thenainitaldisaster

[thenainitaldisaster]

Hi, hi, hello, I was making an edit and I ended up noticing a repetition of patterns and then I started thinking about this meta by @stagefoureddiediaz (🫶) about the pinstripes with Buck now I'm here.

My thing right now is about this.

When I made the big post about the callbacks in 817, the similarities in instances Buck was wearing this powder blue color were in the back of my mind, but I didn't get it yet. I even wrote a post about it, but I think I have more to say because I was focusing too much on the grey of this color and it was stopping me from seeing the blue.

Moments I mentioned before were around his arc in season 6. The search for deeper meaning and the way Buck keeps externalizing that in the hopes that it will fix him.

Like 602 when he's asking Hen about the secret of happiness, or when we find out that Kameron is pregnant in 609.

But something I neglected paying attention to when saying that the conversation Buck has with Pepa is calling back to 612 when Buck expects Eddie to have the answers, is the way that Buck is also in this powder blue type color when he's at the doctor's at the end of the episode and gets a clean bill of health, when he goes to McArthur Park again, and when he talks to Maddie about the hoovering.

And same as the 817, in 612, it seems like they took advantage of the way the shirt is lost between being blue or grey depending on lighting, to put Buck in that in-between space where he doesn't know where his life is going from there.

It comes back to the way Buck forces himself to move past things and ends up hurting himself and the people around him in his tendency to assume everyone else knows better and he is a burden. He wouldn't talk to people about how death messed him up, he wouldn't talk to people about how losing Bobby messed him up, because at Buck's core he is terrified of life-changing things actually changing his life. So he refuses to ask for the things that will help him adjust and it usually ends up with him going on a tangent that gets him away from the path of actually figuring out what makes him happy. Being a sperm donor? Didn't fix him. Dying? Didn't fix him.

Okay, but why did I bring up Kym's meta?

Kym explains the way that Buck is in a light colored pinstriped shirt when the life-changing thing happens. The shooting, when Taylor moves in, when he decides he's happy with the chair, the coma dream, and the coffee date. The thing here is the play with the way Buck is seeing things clearer in these moments, and it would lead to significant moments where he learns more about himself and his journey. (Kym explains it all, please read her meta lol)

But these moments have a darker shirt counterpart, that is harming his personal growth. Jumping into a relationship with Taylor, the awkward I love you that leads to the mess their relationship becomes, when he agrees to be a sperm donor that harmed him in many ways, the first date with Tommy, the 710 date with Tommy, and I think in some ways also the glee speech shirt, because those come back to the way Buck is projecting this idea that being with man will fix him.

It's when he stirs away from that clarity and keeps creating these obstacles so he won't see what he actually wants from life. Yes, the path here leads to Eddie and Christopher, these stir him away from that. From accepting his role as a parent and from seeing that he's in love with Eddie.

So now we circle back to the blue and yellow of it all. One of the blue and yellow scenes we have is the couch conversation in 601. And Buck is in a pinstripe powder blue.

This is the shirt that forces Buck to reflect and leads him to the realization that he needs to be happy in his own skin. In a similar way that the powder blue is trying to evoke in other moments it comes up.

Kym and I have been talking for ages about Buck and the search of blue and the way that we will know that Buck will get it right in a shade of blue. That shade of blue was presented to us during the coming out scene, another heavily blue and yellow scene.

But in a similar way that the clarity of pinstripes has counterparts where Buck moves away from the goal, I'm starting to think that the powder blue of facing the issue has the grey of hiding behind it. And it all adds up to the pinstripes and the color game they play with the blue.

The clarity from the shooting is the parenting clarity that he needs to step up for Christopher as a parent, which is reflected in the parenting maroon when Buck talks to Chris. (meta on the blue and red and parenting here)

That has as counterpart the 409 "i'm your friend grey" from when Chris runs to Buck. And this combo also establishes that Buck's relationship with Chris needs to exist outside of Eddie. Because, yes, the 3 of them have their dynamic, but all the sides need to exist individually in their family to fully establish it.

That comes back in s6 both in 613 when Buck is taking a casual parenting role with Chris and the cookies but not really acknowledging that's something he wants amid the donor baby plot, since Chris is the answer for that dilemma AND during the birth scene where he is still not acknowledging the consequences what being a donor parent would do to him and he wants.

The greys also shows up with the clarity from the coma dream, that needs to live for himself, because both in the hospital after he wakes up, and in Eddie's place, he knows what's happening fundamentally changed him, but he is hiding behind what happened so he won't be forced to get the answers himself even thought that was the whole point of the coma dream.

