don't check the boxes she has for the man she wants, maybe I don't look that good, or whatever, she'll be the best woman i have met, and nothing is going to change that, nothing would. But, I would also like this to be the final expression of these feelings to myself as I don't want this to happen ever again, this type of attachment is something I can't go through again, and that's the beautiful thing, I won't.

wise man signing off (for this week ofc)

EXELSIOR

[thegoodsideofinternet]

MUSIC: TOO OVERHYPED AS AN ATRFORM?

Late, but ain't going to stop! Back with yet another blog, unrelated to any previous ones, just as I like it.

Before diving into the topic, I wanted to just spill out some stuff so that I don't have to bother finding people's DMs to do so (detachment is really hard). I took some new year resolutions like writing this blog weekly (which seems to be hard, but still feeling good about this), putting out quiz questions daily (turns out I hated doing that, not because it took consistency, but the act of doing it was), rest of the ones being career oriented, which seems to be going good.

Back on track, this time I will be discussing about Music, which after some back and forth thoughts seem to be a form of artform, which has been sold to us so beautifully, that we govern our emotions through the music we listen to. You want to fell creative and motivated, Ye helps, feeling hyped and don't know how to dance it off, Kendrick does that, want to cry out after seeing your crush after rejection yet again, bolly singers are there for you. Yes this is a personal discography leak, but the point I want to make here is how we don't really sit with our thoughts and feelings by ourselves, but just give ourselves in to what song will spotify (sorry, not sorry YT Music listeners) serve next and make us feel what we really want to.

What I feel this does to my mind is that, it holds me from making me spill my thoughts out to myself, or even think about real stuff critically. Whenever some bad stuff happens, instead of thinking what went wrong, I pull out krsna and Seedhe Maut track and have that Idgaf cocky attitude for next 2:34 minutes (sorry but I love his tracks).

This is where I feel my creative and critical thoughts that come to me come into real picture, when instead of feeling it through a song, I actually feel it through what some call overthinking, I call it just a self talk.

Also, came through yet another Sankho movie, about the same scene recently, which ignited me to complete my thoughts on this topic. One of the key takeaway I got from that was, thinking of music as just another artform, and not making it a lifestyle (not if you're planning to join an unknown band in you 25s like me), but taking out specific times just to listen to the music you want, giving both yourself you want as a consumer and also respecting the artist by giving them the attention to their work and art they want to have.

With this I will be going to talk to myself on cam documenting myself (yet another resolution, but specific for my healing journey from a very painful attachment), which I kind of crave daily, and the readers here (if any) can try out, it actually feels damn great!

This was all of WEEK 3!

Keep Excelsior-ing! (Yes, I AM planning to keep it as a regular closing statement)

[thegoodsideofinternet]

MOVIE REVIEW: SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK

So yeah, if I forgot to mention, this blog is going to have anything and everything to read, so please don't expect anything specific weekly ;)

For those having that short attention span problem (trust me I have been there), I am going to give a small synopsis so that you don't have to go through the whole stuff: A bi-polar man, after being sent to a mental restrain for 8 months for beating the man, cheating with his wife near-to-death comes back to normal life, still suffering with all the trauma and ''finds'' (trust me you'll understand the quotes once you watch) Tiffany and then it all gets wholesome!

So getting back to the full-detailed review, starting with the overall feel, its not a Bollywood movie, but it feels like everything Bollywood family drama and romance, but while dealing with real life issues without glorifying them.

Before even diving into the review, I would like to share a hypothesis that most of the movies which are fully available on youtube for free are bangers!

Yes, so the movie starts with all positive vibes, with Bradley, as Pat tries to show himself as someone who was fat sometime (I can never imagine brad fat lol), starting with all the positive vibes.

Pat shows the part of him knowing he has issues with being bipolar, and as an improvement, shows great deal of control at instances of his brother meeting him, the eagles game fight. An unpopular opinion from my side would be that he showed a great deal of empathy when he instantly realized and apologized his father after beating him up during the marriage footage search-out.

After watching the whole movie twice, the plot seems to have sort of gaps which do not help the viewer (or just me) understand that from which point of time was all the stuff with Tiffany and Pat's family planned out internally between them, and my one and only complaint about the movie is going to be this.

The movie starts with the motto of Pat's current self, the term EXCESIOR, which sounds like a Hogwarts spell, but actually works! (Please don't hate me Harry Potter fans, I'm one of y'all). So, the word, according to Pat, means to take all the negative energy around and use that to drive oneself to find a silver lining; I mean such a strong meaning, it's like I can simp on this word for days!

There were some hilarious scenes where Danny comes to visit Pat for the first time and he says too much that wasn't registering quite right in my mind and right then Pat says, 'i never understand what you say' had me laughing.

Then comes Tiffany, who seems equally suffering and found just the right guy for him, after a seemingly planned dinner. She shows strong personality accepting being a sex addict after suffering loss of her love due to not being sexual, she likes and accepts that part of her memory along everything else knowing even if it was morally wrong in eyes of others, it was something she did by her choice.

Pat's mom seems wholesome being happy when he seemed to be doing okay, and the father seems to be going through the much-famous OCD, having all the superstitions going through his ways!

The whole plot was predictable but the fact that even the predicted story never seemed to lower the emotions related to it made all the difference. The core emotional stuff when it came to represent mental issues, traumas, or even the last scene of love, nothing seemed exaggerated.

Something not usual which I saw was the dramatic camera movements which was pretty fun to witness at times how it resembles the Indian cinematography, but actually came out to be pretty good for this one.

Overall this movies seemed like a full pack of cards with drama, family, mental issues, sporting culture, dance, hate, crime and love everything was served and ends with a great deal of positivity!

Overall a great watch!

Optimistic Rating: Too good (not sure about the rating scale for now, will surely come up with a structured scale in the next movie review!

This was all for WEEK 2!

Till the next one, keep Excelcior-ing!

[thegoodsideofinternet]

Is life really that bad?

Every person has their fair share of highs and lows in their careers, but does that really make one's life to be tagged as "bad"?

I don't have a philosophical background, but since this is the place that I created to put out my thoughts, so be it!

The past year has been a real rollercoaster, be it academically, personally, literally in most of the aspects. With the spring semester ending, ended on of thy most personal belongings, the delusion of a girl whom I liked liking me back, making it the highlight of my then low. (Okay got that emotional start)

With a restless and emotionally full mind, I let my tears out in the auto to station for going back home, where I saw a girl, small and sweet, going back home from school, with a face that couldn't defined how she was feeling, but a hint of smile too. Then I saw the schoolbag that she had, with an open zip, out together by a safety pin. I remembered me having a couple of incidents where my schoolbag's zip got stuck, and the embarrassment it bought along way.

This moment made me rethink about the way I was feeling that moment, and thought, how similar our situation was!

She may go through the embarrassment everyday she goes to school, thinking a day would come when her new bag comes in and then wait for it thinking some angel would help, OR, accept what she has, analyses what SHE can do to get things right, and ultimately removes the unwanted feeling all by herself, or at least, understands how to go and come through such situations.

This was something that kind of relieved the heaviness that I had inside me, and helped me realize that it not only important to feel bad about bad things happening to you, but also, to understand that there is always going to be hope to get out of tough stuff, just like the that smile on the girl with the open bag!

PS: This is the first digital piece of thought that I wrote as an experience, being an old-school diary writer, will try to improve on getting thoughts more lucid.

This was WEEK 1, signing off;

wise man