thepuckermanzone

[thepuckermanzone]

Will it ever be warm again?

That was a rhetorical question, but seriously all of this snow and stuff freaking sucks. I'm tired of waking up everyday and knowing that I'm gonna freeze my ass off as soon I step out of my apartment. Winter is the worst.

[thepuckermanzone]

That sounds pretty awesome. Your boss is a cool dude.

You probably cheated somehow.

So this morning the boss decided we needed to get our creative juices flowing with a good ole ‘friendly’ game of dodgeball. This was only going to end one way.

With Quinn’s flawless victory, of course. 

[thepuckermanzone]

TEXT → ST. PUCKERMAN

Jesse: Hm. Maybe. It's hard to tell. I'm still trying to figure that out. One minute she seems totally into me and the next she seems so totally not. What the hell is up with that... I'm a catch.

Jesse: You never liked Q? Why didn't you ever tell me this?

Puck: Maybe she's just confused about her feelings and stuff. Just keep talking to her and see what happens, I guess. Totally, man. Anybody would be lucky to date you.

Puck: Nah, she can be kind of an asshole sometimes. Why would I?

[thepuckermanzone]

TEXT → PUCKTANA

Santana: I'm proud of you, Ya know? You've done good for you Puckerman.

Santana: /I/ obviously never would 'cos that's a hell to the saggy sack of balls no. But that's totally a kink to some. I was strolling through Porn Hub and that category was loud and proud on the list. Do you really have room to talk though? I'm pretty sure I saw Betty White's doppelgänger leave a batch of butterscotch candies at the door 'fore she limped out of our apartment one time.

Santana: Fuck you.

Puck: Means a lot. Thanks, S.

Puck: That's really weird and gross. What kinda stuff are you looking up on there? I've never seen that category before. I think your eyesight might be a little messed up. You should probably go get that checked out.

Puck: You wish.

[thepuckermanzone]

TEXT → ST. PUCKERMAN

Jesse: Poor girl...

Jesse: I am, well, I was. We texted one night and sort of just kept texting. Then she sent me you know, "photos". Next thing I know we're having this super hot phone call — God, it was super hot man. She ignored me for a while after that until I found her breaking and entering into my apartment and all... dressed up. Quinn doesn't even do anything that spontaneous for me. We didn't get any further than second base but I was totally okay with that because staying up all night and just talking to her was... kind of nice. Even though all of these mixed signals she's been giving me is annoying to the nth degree I still can't shake that I just... like being around her, a lot. And not in the way I like being around Quinn. It's different. All I'm ever doing anymore is sending her text messages. I'm doing it right now.

Puck: Sounds like somebody caught feelings. You think she feels the same way? Cause if so you should totally drop Quinn and go do stuff with Kitty. No offense, but I never really liked Q anyway so I think this works out for everybody. Except not for her, I guess.

[thepuckermanzone]

And why not? I deserve some.

Another day, another dollar.

No free goods, Puckerstud.

[thepuckermanzone]

You work at a bakery?

Another day, another dollar.

Pfft.  What a crock of phooey.  Lord knows that I’m not seeing much more for every day work in comparison to my normal schedule.  But…whatever.  You can’t really complain all that much when your workplace smells like cake and chocolate 24/7.  So while all of you little alcohol fishies get over whatever sort of indulgence you took last night I’ll be poppin’ scones in the oven like a Betty Crocker Kesha.

[thepuckermanzone]

How long until you steal Santana away from Sam?

Probably around a quarter to never o'clock. She's a grown woman, so she can date whoever she wants for however long she wants. It's none of my business.

[thepuckermanzone]

TEXT → PUCKTANA

Santana: So your bar isn't totally useless.

Santana: The trickle of GIDLF (Grandpas I /don't/ like to fuck) finally came in the form of moneybags.

Santana: If this works out might even have an extra zero circled in for the rent check. Cha-ching.

Puck: Told you it wasn't.

Puck: Why would you even wanna fuck a grandpa? They're old and wrinkly. And probably smell like mothballs.

Puck: You're gonna be able to pay $10 instead of only $1? Nice.

[thepuckermanzone]

TEXT → ST. PUCKERMAN

Jesse: Okay first of all you have to swear you won't tell anyone. Especially Quinn. Because I have this prevision that she might go completely batshit insane and rip Kitty's hair out like that time that one girl came onto me at the bar, you remember the time. I happen to like Kitty's hair just the way it is.

Puck: Oh yeah, that was crazy and definitely not in the hot way. That chick is probably still emotionally scarred because of her. But I can keep a secret, man. What's up? You trying to get with Kitty too?

[thepuckermanzone]

TEXT → ST. PUCKERMAN

Jesse: Your 'or else' spiel always got me shaking. It's very intimidating.

Jesse: Out of sheer curiosity... what's your opinion of Kitty Wilde?

Puck: Knew it.

Puck: She's totally crazy, but also hot. But the hottest girls usually are. When she dials it down a little she seems cool, though.

Puck: Why?

