thehumangremlin

[thehumangremlin]

no words even.

iran, and anyone else who could be impacted from the domino effect this will cause, i am so fucking sorry. i hate wars, i hate donald trump, i hate greedy or dumb presidents of any country bombing other countries, and i feel terrible for any country dealing with those greedy or dumb presidents.

no innocent civilian deserves this.

i’m so sorry. i wish we had a president with even an ounce of empathy.

[thehumangremlin]

[thehumangremlin]

I want to see the fall of LinkedIn during my lifetime

[thehumangremlin]

Hi my 12 years old white coworker told me to look at your blog because he said it was really funny. I don’t think it is

I don't think child labor is very funny either. We're at an impasse.

[thehumangremlin]

The devil works fast but by god ao3 writers work faster

[thehumangremlin]

The thing I remember about the day gay marriage was legalized in the US is that first I felt massive relief and then I opened tumblr and somebody had already written avengers fanfic about it and in the fanfic Barack Obama was also there

[thehumangremlin]

You're so cool, please never get cancer.

I’ll try

[thehumangremlin]

I was offered sex today by a 26 year old man. in exchange of that I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner on my tumblr. of course i declined because of my morals and strong will power. which is just as strong as ajox. the super strong bathroom cleaner. now avaliable scented with lemon or vanilla.

[thehumangremlin]

Going to scary zoo. Want anything?

[thehumangremlin]

[thehumangremlin]

sorry I couldn't resist

[thehumangremlin]

ideal ways for me to die

1. old age, peacefully in my sleep

2. after a long and illustrious career i am at a rooftop gala hosted in my honor. i am wearing a beautiful gown, holding a glass of red wine, standing by the railing. a scorned lover approaches and, after a passionate spat, they push me over the edge of the building. the wine glass goes flying, splattering their outfit in red as a visual metaphor for the blood on their hands. as i descend my gown flies around me like two beautiful wings, a bird in flight. a photographer on the street manages to take a photo before i hit the ground and that photo wins the pulitzer. a new york times think piece is released regarding whether or not it's moral to profit off a photo of someone's death. the think piece also wins a pulitzer.

3. sex accident.

[thehumangremlin]

I hate the met galla. None of those people are important to me. My horsey is important to me.

[thehumangremlin]

This post is for ladies only. If you are a guy, GET out of here.

I bestow upon you this dagger. It is an ancient dagger. Use it wisely.

[thehumangremlin]

whoever invented beds was a fucking genius im just all cozied up in here like u don't even know how cozy i am

[thehumangremlin]

Dog

[thehumangremlin]

lock the fuck in?? no way dude. I am TUCKED the fuck in :) good night