themadalice

[themadalice]

"I'm crazier for you than I was at sixteen." - Jim

Alice felt her throat tighten and tears blur in her eyes before she could even fully understand what she was feeling. When it came to Jim a lot of feelings tended to get a little out of control. He made her feel a little out of control because her feelings for him had felt so intense at the time that she was ready to thrown her own senses and sensibilities out into the air for him. She was still also rather hurt by the last time they truly talked. He confused her on best days and she wondered why he would say something like that to her. She was honestly so baffled that she was crying. She longed to understand Jim, she really did. He was such a sweet soul who was always putting others before his own and she just...felt so selfish for loving the fact that he was giving some of himself to her. Even if it hurt like hell. A beautiful contradiction that she was a fool for time and time again. 

She wiped her eyes and looked at him like he was the most achingly beautiful thing she has ever seen. How she wished they were able to face the obstacles they had together instead of so far apart. “I...” she didn’t really know what to say to that. She could be honest, which could lead to another argument, or she could lie and spare them both. Charlie was often telling her that a little lie here and there wasn’t trouble as long as they could run faster than it. She had no idea what that meant, but she decided it was probably not the best since she was not a fast runner. “If that be the case....why do you avoid me so much?” She wanted answers more than she wanted more questions. That was the truth and that was what she was going to go with. “I don’t understand Jim...Am I making you crazy?” @starboyjim

[themadalice]

Sydney Sweeney

[themadalice]

"It's nice to have a friend." -Cubby

Alice didn’t always feel such a comforting warmth from people, but with Cubby, well, he was bursting with it. She knew the two didn’t know each other to the point where their deepest and darkest secrets were revealed but she liked the space she shared with him. She hoped he had the most wonderful dreams and hopes and if she was every dozing near him, she would chase the nightmares off even if it hurt her a little bit to do as such. So in a lot of ways, it was very nice to have a friend in him. She could only hope she never messed this one up by being too much of...herself. “That’s very sweet of you to say, Colin,” she said with a grin. “I’m always here for you when you need it. I like to be a good friend to you.” @colincubby

[themadalice]

🏠 A song you could live inside

It’s Okay To Cry by SOPHIE

I, was that a teardrop in your eye? I never thought I'd see you cry Just know whatever hurts, it's all mine It's okay to cry (it's okay to cry)

[themadalice]

Sydney Sweeny

[themadalice]

Alice had spent a lot of time with Duncan recently. She had been sneaking out of the house, going back to her worst habits, and loving every second of it. She supposed Duncan was using her for a good time and she was using him as an excuse to indulge in every bad thing she ever loved. She knew that was not something that was something to be proud of but she sort of was. She had a feeling that if she kept this up it could easily get herself in the hospital again as well, so she tried to take breaks in between her habits. It was proving to be more and more difficult as time went on, but she really was doing her best. At this NYE party she tried her best to stay a little more sober than she normally was, but of course she had indulged in a lot of drinks before she even realized what she was doing. 

Spotting Jim at this party was something she hadn’t expected. She had to admit, it was always nice seeing him despite everything, but she didn’t want to come off so messy around him. She had been dancing and drinking and enjoying her solitude but maybe she should at least say hi. So she did just that, doing her best to walk in the straightest line she could. “Happy New Year to you as well, JIm,” she said with a giggle. “I do go to work with my own free will, you know. It is like my second home. My better home.”  She titled her head to the side. “What brings you here Jim? Got a fancy date?”

//closed starter @themadalice​

Eventually, Jim got pulled in by Morph at Sharpay’s NYE party, despite being late for hours. Morph was adamant that he come see the party despite his qualms. At this point, some people were leaving, and most were completely drunk or making out. He walked on eggshells, afraid he might step on another person if he didn’t look. He kept his hands on his pockets, a wandering eye observing the view in front of him. There was much to take in, and Morph was already so drunk that Jim found himself completely alone after a few seconds of idly standing on the corner. Morph got pulled in by the crowd before he even had the chance to see them again. Thus, he found himself sober and alone in a crowd filled with drunken people.

Jim tried to catch a glass of champagne being served by the waiter, and he took it in one swig to quench the thirst from walking around. He didn’t know what to do at this point, so he simply left the scene and went to the exit door, exhaling the fresh midnight air from the outside. He took his cigarette from his pocket and lit the end of the stick with a lighter, until someone called his name and almost made him jerk. “Oh shit.” He shook his head, surprised to see the familiar face. It was Alice, his ex-girlfriend. The woman who knew the man he was before he became the man he is now. “Happy New Year, Bright Eyes.” He responded, taking the cigarette out of his mouth. “Glad you’re out of work today. You needed that break.”

[themadalice]

closed starter @daiisyduboiis​ location: wonderland

Alice didn’t think the dancers at Wonderland liked her much. She did have a habit of sneaking backstage a lot because she was dreadfully curious on how the magic was made but she was doing it in good fun, really. Sometimes she snuck back there for Charlie’s sake and even though he never ever explained why she did what he asked because he was a good friend of hers. 

