theleonardkatz

[theleonardkatz]

“I have sources, I have people.” Leonard responded. “I have eyes everywhere.” It really came down to being charming and incredibly talkative. People really just wanted to listen and be listened to. “Fine, fine. I will be patient. You’ll reveal it all in time.” He shook his head. It wasn’t exactly exciting but Leonard knew that some good stories just took time. “All right, boike. We’ll nail this. Give them a Halloween that they’ll never forget.” 

And with any luck, it would cement his title as ‘Mr. Blue Harbor’. “Do you know a young man named Calahan? I intend on enlisting him in this as well. I believe you two will get along swimmingly.” Unsurprisingly, the only person who could have the full plan was Kitty, but even then, he wanted her to be surprised too. “There are a few errands that you two could run together.”

"WHO ARE YOUR SOURCES," liam joked, vaguely imagining leonard hiding in the bushes as liam walked down the street, trying to see if he was engaging with someone in a romantic sense. "sadly i must say that my love life isn't that exciting at the moment. sure, flings have been had, but that's about it." he laid it on thick, sensing that a dramatic approach would work well with the older man. there was a method to his madness, probably, and liam felt like he would enjoy being along for the ride. "okay, i'm convinced. give me the corner pieces and i'll make them shine." belatedly liam realised that leonard had raised his glass. awkwardly, liam raised his own, not knowing if that was what required of him.

[theleonardkatz]

“I thought we were against AI.” Leonard countered. “There’s no chance that it could master my greatness so why even bring it up?” He did like the idea of always being present in Kitty’s life. Whether death was nothingness, reincarnation, or heaven, Leonard was excited for it. He’d lived a very enjoyable time on Earth and he had no doubts that whatever came next would be an adventure. But that would mean leaving Kitty. Not that she was incapable of surviving and thriving without him, but Leonard couldn’t imagine not being able to watch her amazing life. Unless his exact conscience was in the machine and he could talk to her, it wouldn’t work well.

“You are a respected scientist, Kitty. You cannot go around beating people up. That is why you have a very loving father.” He scooped up a small amount of sauce and offered the spoon to her as naturally as knowing which spices to toss in. “All right, all right. Stop distracting me from my cooking.” His expression was casual. As if this was a very normal thing to be discussing, like the weather. Leonard moved around his kitchen as he began to dish up for them. The actions were wonderfully routine. “I am going to utilize giant projectors to simulate a UFO landing. I shall be following in the footsteps of the legendary H.G. Wells and conspiring with the media to really pull this off.”

how was cryogenics silly, kitty wondered, then quickly dismissed the thought. not because it wasn’t a valid question, but the idea itself seemed far from silly—the advancement of science, freezing loved ones for the future of civilization. that was hardly ridiculous. but she wasn’t in the mood for theorizing about agelessness concepts, though it would make an interesting story. maybe she’d pitch it to the man one day.

"but a hologram would be ai, not your actual consciousness, so…" she stopped herself as she moved behind him to sneak a look at what he was cooking. she used his talk about summerween as a distraction to steal a bite, savoring the rich spices. she hummed at his question, her brows scrunching. "can you still trust me? when did i break your trust?" she asked, though he kept rambling about his idea, earning him a small glare from her. "they’re not ready then. also, who thinks that? i can go and… well, not beat people up, but i have connections."

not that she had connections willing to go beat up people for leonard’s sake… well, for her sake too, she supposed. maybe deacon? or saul? "i love pranks! what are you planning for halloween? i swear, leonard katz, i won’t say a thing. even though," she said dramatically, throwing herself onto the countertop to meet his eyes, "you clearly lost faith in me at some point!"

[theleonardkatz]

"That, good lad, is Krzysztof Komeda's theme written for Rosemary's Baby. An incredibly innocent score to offset the darkness explored in the masterpiece, disgusting director aside. While I like to think that my novels are significantly scarier, they don't come with a soundtrack. That just means that I must produce higher quality, no?" It really was Graham's fault for opening the door to a conversation where Leonard could wax on about whatever he pleased. His favorite topic of conversation: himself. "There has been some debate whether listening to music distracts from properly engaging with the novel. But I disagree. I don't think there's anything wrong with using tools to ensure success. What do you think?"

