i might be autistic. ADHD for sure. My whole life is clutter, a dozen simultaneous projects and inability to finish things. I have addiction to caffeine due to belief that it makes me function. I have trouble keeping relationships. I do therapy. Therapy does fuckall. I oftentimes feel I do not belong anywhere and I'm used to that feeling. I know in theory I am capable of love and receiving/appreciating/deserving???? being loved, but it's easily shattered. I know the exact things that made me into who i am. I do be goblin too despite the self-loathing. That's me i guess?
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it is sometimes so hard to follow rituals you set for yourself, but motivation is key.
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If I tell you I don't feel like I can trust you, you don't counter that with accountant type gaslighting "name one time I failed you". I don't trust you because never in your boomer life have you learned to respect boundaries and consistently keep your word or, fuck it, be somewhere on time for once. Yeah you don't miss flights or opera shows, because these things are actually important and have consequences, unlike lying to me. So fuck you and fuck me for having a boomer parent like you.
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spent 5 minutes looking for create button. Rituals are lost. Life is confusing.
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