thephoebeyates - Tumblr blog

[thephoebeyates]

PHOEBE: i started this seminar so just been focusing on that PHOEBE: okay glad you're good PHOEBE: maybe if i get a free moment but i can't promise anything sorry

leon: busy w/ work? ur always welcome to come by u know

leon: and sure all’s good

leon: u wanna come by for a drink?

[thephoebeyates]

PHOEBE: I'm fine. PHOEBE: I mean I'm not but i'm very much at the 'it is what it is' stage of it all PHOEBE: but word of advice maybe do a full background check on your clients and get back to their girlfriends if it ever flags up they're married :) PHOEBE: People have said that about my 16th, 18th, and 21st and all that ever happened was me regretting celebrating them. PHOEBE: well if you told people you're hosting it why don't you make it a saul thing? PHOEBE: Look i'm aware i'm being a bit of a brat rn but idk if i can do this. And I'll pay you back even if it takes me the rest of my life.

SAUL: You did? Are you okay? I'd offer to sue Foster for you but... well, you know why I couldn't. SAUL IS TYPING... SAUL IS TYPING... SAUL: Well, I'm sorry it's bringing up bad memories of your mom for you, but it's a little late to stop the train now. Everything's set up for a dinner party with your closest friends. Deposits have been paid, I've booked the room at the club, and I've already told a few people I'd be hosting it. SAUL: You only turn thirty once, Cookie. It doesn't have to be some big blow out party, but you will regret not doing something for your 30th. I guarantee that.

[thephoebeyates]

PHOEBE: i dont support the practices of animal labor! PHOEBE: idk i guess internalized misogyny, judging people based on their looks instead of getting to know them. you just appear like someone who doesnt know/care about/like her PHOEBE: i think i'm just not ready to do this yet

CLEM: he IS adorable. and you'll never make him your tailor, yates CLEM: ?? yeah?? why are you acting so surprised CLEM: oh sorry but he is just some guy. to me. i couldn't pick the fucker out of a line up CLEM: it's not cheating. sorry it feels that way. but it's definitely not

[thephoebeyates]

Jasper's empathy for Misty was sweet, but Phoebe bit her tongue by explaining the typical reasons cats may have acted out didn't necesssarily apply to the grey animal laying out on the floor. Her and Foster often joked — usually when the topic of therapy came up — that she needed an exorcism, and if they knew any priests who'd come and do them a solid. "Not yet," She admitted of the plug-in calming aid, "but that's a good shout." Phoebe pushed herself off the floor, deciding to leave the two of them to it, though hovered for a minute when Misty's ears twitched, glaring at the cat as if to say 'don't you fucking dare'.

She got up, checking her phone to see a text from Foster reminding her to pick a place for dinner, and after a moment's thought, sent back her suggestion for Waterway Diner. Comfort food, no need to dress up. Still getting out of the apartment. A text bubble appeared but then quickly disappeared, and she frowned in confusion, before turning her attention back to her guest. "So what's new in the world of Jasper? Apart from using people to get close to their cats, of course?" She teased, glancing back down at the librarian.

“that’s okay. i’m used to being swiped at,” maybe not with sharp claws, but jasper’s entire life had been filled with jabs, with side-glaces, with ill-intentioned laughter. for twenty-five years they had existed without quite getting the joke, three steps behind his peers, misunderstanding every interaction and exchanged word. he only wished he could be like misty, teaching those that violated her boundaries with a quick hit. jasper was the type of boy that coaxed bugs under glasses and took them out onto the street instead of squishing them under a boot. “but i’ll be gentle with her. i don’t want to spook her. i’m just this random person invading her space, in her mind anyway.” they rubbed the pads of their fingers softly together until misty approached. her paws moved cautiously, slowly, but jasper slowly blinked towards her, a silent promise that he wasn’t going to hurt her. “i wouldn’t be a fan of getting into the carrier, either. a small space without an option to escape? and she doesn’t understand that it’s for her own good, either. vets are cold and white and clinical.” it was the same when jasper was younger, being carted to appointments without any knowledge as to why. it took until fifteen years old for his symptoms to be given a name. until that point, he was as confused and wide-eyed as misty had been. “i don’t understand how anyone could be mean to animals. she’s really lovely, even if she’s a little bit destructive. have you tried one of those plug-in calmers?” when misty was in their reach, jasper gently ran his fingers between the cat’s ears. he smoothed them back, soft and gentle movements with plenty of opportunity for the pet to dart away if she needed to. “it’s okay . . . ” jasper whispered, “you’re okay. i’m not going to hurt you. i’m just like you.”

