thehorrcr

[thehorrcr]

me trying not to let the shit break me

[thehorrcr]

But Love Was The Archer, 2024

Colored pencil, acrylic, and ink on bristol

[thehorrcr]

not now kitten, daddy's about to have a mental breakdown from seeing the prices at the grocery store

[thehorrcr]

5 years of grad school have taught me intelligence means very little in scientists you mostly just need to be obsessive and slightly deranged

[thehorrcr]

it really is insane how waking up early will grant you access to some of the most beautiful sights and sensations in the world that will make you want to live forever, but only if you overcome the gauntlet of a thousand razors that is getting out of bed early. truly one of life's little saw traps.

[thehorrcr]

hey, i’m the lucky number 13 girl!

a lot has happened since the last time I’ve sent you an ask talking about it; tbh this is simply a lil’ note to (once again lol) say that your writing saved me Izzy.

I hope your life is so full of grace and joy that you are overflowing with it, I hope that the stars shine brighter every time you see them.

That poem was there, with me, when I went through one of the shittiest things in my life and although I don’t quite remember the words of it, the feeling of peace remains. So thank you. Thank for “lucky number 13” and all your other words.

OMG!! So nice to hear from u after so long :))!!!!! this really cheered me up - I've actually been going thru an incredibly rocky patch for the past month and I really needed this as a pick me up <3 It gives me so much joy that that poem could provide you comfort + still gives u peace to this day - that's the highest compliment and it makes my heart very happy to hear!! I wish nothing but the best for u girl!! I hope you're thriving and content <3 sending all of my love!!!!!

[thehorrcr]

I hope every 19 year old is ok eventually I'm so fucking serious. If you're 19 stay safe out there it'll be ok love you

[thehorrcr]

[thehorrcr]

+

[thehorrcr]

it's so silly being 23 on a blog that 15 year old me made because if I am being real that girlie fully believed things were going to get better once I was an adult and they DID but they also got SO MUCH WORSE but also..... having an adult brain really does help u process The Horrors in a way other than listening to My Chem and disassociating for hours on end in ur childhood bedroom.... now I just go to fucking therapy like a normal person and THEN I come home and listen to My Chem for hours on end and disassociate in my apartment that I CANNOT afford and that has mold in it - and u know what?? I LOVE IT

[thehorrcr]

one of the best photo of Gerard Way. 09.09.15. Moscow.

[thehorrcr]

There was something you were hiding, on the night you ran away.

[thehorrcr]

I know I’m shouting into a void right now but I think the worst part about the shooting at the rally in KC was that morning I woke up and told myself “I shouldn’t go it’s a really high shooting risk-“ but I’m from KC and I love my city and I wanted to celebrate … and I grew up during Sandyhook and Aurora and Parkland and Pulse - I protested, I voted, I called my reps - I’ve done it all since the age of 14. I look for the exits in movie theaters. At 11 I’d go to bed and plan where I’d hide if there was a shooter at school. I saw the crowd of people running towards me and my friends and immediately knew what was happening. I called my mother after not having signal for an hour and spent that whole hour so terrified over how many people were dead/injured behind me and not knowing where the danger was. Officers on the street were running in as we were running out and they looked just as pale and one pushed past my shoulder and I almost fell over. Swat teams with rifles were in, helicopters - it was so loud. I haven’t been able to get the sounds of screaming and images of little kids running for their lives while their parents hold their hands. I haven’t been able to get the feeling of running for MY life out of my stomach. And then, that night my father called me after obviously crying. The man who has never cried. The man who immigrated here and is the toughest man I’ve ever met - called me to say it was his friend who died. Her father was involved in the church/center that my parents were married in. I’ve never heard him so sad. And then, to find out a few days ago that the reasoning was “he was just being stupid….” …….. I don’t know how I’m supposed to move past this and the most infuriating part is I cannot even blame the shooters but this country. I did everything I could and it still happened to me. And that is the feeling I cannot get over - that we live in a country where even when we ARE proactive and demanding change - it doesn’t matter. It literally does NOT matter. I just don’t know how to move past that.

[thehorrcr]

U ever survive a mass shooting and watch ur dad break down cuz his friend died and then gaslight urself for a week that it wasn’t that bad even tho ur suffering every symptom of trauma and have been in counseling every day almost since then and it isn’t until u go and get super drunk at a party and start sobbing cuz u see the friend group u experienced it with for the first time since then and u hold each other and they’re like “yeah bestie we are in immense pain too, it’s okay to be in pain.” And it turns out every counselor that has told u “ur suffering from survivors guilt girlie!!” was actually VERY RIGHT uhhhh bcuz SAME :)

[thehorrcr]

My Father's Favorite Son by @thehorrcr

[thehorrcr]

sometimes u have hang-xiety the morning after NYE.... sometimes u traumatize a house party after falling down a flight of stairs to then be found in a pool of blood, unconscious on concrete with a broken face and severe head injury because u tripped over ur dress ..... variety is the spice of life!!

[thehorrcr]

not to be vague + off-putting like always but I can feel the madness taking over me (I have seasonal depression and it is January)