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[theohnocorral]

Crumbl Cookies Actual Chocolate Chip Recipe from a former employee who is no longer bound by their NDA:

to make approximately 35 cookies (or 140 minis!):

ingredients:

2 pounds of SALTED butter

1 pound of white sugar

1.5 pounds of brown sugar

8 whole eggs

4 pounds of flour

*half an ingredient pack* Crumbl has an ingredient packet that goes into their cookies to make sure that no one but corporate officially knows their recipes. however based on what is missing from a standard chocolate chip cookie recipe and what happens to the cookies if you forget the packet I have come up with this solution

5 tablespoons baking soda

5 tablespoons baking powder

2.75 pounds milk chocolate chips *** Crumbl originally used Ghirardelli but switched to their own brand in the summer of 2021.

Instructions:

preheat your oven to 290 degrees F or 143 C

soften your butters in your microwave, this step is crucial. you want them NOT at all melted, but soft enough to mold with your hands easily

put your butters and sugars into a large bowl, it’s easiest if this is a stand mixer, but if not an electric hand mixer is fine. you *may* attempt this by hand but i would recommend you don’t.

if you have levels choose your most medium level and beat your butter and sugar for 10 minutes. seriously. and it’s probably not done. scrape the sides, if there is any resistance it’s not done. the texture you’re going for is like passing your spatula through a cloud. you should feel no resistance, the mixture will be light, fluffy and if you feel it between your fingers it will be silky with *slight* sugary texture. imagine applying it to your face, it’s a daily cleanser not a weekly exfoliant.

when you’re pretty sure you got it to the right texture go for 1 more minute just to be safe.

now that’s over with turn your mixer down to 1, and add half of your eggs. let them mostly incorporate. all yolks should be broken and you should only see slight streaks of yellow. then add your second half of the eggs and look for the same consistency.

scrape the bottom of the bowl to make sure no yolks are hiding down there!

now add your flour all once! yup! mix it on low *just* until you see a dough start to form. There should still be plenty of unincorporated flour!!!

then add your chocolate chips.

mix until you have a smooth and consistent mixture.

crumbl cookies weighs each chocolate chip cookie at 5.5 ounces.

my best approximation is that you’ll be making about 35 cookies so go for that if you don’t have a scale.

the shape of the crumbl cookie can be achieved by making a large ball of dough then tearing off the top to leave a ripped top. those cracks and spikes are part of the signature. so you can skip this step if you just want a good cookie recipe.

*if you want to make the minis like Crumbl does for catering the weight is 1.3 ounces and the bake time is 10 minutes*

place on a parchment lined baking sheet leaving 2 inches between each cookie and the edges of the baking sheet. You can fit 9 on a standard cookie sheet.

bake your cookies for 16 minutes, rotating the pan 11 minutes in! (Crumbl has ovens the rotate while baking constantly so this will help even cooking times)

*important* i know the temptation to eat the cookies directly out of the oven is great. BUT. the cookies actually are not done baking fresh out of the oven! they bake outside of the oven in their own heat for 5 minutes while they cool! so wait at least 5 minutes or 10 if you have self control!

enjoy!!!

[theohnocorral]

barbie official: we’re gonna put all our movies on youtube for free!

youtube, still selling their movies: huh? what’d they say they were going to do?

[theohnocorral]

[theohnocorral]

It's so weird talking to people who's view of "here's the way life is for everyone" is shattered as soon as they talk to someone with disabilities (physical, mental illness, any). Like you'll say you'll have a problem and instead of helping you they'll argue with you about how you're not actually facing that problem. Like,

Me: Hey, I'm really struggling to find a job and a part of it is my resume. I was depressed & psychotic during highschool so I didn't do anything to gain skills or achievements to put on my resume. I also don't have anyone to put as a reference. What can I do?

Them: You can add your skills, hobbies, clubs you're in, and different volunteer work you've done! You can also get your teacher as a reference.

Me: I already know what to put on a resume, my issue is that I don't have things that I can use. Also, I'm in my mid 20s so I don't know if I can put my highschool teacher as a reference.

Them: Well if you're a part of a church or an activity group, you could add that. Also, think of any projects you've worked on in the past.

Me: I already know you can put these things on a resume. I'm not looking for suggests of things I've already done, I'm looking for what I can do now if I haven't done anything.

Them: There's no way you didn't do anything during highschool?? What about some odd jobs you definitely did for extra money, like babysitting or mowing the lawn?

Me: I spent all of highschool either in modified classes or in bed doing nothing - not even hobbies, what about that do you not understand?

And then you talk to someone who's also disabled and they're like "Here's a bunch of jobs you can do from home that don't pay much but look good on a resume, here's some free online courses that also look good on a resume, here's how you can be making small amounts of money in the meantime, here's some things you can put besides a professional reference, and here are your rights if your future employer tries to take advantage of your disability - which you probably shouldn't tell them about unless you need accommodations."

And suddenly my will to continue trying returns!

[theohnocorral]

Mutual feelings but make it an issue /hj

[theohnocorral]

[theohnocorral]

I dont know if this is how you post reels on here or if youre supposed to post them at all but here you go, i finished this last night and posted it on my Instagram but figured I could try posting it here too since my last Sun and Moon posts got way more reach on here than on Instagram, which means people liked it more on here.

[theohnocorral]

Another AO3 thing I’m curious about, how do yall decide if something is good enough to read? Usually I follow a rule of 1 kudos for every 10 hits. One because it’s easy math and two it’s yet to fail me. Thoughts? Do you just go for it and pray it’s good?

[theohnocorral]

[theohnocorral]

[theohnocorral]

[theohnocorral]

[theohnocorral]

Sometimes self-care is, actually, NOT getting onto the computer and little treats and watching youtube videos. Sometimes those things are self-care, but sometimes they're also avoidant behaviors.

Sometimes self care is waking up and just. Fucking getting in the car. And driving to the bank. And the store. And buying the cat litter. And changing the cat boxes you've been avoiding because your brains been stuck in a hole. And picking up the trash you've been piling up. And getting a load into the wash. And mowing the lawn before the village council sends you a formal complaint and potential-fines warning.

Like its hard and annoying to do because it sucks. It sucks so much. But if I don't start working on this pile of bullshit I've let build up because it stinks and i was stuck in deer-in-headlights mode, I risk letting it turn into fuckery. I do not have the patience for fuckery that I once - foolishly! - thought I had.

[theohnocorral]

[theohnocorral]

on a r/LetsTalkMusic post asking why rock isnt as popular any more

[theohnocorral]

i am. so sorry if i have ever used the phrase “i have an au where—” and led you to believe that there is an actual fic out there for you to read rather than, at best, a post where i explain the concept, and at worst it is simply something that lives in my brain

[theohnocorral]

Can I see the Brit nail tik tok pls. I must actually

My coworker was (justifiably!!) going insane because I couldn't stop interrupting the silence with manic repetitions of "What! No! That's 'orrible" and "GORGEOUS" apropos of nothing. Anyway: