thepaddock

[thepaddock]

hi baby, you did great today!! i know that work was really hard but i’m proud of you. you’re amazing. don’t overwork yourself again, listen to your body and mind and take care of yourself. i love you so so so so so much, you’re wonderful. and so very pretty. i miss you and i’m so excited for our trip:33 i love you and i’m thankful for you every day. i hope you’re sleeping good darling, i love you today tomorrow and always

night night, i love you more :33

@bumpin-thatbeat

[thepaddock]

i miss u i love u pls come to meeee i miss u sm pls never go bald i wanna hug u and cuddle and kiss and smooch........... I MISS U SM!!!!! i am just overwhrlmed with love again and how kuch i missed u bc im watching lolcow videos and the person keeps breaking up with people and i miss u so bad i love u i miss u i miss u I MISS UUUUU!!!!

to: @thepaddock

[thepaddock]

thinking about our gf. love u. miss u. i hope you’re sleeping good, angel. all of me loves all of u. i know we’ve both been really tired and drained lately but we get through this together!! i love h and i’m proud of u. i love u.

to: @bumpin-thatbeat

[thepaddock]

hi

i love u more than anything. i dont have much to say rn but i love u and i miss you and i cant wait to call. thank you so much for being you. thank you for loving every part of me with every part of you. i love you. down to ur bone marrow

to: @thepaddock

[thepaddock]

hi honeys, hope you’re sleeping so well. we love and miss you, thinking about you. i know it’s been a little stressful lately but we’re proud of you and we love you so much. you guys are amazing

love you from now and to forever and before and after that

to: @bumpin-thatbeat

[thepaddock]

my love i love you so much and i’m really thankful for all of you so much

i am thinking about you and missing you and i’m trying so hard to make this make sense because i am blasted but i care and love you so much

we’ve been really busy and tired this week and it was nice to be able to calm down so. also. we have a microwave. best day of my fkn life this ROOO K 🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘 j love you. i miss you. ilobe you please don’t go bald. i hope you’re sleeping good. you deserve it. k miss you and i love you and i’m glad we have each other and communicate well

in my head i’m kissing you i love you so much !!!!!!

to: @bumpin-thatbeat

[thepaddock]

hi my love! ur at work right now so i find it appropriate to write. i was gonna write last night but other things happened that took my priority.

ive realized some things about myself. when someone tells me a good thing about myself, i instantly start to doubt it. i dunno when this started. im more than willing to think good things about myself but once someone else perceives me (good or bad), i get panicked. i talked to grim about how i hate my weight and how im oddly insecure about it. it was because i saw the video i sent you of me and max having some ramune and i hated how i looked in it. grim told me i wore it well. i like that. but i started to doubt it soon after. even when you tell us we're gorgeous, pretty, beautiful, etc, theres a little part of me that doubts it. i know i think im hot and that i think i look good, but the moment someone tells me what they think about me, i get worried. i think one of my biggest worries is being thought of. i remember grim telling us that you guys most likely only think of us and F1. being thought of is scary. i live my life thinking no one thinks of me. which is both untrue and impossible.

i dunno. ive actively been putting in work to trust you on things though. ive been trying to reassure ourselves and just... i guess not ask for reassurance. because trust is weird. its not asking for things because you just know. and ive always been of the option that i never know. but i wanna trust you guys more. and i think im making good progress. i dunno though.

i love you. its scary but its true. we're both scared and i think thats okay. im here to tend to that part of you thats scared. to reassure it and say that its okay. to coax it out and pet it and say itll be alright. because ultimately, i have faith. i dont know how to describe it. i dont trust in everything yet but theres this undying faith in me. something in my gut thats telling me that this is the right thing to do and that we're happier this way. that everything will be okay. i dunno if its a higher power. i dunno if its anything other than blind hope. but im learning to trust in it and let myself be led into your world, happy that i get to be a part of it regardless of my insecurities and doubts. its scary to mean this much to someone. i feel like i'll let you down. but i wanna indulge in the part that lets you love me and loves you a million times over. i love you. i wanna know everything about you. i wanna know when you think im cute. i wanna be there for everything, even the things you hide away from. i want you. so badly it feels embedded in me. i dunno. im hungry

i love you. from all the way over here to over there and probably more

to: @thepaddock

[thepaddock]