CLOSED STARTER • @theleonardkatz • katz's books

the catchy tune that graham had caught onto quickly faded out before the shazam app on his phone could collect enough data to tell him what it was. he grunted, stuffing his phone back into his pocket with a little extra gusto. an ear-worm like this hadn't plagued him for quite some time, but here he was looking for his latest read and humming the tune to the best of his ability. to his frustration, his musical ability was lacking, and he found himself unable to imitate the proper notes. "mm... mm... m-m-m-m..." graham sputtered from unmelodious lips. "ugh... do you happen to know what was just playing? it's stuck in my head like a bad cold."

[theleonardkatz]

LEONARD: no im a writer not a movie maker LEONARD: altho if i tried, id be really good at it LEONARD: no this is for.... something not evil i promise

ELIANA: Okay, fair. ELIANA: An extremely large projector? 🤔 Have you been making your own horror movies?

[theleonardkatz]

"My pleasure young man." Nothing wrong with reminding Calahan that he was actually still young. Leonard thought of himself as young, over three decades the senior. On the other hand, he did really enjoy the odd collection of friends that honored him with friendship in Blue Harbor. Even Calahan who needed to take himself much less seriously. "Here I was thinking that we would just sit and enjoy the silence but if there are too many words crowding your head then you are obligated to... how do the kids put it.... spill that tea, honey." He couldn't trick Liam into telling him his secrets but maybe Calahan would be more willing. Leonard gestured for Cal to follow him further into the house to the kitchen. "I went a little wild with dinner. I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I've been experimenting with tofu."

“i really appreciate you inviting me over.” leonard and calahan's friendship could be described simply. although a number of years separated them, calahan already lived as though he was in his sixties—early nights, sudoku, black-and-white films—and so the two men had easily clicked. there was an irony in the older male living freely, living without restriction or the influence of others. thirty-six years in chains meant that calahan felt as though he was drowning and, that night, the oxygen was quickly running out. “i needed to get out of the house . . . and away from the bar. a change of scenery will do me good.” he gratefully took the offered drink, nodding his gratitude, taking an almost desperate sip and following closely behind leonard. “a few drinks will certainly help in shutting my mind up.”

[theleonardkatz]

fuckin' family... (kaos 2024)

[theleonardkatz]

He smiled. "My rules are clear to me and I am the person they should make the most sense to." It was just too much fun to play by his own rules. Why wait to do something for someone else? "All right, I will start off easy. Then if you are still interested in playing, we shall move into harder ones. What is full of holes but still holds water?" Leonard also didn't want to strong arm anyone into anything. That would make the game significantly less fun. "Who are you, by the way? Wouldn't it be fun if we got to know each other?"

Madi frowned at the older man, unsure if the riddle-asking had started already. She hoped it wasn’t just figuring out his name and what he was known for. She was used to people not knowing her, or only knowing her for her infamy rather than her successes, but authors tended to be a little more sensitive to recognition, in her own experience. “No, I'm saying you need to be more clear on your rules.” She remarked. “I thought giving out autographs to fans who care were a privilege, not something they had to work for anyway? But fine, hit me.” Perhaps it’d be the right direction to her fairytale, encountering the troll under the bridge. But then that would make Madisyn a goat, like the ones who stunk up the farm, so perhaps not the best analogy. 

[theleonardkatz]

"Yet. I think you need to add in the qualifier because if I wanted to, I absolutely could generate traps at that level." Leonard retorted. It was almost an insult to think that he wasn't that capable. Sure, engineering and mechanics were never skills that came easily to him but it was all a matter of dedication. "At least it's not the Weissberg group." The name was uttered with disdain. After all, how dare a man who came to the town after him think that he was worthy to win the title of Mr. Blue Harbor? The worst thing was just the lack of fun.

"Ah well done, Daniel!" Leonard made a mark on the paper. "Now are you a native and I just haven't seen you around or have you moved recently?" Was this all about riddles or just having an excuse to interrogate people? Who knew with him. "I have a neck, but no head. I have two arms, but no hands. What am I?"

