thelifeoftiger

[thelifeoftiger]

December 28,2021

As New Years approaches I have gone 5 days without placing a bet. I’m proud of myself being able to withhold from gambling. I gotta remind my self I can’t let the past control my future and that I got this. I wanna see the days past faster and sooner than I know it I’ll be months with out a bet and hopefully my ultimate milestone is to be a year without a bet. My wife still hasn’t talked to me nor my brother. I have been cut off. I don’t know what’s going to happen with my wife and I and whether she would want a divorce or not. Of course obviously that’s not what I want and I’m hoping and praying and manifesting a better outcome is to finally be together happy ever after once and for all. As the days past and hopefully a year past we can finally live our life together and put this in our past. Im hoping and praying for the outcome I want but I just gotta put in the work pay off my debt pay my wife back pay the people that I owe money back get my money right start up a savings and go from there and work on my health and my recovery keep going to GA every week on the daily. I’ve got this I got a plan in place and I gotta stick with it and hopefully I can get my life back I can get my family back and most of all importantly get the most Important person in my life back. Marie Salazar I love you with all my heart and I hope to win you back and hope to convince you that I’ve changed as a person. I love you with all my heart and I wanna be with you for the rest of my life.

[thelifeoftiger]

December 24,2021

This is it guys. This is it. I relapsed on December 23,2021. My relationship is marie is unknown for now who knows if we get divorced or I will get a second shot it’s in my hands. I control my destiny and I control my future. I need help. I really need to do this for myself to make this addiction not take over my life anymore. It’s time for me to take my life over and I really genuinely have to do this for myself. I can’t do this for anyone else. I just hope and I know that ill become the sober person and the best version of myself. I want to love myself again before I love anyone else. Marie I hope you have an ounce in you to be convinced this time that I’ve changed as a person I hope you have an ounce in us because you’ve been fighting constantly this never ending battle trying to keep us and hold us together these 5 years and I need to finally get my shit together once and for all. When I do I hope you’re there at the finish line waiting for me waiting for us to finally be together and to finally be genuinely happy and to start a future together once and for all. I hope I can blossom to be that person that you married and make you think that you’ve made the right decision in marrying me and being the one you want to live with for the rest of your life. I gotta put in the work this year, clean slate clean start no lying being honest being the best person the best version of my self. Let get this grind going I’m going to get my life back. I’m going to get everything I worked for back.

[thelifeoftiger]

December 19,2021

A lot has happened since my last update I made it to be able to move back in although I didn’t do it legit and I wasn’t able to hold the end of my stick of the deal and I didn’t untrustworthy and I honestly. Marie has been a rock throughout this whole process and she has given me a final ultimatum of getting my shit together financially and honestly she’s giving me 3 months. 3 months to prove myself that I’ve changed. I’m blessed and grateful to give me the opportunity to be able to show her this last time this one last time to finally show her that I can be her husband and be the person that she married. The last year has been such a fucking shit show with our relationship and been a shit show for myself. I need to learn how to do this for myself and not for anyone else and I need to learn how to not only do this for marie but to also do it for myself and to be a better version of me to be the person I’m supposed to be. I’m ready for the change and I’m ready to grind it out I’m ready to be the person I’m supposed to be im ready to be the super husband I’m supposed to be and the dad of my dogs. People say that you are the most honest when you’re drunk and I’m drunk at this secret Santa knowingly just wanna thank god and thank the people around me that I’m blessed to be around with. Thank you god for the life you have given me and thank you for giving me this last chance to finally be the person I’m supposed to me. God bless. I love everyone in my life. Im signing out now gonna probably black out and grind it out these 3 months and change as a person. Also big shout out to Jimmy, you’ve been a rock for me this entire time always helping me always guiding me to be a better person. I’m signing out now I hope everyone in the world to have a blessed Christmas a blessed holiday season and a blessed New Years. I’m just happy to be alive after all the times I wanted to commit suicide but that’s not the way to go about things get help when you need it. Peace and Love. Goodnight.

