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theodinsonsonmidgard · 4 years

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Those two weeks went away like this, with me occasionally bursting into absurd monologues addressed to Thor, who however stood in his golden pink bubble, without reacting.

"Stay in this state a little longer and you will have become the perfect listener, Thor!" I said chuckling, and may Surtur take me if I didn't see a grimace of the lips become a kind of smile.

Then I started to get into more serious thoughts. And they both shared the letter A.

It was raining that morning, and it was cold ("Thor, is that you? Come on, what should you be bothered about now?") and I was in the next room, staring at Asgard's map, attached to a wall like a teenager's poster. Yes, the map I had tattered once already ...

Asgard. I was biting my lips, and now that my brother wasn't there to notice, I was free to slaughter myself at my free will.

I was living on Midgard, dressed in inconspicuous and questionable clothes, drinking grapefruit juice, and fighting terrible personal demons, but I always still Loki, God of Mischief, Prince of Asgard, second in line of succession, and possibly King of Jotunheim. I shouldn't have to forget it, yet it seemed to me that I had already gone too far. Those were my people.

'Okay, Big Man, let's have a chat.'

Asgard. I pushed the real world away, to reach the mental plane where thoughts were almost tangible.

"I call Heimdall, Guardian of Bifrost, Defender of Asgard."

It was a long time since I heard that low, almost cavernous, yet firm and proud voice. Heimdall was not afraid of anything or anyone, ...sometimes he gave the idea of being even superior to Odin himself.

"Loki, I was wondering when I would see you again ... my lord. Unexpected events occurred one after the other and Asgard is in pain. The King your father is prey to the Magic Sleep ..."

"... and our future King has decided to do the same thing, somewhere on Midgard. He has been sleeping for two weeks. I cannot know when he will wakes up."

"I know, Loki, and this complicates an already rather delicate situation."

I could almost see him. The grave expression on his face, the stern voice, those golden eyes that look between the Worlds, everything and everyone.

"I am glad to see you again, my lord, ... after all ..."

I guessed a smile behind those words, and I had no reason to doubt the authenticity of what he had said.

"Thank you, my friend. I have no reason to lie telling you that me too. Now tell me, how is the King? Who is guarding on him? How is Sleep going?"

"The King sleeps, Loki. He has been sleeping for many months now. His vital signs are stable but they tend to drop week by week. Healers are pessimistic."

A pause in which I felt tension.

"It could be his last one. He may never wakes up."

"Thor informed me after his recent trip. As you will surely understand, I ... I had other things to think about."

I hovered over the ferocious argument that followed, hoping it wasn't as nosy to have seen that too.

"I'm sorry for it."

Who knows if it was true ...

"The High Council chairs the government, with my help. With all due respect, Loki, ... I couldn't know if you ..."

"If I'd ever go back to Asgard. It's difficult for me to talk to you about this, Heimdall, and I know you will understand."

"I promised to your brother to not to intervene. Nor to demand your presence here, despite everything ..."

On Midgard, my body staggered for a moment. I remembered all too well, his last trip. Was that why he left? To talk about me? To make arrangements and protect myself while trying to put my life back together?

"... and I'm not going to break my word. But Asgard is defenseless. And we can't afford to be vulnerable. Not yet. Not now."

"It will not be, Guardian of the Worlds. But as in Asgard you certainly watch over the King's Sleep, I have a duty to watch over Thor. It is his first Sleep, it could be unpredictable. At the same time, I will not miss my people protection and support. After the Great Battle, a balance seems to have been established. Subtle and precarious, but still a balance. I trust you, Heimdall, ... but if Asgard is threatened again, and the throne will still be vacant, know that you can count on me. "

"I wasn't expecting anything different, Loki, knowing about your support is important to all of us. And if I can help in your guard with Thor, ...I know it's his first Sleep. It could be unpredictable, yes, but it won't last long. "

"It is comforting to know, in fact, my friend. I hope you can see his awakening soon. May Asgard continues to rise stronger than before. "

As the room returned to have tangible walls, I wished I had made the right decision. I wished myself the same thing later, pressing the tiny green receiver on Thor's cell phone.

'Maybe he won't answer. Maybe he's busy putting numbers and letters in column in the most esthetical w..."

Click.

"Hey, big boy! I haven't heard from you for a long time!"

