thelastlansing

[thelastlansing]

persistenceofmendez‌:

Cristina made a face. While she did not quite understand most instances of mockery, she could see that this was in playful jest. “I don’t think you know how crazy I was about you before we started dating. If I could get you to pay me some attention, it was worth interrupting any of my projects.” The past tense might have been a mistake, but she had been deliberate in specifying why this was in the past tense. Hopefully timing sufficed.

“Oh?” Apparently she had read the situation very wrong. It did not feel like this was not Kara’s home anymore. Even with the length of time that had passed, there were still so many memories here. It did not feel right to voice those exact thoughts aloud, however. “You brought your bag here, so I imagined you had taken me up on the offer to stay. But I was mistaken. I will wholeheartedly accept the proposition of an in-person conversation.” Staring down at the loosely clasped hands, Cristina wondered what needed to occur in order to ensure that she might get to see such hand joining with increased frequency.

Kara raised an eyebrow, not having heard this story before. She knew that there had been a spark there between them but she hadn’t known that for Cristina it had started so early. Maybe one day she’d be told the full tale. Today, however, was not that day. Looking down at her bag, she blinked several times before realizing what the other woman might have thought. Fuck.

“I came here first thing after my mission was over. I got asked to go to drinks but I knew that I needed to come see you. To talk to you. If you--If you’re wanting me to stay.. I can. I just don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. You still have the really comfy couch right? The one from my old dorm room?”

Perhaps...Perhaps...

[thelastlansing]

persistenceofmendez‌:

Cristina resisted the urge to roll her eyes. The tough guy act meant nothing in the face of permanent bodily harm. “We shall discuss the topic of further health care later, then.” She also had to resist the urge to add that if these injuries kept piling on, they would likely lead to premature retirement. Not that Cristina was complaining about that notion– there was not much for her to like about Kara’s line of work. But that was a perpetual argument that was not worth getting into. It meant so much that Kara was back alive without needing to be chased.

She wondered if she was supposed to know (or care) who Taylor was. Clearly this Taylor imbecile did not have a sense of preservation or observation skills to write home about. Annoying. “I’m still used to not expecting much in the way of replies when they send you off, Kara. Plus I thought you just needed to dwell on your thoughts, and who was I to press more than I already have?”

The idea of having her evening interrupted was laughable. “You could never really interrupt me.” Such a statement was probably one of the most loving things that Cristina could say to anyone, despite her neutral expression. “I have simply been toying with a new spell idea and awaiting a delivery.” But mostly hoping that said delivery showed up soon. “But I could use your company. Were you planning on staying the night?” Cristina desperately hoped for the affirmative response, reaching a hand forward just enough to brush her ex-maybe-not-something’s hands.

Kara scoffed at the idea of never really interrupting Cristina. “You seem to forget that I interrupted you on more than one occasion in college. Whether it was while you were studying, or practicing, or sleuthing or... You get the picture. You’re easy to interrupt because unlike the rest of us, you always had something to do. That big brain of yours could never get enough, I think.” She smiled softly, the words coming out in a teasing tone.

The brunette was about to ask what the delivery was when she heard Cristina ask her if she was going to stay the night. A slight cough of surprise was quickly suppressed as she stared at the other woman. “Staying the night? I uh... This isn’t my home anymore. Remember?” She trailed off when a familiar touch brushed against her hand. The movement caused her to instinctively reciprocate the touch, two fingers gently entangling with some of Cristina’s for a moment.

“I... I just figured maybe you’d want to talk. In person. Get everything out in the open so we can see if... If we could ever be an us again.” Kara left out the mean part. The part where she wasn’t sure if she could handle having a relationship dangled in front of her only to have it crash a month later.

Perhaps...Perhaps...

[thelastlansing]

persistenceofmendez‌:

While Cristina did not typically expect visitors, she had, in fact ordered a 3D pen from a commonfolk internet shop. The tracking information for the shipment hinted an expected arrival for that day. Against better(?) judgment, Cristina had not set up a complicated array of traps around the front door to prevent visitation, so she could receive packages at her home location. 

Fully expecting to make awkward small talk with a delivery person when she heard the knock, Cristina speed-walked toward the door. Wary of visitors, she peered through the peephole upon arrival, and saw Kara… looking absolutely terrible. Resisting the urge to state that this was not her 3D pen, Cristina made a quick assessment of what was within view. Apart from Kara appearing worse for wear, the strap of the bag typically taken during missions was visible. Cristina interpreted this to mean that Kara had not stopped anywhere else for very long since departing from the mission site.