Daniel’s eyebrows flew up at the Jigsaw comparison, causing him to hesitate slightly to accept Leonard’s offer of joining him. “Jigsaw? I think most of us will be thankful that you’re unable to generate traps at that level.” After briefly debating with himself the safety of engaging with someone who so openly lamented their lack of Jigsaw-inspired traps, Daniel accepted the chair that was offered to him. His eyes followed as Leonard set up a sign before he registered that he’d been asked a question. “Uh yes, I work for Heller and Co.”

As Leonard presented the riddle, Daniel glanced at the legal pad, appreciating the quirky setup. “My name’s Daniel,” he paused and scratched at this cheek, considering the question for a moment before smiling. “A bank,” he answered confidently, his eyes flickering with amusement. “But hey, I’ll take the easy ones while they last."

[theleonardkatz]

"There are few crimes I would snitch on. Certainly not ones that destabilize our precious tower of capitalistic worship." Who was he to judge anyone? As kids, they'd stolen from the corner store enough times to keep the sugar addiction at bay. In addition to the more unbelievable crimes that saved the lives of innumerable kids in his town. "So a famous singer or famous movie star? Are you merely interested in fame?" That was not the appropriate motive for his assistant, now she was lowered to just being an interesting person to talk to. "Why do you want to be famous? What steps have you taken so far to achieve that dream? What special skills would you be interviewed on Oprah for?" Was Oprah even around anymore? Leonard actually didn't know. He made a mental note to text Kitty about Oprah as soon as possible. "Do you have a tik-tok presence?"

“what, are you going to arrest me?” tefi asked on an undignified snort, swaying from side to side—until she suddenly stopped. was he actually offended by the idea of a girl employing a five-finger discount from time to time? typically, she barely had enough money to eat, often taking home meals from whichever restaurant she worked at the time (a perk of serving, along with the fast cash). so what if occasionally she had to run out the door with a bolt of fabric in order to complete a costume, or repair some of her vintage clothing? the cashiers at joann’s never chased after her—she had worked enough retail jobs to know that they wouldn’t, unless they had hired security—and she knew better than to hit up the same fabric store twice! now, how to answer his next questions… this man seemed like someone that enjoyed a bit of chisme. the question was whether he could keep a secret. she had to careful with who she told about her true purpose in town; she was already taking a gamble with cj and seb, being phoebe’s friends. “i’m here on business, and my hopes and dreams are to be the next cher. or sharon tate, without the whole murder thing

… or sharon stone. i’ll take any of them.”

[theleonardkatz]

LEONARD: does anyone ever really own a book tho LEONARD: so bird and building know-it-all LEONARD: oh my, that is an incredibly handsome gentleman. yes, he will do very nicely

TERRY: No. I just don't own horror novels. TERRY: I’m not an ornithologist, merely a hobbyist. I wouldn’t expect to be lauded for it. Professionally, I am an architect. In both circles, my position is fairly valued. TERRY: To answer your earlier question, you might consider the shoebill stork.

[theleonardkatz]

"Oh a shame, I thought we could have been Maine buddies." Leonard chuckled. He'd been on the West coast numerous times but it never held that old appeal. Yes, all land in the so called United States was stolen land and therefore haunted by the centuries of inequality, but the West didn't have speak to him like New England did. He smiled at the compliment and inclined his head. "You are too kind. But who is to say that I am not currently publishing under another name, or even multiple names?" A pause to let the dramatics of his statement sink in. "I'm not, of course. Multiple names that is. Curious though, in this age of social networking and constant surveillance, one would think it would be difficult to get away with such a thing."

Kitty would scold him for purposefully speaking in riddles but she wasn't there, was she? "It is not as much secret, Maya, as it is to be determined. As wonderful as I am, I am unable to control how quickly plants grow. In this climate crisis too, it has been harder to guarantee that my plans will follow a pre-determined schedule. What would have once been a predictable Halloween maze may have to shift to winter, when people truly need to get scared as they expect it less." Leonard took another sip of coffee then leaned in. "But since I like you, I will let you in on a secret. Something very few people are aware of. I think only my dearest darling daughter and the affable young man Liam know about currently. There shall be something on Halloween night that this town has never seen before, something that has taken me months to plan. I'm afraid I can't divulge any information more than that."