[thelifeoftiger]

November 24,2021

Today is the day before thanksgiving, knowing that I’m not spending thanksgiving with my family makes me feel depressed and sad and angry at the same time but I also have to look into these moments and self reflect and tell myself if I really want to choose gambling over my loving wife and my loving family and my doggies. It’s going to be a real life lesson for me and these situations where I just feel alone and I got no where else to go but just to work and just to grind get my mind off these emo ass days of being alone and think about the future and think about what can change Within the year and imagine and vision what can happen and what can change for next year and look forward to surprise birthday parties looking forward to my 1 year of sober ness and looking forward to the holidays with my family and my wife. Just gotta take it day by day honestly. This is going to be a rough thanksgiving but I also deserve it in the mean time. Just gonna work both jobs and sleep and drive hopefully people are out and about and I make some good money ubering because the faster I make this money the faster I pay everyone back including Marie. I miss her with all my heart and I still imagine the day I’m back with her. Today I didn’t bet. That’s all I gotta say everyday. I didn’t make a bet nor I didn’t gamble. Until tomorrow, Happy Thanksgiving. ���️❤️

[thelifeoftiger]

November 23,2021

I’m really exhausted the first two days of my double shift working got me really tired but I gotta do what I gotta do. I have to push through and get used to it. Marie wished me a good first day which felt good. It felt good because I feel like she still cares about me with the little talks and little texts she sends me. Although there’s no emotion in her texts just her texting me says that she still caring for me and thinking about me. She’s my motivation to get better and I have a chip on my shoulder to prove to everyone that I need to change and I’m going to change. Today was my first full day of work which felt pretty good it was really productive just to grind out and find a refreshing start of working doing something else and meeting new homies and my new work place felt cool. Although it still does suck to feel alone and to feel like I can’t go home to my wife after these long days to just cuddle with her and to recover from a long day it just sucks that I’m alone and I’m just with me. Makes me feel really unmotivated because I feel like giving up sometimes and feel like it’s not going to happen and I feel like each day she just loses more and more interest in me and us being back together but who knows? Nobody know what the future holds for us so we just have to take it day by day and see how our future unfolds in the next couple of months. I know we will be okay, she’s my soulmate she’s the one I wanna be with for the rest of my life. These couple months are going to be critical for me to prove to them and myself that I have changed. Until tomorrow ✌️❤️

[thelifeoftiger]

November 22,2021

It was quite an eventful Monday I could say the least. It was a chill start to the week I did an errand for Marie and bought her winter boots and it felt good to be able to do an errand for her without disappointment or excuses of why I wasn’t able to do it, I just gotta be consistent and be a reliable and trustworthy person from here on out in order for her to see the change in me and it all factors in with the small things and the baby steps in things. Today I start my second job at night at 1:20AM so I’m kinda nervous although excited because I just wanna make more money and get this grind started and get my mind off of things going on and just work. I got off my first job and I get a call from Sarah saying that Maries mom was kicking out her husband and it’s because they were done she found out that he was cheating so she kicked him out finally. We hated this mothefucker for so long and he also ruined Marie and I’s plan of moving in with her mom so he was the main cause and reason for this mess. I had to go there to make sure no stupid shit was gonna happen and this motherfucker had the audacity to shove my wife I swear I wish I could throw hands on that mf. But the thought of this finally happening felt good, Maries mom is such a sweet soul and it pains me for her to go through this. It also pains me that this is happening and also what’s going on with Marie and I. Makes me feel really bummed out and sad because we could’ve moved in with her mom now but what’s all going on right now feels impossible to do. Hopefully in the future all of that changes I just have to prove to them and myself that I have changed as a person. I didn’t bet today. That’s all I can say everyday. Day by day. Until tomorrow ✌️❤️

[thelifeoftiger]

November 21,2021

I drove for most of the day, I went over to the house to fix the closet door. Honestly I feel the improvement by myself being more patient with things. Usually I have a bad temper and anything that goes wrong I automatically get pissed off. So fixing the closet doors felt good because I fixed them so good as if I was a closet door technician or some shit. Afterwards I went to go drive for a bit and I asked Marie if she wanted to go to my family thanksgiving dinner and she said yes to going although she wanted to ride with Dj. It’s okay I understand she’s still not comfortable with things and her mood changes with my varied on the day. Some days she hates my guts and some days she loves and misses me. I totally understand where she’s coming from and I gotta respect the time and progress this will take. Super baby steps. Although at the thanksgiving dinner she was talking about TVs and how we are gonna get a big tv for the living room and our bedroom which made me think that it’s possible to look into the future of us being together. Made me feel real optimistic about the future and I just need to keep grinding it out. I reached my goal on Sunday with Uber and paid 3 more people in the process which felt great. On to a new week. Until tomorrow ❤️✌️

