themakingofkai

[themakingofkai]

Sunday, January 21, 2018 Kai is still rockin the clothes from the night before but we are sure to switch him up for his first visit to his Dadi’s place today (and first trip out of the womb to Manhattan). Did I mention we don’t like Trump? It was the Women’s March weekend and the messaging was all over the city. Those clothes don’t last very long and he is back in his undershirt for when he has visitors. Shasha phupo’s friends Liz and Kayla came to visit. But that didn’t atop Kai from getting some quality cuddle time with Dadi and Phupo.

[themakingofkai]

Saturday, January 20, 2018 Kai gets ready early because it’s supposed to beach weather out aka nearly 50 degrees! I have to take pictures because he looks like he is about to bake a pan of brownies with those huge mitts on. Then he gets snuggled up in his car seat with his sleeping bag type situation. We make it halfway down the block and pull over to sunbathe...like you do. Post eats we head over to Cece’s place. It’s our first proper hangout with Cece and she is in an extra friendly mood. However, Kai was not having any of it and flexed his grumpy old man look to ensure she knew what was up. Maybe next time he’ll let his guard down. In the taxi on the way home, he was quite concerned about the route the Lyft driver was taking but didn’t speak up.

[themakingofkai]

Out Of Order

It’s all out of order - my brain at times and the rest of my entries. I don’t have the energy to play catch-up so I figure I’ll just date entries and recap old moments occasionally.

It’s 1/19/18 evening. Friday night and we are playing scrabble while attempting to help Kai differentiate between daytime vs nighttime. So far the only things we have been consistent on is lights dimmed and voices low at night. Other than that, he hasn’t played along with our new attempts.

Anjum has learned that the most successful way for him to calm down Kai is to put him in the baby carrier. Which is a little hilarious because Anjum was very against acquiring one - actually he was against nearly everything we got and he is the first to use all the tricks as soon as they get into the apartment.

Tomorrow is the Women’s March in the city. Last year I attended in Washington DC and this year I’ll be staying as far away as possible from the chaos and all the germs.

Tomorrow is also supposed to be nearly 50 degrees which feels awfully warm compared to what it has been lately so I’m determined to be out just not sure where or when. It may be more difficult to get Anjum out but that’s because he has been taking on part of the night shift and his sleep schedule is totally off.

Yesterday was a December moms meetup that I planned at Sir Ds Lounge. Lots of people came probably because of timing - everyone’s babies are nearly a month and everyone was probably stir crazy by then. Kai slept through the whole thing which was actually nice. The week before I went to a meetup and he was the only baby who got fussy, needed a diaper change and needed to feed. Basically he tested out every category on his mom for her first outing alone. I may not have passed with flying colors but I surely didn’t fail.

We’ve gotten a couple of 3-4 hour stretches of sleep out of Kai but mostly it’s been 1-2 hours and those also are half uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because we’ll get him asleep on one of us and the like a ticking time bomb we have to ever so slowly get him off of us to a proper sleeping spot and that takes time. He needs to be in a proper deep sleep so he won’t freak out about the change of location.

Just last week, we were having trouble where it would be time to feed and he would be so sleepy that he wouldn’t even wake up. And now I can’t get him to sleep. It figures that is how it would go.

[themakingofkai]

12/27/17

[themakingofkai]

12/26/17

[themakingofkai]

12/25/17

[themakingofkai]

It’s the weekend already?

Our first weekend as parents had several visitors and our little guy was on great behavior whenever anyone was visiting. It made our venting about him crying or not eating well sound baseless since he was so chill in front of others.

Friday Aziz, Nyla and Cece cape by with some fruits, swaddles and sound advice about how everything that was happening was totally normal and exactly what they had experienced.

Saturday Nilofer came to help do laundry since Neal and Karin were out of town so we had access to their washer/dryer. Anjum got to sneak in an extra nap while Nilofer and I played catch up. Aunty came over later for some quality Dadi time.

Sunday Madhumita came and helped with cleaning which is an Aunty Mita speciality. She also came bearing gifts - books about science and animals. Trying to set our kid up to be the youngest regular at Secret Science Club.

Overnights were almost refreshing as we now were using the whole apartment since Salma wasn’t in the living room but that also meant I had no one on top of my eating. Anjum would get me anything I requested. The problem was, I would forget to request anything and we were both focused on Kai.

[themakingofkai]

First days at home

Salma came to stay with us the first few days. That was really helpful because she was basically my nurse, making sure I ate and I got rest because I didn’t have the mental bandwidth to think about eating or making sure I was drinking water. She would make sure I ate; I would make sure the baby was fed and anjum would make sure his diapers and burps were taken care of.