She opened the door, and deliberately did not block the doorway. “Welcome back. Please do come in. Have you received adequate medical attention, or should we do something about that once you have had a chance to breathe?”

When Cristina opened the door, Kara expected... Well... She didn’t know what she expected. But it wasn’t for Cristina to seem so nonchalant at seeing her after she’d been all but gone for two weeks. That wasn’t to say that the compassion wasn’t there, it was. Cristina was just not focusing on the right things, or at least, that’s what Kara thought. Continuing to gnaw softly on her lip, she took a step inside, taking off her duffel with a wince as the door closed behind her. “Medical attention happened but.. You know me. I’d rather deal with injuries the natural way. Builds character.” And reminds me of my mistakes.

“I’m sorry I never responded to your texts. We got tipped off that there was enemy activity and we left immediately. However, they got the jump on us because Taylor didn’t check her blind spot and...Well... All of this.” She gestured to herself before coming to stand up closer to Cristina. As she stared down at her, her first instinct was to touch her. To hold her. To kiss her. But the more she thought about it, the less likely she knew it was going to happen. Two weeks since they last spoke had made her think more about Cristina. About them.

“Hope I’m not interrupting your evening, Cris.”

Perhaps...Perhaps...

[thelastlansing]

Perhaps...Perhaps...

Knocking on the door to her former home, Kara waited on the porch. Biting her lip, she rocked back and forth on her heels. Her duffel was slung over her shoulder which caused her to wince each time she felt the weight from her belongings shift with her movement. A torn rotator cuff, busted lip, swollen shut right eye and bruised knuckles were some of the more prominent reminders of a job well done. The only problem was that her phone had been damaged beyond repair on the field and she had no way of contacting Cristina. It had been two weeks since she’d talked to her last and, well, after what she’d told her... A talk was long overdue.

[thelastlansing]

Karina Texts

Cristina: I can promise that it is very difficult for me to change who I am, for better or for worse.

Cristina: Of course I mean it.

Cristina: It would be counterproductive to lie considering how nerve-wracking it was simply to text in the first place.

[no response has been returned for days]

[thelastlansing]

Karina Texts

Cristina: Of course it matters to me that you are here. Now that I know where my head is at. I want you to get better, and to be happy.

Cristina: If there is anything you deserve, it would most definitely be peace.

Cristina: Should anything about this conversation get too stressful, do feel free to let me know, and it can be put on pause. I know you are so busy.

Cristina: It makes me feel awful to keep disappointing you and making you hurt, and I am willing to go the distance to help however I can. I want us to be back together.

Kara: I want us to both be okay. I don't want us changing who we are just so we can pretend that that will be better for the other person.

Kara: Do you mean it? Do you want to be us aga

[thelastlansing]

Karina Texts

Cristina: That's the thing: I never really learned to live without you. The others were confused and sad about the situation, but did they tell you how much of a fun-sucker I was?

Cristina: Nothing felt real, and I did a terrible job of taking care of myself. When you came back, I couldn't rationalize it.

Cristina: While in theory I wanted to fix us, I found it impossible to believe that this was you, and that you had been dead.

Cristina: [unsent] I had to accept long ago that someone that I thought cared about me just don't come back from the dead.

Cristina: It took a large amount of time to reconcile that you were back, and that it was really you. And I could not be more sorry for shutting you out.

Kara: I wish you could have vocalized this to me... I would have understood. But instead you just shut down and shut me out and it... It broke me. You broke me.

Kara: And I'd love to say that I've moved on and that everything's fine but that's not true. I want to say that I can live a life without you, Cristina... But I can't. I don't want to. You made me realize there's more to life then just a... A quick end. You made me realize I can have more and be more.

Kara: I know I went away. I know I left and I was... Gone. But I'm... Does it matter that I'm here? I know not right at this moment but does that.... Does it matter that I'm back and... Getting better?

[thelastlansing]

Karina Texts

Cristina: Because we do not know how to talk to each other and because we go through so much, perhaps?

Cristina: I had a tenuous grasp on reality for a while, if we must be frank.

Kara: Cris... You learned to live a life without me in it. You spent months learning to be alone. And then I show up out of the blue... Not dead.

Kara: I'm sorry I left. And that I was gone. But it wasn't... You were the last person on my mind. When I got shot... It all went through my mind. I saw everyone I lost. I.. I thought I was never going to see you again. And then I was back and I couldn't remember and then I find out that I got taken by some weird fucking cult and...