Tonight was no different. Charlie had asked her to go backstage to grab something and she wished that was easier said than done. It was hard because there were all sorts of things all over the place and finding one small object amongst many small objects could take her all night. It was a necklace. There was jewelry everywhere. As she searched she heard someone speak behind her and she jumped, clearly not expecting someone to be back here at this time. “Oh! Daisy! Hello....” she smiled at the girl. “I was just...looking for something a friend had misplaced back here. Do not mind me.”

[themadalice]

SYDNEY SWEENEY. Late Night Show with Jimmy Fallon.

[themadalice]

[themadalice]

colincubby​:

.

This was certainly something Colin never saw himself doing, but Alice seemed to believe it would help, and he trusted her opinion. Taking in a deep breath, he first introduced himself to the flowers in front of them before going into detail of everything that happened, from his friendship with Peter, to the first time they all met Wendy, to now. Even if he wasn’t sure the flowers could actually listen, he knew Alice was right there listening. It felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders once he finished. He took another breath, turning toward Alice. “How’d I do? I’m not usually a story-teller .. I tend to do better with poetry.”

-

Alice watched him talk, a grin on her face the entire time. He probably couldn’t tell, but the flowers were loving it. She could tell by the way they looked in the sunlight. She could tell he felt better too and she was happy to help in any way that she could. “You could read some poetry to them next time. And yes, there will be a next time. You’re very good at this and I am running out of things to say. The flowers are going to really appreciate the new perspective. I know they already do.”

[themadalice]

colincubby​:

.

It was interesting to see how many people were surprised by this news. Colin never felt like he actually did very well at hiding his crush, but clearly he was mistaken. “Thanks,” he answered sort-of sadly. It did suck to have to pick up the pieces of the mess from the gossip blog, especially when he never asked for this, but he hoped that something good could still come out of it somehow. “You think I should?” He asked, turning his head toward the flowers. It seemed strange, but maybe it would help get some weight off his shoulders. “Should I introduce myself first?”

-

Alice nodded her head, trying to be as gentle as possible in encouraging him to do as such. “Go ahead. Just say your name and tell them what kind of story you wish to tell them.” She bent over towards one of the groups of flowers. “Hello pretties. It’s me, Alice!” She gave a small smile to Cubby. “I brought a friend with me today. He is going to tell you his story. I think you’ll love a break from the ones I give. This one is not all shoddy gossip....it is a love story.” She stepped back, looking to him again. “Go on.”

[themadalice]

Alice had been trying her best to go back to how her life was, but she supposed it wasn’t quite the same anymore. She would like to say she was back to her healthy amount of micro dosing, but that was not true. At first, she had tried to, but then the nightmares came. Each one was so vivid and she felt the talons of her loved ones carve into her skin, sometimes she would even wake up with scratches on her arms and sides. It was no matter, because when she took her pills and she drank her drinks, the nightmares went away, or at least they became less real. Duncan was being a very sweet distraction, but it only lasted in small doses, and Alice was growing addicted to human touch and connection. She had to thank Jim for that. Giving her a taste of sweetness from the longing she had been ignoring since their break-up had awakened something in her. 

Still, she tried to make it less obvious. She tried to get better at hiding the way her eyes glazed over and worked in the corners with even less lighting. It was working for the most part and she had really convinced herself that she was doing an amazing job. But of course she couldn’t just do this and not face the music sometime. She hadn’t meant to run into Jim he just...happened to be where she needed to go that night. Seeing him made the dull ache in her heart grow, but she had suppressed it with enough pills to make it barrable. “Hi...” she said quietly. Of course he was waiting for someone. She nodded her head, bowed a bit for some reason and forced a smile. “I see...I can leave you to it, then. I don’t want to be in the way of you and a date or something like that. It would be rather awkward for them to meet the ex like this.”

//closed starter @themadalice​

The burden of closing the door he never meant to end was weighing on him more than he’d like to admit. The booze and the smoke weren’t enough to numb the beating of his own heart, which was screaming for release in the misery he had voluntarily placed himself in. He hadn’t been home for a long time, with only a few letters left for his mother to consume. He was alive, but barely living. Jim was moving between shifts in the morning, and tossed among strangers at night. It felt like his body was simply looking for adrenaline, running from the thoughts in his own head. Still, his feet led him to the doors of Wonderland. He didn’t need to go inside; he only needed to observe the entrance while he smoked in the far distance.

She always came on an expected time and he’d see her come in and come out. A week ago, an unfamiliar man came up and became her frequent visitor. She seems to have finally found someone new. Quick and easy, the conveniency of her intertwining her soul with somebody else. Jim hated seeing her leave with someone else, and yet that was the torture he constantly replayed as he smoked in the distance. Tonight, as usual, Jim took out his juul and started the ritual when the blonde that he was supposed to be looking out for came out from behind him. He coughed the smoke out, surprised to see her presence. “Hey.” He mumbled, clearing his throat. “Just waiting for someone…” He added an awful excuse.

