thepaintedweald

[thepaintedweald]

I really like the whole “other members of the Batfam can mimic the Robin, report! to a degree where they actually respond as if it’s Batman,” but I raise you:

What if other Gothamites learned to do the same thing?

The first time it happens, Jim is panicking. He’s got an injured bird on his hands and no idea where Batman is. The kid isn’t responding no matter who asks questions, and suddenly the GCPD is treated to Commissioner Gordon doing a scarily good Batman impression, to the point Robin immediately responds

Word doesn’t necessarily get out right away. It happened in the precinct building, so the only witnesses were cops. But the rumors start in bars with drunk men telling anecdotes, with officers coming home with stories, and it spreads from there.

Eventually, people know that if you channel Batman and go “Robin, report!” the bird will go from gasping desperately in pain to a robotic list of injuries. EMTs learn to do this as part of their training. The Bats don’t go to hospitals, but they will let someone do emergency first aid on them.

Interestingly, it doesn’t just work on Robin. Gotham knows, regardless of what the rest of the world thinks, that their little birds grow up to become other Bats. It’s why their rivalry with Blüdhaven over Nightwing is so vicious. That’s their little bird the city is claiming. Blüdhaven did not raise him, Gotham did.

Of course, not all of the Bats were Robin. Signal flipped someone off for trying the trick, and Black Bat pulled out a sharpie and drew a sad face on a civilian’s hand when they were trying to see how injured she was after falling several stories due to a snapped grapple line. So, the trick isn’t universal.

The most surprising one was when someone found Red Hood, half-buried in rubble with a slash across his neck, and barked out the order in a panic and he immediately complied.

It wasn’t Batman who told the city he was their dead little bird. It was the panic of a passerby just trying to do the right thing.

After all, Gotham may not acknowledge it, but all of them love their birds. They are protectors, and not just from the rogues. They help with the murders, yes, but they also do small stuff. Stop muggings. Talk people down. Slip résumés into the right hands, guide people to the right clinics.

And just how the Bats protect and help the people of Gotham, Her citizens help and protect them.

[thepaintedweald]

Oh my god. So similar to my other post where all the Wayne kids find out that Dick was never actually adopted by Bruce.

So imagine they’re all back at the manor, they’re interrogating Bruce on why he never adopted Dick, and Bruce insists he can still adopt Dick now even though he’s an adult, but Dick is getting nervous the more insistent he gets.

And it turns out it’s because he was already adopted by someone else. But it’s another Justice League member.

“What?”

Bruce is speechless. He’s bamboozled. He’s livid.

“HAL, I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!” he shouts as he zetas into the watchtower.

“Hal! Abort, abort! Code: Daddy Warbucks!” Dick screeches as he runs in behind Bruce.

Hal is scrambling to leave before Batman can actually beat him to a pulp.

“Dammit, kid, you were supposed to give me way more notice than this!” Hal screeches right back, and he’s already being chased by Bruce. He isn’t even in his Batman get-up, he’s still in his clothes from dinner. He has slippers on.

“You adopted my kid?? When did you adopt my kid?” Bruce is shouting at him.

“You’re the one who kicked him out!” Hal shouts back. “He wasn’t even 16 yet! He needed someone to sign the release forms for the Olympics!”

“HE WAS IN THE OLYMPICS?”

“HAL! THAT WASA SECRET!”

“YOU BATS HAVE TOO MANY SECRETS!”

Idk I just want chaos with Bruce finding out another league member adopted Dick. Hal is an easy target.

[thepaintedweald]

The problem with playing smash or pass is that there's a lot of characters which I'm not sexually attracted to but I would fuck in a heartbeat out of sheer curiosity and ego, like I don't find Mickey Mouse attractive at all but if he approached me at a bar and went "Hey sexy, want me to show you my mouseketool?" I would say yes because then I get to tell my friends I fucked Mickey Mouse

[thepaintedweald]

the part that scares me most about the supernatural fandom is when they need a certain gif to add to a post they know exactly where to find it or know exactly what episode of any of the nine whole seasons to make one

[thepaintedweald]

Look I don’t care how implausible it is, I don’t care how ridiculous it is. Dick is eight years old when he becomes Robin. It’s the funniest fuckin thing and I refuse to ever make him older than eight when he bullies a grown ass Bruce into letting him go out at night with him.

Does Bruce take him on kiddie runs until he’s a little older? Maybe. Does Batman stand menacingly behind a brightly colored little bird to threaten the goons while Robin can’t see him? You know he does.

But Robin is still actually terrifying when he first appears on the scene, because he’s a teeny tiny fluttery little thing that does cartwheels and handstands and makes puns then launches himself full force to kick a man in the nose and then cackles when he bleeds. His laughter makes goons shiver, they hear it bouncing around warehouses and half of them bolt, because they learn very quickly what happens when a feral Robin appears.

The Gotham rogues all immediately have beef with a literal third grader because he took the bats attention away and also because he’s roundhouse kicked them all in the shins at some point and that shit hurt like hell, and then he laughed in their faces while making a pun about their villain name.