[thelifeoftiger]

November 20, 2021

I know I haven’t been updating so I’m gonna play catch up because I do want to see my emotions and progressive changes throughout this time period and I wanna see how things go from now until the further future so I gotta catch up with my logs. So anyways, today was Lucinda Periwinkles birthday. My sister in law’s dogs birthday. It was the first time I see my brother ever since I relapsed so it was nerve wracking at first because I didn’t know how he was going to react but we acted mutual and no hate towards each other just a hi and bye. After the party, they were going to ride the new ride on the strip similar to soaring over California from Disney and that They we’re gonna go but then Ana didn’t wanna go so Marie invited me. I knew that if she went I wasn’t gonna go so the night turned out for the better. It still sucks that I can’t hold her hand kiss her things like that. Like as if we were just in a talking stage which sucked. I gotta get used to this transition even though how much I hate it. Things are looking up though because later on we went over our friends house to plan our snow trip to Utah and which I was included and we planned it as if we were a couple. I hope things improve even better and bigger steps toward the end of the year with us. Hopefully we can go on this trip as a couple. I really miss her more and more each and every day. This saturday wasn’t too bad. Until tomorrow ✌️❤️

[thelifeoftiger]

November 19,2021

Happy Birthday to me!

It was a rough start for my birthday cause I knew that all the surprises and gifts my wife would’ve planned for me and my family is going to be cancelled this year. I ruined it all for myself. All the good shit they do for me I don’t deserve it and I know it. It was a shitty feeling that my birthday is to celebrate me and I don’t deserve it because who would celebrate me? After all I did this year all the constant hurt I gave everyone especially my wife. This one hit different. It hit hard. Cried the first half of my birthday because I was feeling the regret and the loneliness, although it turned around that Marie texted me saying she wanted to spend time with me and so I asked her if I can take her out to dinner for a change and she agreed with it. It was exciting because I miss her so much and all I wanted to do for my birthday is to be with her. So my birthday did a complete 180 and I took Marie out to dinner for my birthday. She’s honestly the greatest human being on this earth because if it was anyone else they would want their ungrateful asshole of a husband to spend their birthday alone they would want them to suffer so they can feel like what they did to their loved ones. Marie is different. No matter what I did to her she still is sticking around she didn’t have to spend time with me on my birthday but she did, and of course like all my other birthdays she made my birthday special. It was a rough one but she made everything better she made me feel special and it’s something I haven’t done for her which I felt. I’m just a horrible human being that needs to be better, better for everyone and better for myself. It just felt weird because I felt like we weren’t even married and it felt like we were on a date. It felt really nostalgic like as if we just started dating like our first date. It sucks for it to be like this but it’s for the better it’s for the sake of us. I’d rather start over and have a chance then get a divorce. I’d take that anyday of the week. I felt like we were living life in fast speed and we weren’t taking the time for us and for us to have alone time and go on a date here and there and also I was dealing with the financial burdens of myself so I never wanted to go out because I didn’t have money. It felt good to go out knowing that I have enough money for anything and could get whatever on the menu I knew that I could afford it. It felt good not gonna lie. It was just all around good vibes and it was a night I wasn’t gonna forget because I know this the last time I’ll have an apology dinner or a dinner where we are like strangers, I don’t like that shit. She’s my wife I wanna love her I wanna hold her hand hold the door for her I just want the affection back, I want to feel her love I wanna kiss her say that I love her. Just don’t like this stage because I feel like strangers. We have to get through this and it’ll be baby steps because this can mean the rest of our lives. I can tell her I’m gonna change and what I’m gonna do to change over and over again but at this rate she can’t hear that stuff because she’s listened to that over and over again and she’s over it. She wants to see results and I understand that all I can do is show her and be better, I told her all the progress I’ve done so far but I have to keep it up dig deeper and keep grinding. My brother also reached out to me and he still doesn’t want to talk to me because we both have demons that we are internally fighting and I understand that I betrayed him again and I hurt him also, it’s gonna take time to prove to him because he’s headstrong and hardheaded he doesn’t get along with people too often so I know how he is, he’s very emotional and passionate he’s doing this out of the love he has for me, he’s deep down rooting for me and wants me to get better because at the end of the day, all he does is he wants the best for me. It’s gonna take some time and I understand that I need to give him some space.