[thephoebeyates]

Sawyer and Matthew. No Tefi. She wondered if Mrs Foster herself had managed to get fired from Latte Love before she had a chance to manipulate and upset people, but knew the only way to get an actual answer was to be direct. She didn't want to involve Maya in the mess of it all — in fact, on her side only very few people knew the truth of the break-up, and that was either due to have experienced similar circumstances (like Damian with his sister), people she trusted to not start shit with Foster and could probably offer a perspective she was missing (Eli and Nilay) or somehow knowing the entire time and not feeling like it was their place to say anything until it was too late (like CJ, who had mysteriously left town and as much as she loved him she was really going to throttle him if and when his feet touched Blue Harbor soil again).

She gave a nod when Maya revealed she heard about the break-up. Gossip travelled fast in a town where nothing ever happened. Another reason Phoebe was trying to keep the sordid details to herself, because break-ups happened every day for all types of reasons, but a break-up because the boyfriend had a secret wife who became friends with the stupid, unsuspecting girlfriend? That was drama worth having cocktails over. "Oh Maya don't —" But a grin cracked through her otherwise solemn face. "If this is what your meeting with the lawyer is about, how you're trying to pay rent with customer smiles because you're not charging them, then you deserve it." Evidently joking, though she still reached in her purse to grab her wallet, pulling out a few dollar bills for the coffee. Hesitant to take her drink and sit down, her face dropped again, knowing it'd just bother her if she didn't ask.

"Did you hire someone called Tefi Betancourt?" No better way than to rip the bandaid off, "I just...apparently she got fired from the diner and was seen in her clearing tables and stuff."

It was clear to Maya that something was weighing on Phoebe’s mind. She’s heard through the grapevine (Liam) that she and Foster had broken up (which had taken her by surprise) but it felt like there was something more to it. The way Phoebe’s eyes kept scanning the room as if she was just expecting for danger to be lurking around every corner. “Sawyer and Matthew are scheduled for the evening shift,” Maya began, her tone curious as she carefully observed Phoebe. At the girl’s inquiry about her appointment, Maya sighed with a slight frown, but waved off Phoebe’s concern of overstepping. “Not fun, unfortunately. A meeting with my lawyer.” “Caramel latte coming right up,” Maya gave her a quick nod and began moving fluidly from one machine to the next preparing Phoebe’s order. She looked up as she frothed the milk and caught sight of Phoebe’s watery smile, Maya’s own face responding with a slight frown. Phoebe was such a sweet girl, seeing her so shaken was just wrong. “I, uh, did hear about that… small town and all that,” she began. “I’m really sorry to hear that, Phoebe. You two seemed so solid…” Maya let her words trail off, certain that train of thought wasn’t what Phoebe needed to hear at the moment. “I get that. I’m glad you see you now anyways.” She finished off the latte with a heart and then slid it over the counter towards Phoebe. “Price for the latte is one of your pretty smiles,” Maya said, kindly hoping to make the girl laugh.

[thephoebeyates]

Oliver looks over at Phoebe, holding up his drink. "It's soda." He doesn't typically drink when he's about to meet up with Damian, it's the last thing he would ever do. He doesn't even keep it in his apartment because of how much he wants to support his best friend. "So, if you're worried that I've been over here nursing or chugging back hard liquors I can promise you I haven't." Even though it seemed like a good idea after running into Scarlett earlier that week.

"Come on, let me help you or else everyone will be having cake pudding."

@thephoebeyates

[thephoebeyates]

It was time to either head inside or go home. Whatever the decision, it involved walking away from Foster and not looking back. But Phoebe couldn't, because he was hurt — and not just physically —speaking to her with a detachment like they were no more than two strangers passing each other. Like all their history had meant nothing.

