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[thejourneytotheriver-blog]

What I have learnt from all the women in my life.

You are not born with strength, bravery, courage, confidence, determination and motivation.

You are taught it.

I was taught it by watching every woman in my life. Mom, grandmas, sisters, cousins, aunties, friends and coworkers. I watched as they jumped over every hurdle thrown at them. Each time those hurdles seem to grow a little taller. And if they got knocked down I watched as they had the determination and strength to get back up, wipe off their knees and carry on. The most important thing I learnt though is we have the power as woman to lift each other up.

Sometimes it’s okay to be lifted over the hurdles. Sometimes it’s okay as woman to be vulnerable. Sometimes it’s okay to ask for help.

You are however born with physical characteristics that are unique to you.

They may not be exactly how you want or think they should look.

Your hair falls and flows in all different directions. Curly, straight or wavy. Good hair days or bad. Each strand is grown from your head holding onto genetics that tell only your story.

Your eyes sparkle and glisten holding onto the vision of your future.

Your smile shines brighter than the sun. Even if it is as yellow. Each tooth straight, crooked or gapped is rooted in you. And only you.

These may just be psychical characteristics but what I’ve learnt from all the incredible woman in my life is they are part of what makes you, you.

Find the confidence to be proud of every inch of your body. You are a woman. Skin and bones. Heart and soul.

Every curve. Every lump. Every imperfection.

Stretch marks run down your body reminding you we are meant to grow. So grow.

We as women were put here on this earth to provide love, to provide laughter, to provide comfort. To provide more than just our bodies.

What I have learnt from all the incredible woman in my life is to dance like no one is watching. Laugh like no one is listening. Live like there is no tomorrow. Love like your heart has no limit. But most importantly don’t be afraid to cry if you need to. For letting the tears flow down your cheeks is just a release reminding us we are not perfect and we still have work to do. But you are more than just that moment.

You are strong.

You are brave.

You are beautiful.

You are a badass.

You are a woman.

[thejourneytotheriver-blog]

Woman

W stands for womb. Where you have the power to grow a living, breathing being.

O stands for ovaries. An essential part of the fertility in a females body.

M stands for mother. This is not who you are but what you can become.

A stands for abortion. The right any woman should have to choose what she does with her own body.

N stands for nipple. Where females have the ability to feed their child.

The woman’s body is a fascinating structure. However carrying a child is not what makes you a woman. See society puts this pressure on woman making them feel less than if they can’t or don’t wish to have children.

If you are unable to conceive you are no less a woman.

If you don’t want to conceive you are no less a woman.

Being a woman is so much more than the ability to bare a child. It is so much more than being a mother.

We are more than just objects.

We are more than just our bodies.

We are strong

We are successful

We are brave

We are beautiful

We are badass

We are mothers, grandmothers, friends, aunties, cousins, sisters, daughters, wives.

We are women.

Skin and bones. Heart and soul. Woman. No one can define you. No one can take that away from you.

Every curve. Every lump. Every imperfection is unique to you. So love yourself. Be proud of yourself. Stretch marks flow down your body reminding you that are bodies are meant to grow. So grow.

You were put here on this earth to provide love, to provide laughter, to provide comfort.

Dance like no one is watching.

Laugh like no one is listening.

Cry like no one is caring.

Live like there is no tomorrow.

Love like your heart has no limit.

I have learnt from all the incredible women in my life that no matter the hurdle that is thrown at you we as woman are strong enough to jump it. Each time it may seem to get a little taller and you may get knocked down, but that’s okay. We have the ability to get back up, wipe off our knees and carry on. We have the power as woman to lift each other up. Sometimes it’s okay to be lifted over the hurdles. Sometimes it’s okay as woman to be vulnerable.

We must stand together. As woman to fight for each other, to protect each other, to help each other.

Happy international woman’s day! ❤️

[thejourneytotheriver-blog]

Our Love Story

Two thousand five hundred and fifty five days…spent with you.

The days felt like pages turning to a never ending tragedy.

Doomed to end in heartache no matter how well the pieces seemed to fit.

Chapter 1

I fall for you.

That smile, teeth shining and lips glistening. Those eyes, dark and sweet like chocolate.

So young and naive. Full of love, lust and hope.

I remember wishing I could spend every moment with you.

Curled up against your chest, listening to your heartbeat. Which soon became the only playlist I wanted to hear on repeat.

Our hands intertwined like two puzzle pieces that just fit perfectly.

The puzzle was coming together. Piece by piece.

The portrait of our lives looking so bright and promising. No one could of painted a better masterpiece.

Chapter 2

I know you.

I’ve seen you before.

Hands shaking, voice screaming while the smell of alcohol flows from your breath.

I’ve met you before.

It all seemed so familiar and maybe that’s why it all felt so comfortable.

You would never hurt me though, no not on purpose.

You were sorry, truly sorry. I could hear it in your voice as it spilled out of your mouth. Waiting on the tip of your tongue as if you’ve said it before.