Dj, if you’re following along and reading this, I know how you feel and I’ll get better and I’ll be better. I know this isn’t the brother that you know and over time I’ll learn how to love myself again before I love all of you guys again and be Tiger. I love you Doggie G until the day I die. Until tomorrow ✌️&❤️

[thelifeoftiger]

November 18, 2021

Today was pretty productive like the other days. I hit my Uber goal so made a grip of money which is pretty good. Paid off a couple of people today which felt good also. The money is coming in slowly and I’m progressing forward moving on with this addiction. I still miss Marie with all my heart, literally is never going to go away. I just always day dream about the future. Day dreaming the day she takes me back and we’re together again. Just looking forward for that in the future. I can’t get too ahead of myself because I have a lot to prove to her and this is a critical time to keep grinding and keep pushing forward and keep progressing with making the money that I need to make. Slowly but surely I have to take this day by day. I’ve been feeling super fatigued but it’s only been a week I need to keep pushing myself if I want my life back I gotta prove to everyone that I have changed and that I am the person who I’m supposed to be. I know it’s not all about the money I need to learn how to love myself and learn how to love others and how they loved me. My birthday is in a few hours, I’ll be turning 24. Honestly not expecting nothing at all probably just gonna be working all day grinding it out. This is what I deserve, it’s probably gonna be one of the worst birthdays of my life and I feel it, I just don’t want nothing to do with my birthday. I don’t want to do anything but work. I’m going to miss the celebrations my family always throw for me surprisingly, making me feel like a kid and making me feel like what I missed during my childhood. My wife always making surprises for me and special gifts she plans, I’m going to miss it tomorrow because I ruined it myself. I did this to myself no one else. This is honestly what I deserve. To have a birthday alone. Tomorrow will probably be a really depressing post but you know it is what is this is my lesson and this is what I need for me to learn and for me grow as a person that hey look, this is what I’m gonna miss out on. I’ll survive, I’ll grow and I’ll move on into the future as a bigger and better person because at the end of the day I need to learn to love myself before others love me. Until tomorrow, Happy Birthday to me. ✌️&❤️

[thelifeoftiger]

November 17,2021

Later last night I had to ask Marie if I can come visit her and the dogs. She agreed to it so I went over after work. We talked about us and I feel like it’s too soon for anything and too soon for decision making. I just wanted to talk to her to see where her heads at and I know I’ve hurt her so much that she just needs space. I understand how much I’ve hurt her. I just wanted to ask her if there is any hope for us to be together again down the road. The answer she gave to me was enough. She said that if she can see the change in me we will go from there. That’s all I’m asking for. She thinks that a relapse will happen again but I don’t think it will. I don’t think it ever will again. It gave me an extra chip on my shoulder that we can possibly be together again if I get my shit together. I just need to grind grind grind. I need to get my shit together and get my life back on track. I want to spend the rest of my life with Marie and this is go time. This is the time to show her that I’ll be a changed man. I’ll be the husband I’m supposed to be I’ll be Tiger. I need to keep making progress each and every day. No time to waste anymore! I’m making a lot of progress all around. Paying people back everyday, my health is getting better so far I’ve gained 5 lbs in just one week which is miraculous. I just need to keep it up with my health my finances and my relationship with Marie. Just gonna be baby steps for us, cause this will determine our lives and determine our future together. I still miss her with all my heart and the dogs. I understand the hurt I put her through which this is time that it’ll be good for her to be with her family and the dogs and to just be happy and not worrying about me. Hopefully I’ll change and we can start a life together again and hit the reset button. That is my ultimate goal and dream. I love her so much, I’m really lucky to have her, I know I fumbled her but I’m gonna pick her back up and be together with her in the future. I will speak this into existence. I didn’t make a bet today. Until tomorrow or basically today. ✌️& ❤️

[thelifeoftiger]