“Portland, Oregon,” she clarified, when she realized she’d left out a crucial detail in her elevator speech. “I’m honored you were curious enough about me to ask,” Maya grinned. She cocked her head to the side, listening carefully to the rather long answer to what she had assumed as an innocuous question. Maya observed him carefully, as she pondered his (rhetorical?) questions in turn. No one ever had to do anything, especially not someone as legendary as Leonard Katz. Maya was certain that even if he never wrote another book again, he made more than enough from royalties to live a very comfortable life.  ”I think your gift is a gift to the rest of us,” she answered, honestly. “Anyone who thinks you lack talent now has clearly never read one of your books. You could write under a pseudonym and I’m positive it would be just as successful as your earlier works.” Maya laughed at his admission of constructing the hedge maze to end all hedge mazes. “Well, your secret’s safe with me, Leonard,” she grinned playfully. Frankly, she didn’t know who else could steal the title of Mr. Blue Harbor from the man. “Although I am curious to know when you plan to unveil such an undertaking. Is that top secret as well?”

[theleonardkatz]

"Bring Vikas right up to my booth and I'll repeat it verbatim. But I am not moving from here. This is prime real estate. I paid a kid $10 to pick it out of all the spots on this street." With strict instructions to use the money for evil, whatever direction the small child preferred. "Would you like a napkin to wipe the drool away?" Leonard smirked. The youth of Blue Harbor (everyone up to two years younger than him) were hilariously amorous. He loved watching the drama unfold, but even moreso when he was involved.

"Now that is an interesting thought, and perhaps one of the best ideas you've ever had." Leonard tented his fingers to gaze at the young man with his most sinister posture. "Who is to say that I am not already building a horror themed minigolf establishment? One that draws inspiration from the greatest haunted houses in the world but also the iconic elements of horror that this humble author brought into the zeitgeist." He raised his eyebrows. "But would going more traditional horror alienate those who are more 'horror lite'? And perhaps the more traditional elements would be better?"

‎ MAX COULD ROLL HIS EYES. he doubts the guy would throw a weekend-long halloween party in the middle of summer every year if not for his ego that says he just can. in that case, maybe having an ego isn't entirely a bad thing when you're sharing it with everybody else.

and speaking of egos, "you wanna say that to vikas mohan's face?" he quips at the mention of the environment. perhaps it wasn't leonard's intention to remind max of the slew of accusations his family's company had faced over decades of cutting down trees to make room for a new hotel or resort or a capitalist hub with their name slapped at the front next to a big red 'SALE' sign, but max has to chuckle at the subtle, possibly incidental diss at his father's life's work. "deacon edwards makes regular golf look like mini golf." the guy's built like a tree. no, he's built like two trees and max probably won't mind yelling timber! when it comes to the former athlete.

anyway.

"why don't you build a miniature golf course, actually? could be horror-themed. very on-brand. could turn a nice profit."

[theleonardkatz]

"Oh please don't get me wrong. Your statute has no bearing on your size. In fact, if we measure largeness in number of books you would be quite a contender. But not all individuals enjoy being scared." Leonard gave an extremely dramatic sigh and eyeroll at the message of Mr. King. He pushed past it to not totally derail the conversation with a rant about how his novels came first and broke more ground but he had a slightly less dramatic name. "Exactly. You, Jasper, work in one of the most beautiful places. What could be better than being surrounded by books with the ability to gift others with something small and simple that will expand their worlds? It is not insignificant in any way." Leonard smiled. "And if you ever want suggestions of modern queer horror novels, you be sure to ask. I have a whole section in the store."

the idea of people seemed a lot more magical than the reality of people. jasper sat, fantasising, about their own favorite authors, forgetting that the man in the driver's seat was of plenty significance already. to jasper, leonard was just that—leonard. a kind, slightly eccentric older man that took him for drives sometimes and talked about books. “those sound perfect. i'm not scared of scary books. i might look small, but i really enjoy things that put me on edge, that make me feel something . . . i don't know how i'd act if i saw stephen king in real life.” historically, jasper either reacted too much or not enough. it was exhausting attempting to find somewhere right in the middle. a cozy equilibrium. “annie proulx, too. brokeback mountain is one of the most beautiful queer love stories i've ever read. i was a mess after that one.” their roman empire was where jack and ennis might ne now if things hadn't turned sour.