And this plays out in an interesting way with the ambiguity of the powder blue showing up now, especially when considering the clarity that Buck is being forced into by Bobby's death. Various shades of blue have been tied to Buck's s7-8 arc but coming back to this particular shade without the Buck hiding aspect it's interesting when considering that the first time this blue comes into play is when Buck is literally observing the thing he wants the most for the first time aka 203 after the earthquake.

But also because this leads to the red jacket this time. (more detailed meta on this jacket)

Yes, it's a more orange tone than we are used to, but it comes back to 2 major moments. 208 and Buck deciding to actively figure out what he wants and needs from love.

And 518 when he actually defines it.

The thing with Buck is that he constantly ends up passive in his own love life. He takes only what's offered to him, sometimes at the expense of actually chipping away bits of himself and being okay avoiding the problems forever. But the red jacket/white shirt combo is directly connected to "you don't find it, son, you make it" and the way that Buck is very much aware of the way he needs to fight for it but has no idea of how. And it's interesting that it both leads to him having that "I wanna take it easy to see what can happen" that leads him to Ali and it ends up blowing up when the dude jumps like always does and gets the loft because Ali needs a place to stay and to realizing that he can't force it to happen as much as he wants it.

And the way this is showing up when Buck is moving out is making me go 👀 because this shows up when he's very much aware of the root of the issue he's having, but he goes nuclear to fix it since he works in extremes.

This is a very long winded way to say I'm very interested on seeing if the whole Buck moving out thing is gonna pick back up with Buck backsliding into the extreme and hiding from is wants, or if the red is an indicator that Buck does know what he wants (Eddie and Chris) but thinks he can't get it, so he's running from the temptation before it can catch up to him.

Anyway, if you read this, I love you 💜

[thenainitaldisaster]

Happy 14 years!

Tagging: @hand-picked-star @phuljari @msbhagirathi @thenainitaldisaster @thedupattaknowswhatsup @jalebi-weds-bluetooth @barshifan @andli @shiyaravi @chutkiandchotte @laad-governess @minpdnim @bigfatreader @arshiradio @simplycurlz @scorpio-smiles @bengudill @exosexosekai @0218fm @chaiandtakkar @colorfulangelpeach

[thenainitaldisaster]

*After an argument*

Eddie: Baby.

Buck: Fellow associate.

[thenainitaldisaster]

Sympathising with my mother but at the same time

[thenainitaldisaster]

picture this: 9x01 opening with buck and eddie at home. they are being sickeningly domestic. buck is cooking, eddie is leaning on the countertop next to him, sampling the food while buck tries to whack his hand away. they are laughing together, heart eyes galore. it's easy to see they are living in a home full of love. chris yells to ask if dinner is almost ready, and eddie yells back, one second! then he leans in to kiss buck like it is the most natural thing in the world when bam! eddie's eyes open, and he wakes up in a cold sweat. cue the 9-1-1 title card

[thenainitaldisaster]

golden retriever, woof woof, slutty waist, you got a little thing going on, prettiest boy, he knows, we all know, high fiveing about looking hot, hot body, best chemistry, most coupled uncouple, flustered about having chemistry, alright baby girl (back pat), you take such good care of me, big cock (clears throat), sultry voice, shirt ripping motions, ryan's butt cheering oliver up, aight now read the tweet, you're lips are way too plump bro, praising the slut strand, sooooo sexy mustache praise, big boy, defending oliver's honor, tomato ryan voice crack going no you should read this (thighs tweet), my butt has been all over, come over here for this one, ryan pls choke me (ostark 2025, basically), you started it you might as well finish, you got this my boy, deep red tomato ryan thinking about ostark topping

not to mention the intense staring at one another

what in the rpf is happening here

[thenainitaldisaster]

Anybody think its HILARIOUS that Eddie (when Craig almost falls) goes to get Buck from saving Craig by putting his hands towards Buck but NOT towards C. It's very quick, but it happens for sure. I can't believe I had never seen it until now.

Makes me think of this moment below from 2x17.