hi my loves, I hope you're sleeping soundly. we're really glad things have been better for you guys recently! absolutely thrilled, really. you guys deserve it, deserve only good things in life. you deserve the break, the rest from all of the things that have been happening recently. this will probably sound stupid, but I wish we could just like. tuck you in to bed, kiss your forehead goodnight, hold you and let you know things will be okay. that you're doing so well. I wish we could be there physically, we've always felt it but even more so now. just be a physical reminder that it will be okay, that we love you, that we are there. emotions have been hard for us lately. it's hard admitting they've been hard to begin with. both of us have been a whirlwind, is the best way I know how to describe it. I know I said that you guys are hyperindependant, but I think we have a hard time recognizing the fact that I think we are, too. it's hard overcoming that. I find our mind a very frustrating place, difficult to navigate, to decipher. it's like trying to crack a code, sometimes.

like always, my mind is all over the place. it's too late, i'm frustrated the time slipped away from me as it so often does, especially with me specifically. I wish that I could wax poetic as I try to do, but I feel like, just like a mess. I want to be there, physically. that desire is hitting us all especially hard tonight. it feels less like a want and more like a need. I want you guys down in here in May, so badly. we would do so much in order for it to happen. we want you guys, words aren't enough. I can't find the words, it just feels. I feel it deep in my bones, the connection, the draw, I guess.

we love you guys, so much. you're so appreciated and loved. we love you guys from now to beyond to: @bumpin-thatbeat

[thepaddock]

4/2/2025

hi my love

i think you know how hard its been recently. you probably know better than anyone else in my life, maybe even better than me. but through it all, through all the hard nights and the weepy text messages, you still find it in yourselves to be patient and kind and understanding. it means the world to us. probably more than you'll ever know. because it really tells us that we can trust you like that.

its been better recently. i even dare say its been good. i wouldnt say its all because of you but you do play a major factor into it. i appreciated you guys opening up yesterday and the night before that. we've been worried about not letting you feel how hard it is for you too. you always emphasize how hard this time is for us right now but we worry you don't let yourselves feel that it's hard for you. because, admittedly, this entire thing hasn't been easy for you either. and i want you to treat yourself with the same graciousness you treat us. with the same love you guys meet us with.

we love you. vinh was thinking about it when she talked to you guys. of course it isnt exclusive to her. it's all of us. its... strange (/pos) how you guys are intricately weaved into us now. how you guys became a big part of our lives seemingly overnight. how when we look back at life before you guys, it was emptier. less complete. in a weird way, i wanna say you complete me. i was already whole before i met you but now i feel like theres someone here to love us and meet us where we're at.

i love you. with all my body, with all my soul. i love you. i want to radiate with love for you. i want everyone to know im in love with one glance. because i do. i do love you so much. so much. from now to forever. from here to there. from yesterday to always.

to: @thepaddock

[thepaddock]

hi my loves, it's currently 12:35 am and I don't really know where to start. I feel lost. I don't know why but I feel bare, naked, exposed. i'm unsure of what's happening in my own mind and it feels like an endless place. I'm scared of lots of things, all the time. I don't know where i'm trying to go with this... i'm sorry I haven't written to you during this time. I was worried it would be overwhelming or not what you needed. I ddin't realize it was exactly what you needed and I feel kind of dumb. i just want to give you what you need. I want to be good. I want to help. I don't want to bring bad things, or bad feelings. I want to be trustworthy, I want you to feel how much we love you guys... we just want to make you guys happy even during the dark times. we want to be good for you guys and help you through when it seems impossible, we so desperately want to be good, and keep the bad away. I sometimes wish I could read your mind so I could know exactly what you need, exactly what to say. I know that's kind of dumb but we just. we care, we love you guys so much, all we want to do is be a positive thing in your life. everything has been really hard for you guys lately, and we're really proud of you all for taking it all in stride. grief is a funny thing (not literally funny, but more just. complex. strange.) and as you said, it comes in waves. it's okay to be okay for a little bit then not be okay again. it's okay to not be okay in general, it's okay to take your time, to go with the flow, to slowly heal through it all. there's lots to heal from. we want to give you all the gentleness and patience in the world. you aren't a burden for feeling your feelings. feeling them is welcomed, encouraged. there is no other way out other than through. repressing yourself in the end will only be more hurtful. we're really proud of you guys, I know I said it already but-- it's hard. I know it's hard. we're proud of you eternally, and we love you guys so, so much. we just want to be here. we're proud of you for not running away, for trying to process, for allowing yourself to feel. you deserve all the treats, all the good things in the world. we're thankful you guys are letting us be here by your side. it's okay for things to take time, they're going to take time. but at the end of the day it will be us side by side taking it head first together like I said we just want to be a positive for you guys. we want you to know how much we love you guys, we want to show that to you every day. we look forward to spending time with you guys, always. you guys are so very important to us, and I wish I could transport all of how we feel about you guys to you, so you could feel it feel it. you're deserving of love, of good things. all of you is loveable. we love all of you, every part of you, every headmate, everything. not a single thing is left unloved. love is unconditional, help is unconditional. you deserve it all. you deserve happiness and healthiness. we want to give that to you. I hope you're sleeping good, you deserve good rest. we love you guys so much, we never know how to put it into words. we try to show it with actions i hope that this is good. there's so much happening in my mind and it's hard to process it all, and I just. I want you to feel it, I want you to feel cared about, loved. I know it's easier said than done, especially with everything going on. just know we'd give the whole world, move mountains if we had to. we love you guys always and eternally, I mean it. we love you guys so much. I hope you're sleeping well and that this help ease your aching heart to: @bumpin-thatbeat