Majority of the rogues everywhere hate Nightwing because they all know he used to be the feral child that they all thought Batman should have put on a leash, half of them have been straight up bitten by him before he lost all his baby teeth, and they’re all so bitter about the fact that they’ve been beaten by an actual elementary school student. And now he’s all grown up? He’s fucking terrifying.

[thepaintedweald]

Hello everybody!

I updated my pridesaur list and added some respectable entries for Intersex, Abrosecxual, Greysexual, agender and butch lesbian. I am proud to say we are at 21 dinos!!!

But I am still very much open for more suggestions, so if you find any fitting dino pun, that I have not covered yet, please feel free to let me know ^.^

My goal still remains to have the most inclusive prehistoric pride dinosaur collection out there, so feel free to help me out a bit with fun ideas ;D

Happy pride to y'all!

I also got all of them as stickers on my etsy shop, so if any of you feel like supporting my silly dino art, please come by:

my prehistoric pride stickers:

[thepaintedweald]

Between ginger and white hair. Ginger is more balanced color wise but the white feels more etherial? I dunno

[thepaintedweald]

[thepaintedweald]

[thepaintedweald]

[thepaintedweald]

Literally me. Very female presenting, im not sure if people i havent explicitly told know im nb

you guys need to let go of any rigid belief in what being nonbinary is because it can be anything. like someone can look completely average in gender presentation and do literally nothing to set themselves apart from their assigned gender and still be nonbinary.

[thepaintedweald]

Brucie Wayne comes out with his own cosmetic line.

When asked about it during an interview he responds, “Why let the girls have all the fun?” before winking at the camera, kissing some reporter on the cheek, and disappearing while the camera pans to the bright red lipstick mark.

His kids do the bulk of the promoting, sending out packages to people on youtube and tiktok and instagram. Tim has them all try out a few looks on their social medias. There are a few “collabs” that Bruce is grateful he doesn’t have to appear in.

The fan favorite of the promos is a youtube video called My Siblings Do My Makeup, which is just Tim subjecting himself to the chaos. Steph and Dick’s looks are as always, unfairly good. Jason goes for a drag look and Tim is happy to complete the makeover when Steph lends him an appropriate dress. Cass and Duke do well but they go for straightforward and not overly complicated. The video ends with Damian’s look, everyone sitting stunned. He hadn’t gone for the obvious troll they’d been expecting. In fact, Tim thought it might be his favorite look of the video. When pressed, all Damian would say on the subject is, “I have seen my Mother prepare for far more dignified outings than the galas you subject me to.”

It’s an absolute hit. Especially in Gotham, where people have frequent encounters with rogues that love leaving their victims with “reminders” that aren’t easy concealed. There are reddit pages dedicated to people suggesting the brand for covering up scars and other noticeable markings.

There is even a video, shaky and badly lit, of Nightwing shouting at Two Face during a rooftop pursuit asking if he’s tried out the sample he sent him. The video ends abruptly with some shouted curses punctuated with gunfire. The following morning, from a burner twitter account, was a single image of someone in a red helmet holding Harvey Dent for the camera, both sides of his face looking like he did just before the accident, although far angrier.

[thepaintedweald]

gummy berries

[thepaintedweald]

Reminder:

[thepaintedweald]

"I Love"

[thepaintedweald]

The correct choice tbh

[thepaintedweald]

I don't know where I saw it first, but the idea that Dick is like nonverbal when he's younger and kinda reverts to it when he's older too and the only person who can read him accurately is Bruce means so much to me

just just just-

Superman, eyes narrowed at little Robin!Dick who's sitting on the chimney: Hmmmm. He wants me to fly Batman, tiredly dealing with the leftover goons nearby: No. Superman, eyes twitching as he tries to telepathically reach Dick: He wants to fly Batman, eyes rolling behind the mask: He always wants to fly. That doesn't count. Superman, about ready to bribe Dick into speaking: He wants... Robin!Dick, completely unbothered by Clark's desperate attempts: :) Batman, exasperated and joining his son again: He wanted to see you punt that car into the sky. But since you couldn't understand him... Robin!Dick, who actually wanted Bruce to hug him and is now getting his wish but is still a little shit: :( Clark, panicking: Wait no- ~ Oliver, babysitting: Do you want... to go play videogames? Little Dick Grayson, staring at him wide eyed: :/ Oliver, frowning because he will crack this thank you very much Dinah for your vote of confidence: how about... the park? Bruce, who hasn't left yet because Oliver is helpless: No. Oliver, intent: The movie theater? Bruce, concerned at how no one is able to understand his son when it's so easy: No. Oliver, growing a lil panicked: You want to bake something! Bruce, now severely concerned for his friends ability to read people: Not even close. Oliver: I give up. Bruce: He wants you to read to him. Dick: *nodding* Oliver:... *i hate you, you're lying to me, this is rigged-* yeah okay ~ Hal, on watch with Nightwing: mmmm waffles! Nightwing, tired and nonverbal but amused: *shakes head* Hal, concentrating: mmmm pancakes! Nightwing, yawning: *shakes head* Hal, panicking now because the elevator just opened which means Bruce is about to arrive: um um- oh! Chocolate fudge! Bruce, arrived: White chocolate chip macadamia cookies. Dick, pleased: *nods* Hal, defeated: ... one, please...