thepastyman

[thepastyman]

CAUSE I'M A PUNKROCKER YES I AM!

[thepastyman]

don't ever look up what your childhood friends are up to now!!!!!!!!!! like girl you're a nuclear safety engineer. i put on matching socks today. we played tag a thousand years ago.

[thepastyman]

they just don't make characters like jon archivist sims. he spends an entire season having a forty episode long delusional breakdown and that's only maybe the third or fourth worst period of time in his life. he gets intervened on twice. he gets kidnapped thrice. during one of those kidnappings he spends a month tied to a chair getting forcibly moisturized by a plastic ringmistress mannequin and no one notices. he fully dies for six months but gets up again when a friendly grim reaper gives his unbreathing body a pep talk. he spends several episodes at the start of the final season so depressed that it's unclear if he even moves for multiple days in a row. the basis for his magic powers is that he is so traumatized that he begins to need continuous further trauma in order to live, which gives him the ability to explode people with his mind. he spends about fifty seconds at the top of an episode self-harming directly into a tape recorder, which is not even the most fucked up thing to happen to him that episode. he finally cried on audio for the first time in the penultimate ep and the only reaction I saw for several days after was wildly enthusiastic cheering. he's missing two ribs and he's at least 80% scar tissue by volume and the only canon information we have about his appearance is that he looks terrible at all times.

[thepastyman]

Your cyberpunk is about humans with machine parts. My cyberpunk is about machines with human parts. We are not the same.

[thepastyman]

Ok if we exclude Palpatine who has the gayest lightsaber?

[thepastyman]

in my mind if dragons were real then western and eastern dragons would be only distantly related species filling the same ecological niche across different continents. but due to visual similarities got called the same thing in English. and it would be one of those things that you hear on trivia game shows and go "oh that's neat" about and then move on with your day, like how tanuki get lumped in with racoons even tho racoons are musteloids and tanuki are canids. do you see my vision.

[thepastyman]

[thepastyman]

Stand-up comedy in the Word Bearer serf quarters:

"If we were virgins, and we knew that the primarch was sacrificing virgins...we would do something about that, wouldn't we?"

[thepastyman]

Saturnine Terminator & Dreadnought artwork

[thepastyman]

if I was matt murdock and I found out the same chemical spill that blinded me and lit the world on “fire” turned a bunch of turtles into pizza loving ninjas I would lose it actually

[thepastyman]

twitter is fucking incredible

[thepastyman]

Fullmetal Alchemist?

[thepastyman]

Just finished playing Bioshock and I could NOT take any of Dr. Suchongs audio logs seriously because all of them literally sound like this:

The unsuspecting player: Oh boy! More cool lore about Rapture-

Dr. Suchong: I hate children literally so much like oh my god. I want them all dead. They are RUINING my life by existing. But on the bright side Fontaine is letting me kill puppies to research adam now. So over all good day 👍

[thepastyman]

Under sea ecosystems are bullshit.

Like imagine you're a little rabbit and you go to nibble on a tree sapling but as soon as you go to take a bite it takes off like a fucking helicopter and disappears over the horizon.

Then, before you can process what just happened, the entire patch of grass you were standing on turns out to be a fox who had turned itself inside out and you die.

[thepastyman]

Catherynne M. Valente, The Bread We Eat in Dreams, “The Red Girl”

[thepastyman]

“Why was Lace traveling around with Emmrich during the blight” why was that one horse master making you ride through hoops thirty meters away from a fade rift when the sky was ripping open. I think it’s just Fereldans.

[thepastyman]