I’m sorry.

An eraser of all mistakes. Back and forth it flows on the paper, wiping the page clean.

Chapter 3

We can make it work.

They say “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me”

Shame on me for painting a fairytale out of nothing but dirt.

Shame on me for believing in empty promises.

Shame on me for being afraid to be alone.

Shame on me for worrying more about you then I did myself.

You see I painted a picture in my mind the first time I looked into your amber eyes.

And as the puzzle pieces fit one by one it felt like the picture was finally coming together.

But we were always missing that one piece. It never really felt complete.

Chapter 4

The missing pieces

You never truly felt loved.

I never truly felt beautiful.

You never truly felt heard.

I never truly felt like enough.

We tried to force a piece, chiseling it out of our love for each other.

But no matter how hard we tried the edges were always to sharp and the curves always to thick.

Chapter 5

The end.

I don’t know when I became the number on a scale or when you became the number of empty bottles on the floor.

But the numbers weren’t adding up.

My tear soaked pillow was no longer worth ringing out each morning.

And laying numb against the cold hard bathroom floor no longer felt comforting.

Death had never seemed so beautiful, a magical oasis. Full of peace and comfort.

That’s when I knew.

The pieces were crumbling around me. No matter how hard I tried to glue them back together.

Did you see it? The pain written so clearly behind my eyes?

It was time to let go, let the pages burn. Turn to ash beneath the flames.

It was time to build my new puzzle. Piece by piece. No matter how long it takes or how hard it is I know one day it will be complete.

[thejourneytotheriver-blog]

Addiction

Addiction is not a choice, it is a disease.

A complex disease, one that renders the mind and body almost completely helpless.

Quitting, it takes more than good intentions or a strong will.

Addiction is not a choice. Addiction is a result from making one bad decision. That in change rewires the brain.

Changing the brain chemistry to make the body need instead of want.

Changing the brain in ways that foster compulsive drug abuse. Leaving you blind to the destruction of your path.

Once you take that hit, swallow that pill, breathe that smoke. The drug pierces through your veins, taking over your body, forcing you to do things you never thought you were capable of.

Now, it’s to late. You have become addicted to the pill, the bottle, the feeling.

Life will soon turn into a down hill battle of bad decisions. Full of loss.

Lost hope, lost friends, lost family, lost jobs and many times lost life.

One must reach the bottom to begin climbing back to the top.

There is so much loss in life that you begin to see no hope. So you take off those hiking boots...lace by lace. You lay waiting for another hit to take you away from reality.

You begin to rely on the drug to make you feel like you are back on top. To make you feel powerful, to feel alive, even when you are alone.

Forever searching for that vein piercing body high you got the first day that chemical entered your body.

Look at all the damage. Addiction has hit the ones you love like a sunomi of nightmares come true. They lay awake at night wondering if this moment is the last time your lungs will taste oxygen.

Why can’t you just stop. Why don’t you love them enough?

You see, you no longer know what love is. That drug is the only love you will ever need. That drug gives you the same butterflies you felt when you first gazed into your true loves eyes kissing her as if your lips would never touch again.

It is hard to stop kissing the one you love. You keep wanting that spark, that rush. Though sometimes love is evil, sometimes love is not kind.

Find the strength to leave your love and start fighting your way back to the top. Where the ones who love you will be waiting to heal all wounds and fix all the broken pieces.

Strap on your boots. Start climbing. Those who truly love you will never give up hope, no matter how far you have fallen.

They wait patiently, supplies in hand to clean up whatever wreckage is left in your path.

So next time you feel like trying that pill, take a gaze into your future and ask yourself, is it really worth it?

#poem #doyoulikeit #help #poetry #addiction #spokenwordpoem #feedbackplease

[thejourneytotheriver-blog]

This Song

When I first heard River by Leon Bridges I thought the song was breathtaking. There was so much soul and emotion. It became one of my favourite songs. Though I stopped listening to it as you do when you move on to another song that sparks emotion in you. But the other night as I lay in bed thinking of ways to find a creative outlit, I came across the song on Spotify once again. It had more of an emotional impact on me this time as I really started to listen to the lyrics. I had to google the meaning behind his lyrics because for some reason I just couldn’t get the lines out of my head, “take me to your river, I wanna go.” When I googled it this is what I found.

This notion of the river is a powerful symbol; it is a ubiquitous symbol in art throughout history. It can represent time; it can represent a barrier; it can represent movement; it can represent rebirth.

And thus I decided I wanted to create some sort of blog to document my feelings, thoughts, emotions on my journey of finding myself and true happiness. Through experiencing new places, pushing myself to finally try new things that I talked about forever and never got off my ass to do it, reading, taking pictures and really just writing what I want to write without fear of what people will think or say. In all I don’t really care who sees or reads any of this. I just want to do me. And in the end maybe this is for me or maybe it’s not, but for some reason Leon is who I have to thank for motivating me in the strangest way to express myself the way I’ve always wanted to.