thenakedrainbow-blog - Tumblr blog

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🎃Perfect night in

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Why I feel uneasy all the time...

So this is me typing, lying in bed with the intention of typing to you why I feel I may be coming off as not myself, or more harsh or...I dont know - all over the place!!

During 2016 I had stuff going on with a group I was apart of and friends with. I felt uneasy the whole time around them, I felt under pressure, I felt scared and bullied at times. Giving me shit and sometimes verbal abuse for being myself. All can be proven as I would screenprint cause I would show 2 very close friends whos opinions of people I trust since I struggle to read people with my Autism. I was....flustered all the time, I had 14 panic attacks a day and between 7-12 were caused by them.

I no longer associate with these people but have recently discovered the extent they will go to just to turn people against you - which has given me severe paranoia.

As that shit was happening I had this feeling that "you are suppose to have your own place by now, thats the only way youll get pets and find it easier to get a normal job and you can socialise better by inviting people round..." I felt like and still do have alot of pressure on me but its hard for because of sooo many factors...

I won't go into them as I could explain them and you think oh thats not hard but yeah for me it is.

Currently I just feel lost...

How do I achieve this? I want to just keave this town away from the poisonous people. I need a proper job but when will my time come? Have I lost my love for performing? I feel like I go from one interest to the other and its hard to stay interested...I dont like it. All this mental chopping and changing is making me tired! My body is dealing with a virus that I constantly have in my body, now taking meds for it which is just so tiring. Recently I had a broken rib from A COUGH! It doesnt hurt anymore but...I just want to run away so i can get peace from it all.

I know life isnt easy but at the minute it is overwhelming and I just feel a hole inside me...

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🕸 Going to start getting all of these or least some over next fee months! Need to push past my fear of pain!

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♡ want!

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"Once you start breaking the small rules, its not long before you break the bigger ones"

- unknown

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Hahahaha creepy

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🌈Bathbomb madness from Lush🛀

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🌈Rainbow Life Wearing keepitbright 🌈

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💙Totally want to try something like this next! 💜

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Love wool like this! So colourful and vibrant!

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💔 I miss this friend. It hurts. I wish no one else interfered with our friendship & just let us get to know eachother properly...💔

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☀ Sunshine = Being Naked More Fun☀

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💈 Learning more & taking a chance on a secret interest that has peaked over last few years. I have admired barbering & the many styles that you can do with mens hair! Making them all puuurdy for their ladies :) I feel like if my other job prospects arent going so well instead of giving up I am going to focus on the barbering as I put them aside just a little bit. Will still perform & model but not full time I guess. I cut my own fringe so I guess I can focus on offering just trims. I have just ordered a pair of rainbow titanium barber scissors - SO EXCITED!! Hopefully next year I can do the barberig course next year as I have missed this years chance to apply - till then I can pick a few things up! Another reason why I want to do this is because me & my brother are Autistic. We hate getting our hair cut!! I have seen many videos of barbers going out their way for kids & sometimes adults who hve Autism but I feel most of these barbers don't have Autism...they dont understand & if I could become a barber I would love to help my fellow Autistic peeps :) ✂Fingers crossed

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🌹 Being Positive Isn't Set In Stone🌹

One thing I have noticed is social media has like a...cult thing about being positive. Pictures and GIFs of basic things with a quote stuck on top...some say they were quoted by buddha or ghandi and if you do research you find that they aren't! Crazy how social media warps reality... Crazier that people have allowed this! Don't get me wrong it is good to be a positive person as there is ENOUGH negativity for bullshit reasons...but...who are we to define what positivity is? Everyone has different ideas as to what positivity is and we dont have to follow their example but you shouldnt also diminish someones ideas just because you think its wrong! For example: I believe that you get negative people - people who are just poison in human form. The kind that should be avoided. I believe that you get positive people - people who are lovely, kind and yet will have moments of bad actions. It doesnt define them though. People do negative actions with good intentions. An example of a positive person having a shitty moment. That is natural! If it is natural, in my eyes, then it is positive. Because you are being simply human :) Negative people are... well, like narcissists and sociopaths. To me, A person who does wrong but doesnt see this in their actions, a person who never apologises is not only a true negative person but a dangerous one! I have been friends with a group where at first I thought they were positive. Good people. After seeing the dynamics of this group I realised I was wrong. It was so messed up...so much negativity it started to affect me. They made me extremely paranoid, scared to be myself, always on edge...basically the shittiest a person could feel. Trigger alot of PTSD things for me. Anyway I will disguss that in another blog... Anywho, this group has had atleast 3 members tell me how to be positive, how i should and shouldnt be, told me off and given me shit for being myself, told me who I should be friends with...I mean - does that sound positive to you? These were messages that I always received randomly from them. 2016 I was a enheightened, paranoid, terrified version of myself because of this. Positive people dont do that. People like that think they are being helpful when they are not. That is disgusting. Why I dont take seriously anything that comes from them - its for show... Go & be a positive person in your way. Dont let anyone tell you you're doing it wrong 🍑🌈

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🌈 Introduction! 🌈

Hello lovely humans! So this is my other blog that I will try do weekly about something or a few a week about different topics like mental health and giving an idea of how my own effect me. I will promote and flaunt some of my favourite shops I have found on instagram including KILLSTAR and Demonia Footwear aaaaaas well aa other ramblings that are important to me! I hope you enjoy my blog and soon vlogs! Toodles Noodles! 🕉