Our first pediatrician visit was to a clinic affiliated with the hospital that was just across the street. We opted for there instead of the Tribeca Pediatrics appt we had setup because it was so close by and it was for the day after we were discharged. Our little guy had lost another ounce which wasn’t unusual but did dictate that we come in a couple days later for a weigh in again.

Third day home he did sleep nearly a 6 hour stretch and didn’t eat which made me really nervous. He slept through my attempts at feeds and I was scared the pain meds I was taking were messing with his energy level. The first time mom in me was very concerned and we all made an effort to get him more awake for feeds. At the end of the day, I ended up expressing milk and Anjum fed him with a dropper.

[themakingofkai]

Hospital days

The first few days are a blur because I was still groggy from the surgery and the pain meds I was getting after (Percocet and oxycodone). My mobility was quite limited but since we got a private room, Anjum was with the baby and me the whole time.

None of us were getting much sleep with doctors and nurses coming in to check up and take vitals constantly. Anjum would stay by Kai’s side the whole time. From the OR to the recovery room. Getting his first exams. Feeding his first (and only so far) bottle of formula. In our postpartum room. Changing his diapers. Going with him for his first bath.

Untitled Baby Kaleem at the time was an incredible sleeper. We both thought parenthood wouldn’t be so difficult since he was barely awake. He handled his circumcision without any being in a totally fowl mood afterwards - which I was quite surprised by. He got a shot on his first day and anjum said he barely flinched. He totally baited and switched on us.

I had a lactation consultant drop in each day I was at the hospital so I felt more comfortable with breastfeeding by the time we left than I expected to be.

[themakingofkai]

What’s in a name

Naming Kai was oddly one of the more stressful parts of the end of pregnancy. We had decided to be surprised by the gender early on so we had to think of boy and girl names. Also we really wanted to weave in some connection to our travels. We ended up choosing a name 8 days after he was born which was also after we were discharged from the hospital.

We decided on the name Kai because we felt a personal connection with the Japanese (he was made in Japan) slash Hawaiian (where Anjum proposed) background. Also, I read it means unbreakable/strong in Burmese which is another significant place in our travels/life moments. Lastly, we found out later it also is a word in Urdu and it means moss.

[themakingofkai]

L&D

I wanted to record my take on the arrival of TBD Kaleem Rokadia somewhere and I figured I hadn’t told you guys yet anyways so feel free to ignore these journal like entries - my feelings won’t be hurt. Also I only get small chunks of time to myself so this will likely sound inconsistent and be written in installments.

Tuesday - I’m at lunch with another expectant mom and I get up to put on my jacket and I feel a gush. Did my water just break?! Shoot - I’m strep B positive so if my water broke, I have to go to the hospital even if I’m not in labor. Bummer, I was hoping to labor at home as long as possible since we did get the apt so close. Call my OB and they say to come into the doctors office to assess what’s happening - luckily their office is two blocks away as well. OB says it was my mucous plug which can include water like ish and that this is a sign of labor to come but no timeline. During my vitals my blood pressure is high but my adrenaline is also pumping bc this may be go time. I’m 1cm dilated and they send me home. I’m quite pleased that there is still a chance to labor at home.

Tuesday evening - I start to feel period like cramps. Likely literally at the period level of pain which it’s been 9 months so it’s hard to decipher how bad the cramps are. We walk to an open house at our pediatrician office which I had signed up for 1.5 months ago. The crampsget a little worse during the Q&A session and I imagine myself going into labor amongst a bunch of other pregnant couples and one of the pediatricians - I’m feeling like I’m in good hands.

Tuesday overnight - Ummmm...those aren’t cramps, those are contractions - funny, I didn’t expect contractions to feel the same as cramps but it is early labor so that makes sense. We start to keep track and the timings are all over the place. I can definitely tell when a contraction peaks but I can’t really tell when it ends bc it just kinda fades away. But the timings aren’t really keeping a pattern. The rule of thumb was 4-1-1 which is contractions every 4 min, each lasting 1 minute and that going on for 1 hour. This ish was like 30 sec or 14 or 45 and sometimes 2 minutes apart but sometimes 15 minutes apart. We decide to watch the newer Law & Order SVU episodes I had been waiting on to pass the time. Nothing like a child abduction to get you in the birthing mood. Around 3am we give up on keeping track and the contractions haven’t gotten so bad that I can’t sleep. I go to sleep thinking that tomorrow is going to be the day - AAKKKKK! - should I look at my vagina one last time tonight before it goes through all the crazy?!? Naw, too sleepy.

Wednesday - we have a scheduled OB appt in the afternoon so I start cleaning everywhere and make sure our bags have any last minute items. Wow - today is going to be the day isn’t it? It’s kinda weird the like know. I hadn’t known when it would be for so long and now the end felt so near and I was ready to be pregnant for another week easily. 39 weeks exactly today. Contractions are still inconsistent but in effect.