But even when they were strangers, he had shown her more kindness. She thought back to the last thing she had said to him, the last few insults volleyed at each other before he walked out of the apartment door and out of her life. Presumably as encouragement to get up and walk away, but even she was slightly surprised when she found herself sitting on the curb next to him, strategically placing her hands to cover where the skirt lifted over her thighs. It took her a moment to realize she had left her jacket inside, explaining the neverending shivering through her body, and the panic set in that if she went back to get it, Foster would bolt.

"I see." She murmured at his non-answer, and once again the wave of stupidity and shame hit her, making a note to delete that particular post when she got home. Burn this fucking outfit too. "It was never my, um, intention to get you involved in a fight. I don't...he was following me around the dancefloor and then wouldn't take 'no' for a answer and..." Phoebe knew that if anything had escalated in the other direction, all it'd take would be one glance at the thin piece of fabric barely covering her bottom half for a conclusion to be made. And it wouldn't be in her favor.

She didn't continue, because it'd be cruel to tell Foster that all she wanted in that moment was him to be there (even though it was true), and she busied herself by looking in her purse, plucking out a small packet of tissues. "Here, for the blood." She handed them over, with shaky hands. "Do you feel dizzy at all? Nauseous? Anything feel tender?"

The adrenaline of the fight wasn't nearly as satisfying as he'd hoped, and it passed all too quickly. Already, the ache was seeping into his bones, and he couldn't help but think 'I'm not as young as I once was...' He had thought giving into his anger would feel like slipping back into his old skin, but all he noticed were the places it pinched and stretched. He had never liked this version of himself — not even when he believed that was all there was. He was disappointed in himself at how easy it was to recall; how even if he felt it was ill-fitting, likely no one else would see it that way. To any outsider, all they would see was another rage-filled degenerate — and if that was all anyone saw, who was to say that wasn't all that there was?

He hated that Phoebe was seeing him like this, and yet he couldn't stop. The uncertainty in her eyes, the way she looked at him like a stranger, it burned hot inside him, only spurring on that inner defiant hellion always pushing to see how he could take things further. It wasn't like he could save this. If she'd already decided she didn't love him anymore, there was no point in even trying. The blank face was a good start, and when Phoebe reached out to touch his face, he flinched away like her touch might burn him. And it might. Any kindness from her now was only likely to destroy him...

"I wasn't," he said gruffly, sparking up his cigarette and taking a long inhale. "And then I was." She could piece together the rest, but he wasn't going to spell it out for her.

[thephoebeyates]

PHOEBE: Yeah lol PHOEBE: i do like pizza and soon works for me PHOEBE: It doesn't have to be your treat tho!

liam: ahhh i know the type well liam: what ? considering we're currently on tinder lol ? liam: this is gonna sound so basic but do u like pizza ? liam: if so, my treat and soon

[thephoebeyates]

PHOEBE: listen i love her but she's a gremlin PHOEBE: yeah, we are or at least we could be i just had to double check considering PHOEBE: Yes definitely better off as friends lol PHOEBE: when do you want to hang out and where

liam: holy shit i'm glad i got the deets liam: definitely deserved then liam: yeah ? are we not ? liam: i could totally date you phoebe yates but i think we're better off as friends, yeah ?

[thephoebeyates]

PHOEBE: she got me banned off bumble a few years back PHOEBE: you didn't ask but it's important context PHOEBE: As friends?

liam: trust is earned, and you certainly have mine liam: for sure for sure consider it moved on liam: to ... friendship liam: u wanna hang out sometimes ?

[thephoebeyates]

PHOEBE: oh he sounds adorable PHOEBE: the birthday thing isnt really anything to do with foster wait you know taylor swift lore PHOEBE: you?? know taylor swift lore? PHOEBE: he's not just some guy. idk it just feels like..cheating

CLEM: his name’s dionysus. he likes to dance CLEM: jesus yates even taylor swift celebrated her 21st after that dude from brokeback mountain brokebacked her heart CLEM: don’t you tho?? it’s the perfect way to forget about some guy for a minute. and an orgasm releases those sweet sweet endorphins

[thephoebeyates]