November 16, 2021

Today is our monthversary. It’s our 56th month of being together technically still. I miss her so much man. This pain is lowkey killing me, I just have a heavy heart all day and it feels like a heartbreak. I just hope this is a big lesson that she’s teaching me and I’m just hoping that when I do get my shit together and I’m back on track I can go home to her I can sleep with her again I can sleep with my dogs again, I just miss everything about her. I miss her laugh, I miss her contagious smile that lights up everyone’s world especially mine. I just miss that charismatic heart she has. She’s an aura that everyone wants to be around and it’s been a week since we separated and I’m slowly dying inside because I miss everything about her. No matter how much she hates me I just wanna conversate with her again I just wanna talk to her I miss her goodnight kisses I miss her good morning texts I just miss everything. I want this to blow over already I want to end my addiction already but everything takes time it’s something I wanna look forward to in the future it makes me wanna grind more and make the money I need so that it can speed up the process. Today was a chill day, I got some decent sleep finally but still am struggling to sleep because all I dream about is Marie. She posted on instagram today and she looked so Beautiful it made me miss her even more. I just love her to pieces and it’s been a week with no conversations no contact with her just me telling her to be safe to have a great day and that she is beautiful. I just hope soon that she’ll be willing to talk to me again. Just gotta keep grinding and remind myself that today I didn’t gamble. Until tomorrow ✌️

[thelifeoftiger]

November 15,2021

Early post today, the day is about to end and I had a quick shirt and sweet Monday. I made sure to tell Marie to have a good week. I miss her so much, so a thank you from her is good enough to keep me in good spirits. From Talking to your significant other to not even talking to them at all is a hard pill to swallow. I did this to myself though and I can’t blame her for her feelings and the hurt and neglect I put on her so I have to live with how she is treating me because I deserve it. I love her to pieces and this is a lesson that I’ll never forget. I feel so lonely in this and it’s lowkey making me overthink things but I have to learn to bring myself back and think positive. It’s what Marie taught me to always think positive in situations and the outcome will be positive. Don’t inflict negativity or it’ll become a negative outcome so I gotta be in good spirits and I gotta learn to love myself in all of this. I need to love myself again before I can love anyone else especially Marie. I talked to my therapist today and told him the whole run down and he said that it can be worse because his other patients are dealing with more crazy shit than I am. He also reassured me that everything is going to be okay if I maintain recovery and get my shit back on track and running and that hopefully everything will fall into place and I’ll get my family back and my wife back hopefully. I love her way too much for this to ruin what we have. I know it’s not a walk in the park and it’s gonna be a journey to get to that point. But I’m willing to climb Mt.Everest to get there. My cousins caught on with what’s going on with me and you know they’re family and they’re my blood of course I’m gonna tell them what’s going on. One of my cousins dealt with addiction so she knows exactly what I’m dealing with although I was just so scared of how to approach it to them because I just wanted to talk to someone you know and just vent and let it all out. They were understanding and it just felt good to tell them everything. They support me and they’re rooting for me like everyone else. I got this. I feel confident that I will overcome this everyday and I gotta take this day by day. Progress slowly everyday. Gonna go work after work make some more bread and just work and work and work. I love the progress I’m making and I’m not gonna stop it’s only been a week and I need to keep going. I also am starting to love my hair more and more it just makes me feel different makes me feel like it’s a step leaving the old me. I don’t like the old me. But new me is a change and I like change because I need the change in my life. Grind don’t stop! Until Tuesday. ✌️

[thelifeoftiger]

November 14,2021

Late post, I hella forgot to blog so I’m trying to catch up can’t get off track in doing this. I wanna make this a priority to do this everyday for a year maybe a couple of years like a little diary or some shit. Only select people that are close to me I told them about this so they can keep updated and follow me on my recovery journey. Today I woke up feeling emo and depressed like always but hey since it’s the next day, I didn’t place a bet today and I know it’s football Sunday and shit but I didn’t place a bet which I’m happy. A couple of more days til I hit a week. Marie still isn’t talking to me and just giving me dry responses and I understand she’s still mad but I’ll just text her here and there just to make sure that you know no matter what happens between us or how much I hurt her, I care for her well-being so I’m still going to let her know you know like good morning goodnight have a good week have a good weekend. At the end of the day she’s still technically my wife and I love her to death. I bleached my hair and it turned out pretty dope just need some time to get used to it maybe wanna go more blonde we’ll see. It was a simple process and I did two coats because it came outa kinda red. Shout out to Kevin for helping me out. I came clean with my therapist saying hey I fucked up and I was being dishonest with therapy and you know I admitted to him saying I need the help and I want the help and I know he can be the main person who can help me and guide me a path down sober ness and I just need to be the one who walks down that path. I drove a lot today and I was exhausted lmao the day before I drove all the way until 6am and I woke up around 12pm today so I worked for around 8 hours stopping at 12am. Made good money of course which felt good because all this money is going towards paying people back and hopefully my wife soon. My birthday is coming up and the only plan I have is to get my ears pierced. I honestly just want a new look because when I see my old self I see only the pain I inflict on others. So it give me a refreshing start changing my appearance like my grandma said, “A New Tiger?” Which is crazy because I thought she would flip out about my hair but seemed like she liked it. I also went to go visit my mom and talk to her about all the progress I’ve made so far and what I’ve been overthinking about like if I do get better if I do get clean and my life is on the right track is Marie gonna take me back? Or is She gonna just decide not to be with me anymore? I can’t think like this but it’s something that weighs heavy on my mind. My mom is right though only time can tell and if I do what I’m supposed to and get my life back together everything will fall back into place. I really miss Marie I really do. I miss everything about her. I just miss talking to her. I don’t care what it’s about I just miss interacting with her. It goes to show how much neglect I inflicted on her and honestly I took her for granted and now all I do is just think about her and how good I had it. I just pray to god and hope I need to get my life straight and back on track and I hope I can revisit and rekindle our relationship together because I really do wanna be with her for the rest of my life. I love you Marie. Until later on today. ✌️