They take my vitals again at the OB and my blood pressure is high again - calm down Uzma. You getting too excited about this. I have a couple of contractions while in the waiting room and I can tell the other women are paying attention to us- anjum writing down times, my cringing and my lame attempts at breathing. The OB sees us and they do another physical exam and I’m only about 1.5cm dilated. Really? Dangit - those contractions felt more like proper early labor instead of cramps now so I thought things had progressed. I’m told I’m having prodromal labor.

Wait what - is that like false labor that could go on for days and I could not be in labor until like next week. But they want to take my blood pressure again because the heightened BP is concerning. It’s high again so our midwife advises that we go to the hospital to do some BP monitoring to ensure it isn’t something like preeclampsia. She gives us the heads up that is a chance they will admit us so take our bags and get something to eat before going as well.

Wednesday early evening - I go to Mr Falafel but can barely eat my food. The crampy false labor pains are kicking in a bit more. Two police officers in line before us are intrigued that we felt the need to stop at Mr Falafel on my way to the hospital. Probably bc I can’t stand and take a seat while anjum orders takeout. I can’t wait for the food - anjum walks me home and then goes back to pick it up. I cuddle up to endure my last few contractions at home in the comfort of my bed. Anjum gets home and tries to feed me but also tries to gather a load of dishes to get done. We head to the hospital and it isn’t too busy on the L&D floor. Triage is quick and I’m hooked up to get BP monitored immediately. Now the other things they hook up to me shows us the baby’s heart rate and for the first time, we can see when a confection is happening/coming. Woah - that’s weird. So anjum can give me a heads up when one is on it’s way and when it’s gotten over the hump of it’s peak. Ravi Patel is the doctor (resident) that sees me and he examines me. I’m only 2cm dilated. Hmm. The nurse has to draw blood but she recommends I get an IV put in in case I’m admitted. I didn’t realize I had an opinion until later but her IV installation skills were dope! And she made sure the location was somewhere it wouldn’t bother me for future possible baby holding.

Wednesday night - so the contractions keep getting stronger but I’m not dilating so they say they want to insert something called Cervidil and it could go in for up to 12 hours to help me dilate. I’m mildly worried bc they recco I don’t get an epidural before this and I was already in some pain. Also the first 2 hours of insertion I can’t get up so I’d have to use a bedpan. Did I mention this was my first time staying at a hospital in my life? And now I was adding my first bedpan experience to it as well. Good times - ugh. Overnight were the fun contractions - the ones where I cursed at the world and sometimes anjum would try to help me breathe and relax or he would just be apologizing that I had to experience this. When I was able to get up and walk, I would have contractions standing up and just lean on anjum like Weekend at Bernie’s style, all limp and lifeless. Anjums size came in handy because I would literally have him lift my body out of bed to the toilet - I was tempted to punch him at times but I held back.

Thursday morning - they took out the cervidil but I hadn’t dilated too much so potocin was going to be needed. I had clear instructions from two girlfriends to get an epidural before starting potocin bc the contractions get even more intense then. So I made the request and took on a few more intense contractions while waiting for the anesthesiologist. EPIDURAL FOR THE WIN! Such a game changer.

Thursday noon - I’m not dilating fast enough and the baby’s heart rate shoots up and plummets to unhealthy places with each contraction, my heart rate was also shooting up. They think it could be the potocin so they stop administering it hoping I’ll naturally contract and dilate.

Thursday afternoon - I can hear the midwife and doctor sitting next to me, watching the monitors and discussing options. My midwife was way against epidural and interventions during any of my doc appts so hearing her be on board for alt options feels serious. I’m half asleep but hoping I’ve dilated enough to get this party started. They check me, I’m at 7cm, and that’s not enough. At this rate it would be another hour per cm and then the stress of actually delivering could be dangerous for the baby. They talk with anjum and I about a csection and in that moment I feel emotionless. I know the birth plan goes out the window and there is a 50% chance of csection with preeclampsia but that wasn’t supposed to be us. I finally open my mouth to ask that I want to make sure anjum can be with me and the emotions roll in. I’ve never had surgery; I wasn’t ready for that; why us; what could I have done to prevent this? I had primrose oil at home and that was supposed to help with effacement - I should have used that. Anjum was calm and comforted me as I nervously agreed that continuing may be risky.

