theladyyavilee - Tumblr blog

[theladyyavilee]

bringing this back one more time because I am finally finishing up the edit and wanted to see if anyone else wants to add some more words/thoughts to the mix <3

okay so I am kinda working on an edit to work through my feelings about bi!buck and I kinda have a crowdsource request for you all

I know that for most of us queer fans that moment right after the kiss - buck's facial expression and his whole demeanor, the way he looks like oh this makes sense, this fits, I GET IT NOW, I can't believe I can feel this way, the relief and the possibility and the freedom and getting to exhale, this moment of clarity, of things coming into focus, the oh finally, the giddy joy and the almost disbelief at the immensity of this feeling and like oliver said the way it feels liberating - that was the moment that hit really really really hard, because we have all had that moment, it's a feeling you kinda can never really forget and I for one can never thank oliver enough for how well he portrayed that specific feeling that is so intrinsic to realizing your own queerness

so if like me, you had that moment too and you remember that feeling so well that it almost hurts and seeing that moment on screen made you even more emotional than you had expected, would you be willing to put the word/short phrase you'd use to describe that feeling into the tags of this post? <3

[theladyyavilee]

Sorry for being chronically online but theres something so tender about seeing the first online interactions from years ago between mutuals who are now inseparable/besties/dating even. To have such concrete proof of the first time you encountered each other through an innocuous "i love your edits:)" comment on a post... i dont know, i think it's one of the cutest things about the digital hell era we live in

[theladyyavilee]

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[theladyyavilee]

today for some reason I can't stop thinking about this little spec ficlet I wrote before 6x14 (about the eddie blind date arc and pepa) because if I am being honest I still really stand by that interpretation of where eddie is at feelings realization wise (and I am really proud of the door and the burning metaphors I used for it 😌 xD) and how he maybe knows he needs a little push, but not how to ask for it <3

Even just the mention of Buck in this context is cracking open a door Eddie has locked again and again and again, but it's been pushing back, a little more every day. And now the locks drop without any effort at all and oh, it is such a familiar door, though not even Eddie himself knows quite all that lies beyond it. The closest he gets is just sometimes late at night, when he lets his fingertips brush against it, let's himself get burnt on purpose and for just a second there is the exhilarating flash of what if? But more than that? Even the thought sends his heart racing, makes his chest go tight. And well, he’s still able to push the door back closed again.

and

And maybe he also hates her for it, just a little bit. Because maybe sometimes he could have used a little more of a push, maybe there are some lessons he wouldn’t have had to learn the hardest way if someone had pushed him into confronting them sooner. Somehow it pulls his thoughts to Buck. Buck who also worries, but is never quiet about it, who pushes back and prods and tugs at everything until Eddie unravels, without ever stepping over the line, without ever losing that gentleness that is so inherently him. Buck – who doesn't do well with being prodded himself, who needs time to figure himself out first and be left to come back on his own time – somehow has never had a problem figuring out that maybe there are times when Eddie does need to be pushed. Because sometimes it’s easier to give in to being pushed, than to have to scrape together the courage to start moving in that direction yourself. Sometimes it's easier to let someone else take that first step and to follow them—to let them take control. (But then maybe it’s only this easy when it's someone he trusts. When it’s Buck.)

and

He doesn’t have the words for it—doesn’t even quite know what it really all entails, because the topic feels like a hot iron inside his own head. One that he keeps on shifting from hand to hand and back again, without ever looking at it too closely, and still burns his fingers on. It’s a bright and beautiful thing too, of course, and Eddie burns and burns and burns his fingers against it willingly, but he never quite looks at it head on—because that would be a decision in itself and he can't. Because he doesn't know if it'll burn him to the ground or let him bask in warmth and light for the rest of his life – and maybe both options are equally terrifying in their own rights. But he won’t know which it is until he looks. The only thing he knows for sure? Once Eddie is on fire, it will also consume Buck, no matter which way it ends up tipping. And even less than having the words, does he have the bravery for that decision and—god—that is a thought that tastes bitter like shame at the back of his throat.

and

And he knows that Pepa won’t give him that push that he needs—the push he maybe is already ready for but not ready to ask for. And the one person who could give it? For once—by Eddie’s careful design—actually doesn’t have a clue that Eddie needs that push.

schrödinger's feelings my beloved <3

[theladyyavilee]

eddie diaz in every episode ↳ 6.11 - in another life

[theladyyavilee]

a concept: the scene where buck and eddie get together as a direct parallel to the coming out scene. they're talking in eddie's kitchen, the conversation gets a little charged; they're trading heated looks; they kinda know where this is going but they're too afraid to say it. and then buck says, "i should probably go." and eddie nods and says quietly, "okay." and buck is halfway to the door, his hand on the knob—eddie is leaning against the fridge, watching him with wide eyes—there's a close up shot of buck taking in a deep, shuddering breath, scrunching his eyes shut—and then he's whirling around, striding back over to edde and grabs his face with both his hands and just kisses him. and he pulls away almost immediately and they both stare at each other for a moment, their chests heaving, neither of them daring to say anything—but now it's eddie's turn and his hands are in buck's hair and he pulls him back in and they just kiss and kiss and kiss against the fridge in the dying afternoon light.

[theladyyavilee]

i started this as a joke wanting to recreate the eddie still as a renaissance painting and then.... i made this.

[theladyyavilee]

oh we are gonna be EATING

[theladyyavilee]

episode of all time already

[theladyyavilee]

I count no less than three (3), maybe four, incidences of This Bottle of Booze is a Dick just in the trailer

[theladyyavilee]

Chimney “I’ll crawl home to her” Han you’re the only man to ever exist.

[theladyyavilee]

Chimney baby I am so sorry for whatever’s happening to you while those hooligans are doing That

[theladyyavilee]

That short glimpse of Buck with his arm draped all over Eddie's shoulders and chest has me so weak in the knees you don't even understand

[theladyyavilee]

ooooh they're insane for this

[theladyyavilee]

The Eddie having an orgasm at his naïveté being stripped away (the pink) is truly a thing of beauty - costume and writers I salute you 🫡🫡🫡

[theladyyavilee]

if you told silly little me watching 5b that evan buckley would be openly, proudly bisexual and dating a man and that eddie diaz would be happy and they’d be hugging again and that they’d both be djing and basically in eachother’s laps drunk partying with drag queens i’d have had an absolute stroke idk what to tell you

[theladyyavilee]

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