[thelifeoftiger]

Not bad just a couple of more rounds of bleach so I can get that nice blonde 👌 I like it though! New me!

[thelifeoftiger]

Hopefully this dye works LMAO see how it works out!

[thelifeoftiger]

November 13,2021

It was a very eventful Saturday I would say. Started the day off struggling resisting to bet but I set my head straight and I didn’t bet today. I told myself I am not betting today and thought about Marie, and my family and the thought of staying clean and the commitment I have to myself. It felt pretty good having a decent amount of money to go shopping for necessities as I went to Walmart to buy a towel, toothbrush, shampoo and also got some hair dye because I’m gonna bleach my hair when I wake up. I also got some protein because I need to bulk up. I’m 129 Lbs. Shits unhealthy and my addiction really affects not only my mental health but my physical health also. During my errands Marie surprisingly texted me which got me all excited because I feel like she doesn’t want anything to do with me and it was just her asking me for a simple task but it really boosted my mood that she’s even talking to me and the task was just to take the dogs to get their nails clipped. I went and did that and just seeing her makes me happy although it isn’t the conditions I want just seeing her gives me motivation that sometime in the near future when I’m deep in my recovery that we can rekindle our relationship as partners. I can fantasize all I want but I still gotta focus on the task at hand and that is to get the help I need and stay consistent and make a shit ton of money and be at a point where I’m debt free and saving money because our ultimate goal is to buy a house. Today I texted my therapist and came clean with him and told him hey look I fucked up I relapsed and I want to hit the reset button with him because he was a lot of help to me in such little amount of time and I need and I want the help and he has the tools for me to be a recovering addict. It’s 6:30AM and I did the grind for sure today. I made 700$ which is my single day record and I had nothing but dopeass passengers while I was ubering. It felt good making that much chunk of money in a single day and it gives me the motivation to go out there everyday and grind because I have this chip on my shoulder that I want my life back and my wife and doggies back. I can’t wait for that to happen honestly. It was day 2 of day n Vegas and I just admire how my wife looked today. It makes me sad that I did this to myself because I could be enjoying a festival with artists that we both liked and we should be vibing out together. The way she did her hair also had me in awe and it just made me sad that I wasn’t there. The dopest part of the day was playing kid cudi soundtrack to my life and every single passenger sang along shit was mind boggling. I honestly want to get the man on the moon album tatted on me honestly because those songs hit home with the shit I’m dealing with at the moment. I might do some crazy shit this week with dying my hair and I might either get a tattoo or pierce my ears on my birthday because fuck it why not? I honestly hate my birthday because I feel like I don’t deserve a birthday I just feel like my birthday ain’t shit because I’m a shitty person and I don’t like people wishing me a happy birthday but that’s just me. We will see how my birthday goes this year I’m not expecting anything honestly and I doubt Marie would even say happy birthday to me which I deserve. I hurt her so much. I regret it all. I’m at a point where I’m over the moaping and sobbing of what I’ve done. I feel like I have nothing to say but let my actions do the talking. Only time will tell is what I tell myself. Just gotta keep on grinding and tell myself no gambling today so far. Until later on today just a quick recap of my eventful Saturday I’m fucking tired. Goodnight/Goodmorning! ✌️