"And I think things will go like this for a while longer. Hi Bruce, may I bother you?" I grinned.

For a long moment I feared that he would fall to the ground.

Banner. He reminded me of other times, distant times, darker and darker times, yet he was the only person in the gang of Thor's new super friends, with whom I could speak without hitting my nerves. Which, considering Bruce Banner, was ironic enough to amuse me ...

"Bruce, I need to talk to you."

"I -... oh Jesus, what? Loki ... why are you calling me? What ... what happened to Thor?"

"It's ..." I rubbed my temples between my thumb and forefinger. "Listen, there is nothing to worry about, he just needs some time."

"What ... what does 'some time' mean? Loki, what's going on, what's wrong ..."

If in all that time he had remained the same Banner as always, now his anxiety must have screaming in his head with his green friend's voice.

"He sleeps. He sleeps as the Asgardians sleep when they are ... overwhelmed by too many things. By things they don't expect. By violent emotions that dry them up. He sleeps to recover and he will recover, Bruce. I know for sure. I just don't know when. Nobody knows. But he will wakes up and everything will go back to the way it was.

"Where is he now?"

"Here, of course. He is here, at home. In a sort of cocoon I created... in which I manage to keep all his vital parameters stable and safe. Bruce, Thor is not in danger. Paradoxically he is perfectly fine. He will wake up when he wants to do it, when he feels he is ... ready. He is having a long, deep sleep, that's all. "

Silence.

"Bruce."

"Why are you telling me?"

"Because is right that at least one of you know it, and you are the one I can talk to without your midgardian arrogance making my stomach ache. And gave me the desire to set everything on fire. Just ... don't say anything to anyone. If there is an emergency for you supermen, I ask you to cover it and figure out something ... they would ask questions, they would become suspicious. Our dear Fury may even want to investigate. Panic scenes for something not worth to. If it sounds more consoling to your conscience, think you're doing it for Thor and the friendship you have for him, ... not because I'm asking you. I don't ask you to trust me, Bruce, I ask you to trust what Thor too would do. "

Silence again.

"You sounds very sure of what you say."

Perhaps because I had seen the man who said he was my father collapse in front of me like a deflated goatskin because he was unable to hold my gaze after shattering my life. Maybe because I knew how he comes go and fro from that state, for millennia. Maybe because Thor was now inside a bubble of light, motionless as a stone, and I felt the full weight of our miserable lives on my shoulders.

But I was careful not to say it ...

"Because I am, Bruce."

My voice was the deep, firm, almost imperious voice of the Prince of Asgard, and it seemed to have an effect on the scientist. For a moment it also affected me, because I had been hiding it for a long time. Ignored it. Forgotten.

"Oh, ...oh my God, ... I ... agree, Loki. Maybe I understand what's going on. And I understand what you're trying to do, Loki. Okay, I'll do what you asked me if there was a need. But keep me informed, and ... and I'd like to know when he wakes up. "

I chuckled.

"You won't hear my voice then, you should be happy!"

He babbled a sort of awkward greeting in his own way, and I was more than happy to press the little red receiver that ended the call.

I sighed. Two weights removed from my shoulders, in the Norns' name! Now I needed a nice cup of hot, black coffee: I had found that I was good at making coffee. I ended the call, but I couldn't help smiling when I saw the massive silhouette of Stormbreaker in the phone background. And the sparkle of my golden helmet hanging on the head of the huge ax.

Thor and Loki. Together. Always. Despite everything and everyone. Despite death. Despite Asgardian magic Sleep.

Because thinking about us separated was pure madness.

Hold me Tight 2 - part 2-

Perhaps, as Thor said, it was true that those transparent waters had the power to cleanse your soul and make you think more clearly. Perhaps this is the power the Gods have given to the salt waters of Midgard. Thor and I enjoyed ourselves as I never remembered before. Perhaps only in our earliest childhood days, I remember a joy so pure in being together.

I swam with him, competing in speed with the white-crusted waves: we are young, we are strong, Sons of Odin, and we looked like the creators of Midgard came down to enjoy the beauties of that paradise. Sometimes I watched him swim, while I stopped to wash out the water dripping on my face from my hair. Thor, my wonderful brother. Thor, whom I feared having lost forever. Thor, please don't leave me behind ...