PHOEBE: oh stop thats not tr- PHOEBE: i didn't know you had a bird PHOEBE: i'm not making it people's problem, i got my bday party cancelled so i dont have to sit there and pretend i want to celebrate PHOEBE:...I don't need to hook up with anyone

CLEM: you’re pretty, cute, sweet, most everyone i know loves you, and i’m pretty sure if you called out to forest animals they’d come to your aid CLEM: i’m afraid to ever introduce you to my bird in case he starts making you a fucking dress or smth CLEM: no offense but that sounds like a fucking drag CLEM: last time i was heartbroken i dropped out of high school and made myself everybody’s problem. i think you deserve to go a little berserk, as a treat CLEM: tell me you’ve at least hooked up with ONE person CLEM: ??? mentally stable teens with a decent home environment are a myth ❤️

[thephoebeyates]

PHOEBE: Why do you call me that? out curiosity? PHOEBE: i mean yeah PHOEBE: birthdays, halloween, christmas, just eh things anyway and not being inthe mood really showcases that PHOEBE: or maybe they were mentally stable and had a decent home environment

CLEM: never in my life, princess 😉 CLEM: uhhh why not?? and u better not say smth about being too bummed abt ur breakup. men ain’t shit and they’re certainly not shit enough to make a hottie skip halloween babe CLEM: the answer is no. anyone who did not hate themself and everyone else around them simply skipped teenagedom

[thephoebeyates]

PHOEBE: uh huh. You’re never wrong ever sure 👀

PHOEBE: I wasn’t really going to do Halloween this year tbh 🤷🏻‍♀️

PHOEBE: were you even a teen if you didn’t hate yourself but also everyone else around you?

CLEM: love being right. don’t know what it’s like to be wrong i fear CLEM: mmm not where my head was at, but just add it to the list of reasons why you should 😘 CLEM: ah yes. the teen experience. anger and isolation 💓

[thephoebeyates]

PHOEBE: idk I guess it always seemed a bit condescending, but not too long ago a little girl asked me if I was a princess so maybe all along you were into something 🤷🏻‍♀️

PHOEBE: are you just asking bc she doesn’t wear a bra in the pic and her nips are like on full display

PHOEBE: I think as kids we’re all so in our own heads we forget that other kids are too

CLEM: yes?? the fuck. i'll find him and say it right now CLEM: hm. i see how that can be confusing. i don't call you princess to insult you, babe. i'm just a little mean when i flirt with pretty girls. a habit i'm trying to break CLEM: shut up it was so fucking iconic. ever think about recreating it again?? halloween is coming up, y'know CLEM: nah. don't sweat it. i was in my own head a lot of the time during school. it was never about you, though. CLEM: and i like a little freak

[thephoebeyates]

It was moments like this that only furthered the guilt, and she stared determinedly down at her own pierogies so she didn’t have to meet his eye as he gazed at her. She liked Leo, she really did, but they were so similar to Seb that pursuing anything further than the previous agreement she had would have seemed like only guaranteeing heartache. They had fun in the past, then Foster came along and swept her off her feet and stole her heart, and nobody else in the world seemed to have mattered. And the fact that the chef hadn’t given it back to her really meant that each time she attempted to move on — even with a meaningless rebound — the void in her chest cracked and she had to abort mission immediately.

“Both servings came out of the same pan, Leo. You just believe stolen stuff tastes better. You’d think the same about that guy’s over there,” And she nodded towards a man a good couple of decades older than them sat with who she presumed was wife, enjoying his own basket of food. But after a moment she met Leo’s eye and relented, stabbing a dumpling with her fork and holding it out for them to take. “Just one. Any more and I’m reporting you to Jeanie.” 

The food debacle settled, Phoebe tried to focus on just eating, to make sure she wasn’t making any unnecessary physical contact with Leo, but his question stumped her. They knew her well enough to know brushing it off or outright lying would do more harm than good, but she still took a moment to process her feelings, playing with her fork as she answered. “Better than I was, the first couple of weeks were hellish,” At least she could admit it, now she was a fortnight older. Lost in the pain, moving on autopilot, any and all conversations she had with people being lost to the numbness of it all. How, after seeing Foster that night outside The Vault, angry and bloody and still wanting to protect her, had removed some of the fuzziness from her head, had given her the strength to get on with it, whether he’d be a part of her life or not.