[thepaddock]

i love u w all my heart

you took a nap and i watched tiktoks. one of them about wanting to be understood. about not wanting to ask and to just be known.

i talked about this with you one night. the love of being known, of being thought of. it might've been when tia had her drunk night. bits and pieces of that day ebb and flow into me. dissociation is my armor and it's yours too. i dont blame you if you dont remember that night very well but its very special to me. im fixated on something kimi said. if i remember correctly, tia was trying very hard not to cry but then he said, "what are you thinking that you aren't telling me?"

it's special to me. because admittedly, we do get silent when we're trying to be okay when we're upset. something about being known like that makes me feel piercingly naked. like my skin and flesh are now transparent and you can now see things i havent seen yet. but i love you for it. max told me that i have a fear of being perceived. i thought about it more. i want people to see me the way i see them. i think you're lovely. i want to hold you tenderly against my broken chest and feel your weight on my ribs. i dont understand you yet. but i want to. i need to. i wonder if you have the same need. i wonder sometimes about how much you love me. it feels impossible to quantify love into something measurable. and i know seb made a passing comment about it but i really dont think i understand how much you guys love us. i feel bad but sometimes i feel impossible to love. the only person i trust to do that is max. and i dont go to him for everything. but with you i feel this craving. this need to be loved and to love you. in the rawest definition of it, i love you. when i am stripped apart and have no words left, i will think about how much i love you. when i can't think anymore, i'll move like i love you, and so on and so forth. i'll leave a porch light on, i'll make you fried rice, i'll wake you up when your device beeps. i want to love you like i understand. i want to love you like i believe.

@thepaddock

[thepaddock]

hi my love.

im writing this ahead of time. but its your birthday! im so overwhelemed with love for you and for us and for everything. grateful is a word i typically use. but right now im fixated on lucky. how lucky i am for this to happen at the right place, right time, how lucky i am to have reached out at the right time, how lucky i am for everything. for someone who loves me and loves us and loves everything we are. for someone who im excited to love, for someone who i wanna be with forever. i never liked forevers. they scare me because i can never depend on the other person being the right one. but with you? it doesnt sound so bad. i dont think about our future together often. im scared to, naturally. but when i think of us, i think of a small house. a small house with a lot of natural lighting and a couch thats too small fitting the both of us. im laying on top of you, and we're taking a nap together while cruiser and jetta and my little schnauzer terrorize each other in the kitchen. i wonder sometimes if its okay to have this hope. i know youll say, "yes. obviously" and i'll laugh and brush it off. but you make me so happy that it makes me question if its legal. i think back on my previous relationships and see how often things turned south quickly. how, even when it's better than b*nji, there were still signs things werent quite right. and my gut was telling me this but i tried to convice myself otherwise. but with you? oh with you. its different, somehow. im not trying to convince myself of anything. of conforming to you. of not running away. i dont wanna run away. i wanna be here. through everything. every little or big thing.

