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Future not to Ryan,

I have been doing good with controlling drinking and emotions. This is just another reminder to myself that it is not okay to loose control. And if you do call Jacquie. Call not to scare her or ask for her forgiveness but call to hear her beautiful voice and to comfort you. Don’t hide if your scared. She loves me and I love her and I am very happy right now, almost a surreal feeling. Basically she is more important than anything right now.

I had fun with west is sd and getting ready for Christmas in Chicago and it all seems to be going good, need to catch up with some family and friends.

Anyways like I’ve always thought. 27 will be a good year for me.

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I have been way better about managing anxiety and depressive thoughts and managing drinking and it’s good to reflect on it. Maybe a little sad today cause rugby isn’t what it used to be in college but I am not playing rugby to win a championship it’s mainly to meet some guys and make some good friends! Anyways I’ve been learning a lot about myself and definitely improving myself. I still think I should try a therapy session just to make sure everything is good in da hood lol and just to reject and talk it out. And I think it doesn’t hurt if it’s free from Tesla . Anyways gbye

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Didn’t listen to the music. I miss the long car rides to work because that’s when I could feel the music , sober obviously. But hated the long ride home lol. Anyways sisters wedding soon, getting in shape, lots of tesla stuff.

Gunna stop worrying and start living. Ew this is cringe but at least it’s not drunk super cringe lol.

I’ll be starting over, I’ll be getting sober from here.

Gunna try to listen to odi sober and we’ll see if I can feel and embrace the music happy and wholey

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I’ll be starting over, I’ll be getting sober from here.

Gunna try to listen to odi sober and we’ll see if I can feel and embrace the music happy and wholey

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Well I’d figure I’d start posting not super depressing shit lol, always happy to be alive, got 2 lunches today since I couldn’t pass up free In-N-Out! Got a new tat a few days ago. Hurt like an absolute b but glad I got it. Also expensive af af. Joined rugby to meet new more friends but unsure if it is really what I want to do. We shall see what the new future holds.

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"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky like shooting stars?"

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"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky like shooting stars?"

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Are you fucking kidding me rn

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no

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Sup to whom ever is listening ,

Rye guy on the mic lol jk that’s disgusting it’s rubes. I think I’ll die young. But I’ve been happy with my life. Friends like sam kyle and grigs . Being able to travel to Europe , the us and other places that almost anyone doesn’t get the chance to.

The one thing I do desire tho is a person who loves me as I love them and that really is the only thing on the bucket list. Ya I could come up with 1000 things to do and yes it would be the life of a lifetime but I have always dreamed of just sharing and being with someone who forever loved me as I forever love them.

Anyways it’s a parfect time to be optimistic ina pestimistic world, goodnight to whoever eventually reads this , I have a severe depression and this should deter you from any suicidal thoughts because there is alway love to look forward to. There is the life you can give and the positivity that can literlly change someone’s world. but by for now, just try to laugh once a day that’s my advice.

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