thehotone

[thehotone]

I should be able to temporarily give control of my body over to an extrovert that can get me into fun social situations before putting me back in control so i dont have to deal with the whole social anxiety panic lead up to a fun thing

[thehotone]

you’d be surprised at how many doctors will tell you that schizophrenics shouldn’t masturbate, have sexual fantasies or write/draw erotica, let alone date or have actual sex, because it “distracts them from recovery”, as if schizophrenia is a two week course of antibiotics and not a lifelong neurotype and disability

[thehotone]

[thehotone]

sorry i feel about shiv how all those ppl felt about don draper and walt breakingbad. Literally who cares if she did all that shit. It wasnt even that bad and her annoying husband was evil. and ill kill him

[thehotone]

you know when skyler says ‘all i can do is wait. that’s it. that’s the only good option. hold on. bide my time. and wait.’ and walt is all ‘wait for what? what are you waiting for?’ and skyler, queen of all queens, is like ‘for the cancer to come back’. that’s my comfort scene

[thehotone]

shivebba team up to take lukas down would cure me i think

[thehotone]

[thehotone]

As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.

Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.

The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.

I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.

I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.

As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.

95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'

I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.

That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.

There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.

My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.

Borderline patients can't win.

And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.

BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.

Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.

And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.

I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.

Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.

Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.

To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.

I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.

I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.

You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.

Borderline people I'm sorry.

[thehotone]

shirt that says “cruisin’ for a snoozin” on the front and a link to the Wikipedia page for somnophilia on the back

[thehotone]

How am I supposed to bounce and moan on it in these conditions

[thehotone]

[thehotone]

David Lynch, “The Angriest Dog in the World”

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[thehotone]

[thehotone]

seeing them together again brings me so much joy, the most wholesome duo ever!!!

[thehotone]

[thehotone]

“To the best of your ability what is or was the color of your mother’s eyes?” - An Eagan Family Portrait 💧

Featuring: Helena, unnamed mother, Jame (unfortunately) and Helly (as a doll)

Closeups of raggedy Helly, baby Helena and unnamed mother