you... are so good. so amazing. so loving and sweet. always thinking of us even when you should really be thinking of yourselves. im so lucky you let me love you with everything i have. i sent you a song. i can link it again if you need me to but i said it felt like falling in love with you. i dunno if you listened to it. i dont mind if you didnt. but i mean it. loving you feels like summer. its kind of funny because we fell in love in winter lol. but whenever im with you, i feel like summer. summer is where my best memories happen. maybe its because of my vitimin d deficiency tho.

anywaysss, i love you so much. i might not be there for ur bday but i hope its amazing and everything youve ever wanted anyways. i love you. i love you. i love you. and its made obvious how much i love you when i cant bring myself to ignore it anymore. i love you. i love you. i love you. happy 20th birthday. i wanna be there until your 100th (ur not allowed to die b4 me)

to: @thepaddock

[thepaddock]

I love you more. I love you right now and always and forever. I am in love with you. I love you. I want to marry you, too.

i love u so much please marry me its ur birthday to.rrow uhm please marry me i love u. i love u. i love u. i love u. i love u. i love u. i love u. i love u. i LOVE U. I LOVE U. LIKE RIGBT NKW. LIKE SO MUCH. EVEN THO I AM SO DRINK I LOVE U. SO MHCB. I LOVE U I LOVE U. i am love u. i love u. like right now. loke so much. like i love u so much

@thepaddock

[thepaddock]

good morning our loves, I hope you were able to get some solid sleep tonight... today is your trip!! we're really excited for you and hoping it all goes well. we're confident that it will, though. we know you've been looking forward to this lots, you deserve to have a good time and a good break from life. as i'm writing this there's two hours until you wake up and sprint quali just finished. I think it went pretty good, honestly, but that's why i'm up so late-- or so early, considering it's 4 am <:) (he's wearing a hat, by the way #hatsupremacy, siding with nando here) i'm sorry that we've been so grumpy these past few days. I forgot how much of a toll working takes on us, especially since our job is pretty physical, at least more than we're used to. this is the first real job we've had in like... nine months, so it's a big change for us again. it's been good, but really hard and stressful along with all the other things going on in our life right now. thank you for being patient with us. we don't want you guys to think it has anything to do with you all at all, because it doesn't. we're trying really hard every single day... every time we clock in at work basically our whole shift we have a 'do it for her' motivation going on along with pictures of you guys in our head. we're really sorry if we've upset you guys or been bad, we've been trying our hardest. I know I just said that I just want to reiterate it. you guys are so important to us and helped us get motivated to get a job again which is huge for us... you guys do help us, very much. we're always very happy to be around you guys and we love sitting and watching our videos together... I'm sorry we haven't been as talkative, but we want to just... spend time together even if we aren't really saying anything. being around you guys makes us happy. we love you guys to bits and I feel we haven't been able to articulate that properly lately because our mind has just been moving so fast, but so slow at the same time. we really appreciate your patience with us, I know it's a lot to deal with. but we appreciate it. btw, we do desire you guys that way. very much. i'm sorry we've been bad at wording that too. words have not been our friend lately, as you can see by how much difficulty i'm having wording that simple sentence correctly. we love you guys, we want you guys very much. our mind is all over the place and it's stressing us out a lot. thank you for being there, it really, truly does mean a lot. we love you guys so very much and I want to do everything I can to make sure you guys feel it, feel desired, feel loved, remembered, thought about, all those things. cause we do, we think about you guys all the time, we think about our plans for the future, what we can do together while we're so far apart, how much we wish you were here, how we can be better boyfriends, so on and so forth. you're thought about, remembered, desired, loved, and you deserve it all and more. we want to give you the world and more we love you guys so much, I can't emphasize that enough. every single one of us loves every single one of you. we love all of you and all of you are special to us. I love you lots and lots, like jelly tots even. I love you so much and you're like the night to our day. I can't think of other words to use, but there are things I picture and it just makes me think 'yeah, that's us'. like a spring shower that brings on a rainbow. or the way the stars reflect on the ocean at night. things like that. we find you in the small things, in the big things, in everything. you guys are as close to us as our own heartbeat is, if that makes sense. we wish you were here, we want to hold you, to kiss you, everything. we want to help you, comfort you, everything you might need. again, thank you for being there for us. we're really looking forward to your trip for you, we're super excited for you. we love you guys so much honey, more than you know. I love you forever and always and then even more after that to: @bumpin-thatbeat