[themadalice]

colincubby​:

.

It was a relief to hear that Alice hadn’t seen it yet, that someone was still oblivious to Cubby’s feelings. He appreciated that she considered ignoring it for his and Wendy’s sake, shrugging his shoulders. “You can still read it, if you really want to. I’m sure the flowers would find it entertaining,” he smiled softly, trying to lighten the mood after he seemed to dim it. “It’s kinda stupid, but ..” he debated for a split second between dropping it or discussing it with Alice, but what did he have to lose? “I’ve kinda .. I’ve had a crush on Wendy and someone found out, I guess. Now I’m worried things won’t be the same with us and our friends anymore.”

-

“You did?!?” Alice hadn’t meant for that to come out in such of an outburst, but she couldn’t undo it now. “I had no idea. I’m sure she had no idea. I am so sorry your feelings were made public like that before you were ready....” She paused for a moment, before she came up with an idea. “Why don’t you tell your story to the flowers? Give them your version, your own words? I think they would love it. You’re a sweet boy, so I’m sure it will come together nicely.”

[themadalice]

duncanelson​:

“That sucks.” He chuckled, looking at her for a split second before placing his eyes on the road. “It would have been cool if you had a boyfriend waiting for you. It’s an added thrill, don’t you think?” Duncan had that smug look on his face, chuckling as he turned a quick right. He could tell from the tone of Alice’s voice that she was bearing something heavy, and though Duncan wasn’t the best man to talk about feelings, he’d at least have a beer to help them through it. “What expectations?” He began to ask, regretting it a split second later. Duncan and Alice were never really the ‘talk’ type of relationship. They harbored each other out of convenience and stolen glances in crowded places. Duncan was exactly the person to call for a good time, not a long time. “Hospital? Now that’s pretty dope. What happened this time? Let me guess…. white dust?” He said nonchalantly. Wonderland was no big deal for a juvenile like him. “Easy on that, tiger.”

-

Alice’s eyes widened, but she wasn’t really that shocked by his confession. It was why she liked Duncan; he was willing to break every rule and unspoken standard society had to offer and she understood that because she often found herself in positions like that as well. She was a curious person, and she didn’t like to limit her knowledge based on what some people said was right and what others said was wrong. Still, if she had actually had a boyfriend she wasn’t sure if she would be able to break that kind of rule. She tended to get very...into the people she gave her heart to like that. “People just assume that I am the same Alice I was a good few years ago. I am not.” She laughed, shaking her head before taking another swig of beer. “Pills. Though I haven’t tried white dust yet. I should add it to my list.”

[themadalice]

continued from this. @duncanelson​

Alice got into the car without question. There was always such a magnetic pull that came with Duncan and she had given into it enough times to know that it always ended sweetly for her at least. He was a sweet boy at his core, but she liked that there was more to him than that. She didn’t really do the whole...good person thing. Not without flaw. And Duncan had many flaws that Alice saw as rather beautiful.

She took the beer and took a small sip. She knew she should be more fearful of him literally drinking and driving, but she wasn’t. Instead, she was slowly getting aquainted with the chaos that was brewing in him and easing into the idea of letting her own out. That was why she snuck out to meet him, after all. To let go of all of those feelings she had been feeling because of Jim. “I don’t have a boyfriend,” she said pointedly before taking another sip. “I just have...people from my past who think I am something I am not. It’s very frustrating. Trying to live to the expectations of others....” She looked at him. “I was also in the hospital but it’s fine. I’m alive and I’m here and I am very much looking forward to being at your place.”

[themadalice]

colincubby​:

.

Cubby expected a random answer from Alice, sure. Anyone who talked to flowers was going to have random things to discuss with them. He listened along, but he felt his heart drop in his stomach as soon as the gossip blog was mentioned. He’d been trying to forget about the more recent post that exposed his feelings for Wendy, but it was hard to run away from it. “I didn’t really believe in it, either,” Cubby admitted, “At least until I got dragged into it.” He huffed a sigh. “I’m sure you saw that Wendy and I were part of the recent post, then?”

-

Alice shook her head. She honestly hadn’t read the last post she got a notification for. She was going to read it for the first time to the flowers so she could gasp along with them. “I was going to save it for today but if you and Wendy were mentioned....perhaps I shouldn’t read it at all.” She had her phone in her hand, ready to go, but she put it back into her pocket instead. They had made it to the flowers, and now she wasn’t sure what to say to them. “Did you....did you need to talk about...whatever happened?”

[themadalice]

"Do you have a man?" -Bram

Alice shook her head. She didn’t know why Bram was asking her that out of thin air, but she supposed she didn’t mind the question really at all. “Why do you want to know? Are you looking to be my man of honor for a night?” She didn’t really think longterm relationships were in the cards for her right now, so she wasn’t going to ask for a lot, or anything really. She was simply just a curious person who wanted to know how he thought because she couldn’t quite figure him out yet. “It is a dangerous question, you know.” @barrelingthrough