Kara: And we were so broken. You didn't seem to want to fix us. Made it seem like it was easier to just.... Let our relationship die because it was easier than trying to pick up the pieces.

[thelastlansing]

Karina Texts

Cristina: Yes.

Cristina: My feelings have not changed. I am still in love with you, and it was devastating when we broke up. I also did not mean to make that happen either...

Kara: Then why are we so broken... I don't... I came back and I know... I know I was fucked up. I know that a part of me was missing. But you could barely... You could barely look at me. You *still* can barely look at me

[thelastlansing]

Karina Texts

Cristina: I did not know that I was avoiding those words. I need to stop hurting you.

Cristina: However, it would be understandable if this is the straw that broke the camel's back.

Kara: Are you still in love with me. Just... Tell me that much. Please.

[thelastlansing]

Karina Texts

Cristina: I tried to tell you that I never fell out of love with you. Even if everything hurt.

Cristina: I would have said yes.

Cristina: Of course I would have said yes. I could not lie.

Kara: Cris you just stood there after I told you I was in love with you still. I told you and you just said that you missed me. That's not trying to tell me you love me. That's avoiding saying those words.

Kara: Well... I'm glad you can't lie. Nice to know some things don't change.

[thelastlansing]

Karina Texts

Cristina: Oh.

Cristina: Words.

Cristina: I clearly do not know how to type those anymore.

Cristina: Do you want me to let you get back to work and the child who borrowed your phone?

Kara: Cristina... I um..

Kara: That night I wanted to ask you... I wrote on your skin. I wrote two words. Two words that I was terrified to say out loud. That I still am.

Kara: I wrote them on your skin and you never knew what they were. And I was so scared to say two simple words. And you know, its kind of funny that I'm scared to tell you what they were. But I guess it doesn't matter now because.. Because I died. And you moved on and I came back thinking only days had gone by and it had been *months*.

Kara: You are allowed to move on. You are allowed to have... To have fallen out of love with me. But you should be also allowed the privilege of.. Of knowing what I should have said. The two words?

Kara: Marry me.

[thelastlansing]

Karina Texts

Cristina: I absolutely remember.

Cristina: [unsent] I can almost feel you again

Cristina: [unsent] You would probably laugh at how I bungled that text

Cristina: I never know what you are doodling, but it was always nice.

Cristina: were.

Kara: Well I.. That night... That night was different.

Kara: I wrote something on your skin that I never wrote before.

Kara: And I really... I really wish I had said it out loud that night. Maybe things would be different. Or maybe they wouldn't be.

[thelastlansing]

Karina Texts

Cristina: Right.

Cristina: Of course I do.

Cristina: Every day.

Cristina: I always wondered why they could not let you get a good night's sleep beforehand.

Kara: We had to ship out ASAP.

Kara: But that's not what I was really... What I was remembering.

Kara: Remember how we were just laying on the bed. Kind of like how we used to do in college? When I'd just draw random words into your skin. I... I did that that night as well. Do you remember?

[thelastlansing]

Karina Texts

Cristina: I think that there has been a serious misunderstanding here.

Cristina: We can talk when you are on a better headspace, but I apologize for making it seem like I was trying to shut you down.

Cristina: I will leave you to your phone thief, if this is you.

Kara: I'm in a good headspace? Or as good as I can be when everything I'm on assignment.

[A few minutes later]

Kara: Cristina, you ever... You ever think about that night? The one before I left. Before I... Before everything went to shit?

[thelastlansing]

Karina Texts

Cristina: Excuse me, but this is a private conversation.

Cristina: If you are not, in fact, Kara Lansing, please send me messages from your own personal device.

Kara: She left her phone in our room while she went to hit the washroom. And I was already being allowed to use it because mine died and I needed to call my mum.

Kara: Anyway, I hear her heading back. Just try not to make her cry. Again.

[A minute later]

Kara: ....Yeah I know where you live, Cris. But I don't think I really am in the right head space to talk to you after you completely shut me down. I can't take the heartache, you know? I've had enough in my lifetime.

Kara: Maybe... Maybe I need to get used to the fact that you've learned to live a life without me in it. [unsent]

[thelastlansing]

Karina Texts

Cristina: I am not going anywhere.

Cristina: When you get back, you know where to find me.

Cristina: But if I did something to hurt you, let me know. It can be difficult for me to tell, and I need to discern how best to make amends.

Kara: Oi, Mate. What do you think you're doing with Kara? She was proper gutted and I'm guessing its all because of you.