thehouseoftheundying - Tumblr blog

[thehouseoftheundying]

I’m going to be honest, this is probably the funniest thing a straight person has ever said

[thehouseoftheundying]

It's been months and I'm pretty sure I have feelings for my boyfriend's best friend

[thehouseoftheundying]

i really hope im not developing feelings for my boyfriends best friend

[thehouseoftheundying]

God damn it I’m sick of being here

[thehouseoftheundying]

is there a reason why you cant deal with anything? youre not tough or macho, and youre so unhealthy when you act upon anything. try solving something instead of vaguely bitching into the void. christ. its awful to watch tbh.

[thehouseoftheundying]

You're not ok

[thehouseoftheundying]

Idk how I'm gonna deal with not seeing you once we graduate. I'm gonna miss you so fucking much I'm getting emotional already and we still got almost 2 months until we leave. Goddamn it.

[thehouseoftheundying]

I know you care... a lot. A little reassurance once in a while wouldn't hurt though.

[thehouseoftheundying]

Chill, please

[thehouseoftheundying]

I don't know what I can do differently.

It's draining.

I'm getting tired of it.

I need a fucking break.

[thehouseoftheundying]

i dont even fucking know you anymore. I cant talk to you, i cant stand how youre acting, and i definitely cant be around you when youre like this. this puts me in a really bad position because we have to be so close because we share a room. you escape to whereverthefuck without anything and expect my anxiety and paranoia to be in check?!?!? No sir thats not how i work and you sure as hell know that. I cant come find you, i cant go to sleep, and i cant even ask where you went because i dont know how youll react. you are volatile. I fear that at any moment you are just going to explode like your guitar string and I really cant keep living in fear of what youre gonna do next. Im too old for this much drama. youve been acting like this for far too long too. I ask whats going on and i get a “nothing” in return, like im some sort of fucking fool. youre transparent, nothing is as hidden as you would like. what i dont know is why. If its me, FUCKING TELL ME. if its something we can work out together, good, lets do it. if you are actively trying to better the situation, amazing. BUT KEEP ME IN THE LOOP. my brain is eating itself alive because i genuinely cant imagine what fuckery youve gotten into. you affect me, and i hope i affect you too, but with that comes the responsibility of communication. i tell you if i have beef, so the decent thing to do would be the same. i feel like i cant even trust you anymore, and that worries me deeply. all i can do now is hope that its not me.

[thehouseoftheundying]

Fuck you

[thehouseoftheundying]

i really dont know what your problem has been lately. a switch flipped and youre spiraling again. the suicidal tendencies youre expressing make me more upset than you realize. i feel like i cant even talk about anything with you anymore because you have put up such a front. sometimes youre fine, sometimes youre volatile. idk man i wish you would figure it out

[thehouseoftheundying]

I want you out of my life.

Fuck.

You.

[thehouseoftheundying]

i feel like we’re drifting apart. nothing either of us is doing on purpose, but a fault seems to have formed. im disheartened by this, obviously. youre the best friend that i could ask for, and i would be devastated without you. lets hope this gets better soon.

[thehouseoftheundying]

Also, the lack of boundaries are astounding. Honestly, grow the fuck up.

[thehouseoftheundying]

I'm fucking sick of this. I'm not in a good mental state. None of it is my fault this time either. I'm done being the middleman in this bullshit 'relationship'. Obviously I want what's best for you both, especially you John, and take offense Lillian I don't care at this point. I just can't fucking handle being in the middle of both sides of this bullshit. Figure yourselves out; I'm crumbling. If you decide to do shit, fine. If not, even better, just make up your goddamn minds. It's not healthy and I'm beyond over it at this point. I would be ripping my head off if I were in your position. There's no way you can be happy with the present situation. The yoyo that's happening is making me sick, in more ways than one. Grow the fuck up and make a fucking decision. I just need some alone time. Fuck this.