“I just, I thought I was heartbroken after Spencer but this is just something else entirely. I miss him, but I don’t want to see him. I want to throttle him, I want him to hold me in his arms and tell me it’s going to be okay.” She huffed out a mirthless laugh, “Just, confusing my head a little bit. But, it’s…I’m getting there. What about you?” She banked on Leo’s chaos having a couple of fun stories up his sleeve. “Got anything wild you wanna share with the class today?”

The surprise invite to lunch was unexpected but far from unwelcome. Aside from the fact that Leo had always been interested in Phoebe - a heavy connotation wrapped all pretty with a bow that meant liked in ways far from strictly platonic - he’d also just generally missed having her around. They could grow as attached and detached with people as they pleased, lucky - or unlucky, depending on how you looked at it - in that sense, but they hadn’t even had the chance to decide when it came to Phoebe. She’d been in his life one moment and then firmly placed him in a box the next, in a relationship and done with her past. 

He could put two and two together, had heard through the grapevine that she was newly single. And yet, any and all advances were firmly shut down, met with a repeated explanation that this was friendly, they were friendly - Leo had thought he was being very friendly. But he’d learned the hard way that some people preferred a slower burn, and while he could partake, his patience was as thin as a ruler, always burning their hand on a red-hot stove when they’d merely meant to check the temperature.

“But your food would taste so much better.” They insisted, fork she’d made such a fuss about being waved back at her just as dramatically. Leo couldn’t help but gaze at her fondly, basking in the moment - he’d missed her ceaseless teasing. “Cause it’s your food. Bet it’ll be extra good ‘cause it’ll taste like fuckin’ sunshine and rainbows, all things Phoebe or whatever.” It really did sound appealing, causing Leo to merely fiddle with his own food that suddenly looked as if it lacked any flavour at all. A beat passed between them while Phoebe first situated into her own take out, and Leo scurried for what to say. He should be polite - even though he would rather ask her about a hundred different things, he eventually landed on, “You doing okay?” Though they figured the answer was obvious, they also wanted her to know that despite everything tense in their relationship, he really was there for her in the end.

[thephoebeyates]

Her heart twinged at just how warm and welcoming Maya was towards her. It made her wonder if Tefi had said anything at all. Since the bombshell CJ dropped, Phoebe had fears that she’d be painted as a whorish homewrecker, that people would hear her name and her mom’s face would appear in their head. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…

But even if that were true — that Tefi had been saying those things — it also assured Phoebe that maybe Maya simply didn’t care. “Just Sawyer?” She still couldn’t bring herself to say Foster’s wife’s name out loud, lest it summoned her like Bloody Mary or Beetlejuice, “Oh, fun appointment or like something a bit more serious?” Biting her lip at letting her nosiness get the better of her, Phoebe shook her head. “Sorry you like, obviously don’t have to answer that at all.” She assured her.

When Maya pointed out she hadn’t seen Phoebe in a while, she shrugged, not meaning to delay the conversation, but it was never one she found pleasant. “A caramel latte please. I’ll sit in.” She added, and, offering a watery smile, continued. “And uh, yeah, sorry about that. Things got a bit…well, Foster and I broke up and then there’s been other stuff so I just haven’t really been feeling up to seeing people is all.”

To be honest, Sawyer had been trying to show up for work every single day since the incident between her and Dante in the café. It got to the point where Maya decided to take a few of Sawyer's shifts and just send her home. It had been relatively quiet all day so Maya had been busying herself with some tidying when she heard the door chime and announce a new customer. Maya looked up to see Phoebe walk in and raised a hand in greeting, slowly lowering it when she noticed the girl’s almost hesitant smile as she approached. She noted that it was odd, but ignored it for now. “Hey Phoebe,” Maya greeted with a warm smile. “Yeah, just me for now. Sawyer’s coming this afternoon because I have an appointment, but it’s been a pretty slow shift.” She glanced around the café at the handful of people who’d come in. Phoebe’s uneasiness was clear, but it left Maya confused. Had she done something to make the girl so uncomfortable? “Haven’t seen you around in a while. Can I get you something?”