[thenainitaldisaster]

I've been thinking while chilling in the they cast Ryan with a plan delusionland, but specifically what it would take to give Buck the most satisfying love story possible. Because Buck was written as the love interest. His purpose in season 1 is to give something to the main character. And ever since, he's been there to provide something to his love interests even though he's the main character now, he gave Ali a place to stay, he gave Taylor professional advancement (and this one is made worse by her book), he gave Natalia inside information on death, so he's constantly providing things without getting anything substantial in return, much like with Abby and the way that he was just a device to make her feel better about her life. And the main thing here is that Buck is being pursued in order to offer something. He's never the one to go after them, he's the one being chased in a sense, Abby calls him, Ali calls him, Taylor kisses him, Natalia asks him out, Tommy kisses him, so these people want something from him and they take it, most of the time without giving him something in return, Abby forces him to get closure by himself, Ali leaves him because she can't handle the job, where do I even begin with Taylor. So if you think about it, considering the initial way Buck was written, and the way they expanded this to the point that he was literally born to offer something to someone who provided him with nothing (in this case his parents), or the way Maddie shows up because she needs the safety he could provide (I'm not saying Maddie doesn't provide him with anything, I know she does so much for him, but she did show up because she needed a place to hide) his main love interest needs to be someone who's not asking him for stuff. And that's been Eddie since he was introduced. Under Pressure is about Buck choosing Eddie. Eddie tries, but when he realizes Buck is serious about not liking him, he validates Buck's feelings, granted in his sassy way of his, and backs off until he has a chance to give Buck the choice to let him in. You can have my back any day. The phrasing of this is great for the whole Eddie trusts Buck to take care of him, he's not saying he will take care of Buck, he's giving Buck the option of taking care of him. But the thing there is that he puts the choice in Buck's hands. Buck could've walked away. Even Buck's reactions to the way Eddie says it shows a moment where Buck is considering before offering the or you can have mine. The metaphor surrounding the rescue in this context is interesting because while Eddie is choosing Buck right there, he's not forcing Buck to step in. Much like the ambulance, Eddie is offering himself, but he's not forcing anyone to go into the ambulance and risk getting blown up with him. Buck needs to volunteer. And he does.

I know the fandom loves to say Eddie baby trapped Buck, but Buck was the one who took one look at Eddie and said I'm stepping in with you whether you like it or not. Eddie never demanded anything from Buck beyond for Buck to be himself. He never asked for help with Chris, Buck chose to talk to Bobby to clear him being at the station, Buck chose to trick Eddie to offer him help in the form of Carla. Sure, when it's convenient for the plot, Eddie will just decide on things, but like, even the lawsuit of it all, when Eddie is inserting himself into the conflict, Buck is ready to be forced to provide Eddie with something to be forgiven "so whatever it takes for you to forgive me" but Eddie is instantly "I forgive you" because he doesn't need for Buck to prove himself. Over and over again, the show puts Eddie in a position that shows that he just loves Buck. No matter what. He never asked Buck to provide him with something. I think even the will and the way Eddie hides it plays into this. He doesn't want to ask for Buck to do this. Eddie knows Buck will do it, he knows how much Buck loves Chris, but the will reveal is not really about Eddie asking Buck to do something for him, taking care of Chris if he can't because the episode already showed Buck doing that without knowing that was what Eddie wanted, but to give Buck that shock that he does have something to live for, that he matters, that someone loves him. Eddie exists as the person that allows Buck to make his own decisions. He does push back when he thinks Buck needs that push but he doesn't make the choice for him. Even if Buck ever decides to walk away from him, he'll let him if that's what Buck really wants, because ultimately it will be Buck's choice and he respects that. And ultimately, with the archetype they had in mind when they created Buck, that is what Buck needs for him to be in the most satisfying romantic relationship narratively. Buck needs someone who loved him before they were in love with him. And that is the work they have been putting towards buddie since Eddie was introduced. And that's also why Buck is the one who needs to start his endgame relationship. It's never gonna feel right until Buck chooses to do something about it because everything about him is about someone else making the choice.

[thenainitaldisaster]

You had me come over here when no one else is home, so.

[thenainitaldisaster]

Eddie: If I die, would you remarry?

Buck: If you die, I'm putting the romance in necromancy and bringing you back.

Eddie: Are you really performing dark rituals to keep me alive?

Buck: I said "I do" through sickness and in health, and I meant that as a threat.

[thenainitaldisaster]

Okay, still on this post I made a few months ago, also this post on how they could've accidentally set up buddie, I keep trying to find an equivalent to buddie in the Chris front to compare the way that Chris is added to the dynamic, but after rewatching the way Grace is introduced in h50, I have to accept that 911 has a unicorn when it comes to Eddie/Shannon/Chris and that's the thing. Eddie was always written as a widower. He's the widower single father archetype from the get-go, which means he has that doing everything for my kid while dealing with this tragic loss sympathy around him, but Shannon isn't dead yet. Which makes Shannon the screw up parent. Media as a rule doesn't do unredeemable mothers and perfect fathers. If the mother is still alive and there's a custody battle, the mother has the primary custody and the father's plot is getting the mother to trust him again. 911 is quite literally the only piece of media I can think of where it's the other way around and the father is the main character.