[theleonardkatz]

"No, that would make me far too much of a troll living under a bridge." Leonard chuckled. "How about you sit behind me and tell me a story in exchange. We can skip the riddles... for now." He didn't have an obsession with riddles or anything, just a mild enjoyment. Infinitely better was someone telling him about something he didn't already know. "But start with your name, I require a proper introduction before being entertained."

“autograph?” elspeth was half asleep, like always. caffélicious was convenient and reasonably priced and so she had stopped by on their way back from the morgue, black hair a mess and eyes bagged with purple. it was the last thing she needed, to be spoken to in tongues, and they had only really wanted to find a nice, quiet seat, away from yoga moms discussing milestones and students working on group projects. “if i answer one of your riddles, will you let me sit behind you so the sign hides me away?”

[theleonardkatz]

"Five out of eleven?" Leonard repeated. "So I should choose my five hardest riddles? I love your enthusiasm, young man. Let's see..." Settling back in his chair, Leonard smiled. "What has hands but cannot clap?" It was an easy one to start off with. People had very strong opinions on riddles and it would be controversial to legitimately start with a difficult one.

startled  from  the  little morning  dream,  blinking  at  the  offer.  “whoa.  leo,  are  you  serious?”  gained  the  nickname  from  the  full  name  situated  on  the  sign  and  all.  smell  of  coffee  behind,  like  one  of  those  huge  bookstores  found  in  the  main  city.  man,  this  was  some  kinda  vibe,  and  there  were  riddles?  and  meet  an  author?  he  had  to  have  skipped  right  into  his  dream  or  something.  “listen,  i  dunno  about  this.  but,  i  am  so  down  to  try  at  least  five  out  of  the  eleven  riddles.”

[theleonardkatz]

Leonard raised a properly wild eyebrow for a man of his age and standing and fixed Liam with a look. "No romantic interests?" He repeated. "You are aware that I know everything that goes on in this town. I know for a fact, young man, that you are lying." Kind of. Leonard didn't know for sure. He didn't purposefully bring up anything except his own greatness and generally known trends.

"I am afraid I can only tell you small sections of this plan and I have already revealed too much. A good secret can only be kept by one person and this is an excellent secret. You will be kept largely in the dark by design. No blame will fall on your shoulders but some credit may be taken once all is achieved. Consider a puzzle. If you only have the corner pieces then you will be filled with just as much wonder when the final image is revealed." Leonard raised his glass to toast himself, obviously pleased with his own brilliance.

NOW THAT LIAM WAS FINALLY JUST going along with the ride, it was easier to anticipate that he had no clue what was coming next. he reached out toward the spread and began piling stuff up on his plate. might as well feed himself while leonard told him what he had inadvertently dragged himself into. he also chose to ignore the burning in his cheeks when leonard described seeing a cloud and thinking of him, because, frankly, he didn't think he had enough emotional capability to deal with it at that moment. an "ufo ?" it didn't seem as out there as he thought leonard capable of. it did, however, sound hilarious. "alright, i'll bite. tell me every single detail on how this will go down. i have no romantic interests and my closest friend will think me crazy if i even begin to describe this encounter, so the secret shall be safe with me."

[theleonardkatz]

LEONARD: well u must have a very empty bookshelf LEONARD: unless they have an award for..... bird know-it-all LEONARD: there are over 20 awards, multiple of which ive won multiple times but thats besides the point

TERRY: No. That’s neither something I’ve aspired for nor relevant to my industry or interests.

TERRY: Does the Pulitzer typically award genre fiction? Are there no industry-specific awards for horror novels, as with the Hugo Awards for sci-fi or fantasy?