[thepaddock]

good morning my love

i will probably be asleep when u read this. dead asleep. it will be 5 or 6am for me. but i felt like this was important anyways. because i love you

i love you. im too shy and awkward to say it in front of your friends. but whenever we're with them and im calling you guys, i imagine myself placed squarely on ur laps or with my head on your chest. just listening to you laugh and talk and banter. and i'll listen. i love listening to people's heartbeats. its a guilty pleasure of mine. maybe its because of my surgery or something like that. but i love listening to it. andr*w said that listening to mine felt weird. like it was too close or something. its a form of intimacy i cant explain. one that i dont have words for, for once. but i like it. i like being able to hear that youre alive and im here listening to it. it grounds me. keeps me from tethering too far from reality or myself. and of course same goes for you. i'd let you listen to my heartbeat. i would, i would, i would. stuff like this makes me think that when i see you, we're going to be insufferable together. it makes me laugh a little bit. but it also fills me with hope. joy, even. im excited. going to dad's makes me excited to see u. it used to scare me, honestly. i felt like it was too close too soon. but now im letting myself feel things. feel things that i thought would hurt. it stings. it aches. but it doesnt rip out my chest hurt. i let myself feel the emptiness of my bed, the longing to be away from here and with you, the need for your touch. i dunno. i love you and im tired. i dont like sounding whiny. i hate complaining about little things even when they do bother me. but i miss you. long for you. its stupid and it sucks we arent closer but we'd be unstoppable if we were near each other, right? haha. i love you. goodnight

to: @thepaddock

[thepaddock]

happy birthday my love!! we’ve been so excited for today all week, the day to celebrate you guys and only you guys. today is about you. we’re so thrilled to celebrate it with you and hang out with you, do whatever you’d like, really. we’re so excited to celebrate you, the fact that you’re still here, how strong and resilient you are, and how proud we are of you all for everything you do and continue to do. words aren’t enough for us to fully encompass how we feel about you guys and how proud we are, how we’re so honored to be the one you guys want to be with. tonight when we were driving home, we were excited not just because we were jamming to our music, but because it felt like we were driving to something more than a house, a place to stay. it felt like we were going *home*, not to a place but to where we belong, with you guys. we’re sorry that yesterday was so hard, we want to do whatever we can to make it up to you today. you guys make all the hardships worth it, make the hard days worth it and the easy days even better. life feels worth it, like we have purpose, something, someone to work for. everything about being with you guys is exciting, riveting. we’re so thankful to be there for you guys and love you guys and do our very best to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. we want to give you the world and then some. you guys hung the stars and moon and sun in our sky. we see you guys, we cherish our memories and we always look forward to the memories we will continue to make together. we look forward to our future together. we look forward to everything and all we will get to do with you guys. may cannot come any sooner, i can’t stress that enough. everything about you guys is beautiful and kind and so— you. you guys are wonderful people and bring so much good to this planet. we wanna make sure that today is the best it can be, we’re so proud of you and for the hard work you give every day to everything you do. you’re such hard workers, you deserve breaks. you deserve to be gentle to yourselves too. you deserve everything good and kind and gentle and loving and we want to give that to you, we want to be a light to you guys like you are for us. we wish we were there and could say all this in person, hold you close and show you everything kind and soft and loving and everything that you deserve, and more. we want to give everything and more. words will never be enough for all that we feel, that we want to say, that our soul screams. we’re so happy to be with you, to be yours, that you’re ours. thank you for being ours and letting us love you. we’re honored. we can’t say happy birthday enough, how proud we are of you, how you deserve to have a good day. happy 20th baby. thank you for being the best everything to and for us. i love you isnt enough for me to fully describe how we feel. i love you and happy birthday from us to you. you’re beautiful. i don’t know how to end this because i just want to say it all again and again and again

happy birthday my heart. we love you lots and lots like jelly tots. love is stored in the tuna melt. every single one of us loves every single one of you and i can’t stress that enough, how much we all love you. we love you, we love you, we love love you so much, we love you more, we love you most, we love you more and most.

to the birthday girls : @bumpin-thatbeat

[thepaddock]

I LOVE U BABY I MISS U SM IM SO EXCIYED FOR UR BIRTHDAY TOMORROW IM KISSING U SM I LOVE UUUUUU!!!!

@bumpin-thatbeat