And putting Buck in a space where he is doing things to make Christopher's life easier and better, mostly because they were using the space around Buck to establish Eddie after Connie decided to leave the show, before we even meet Shannon is what accidentally made Buck Eddie's love interest. Because considering Eddie was created to be Maddie's love interest but that fell through when Jen decided she preferred madney, and they never fully removed the little bits from Eddie's character that give him a love interest vibe, the things that were probably there so that Buck would work as a bridge between Maddie and Eddie end up setting up Eddie with Buck because it's not there to take them from point a to b anymore, it's just establishes Eddie and their partnership. And since Buck doesn't get a compelling love interest parallel to Eddie's introduction and Shannon is fully unredeemable because leaving Chris is an unforgivable act, they accidentally created a perfect storm of slowburn crack.

A lot of the similarities between Maddie and Eddie would work to make them bond, and Maddie being a nurse parallel to the issue Eddie is having that are solved by Carla, could've created something where Buck is only a means to make them meet. But the show never followed through and they're not gonna fully rewrite the plan for Eddie, so the stuff that was supposed to lead Eddie to a love interest, lead Eddie to Buck. And Buck, who was supposed to be the best friend but not the solution to Eddie's problems, becomes the solution to Eddie's problems. What was probably outlined as ways to make Eddie appealing as a love interest that was never used with a female character, set Eddie up with Buck. We don't trust Shannon, Eddie doesn't trust Shannon, and Buck is doing stuff to make Chris' life easier while being Eddie's only friend on screen. And that's what makes us latch onto the 2 of them together even if the show wasn't leaning that hard on them in s2 beyond what was necessary to make Eddie real for the audience.

Things like the way it feels like they decided last minute that Shannon wouldn't be dead upon Eddie's introduction, Buck's struggle with wanting family, Christopher being a disabled kid who needs more assistance than Eddie knows where to find but Buck does, and little things that were definitely planned to make Eddie a love interest not a main character, considering Ryan said he was not supposed to be a lead initially, put them in this very odd spot because there aren't any single women developed around them, Shannon sucks and we are never made to root for her and then she dies, and Buck doesn't get a stable love interest until they reintroduce Taylor in s4 (I'm disregarding Ali because she isn't developed and she just exists in the background until the 218), made them this thing that exists fully on accident but it's impossible to compete with because since they were planned to be best friends they don't know how to adapt to the concept of separating them.

And obviously, the way that the show never drew a hard line between them and the way that no love interest was ever developed enough to stand a chance against their connection doesn't help, but given recent events, I totally believe that this is the product of them not knowing how to pivot out of initial plans and Ryan and Oliver having too much chemistry, and the show just leaning into it more and more as time passed until we ended up here. Which is an insane thought to process.

[thenainitaldisaster]

Okay, I've been meaning to make this post and I never make it, but I'm rewatching s1 and the thoughts are in my head so, what better time than now. Like, I made this point before but I never went into detail.

The thing with 911 and love interests and the way none of Buck and Eddie's love interests ever stood a chance, is because in order for you to make a relationship work on a tv show, you need to make sure your audience cares about both parts. Obviously, getting 2 mains together, madney or bathena, works very easily because both characters exist on their own, so you're already invested in all parties involved, it's a lot easier to make the relationship work because you don't need to spend time making people care about anyone individually, you're just making them care about the relationship. But then you have the issue of making people care about a relationship when one of the parties is only there to be a love interest.

So let's take Henren. For all intents and purposes, Karen only exists to be Hen's wife, so if they didn't put in the work Karen would be very whatever, because as viewers, our loyalty in most cases will be biased towards the character we see the most. And considering we are introduced to Henren already established, they are already married with a child, which another thing that makes people be less invested, not seeing how it happened, the odds are stacked against Karen, which is bad if the show ever decides to use the character more heavily. But the show introduces her in a perfect way to avoid that happening. For starters, we meet Eva first. And we meet Eva while Hen is making up problems that aren't really there because of the ghost of Eva. We have Athena state how bad for Hen Eva is, we have the conflict Hen herself is feeling, we have her lying by omission. And yes, the whole thing leads to something a lot of people view as unforgivable, cheating, but during that whole storyline, we are siding against Hen, because she is letting this idea of rescuing Eva is making her step out on her family, so we are taking Karen's pain, we are taking Karen's side, and that makes us care about Karen, and therefore we end up invested on them together. And something else is how this all happens while we are still getting to know Hen, so there aren't any preconceived notions of how a relationship for Hen should go.