I wonder if I'm still your brother, at your eyes. Somewhere, in our past, a crack has opened up and is chasing us to swallow both of us once and for all. Even now.

It was my fault, Thor, I opened that crack, ... and I'll close it for both, i promise you. But don't let me go this time.

Then I couldn't think more because a dripping blond giant swept me away with a bear hug, and dragged me off with him, with a laugh, over the waves.

Dinner was roast meat of which my brother was very proud. As the air turned purple and the sun went down, I had already made my decision. No regrets. I felt strong, strangely euphoric. I wanted to hug him but I restrained myself. There would be time, i was sure of it.

The fire crackled placidly. The night air, which became almost pungent, didn't disturb me, on the contrary, it cooled my skin a little, and caressed my thoughts. Even the wind had changed its voice, its smell, ...no longer the scent of freedom, but something deeper, earthy, almost visceral. Perhaps due to the volcanic rocks and ungainly bushes of the hills above us. And he was there, beyond that bonfire ... with flaming reflections to sculpt his face, blonder than ever, an open smile.

Thor Odinson.

My brother. Who spoke loudly, who told me stories, who laughed, ...and I listened to him, teased him, laughed with him, while another part of me, secretly, was looking for the guts to put into effect what I had decided earlier.

It had been a wonderful day. The first since Thor brought me back. Perhaps one of the rarest of my whole life. And I didn't want to ruin it with what I was going to do, but I decided to be ready. Or anyway I could try. I wanted to start trusting.

Ours had been a wretched and unhappy family, yet, whether I wanted it or not, I loved Thor. Desperately.

I had given my life for him.

Twice. The word 'brother' in my mind has the bright face of Thor. And I had decided to let him enter in a part of my life so private and hurtful that I've been hiding since years. That I know only myself.

I wanted to start trusting him. Showing him that I had changed, that I could stop protecting myself and flee. Although it would have required a lot of courage, since I should have ...

Thor was laughing at me and the fact that I was staring at the fire dance like an idiot. I roused myself, smiling.

'C'mon, you bastard ...'

"Thor, listen ..." I bit my lip, he noticed it this time, and softened his voice.

"Loki, what is it? Do you have migraine? Do you want us to go home?"

I chuckled to hide the tension: would you face the most terrible of storms, knowing you were naked as a worm? Totally defenseless? Because this was what I was going to do from now on ...

"No, I'm great,... no, listen ..."

'Look at him, Loki ...'

"Do you remember when we fought each other, during all those painful and absurd years? You've always accused me of being too quiet. You told me to keeping you at a distance, to rejecting you. Of never making you enter my thoughts, explain my feels... that I was the worse brother, ... no, wait, please. " I smiled "Please wait ..."

A deep breath. Burning air, cold and salted, rising up the nose, until it invades my chest.

"So I decided that I can do it, a step towards you, brother, and try to break down this wall that keeps us in our pride. And that Surtur may devour me if I'm not trembling to the bone, damn you!"

Silence. Wind and the liquid chant of the sea, black into black.

"Do you remember when ...when I ...I let it go? When I fell down, long time ago, ... when everything was shattered, me for first but nobody cared. Remember when I came back and everything was different, everything changed. Your gang of new pompous friends, Midgard, ... all the rest. I have very confused memories of those days, but I remember well when we met again, between heaven and earth. And we talked, or rather we spit on each one our hatred. I could have told you then, but you had other things on your mind and no intention of listening. Or maybe not, I wouldn't have told you a shit either." I giggled nervously.

I was wearing an half-buttoned old shirt, worn and light, of which I didn't care at all,...dark blue, shiny fabric. I undid the third button.

"I fell into the void, then, ... into nothingness. I wanted... to die, to finally find peace, to appease my pain. Instead I found a worse hell. Perhaps the worstest of all. And I implored death as the sweetest of salvations."

Gods, it's terrible to remember aloud. I can't believe you're next to me, listening all of this. For real.

"He took me. I don't know how he did it, but I found myself crawling at his feet in an alien and terrible world. He was thirsty for power. He had a plan. He wanted everything. He wanted the Gems and crush down the Worlds, and I could be useful to him. But first he had to crush down me."

I undid another shirt's buttonhole.