C-section the process was a lot faster than I expected and anjum was by my side. I felt movements and pressure but no pain. They wouldn’t let anjum watch bc of the risk he may pass out so he was behind a curtain with me. The anesthesiologist who was a total desi aunty was the first to call that the baby was a boy just as they were about to show us so we could find out. Thanks for that, aunty. We were told earlier that our baby would go to the NICU after birth but the pediatrician attending the csection examined him and determined he didn’t need to. What an amazing relief. I was so groggy and at times couldn’t keep my eyes open after he was born but this I could comprehend - my baby won’t be going to the NICU. Anjum got to spend time at the warmer as they examined, he ceremonially cut the cord, and watched him get cleaned up. They brought him over to me for skin to skin time after he was examined and cleaned up. I had the choice to have anjum stay with me or go with the baby and I sent him with the baby. Then I was left alone while they cleaned me up but I was still behind a curtain. I was left with my thoughts and occasionally falling asleep bc of how sleepy I felt. I remember having all sorts of vivid thoughts in that time but I can’t remember them now. I reunited with anjum and baby in the PACU recovery room. I was so out of it that I had anjum stay by the baby’s side anytime they took him to get checked up or anything. Anjum ran back over to me from the warmer where baby was being checked out by another pediatrician to ask if it was okay to give the baby a bottle. His blood sugar was a low and she recommended it. ACK! I wanted to breastfeed and the first thing he would eat was gonna be a bottle. I was in no condition to disagree with a pediatrician so I said okay. In hindsight I could have tried to have the baby latch on to me. I didn’t realize I already had colostrum until another hour or two later when one of the nurses encouraged and showed me how to have the baby latch on. So another one of those not according to plan situations but after the first bottle, his been breastfed since so perhaps that wasn’t the worst decision.

And here we are a week later and we still don’t have a name for our little untitled baby boy. We are hoping to fall asleep and wake up to some inspiration on our short list. Wish us luck!

And you now know we decided on Kai Kaleem Rokadia. Born 2:32pm on Thursday, Dec 14th. 7lbs and 19.75 in length.

[themakingofkai]

Before you arrived...

TV shows I’ve been watching - as always lots of Law & Order SVU but added an old fluffy one, Friends and a new drama, This is Us.

In this last month of pregnancy, your father has been making me omelette sandwiches nearly everyday. He’s getting pretty good at it.

I really was into chipotle for a little while and recently I️ have lots of cereal just because it’s easy and usually with fresh banana in it.

I’ve been chewing on ice lately and I️ kinda love it.

Your father swears he will take you camping ASAP

Anytime I️ think of your or dream about you, I️ never dream of a boy or a girl. I️ kinda almost wish I️ did, like my body would want to tell me what’s inside but nope. I’m really happy we decided to go for a surprise. I’m looking forward to it bc I️ know I’ll be happy either way.

Thinking of a name for you has been one of the more stressful and procrastinated tasks we have taken on.

It’s week 37 and your movements are so distinct to see on the surface of my tummy. It’s still surreal that there is a little person inside me and we get to meet you soon. I hope you get the perfect mix of qualities from your parents - your Dads gorgeous curls and his infectious laugh, his thirst for knowledge and love of reading and his curiosity about science. Perhaps from me you’ll get my optimism and my sense of rhythm. My hope that people are inherently good and ability to let go of burden of the crazy ones you do meet. From us both I️ want you to learn loyalty and critical thinking. Balance and reflection and that laughter can change any bad situation. I’m a planner and he’s a doer so you’ll go camping on a whim but I’ll make sure there are snacks and a backup bathroom in case you aren’t ready to dig a hole and go in the ground.

You are going to change us and as much as we want you to join us in our lives, I️ know compromise will be a part of our relationship with you. Your father is set on making sure you aren’t spoiled or over Indulged and I️ just want you to be happy, healthy, well fed and rested and have no issues using some indulgences to accomplish that (shhhhhh...don’t tell your dad).

You are are the first grandchild on your fathers side and are a blessing on both sides. The Rokadia’s had a hard last year processing the passing of your paternal grandfather. He would have loved you so much. And as much as he enjoyed being tough and set in his ways, he would ha e bent all the rules for you I’m sure. He seemed like that kind of man who was tough on his kids but would have been silly with a grandkid and it would have been great to see that. However, timing didn’t have it that way but it is amazing that you will be joining us while we have tons of stories about uncle to share with you fresh in our minds.

Your arrival has been much anticipated not only by those Rokadia’s but the Kaleem’s as well. Anjum and I️ have been very open about talking about the pregnancy around your maternal grandparents and I’ve never seen them be so silly and open, especially your nanaji. He calls often to ask about you and wonder when you are coming. My mom knit you some sweater vests that match the ones she knit for your nana. He complained they don’t have pockets like his so where will you put your candy. I️ didn’t tell him this but you’re not getting candy anytime soon and especially not at the advice of the guy who hasn’t had the best dental record and had to have teeth extracted. But it’s been really cute to hear them both be so excited.

Your Khala is also on edge waiting for you. Her two sons are teenagers and it was perfect timing for her to spread her love to a little baby. Those cousins will love you too but they are in high school so they just aren’t as lovey dovey as they used to be.

I️ wonder what kinds of things you will like and who you will remind me of. If you will like anything we liked or if you’ll be your own little person.