And the show knows how to work that concept in, but when we are talking about love interests for both Buck and Eddie, is that every relationship is introduced with something that's gonna make us side with them and ignore the other person. Shannon never stood a chance because she was written to be fridged, but leaving Chris is an unforgivable act, Ali isn't around and she fundamentally can't handle who Buck is, Taylor is introduced as willing to hurt Buck's family, Ana isn't around and Eddie is literally panicking about that relationship and even before that, the Christopher of it all, him getting hurt, not wanting Eddie to date, makes it so we're not the biggest fans, Natalia was only interested in Buck's death and since we were watching the damage his death did to everyone, it makes it hard to root for them, Marisol just didn't exist for the audience at all, and Tommy's past plus the circumstances they get together aka Buck hurting Eddie makes it very 😬.

And all of these happened while Buck and Eddie's partnership is continuously shown as getting stronger, so the relationships are fighting against two main characters who have a strong relationship, so it is really hard to establish something that will replace the idea of Buck and Eddie because they're fighting against 7 seasons of partnership. The thing that makes buddie is time. It's everything that happened to them (I mean, the actual thing that makes them it is Christopher but that's a different post). So for a relationship to actually replace them, you need to separate them and then give the new relationship at least half the time buddie had to establish themselves. Audiences generally don't get invested in relationships they didn't see happening, and usually when it's this far into a show and there is another option of paring 2 main characters, it's really hard to make a character likable enough to replace that. People just generally don't end up caring for a character that only exists to be a love interest.

The show knows that, see the way Karen was introduced, so that makes the way they handle Buck, Eddie, and love interests that more pointed.

[thenainitaldisaster]

YES I'M GAY:

faGgot

dykAe (the a is silent)

trannY

[thenainitaldisaster]

buck + the little breath he takes when looking at eddie

[thenainitaldisaster]

You know, combining everything we know about Tommy from the show, he ends up coming across as a person who will almost always choose the path of least resistance, preferring whatever option requires less effort.

Like going along with Gerrard's bigotry instead of standing up for himself or his colleagues – until enough of the rest of the group was aligned against Gerrard, then he too jumped on that.

Staying with Abby for convenience's sake (handy beard) knowing he'd never be able to fully commit (and apparently never really respecting her either), but the moment she really needed him to step up and support her, he left (and how convenient an excuse her mother was, so he didn't have to actually explain, he could just leave).

Pursuing Eddie (who he thought was at least a little gay), a guy he has so much in common with hobby wise that hanging out with him is just doing things he likes anyway.

Forgoing his efforts to win Eddie over the moment Buck shows himself open to a relationship – why spend effort wooing Eddie when there's a guy right here who seems already down?

Then the moment Buck presents a minor road block in that he is not immediately out to his friend(s), Tommy ditches him instead of giving him a chance. But when Buck comes back, newly out to his bff, then he's willing to give it a shot again.

He stays with Buck for six months, barely putting effort to learn anything about his boyfriend at all (anniversary gift being basketball tickets, which was either a test, an oversight, or just Tommy getting something he wasted to do anyway)(giving him painkillers Buck is allergic to)(turning serious emotional talks on Buck's part into sex jokes) other than learning how close he is with his bff.

Still staying though – presumably because it's better than being alone, and Buck gives him a convenient shortcut into the 118 family, which he has admitted is something he craves – until Buck wants to make it more serious, which means Tommy will have to invest in the relationship properly, and actually try to make an effort to win this one-sided competition he's made it out to be between himself and Eddie for Buck's attention(/affection?). And he nopes right out.

And finally when Eddie – the competition – is gone he figures Buck is right there for the picking, no effort required but one fancy-ish breakfast.

(Don't really know if I'm going anywhere with this other than getting the thoughts out of my head and onto paper the screen, I guess.)

[thenainitaldisaster]

they’re still besties after all😌

[thenainitaldisaster]

And I'd give up forever to touch you

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

The lineart for this was sitting in my wips for 3 months… finally finished, had fun with Buck’s tshirt ^^

Hope you like it ^^

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