theonlychildguide-blog

[theonlychildguide-blog]

Memory #1

One of the earliest memories I can recall starts with me trying to do a front-roll over a pole in the park. I was probably 4 or 5, just tall enough to get up on the top pole and try to flip myself over like a little gymnast. I know exactly which park and which pole because I used it as a bit of a benchmarking system throughout my childhood until I was too big to roll through the poles without smacking my head.

I remember we were just out for a walk as a family - me, mum and dad – but something felt wrong. There was tension and I was trying to make up for it by showing them my impressive flip skills. Then my memory fast-forwards to being back at the house, mum making dinner and asking me to tell dad it was time to eat. I remember knocking on the door to their bedroom where he was sitting, going in and delivering the news that dinner was ready but instead of following me out, he asked me to get my mum for him, please. I got mum, she went upstairs, I made a fort out of the sofa cushions and side tables, they argued, I sat in the fort. I was hungry, weren’t we going to have dinner? 

I’m sure we ate at some point that night, but that’s how I remember it starting; my brief career as Chief Fort Architect and the slow and turbulent breakup of my parents.

[theonlychildguide-blog]

The Only Child Guide

I spent a portion of my life as what I like to call a part-time only child. My parents split when I was quite young, dad found a new partner with two children of her own (they’re still together) and mum found a new partner with two children of his own (they’re not still together, thankfully). Of course it doesn’t sound like anything special, parents break up all the time, kids learn to deal with their new dynamic and life goes on.

Well life has gone on for quite some time, I’m in my late 20s, a product owner for two software development teams, I have a degree and I’ve moved country. There are many things which have shaped me to who I am but right now I find myself stuck between enjoying who I have become and working out who I want to be.

If you’re an only child like me, I feel for you! I’m actually incredibly glad to be an only child (full-time), I have no sibling rivalry, no hand-me-downs, no competitive nature, and the full love of my mother. I’ve also learnt how to play multiplayer games alone; chess, scrabble, hungry hungry hippos, go fish. I’ve become determined to achieve because I want to, not because I have to outshine my siblings. I carry friends like family, I pour my heart into relationships, I seek out those who I have a special bond with and nurture it like I imagine a sibling would. I will expand on this in a separate post - it’s the only child’s curse: putting all your love in to a friendship which can become complicated and broken with no blood obligation to pull you through.

If you’re an only child with split (or splitting) parents, then I really feel for you! We have to go through it alone, no siblings to join forces with, to hug when we feel lonely. The first night at your dad’s new house, first time dad takes you to school, first time meeting his new girlfriend, first time meeting her children (who hate you from hello), first time meeting your new extended family, first holiday without your mum.

If you’re a parent of an only child, good choice! The world is pretty well-populated as it is, feel secure in the fact that your child will be happy with your love.

If you’re a single-parent of an only child, just remember you are doing a good job as long as you’re doing the best you can do. Love your child and focus on making yourselves happy. 

I’m going to share a lot of stories here, from my childhood and my journey into adulthood; things that have no doubt affected me but have given me a different perspective on living. It’ll be full of honesty and advice. We’ll see where it ends up, maybe it’ll just help me but perhaps it’ll help you too.