[thepuckermanzone]

I know what you mean. It's like every time I see these people they get less hot. Maybe I should branch out so I can meet better and hotter people. You can count on me, man. 

You know what's lame?

[thepuckermanzone]

TEXT → ST. PUCKERMAN

Jesse: I'm okay with that.

Jesse: I say you just sit him down and spook Evans away. Power of words, man.

[A few minutes later]

Jesse: Hey uh... can I ask you something?

Puck: I can threaten him with physical violence. Hit him with the old 'or else' spiel.

Puck: Sure. What's up?

[thepuckermanzone]

How are you and Jesse so close? You're like total polar opposites, dude.

Don't opposites attract or something? I think I remember learning about that in Physics. Anyway, we've got some stuff in common. We're both awesome and we both love women, which is pretty much all that's needed for two dudes to become friends. He was one of the first people I met when I got to New York and now we've been friends for so long that I'm kinda stuck with him.

[thepuckermanzone]

This is a great post. And I'm always down for party. 

You know what's lame?

Valentine’s Day. Mostly just in generally, but especially whatever lame plans the majority of you probably came up with last minute to make yourselves feel better about how alone you are.

But you know what’s not lame? Parties. Thrown by me. And there’s going to be one this Friday night, and you’re all invited. So GET EXCITED, people! It’s gonna be an awesome time!

[thepuckermanzone]

Rumour has it the Puckerman has a third nipple. Is this true?

[thepuckermanzone]

TAGGING:  Noah Puckerman and Rachel Berry.

TIME FRAME: February 13, 2015.

LOCATION: Puck's club.

GENERAL NOTES: While at his club, Puck runs into the last person he expected.

A suggestion had been made to Rachel - a suggestion like any other. It was of the belief of one Noah Puckerman that Rachel Berry should get out more, explore the city, make it her own. It was true that she didn’t have many friends, and while Kurt was, indeed, enough things did tend to get lonely. True, Rachel had never been the most popular girl around, she was far from it, but was it so bad to want more than one friend to call her own?

In a fit of newly acquired confidence after talking herself up in the mirror, if there was one thing that she needed these upcoming weeks it was just that - confidence. A major audition ahead of her, as much as she wanted to stay in yet another night to rehearse through songs, she knew that rehearsing wasn’t going to make her any better. She was already at the top of her game, so what was the point in staying in again?

Now, it wasn’t of Rachel Berry’s knowledge of New York’s hottest places on the scene, not wanting to end up in some sort of sick hobo joint (she got enough of that at her own place of employment), the brunette opted to check out the working environment of the other. At the very least she would know at least one other person there, and if he wasn’t there, she’d make for her own fun - somehow - someway.

Naturally, not finding him straight off of the bat as that might have been too convenient, Rachel found herself perched upon an empty barstool to be offered a drink by the gentleman behind the bar. “Oh! I would love something.” Now what that something would be was another story. Peering down the bar, she spotted something pink in the hand of another female, Rachel would point. “I’d like to have one of those.” she smiled brightly to the man who would simply nod in approval. A single sip of the deliciousness would have her leaning over the bar once more to catch the bartender’s attention with a tap along his shoulder, “Actually… make it three. I’m feeling rebellious tonight.”

Things were going great for Puck lately. His club was slowly but surely becoming one of the hottest places in the city and it helped his game with the ladies, which was always a plus. Something about being even remotely successful in New York made women flock to him and he could only imagine what would happen once his business really took off. It also helped that his mom grew more and more proud of him everyday, and that made him want to work even harder. The success and women and money were all great, but they paled in comparison to his mother's approval. That was more important to him than anything and he didn't want to give her any reason to be disappointed in him.

The only complaint she really had was that he hadn't settled down yet, but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. He was content with how his life was going so far and didn't want to ruin that by getting tied down. Besides, he hadn't found anyone that he would want to spend more than a day with anyway. Well, other than Santana, but that was different somehow. He wasn't sure how, but it was. And even if he wanted to do more than sleep with her it wasn't possible since she was dating a dude with fish lips. He still didn't get how that even happened or what she saw in him, but whatever. That was none of his business. 

He leaned against the bar, alternating between having a conversation with the bartender and watching the crowd to make sure no drunk idiots were trying to start anything. That was partly why he had a bouncer, but the guy couldn't be in two places at once and Puck was more than capable to stop a fight before it'd even really began. And normally he didn't bother with actually going to the club, preferring to let the manager he'd hired take care of things for the most part, but when he was there it was all business and no fun. He'd already turned away a few girls that had approached him because he wasn't there for fun and definitely didn't drink his own alcohol. That was what other people's clubs were for. As his bartender walked away to go serve someone, he turned to look down towards the end of the bar and was shocked when he realized that it was Rachel. He wasn't sure why she was there, but he definitely wanted to find out. He pushed himself off of the bar and walked over to her, rolling his eyes and smiled slightly when he saw what she'd ordered. "You would order the girliest drink in the bar."

IT TASTES LIKE PINK ✩ PUCKLEBERRY