"I know you never understood much of what's on my mind, Thor, ...but it wasn't your fault. Not always, at least. And this thing ... maybe it was beyond both of us."

I undid the penultimate button.

"There was no more day, no more night. There was only cold, pain and fear. There were many of them. They surrounded me. They laughed at me. Call me names. But his shadow on the moldy marbles was enough to make them disappear, leaving me at his mercy... Did you ever wonder why I hate sudden gestures, or why unexpected noises make me uncomfortable when they don't terrify me? "

Here, the shirt was open.

"Have you ever wondered why I stiffen every time you touch me? ... I was afraid of the whip, but the worst was the fire. The fire was the craziest pain, and ... I lost consciousness. Almost always. That maniac knew how to use the whip well. Where to hit. How to hit. He whispered in my mind, ... no one will ever care about you, little monster, ... nobody wants you, they despise you, spit on your shadow of demon, you're been a burden for everyone, you will always be, but I can give you the power that... if only you... "

I swallowed again. The air started to become cold, too much cold, ...carried with it a vague hint of resin ...

'NO!!'

It has always been like this. Frost magic woke up every time I was upset, or if something infuriated me, and blew ice on everything around me. But it couldn't happen there, ... there, in the sea waves glossy of moonlight, and the holey rocks of the volcanoes.

'Loki, dominate yourself!! Not now, Loki, not here!!'

The blue shirt slid over my shoulders, then I pulled my arms off from sleeves. Here, Thor, ... take a step into my world, ... look at my miserable pain.

"It was ... it was pure hell, Thor. A hell made of blood, pain and fear in which I crawled for I don't know how long. I saw my blood, I felt it on me, it made me sick. Did you ever notice how sickening it is the smell of blood? ... With fire I went crazy. With the blades I saw death in the eyes, and had the purple skin of my killer, that son of a bitch. He wanted me crushed, and he crushed me. He wanted me submitted and I bent. Because I healed. In a hurry. I am a God and he knew it. So the ... horror started again, always. The young Loki, the one who sought death to forget the pain, is gone. He was destroyed by that hell. I ... I don't know what he made me become but I survived by pure animal instinct, I survived the fire, the whip, the blades, the cold and beatings. But I healed more slowly, so he decided I was ready."

I didn't have the guts to look at Thor. I was there, bare-chested, arm in arm with him, and I felt his burning blue eyes on me. It burned like those blades.

Are you pale? Are you speechless? Furious? In tears? I don't want to know now, brother.

"I know what you are seeing. I know them one by one. They heal slowly. Some will never heal. Some intertwine on the shoulders, stretch to the chest. There is also a fire wound, next to it ... the blades instead were biting arms ...here, and here, ..." I barely touched my pale skin "The whip tore the skin from the back. The back is the worst. There are a couple that still hurt,...others no longer exist. Like here, on the eyebrow, or just above the ear..."

Scars. From the shoulders as far as a whip could reach. Or tongues of fire. Or those damn blades.

There was no better way to tell you. Nor a different way. Forgive me, brother...

He had to see them and I had to do it. I realized that if I wanted to recover from all my shit, I had to let go and expose myself.

Running away had only made things worse, it was festering everything.

I need my you to see, Thor. I need to hear your support. I wanted to know that you can be with me, so my recovery will be less painful and I could move on more easily. Will you stand by my side, brother?

So I looked up at him, and saw it.

The raging storm.

Flaming fury in Thor's dark eyes. Ready to lash out at me. I could feel them, those eyes, like a punch in the face. I knew I had hurt him and it devastating me. Now I realized I had broken him and I would have given everything to be able to go back and cancel that insane decision of mine. I wanted to die, and I probably would have died by his hand, because the one in front of me was no longer the chatty, smiling Thor who hugged me and called me "little brother".

He was the God of Thunder in his wildest and most primordial form. Rage and fury. It was pure berserk fury as I had never seen it before.

A terrifying roar shook the night sky and shook the earth beneath the volcanoes with a frightening groan. The air vibrated in my ears with such intensity that forced me to a stifled moan of pain. Then the air was shattered by the furious cry of the God of Thunder, which I had just completely broke with my senseless act. So I was ready to die.

#odinsons on midgard #hold me tight 2 #me and my brother #me and thor #odinsleep #damn you asgardians #heimdall #bruce banner #look at me brother #brodinsons

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